Chapter 9
Kiki
I hadn’t really had a plan for the sexual part of tonight’s program, but the moment I dropped to my knees I knew this was what I wanted to do. Not because I had to. Not because I felt guilty. Not because I owed him an epic apology.
Because it was what had first brought us together.
He’d seemed so lost and confused when we’d gone out that first time, it had felt like a blow job might be the one thing that might remind him he was still alive. That there was still fun and life to be lived, even when you struggled with addiction. And from that moment on, we’d been together.
I fumbled with his belt and the buttons on his jeans, sighing happily when his erection sprung free.
“I’ve missed this,” I whispered, reaching out to nuzzle his shaft.
“Me too,” he murmured.
Fisting him with light pressure, I stroked up and down a few times, but he was already rock-hard. It had been months since we’d had sex, so he was probably as worked up as I was, which was always fun.
“You gonna shoot down my throat, baby?” I purred against him, nuzzling and tracing little lines with the tip of my tongue.
“Fuck yes, I am.”
I lifted my gaze to find his emerald-green eyes burning into mine.
I fucking loved that look.
Without hesitation, I wrapped my mouth around him, sucking him deep. His sharp intake of breath told me I’d surprised him, but that was what tonight was all about.
Surprise.
Fun.
Reconnecting.
His cock pulsed in my mouth, so I backed off, stroking his shaft with one hand and squeezing his balls with the other.
“That’s it, baby.” His voice got gruff when he was turned on, which turned me on too.
He gripped the back of my head, digging his fingers into the longest part of my hair, and began to move. He started with short, quick thrusts, slowly pushing deeper every time. When he was steadily gliding all the way in and out, I closed my eyes and relaxed my throat. He picked up speed, thrusting in all the way. As soon as he hit the back of my throat, he shot off, a guttural growl leaving his chest.
“Oh, fuck, Kiki, yes!” He continued to pump in and out a few times, until he was spent, and then quickly pulled away.
Before I could gather my wits, he’d dropped into the nearest chair and dragged me onto his lap.
“If that was your apology, we’re going to have to fight more often.”
I chuckled. “That wasn’t nearly enough of an apology for the way I’ve behaved lately, but I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“Are you ready to talk now?” he asked softly, wrapping his arms around me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, burying my face in his neck. “I was so mean and selfish, and you deserve better.”
“You were going through a rough time,” he said. “And postpartum depression is serious. I’m glad you figured it out. I just wish you’d been able to talk to me and tell me something was going on.”
“I was embarrassed,” I admitted. “And at first, I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t think it could happen so fast.”
“I did some reading, and they say that right after the birth your hormones are all out of whack and lots of women struggle to get back to what they consider normal. It seems like the postpartum depression kicked in almost right away, though, so it’s almost like you got hit twice.”
“But I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” He gently lifted my chin, gazing into my eyes. “We’re a team now, babe. We have to lean on each other, no matter what’s happening. Especially when things are hard. If you can’t lean on me, then why would you marry me?”
“I can!” I said quickly, tears springing to my eyes. “I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ll never do this again. I promise.”
“You better not.”
“I want you to be happy, Noah, and if that means being on tour, that’s okay. We’ll adjust. And maybe?—”
“I’ve got a surprise for you too,” he said, cutting me off. “It will take a short-term sacrifice, but in the end, I think we’ll both get what we want.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going to get certified to be a sound engineer, like in a recording studio, working on music. There’s a six-month program in L.A. and once I’m done, there will be a job waiting for me at Casey Hart’s studio in Vegas. The money isn’t great to start, but it’s enough. And Bash is going to lend me the money for school, so it won’t?—”
I cut him off, pressing my lips to his and kissing him hungrily. “You didn’t have to do that,” I whispered when we finally broke apart. “I don’t want you to do it for me. You have to follow your dreams, no matter what.”
“Our family is my dream. You, me, Beth…and any other little ones who might come along. All I’ve ever wanted was a family. And you. While I’ve loved being on tour, this is literally the best of both worlds, and most people don’t ever get that lucky.”
“I’m the lucky one,” I said softly. “The luckiest day of my life was the day you told me you had a crush on me.”
“Luckiest day of my life too.”
And I couldn’t wait to find out what was next.