Chapter 17 #2
“Yeah. I’m going to take my Airbnb off the market. I’ll just live in it until everything gets... sorted out. Although, I guess that is sorted out. I need a place to stay, and that’s the place. For the foreseeable future.”
“Great. Well, I just wanted to go over some things with you, sales and whatnot. Customer behavior changes.”
The behavior changes were mainly that they were actually doing better than usual at this time of year.
She wondered if it had to do with the Painted Ridge Resort, because there were more people coming into town to stay there, but then, Mustang River had already been growing.
She took the data from that conversation with her and decided that focusing on that was maybe a little bit better than obsessing over her family dynamics.
There was a little café at the end of the block called Eat & Run, that catered to quick lunches and, in a fun dichotomy, also people who were going out to eat.
Also people who brought their laptops in to work for a couple of hours. It worked well, because most of the tables rotated quickly, so they didn’t mind if a few people sat and lingered, even though the building was small.
It had been pretty common for her and Anna to discuss the campaign at Eat & Run. For Addison to come and sit for a while by herself and for Alan to come meet her for lunch before heading back to his practice.
That life, the image of that life, felt like something from a movie. It didn’t feel like her only two weeks ago.
She sat down in her usual spot by the window that looked out on Main Street and took her laptop out of her bag. Before she had it set up, Donna, her usual waitress, walked up to the table. “Addison. How are you?”
The words were laden with meaning, but that was to be expected. “I’m doing really good. Thank you. Just here to catch up on some things. As you can imagine, I’m kind of piecing my life back together.”
“Yeah, can I have the Cobb salad, please? Oh, and sweet potato fries?”
“You sure can. Diet Coke?”
“Yes, please.”
Donna went to put the order in the kitchen, and Addison opened up the back end for her vacation rental.
She had booked spots through the end of August, but after that, there was nothing right now.
So she closed everything after that, leaving all the dates between now and then open, in case more people booked—nothing wrong with earning a little bit more cash ahead of her cutting herself off from that income.
“I haven’t seen Alan since the wedding,” Donna said, sidling over to the table.
“Oh,” Addison said, looking back at the computer screen for a moment, then up at Donna, who was standing there with her arms crossed.
“Which feels about right. Not able to show his face around here, I imagine.”
She smiled just a bit. “I think he’s pretty well liked in town.”
“You’re well liked.”
“I am?”
“Of course. You’ve supported all of these small businesses in town, you’re constantly promoting all of us.
And you’re a treat to have around. He’s entitled, and honestly, he’s got that sort of nondescript face that you see on extras in a movie about suburban life.
Very bland. Forgettable. I would never have learned his name if it weren’t for you. ”
Addison almost couldn’t believe that. “He is a doctor.”
“Yeah, so what? My brother-in-law is a doctor, he’s an asshole. Being a doctor doesn’t make you a good person. Or an interesting one.”
“Well, thank you. I don’t need... I don’t need everyone to hate him, I promise. Because I don’t.”
“You’re a sweetheart. I’ll go grab your food, it’s up.”
Donna drifted back to the kitchen and returned a moment later with her food.
“I didn’t order a cheeseburger,” Addison said, as Donna set down sweet potato fries, a cheeseburger, and her salad.
“Wrap it up and take it home. For Walker Grayson.”
That should have thrilled her, because they were intentionally starting talk about their relationship, but right now, it felt a little bit exposing. “Okay. I will. What are people saying about him? I mean, his family and your family? Couldn’t be more different.”
“Except my mom, right?”
Donna looked at her, a little bit perplexed. “People don’t really talk about your mom.”
She looked at her, and blinked. She supposed they didn’t really anymore, but they had. And the idea that Donna didn’t immediately think of vile gossip and horrible things sort of blew Addison’s mind. She couldn’t really process it.
Addison scheduled a few posts across her socials and responded to some media requests that had come directly to her instead of Anna.
She did a written interview via email that only took about twenty minutes, and then she ate and felt scraped raw as she lied about the nature of her relationship with Walker, which wasn’t even really a lie anymore, except it still was, because all that had been was sex and they hadn’t even talked about it.
It was about 2:00 when she got into her car, and the morning felt like it was light years ago. He had wanted her to call her mom.
She let out a long sigh and looked up her mother’s number in her contacts.
The phone only rang once.
“Addison. I’m glad to hear from you,” she said.
“Jackson told me I should call.”
“He mentioned that.”
Oh, so they talked all the time.
“Yeah, I... I’m just kind of finding my bearings. I think I’ve been a little bit weird the last couple weeks. Or maybe off-grid is more accurate. How have you been? I saw pictures of you out at dinner with Walker.”
That was funny. Because, of course, her mom would think that everything was business as usual. But Addison felt disconnected because everything was part of rebuilding after the insanity with the wedding.
“Well, I felt kind of out of it.”
“Of course you have. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I just can’t believe he did that to you.”
Addison wanted to ask her mom... how had she done it? How had she run away from her dad? From her kids?
But her mom clearly wasn’t equating the two things. But to Addison it felt so much the same.
Of course that didn’t mean that she couldn’t feel sorry for Addison now, but she hadn’t felt bad for Addison then.
At least, not as far as Addison knew.
“I don’t know,” Addison said.
“You haven’t talked to him?”
“I have. I just haven’t had a real serious conversation with him. When I came to pick up my stuff he was angry. So there wasn’t much to say.”
She almost told her mom that he said Addison was like her.
But she actually didn’t want to be hurtful. And everything inside of her felt churned up and confused. It was just not a good time to be having this conversation, and yet, it had felt like the right time to call her mom.
“Addison. I know we haven’t been that close. But you know that if you ever need a place to stay, you can always stay with me.”
Addison bit back all kinds of things she knew she shouldn’t say.
Like why was that offer only on the table now? And why hadn’t she even offered this a couple of weeks ago? Why hadn’t they been close? Why hadn’t her mom more aggressively tried to repair things? Why hadn’t she tried to repair them sooner?
Why had she done any of this in the first place, because it was her leaving that had caused Addison all these issues in the first place.
But she bit all that back. All of it.
“Thank you, Mom. I’ll keep that in mind if I need somewhere to go.”
Silence dragged between them and Addison pulled away from the curb. She suddenly felt small and vulnerable and genuinely had no idea what to say.
“I do love you,” her mom said. “I always have. And I’ve always wanted to explain myself. Just a little bit more.”
What explanation could there possibly be? What explanation could there possibly be for leaving your kids behind?
“I don’t need you to do that,” Addison said.
“I’m sorry,” her mom said. “Because I didn’t know how to do what I did without putting distance between myself and your dad.”
Addison drove through town, mindful of the speed limit, thoughts racing through her head. “Was Dad abusive? Were you scared of him?”
“No. No. Of course not. Your dad is very much the man that he appears to be. But he was very angry when he discovered the affair. Very angry, and he was very honest with you and Jackson. And that was fair.”
The words parental alienation slid through her mind, and she let them pass out the other side.
She didn’t feel like her dad had done that on purpose.
But maybe he had done it a little bit. Just by being honest about what had happened.
By making their mother a cautionary tale.
And for the first time she asked herself, if her mother even had tried to visit, would she have wanted to see her?
She wished that the answer were yes. But she genuinely wasn’t sure.
“And I’ll be really honest with you, I was ashamed.
I was too ashamed to face my parents, I was too ashamed to face the town.
But I was too ashamed to face you and Jackson.
So I stayed away because it felt easier.
And then, you were older, and I was embarrassed and ashamed with how long I’d stayed away.
And when I found out you were going to school down near me, I knew that we would have a chance to reconnect, and we have, compared to where we were before.
Even if imperfectly. But I just want you to know that so much of what happened is because I was ashamed. ”
“Did you love my dad?”
She needed to know the answer to that question. Needed to know because it was going to help her figure a few things out.
“No. I wanted to love him. He was the man that my parents wanted me to marry, and I understand that. He’s been a good dad to you.
He’s steady and stable, and I married him way too young.
I didn’t know anything about myself, I didn’t know anything about what I wanted.
I didn’t know anything about passion, so when I first encountered it I was blindsided. ”
Her words were so uncomfortably like what Addison had just experienced.
“But you still left us,” Addison said.