Chapter 20
Patrick
I can finally relax when Ellie starts to breathe normally.
She looks up at me like she is going to be alright, and the best I can offer her is a small smile. Not fully understanding what just happened, I can at least breathe easier knowing that whatever it is is over.
What was that, anyways? All she did was accidentally spill a glass of water, but it threw her into a complete panic attack. I know that Ellie is anxious and introverted, but that was something else. It had to be.
Thankfully, everyone was already gone, and we had the room pretty much to ourselves when it all went down. I was able to get her to sit back down in her seat, and the waitress brought a new glass of water over.
She looks up at me while taking little sips and says in a soft voice, “I d-don’t know how you always do that.”
“Do what, El?”
“Say the right thing.”
My words get stuck in my throat, and her sincerity hits me right in the gut.
All I want to do right now is wrap her up into my arms and protect her from everything.
Now doesn’t feel like the right time to ask her to unpack what just happened, but I desperately need to know in order to avoid this in the future.
After taking a second to compose myself, I move myself so I’m facing Ellie straight on. Her eyes meet mine, and we are the only two people that matter.
“I don’t know if what I say is the right thing or not until it comes out.
I can’t predict how people will react, but I can think before I speak.
If thinking through things before I react and using my words to explain myself helps other people, then I will try to do that every time.
” I have no idea what is going on in Ellie’s mind right now, but she still looks so sad and broken.
“El, are you okay? You don’t need to tell me what happened, but I just need to know that you are going to be alright. ”
“Y-yeah, I’ll be fine. I just had a really shitty ex-boyfriend—” She gulps, and the tears start building in the corners of her eyes.
“Um, he used to get upset with me and make me feel really bad about myself. It’s not like he was physically abusive or anything, but now I know that he was verbally abusive.
I spent a lot of time with a therapist working through these issues, but any time I made a mistake, even if it was just an accident, he would berate me and call me names. I guess old habits die hard.”
She shrugs like it’s nothing, but it’s so much more than that. If only she could see herself through my eyes. “I’m so sorry you had to experience that, Ellie.”
“Yeah, me too.” A single tear rolls down her cheek as she continues. “It's always been hard for me to make friends and have lasting relationships with people, and it’s gotten w-worse since he broke up with me. Isn’t it funny that I’m an introvert desperate for friends?”
Not knowing what to say, I reach out halfway for her hand, and she places hers in mine. It makes me irrationally upset that someone could treat Ellie like that, but I can’t do anything about that. All I can do now is be here for her.
She starts up again, her voice still soft and timid. “The way you talk to me and reassure me and show me that you’re on my side makes me feel really safe. You’re the only person I’ve told about him other than Nick and my therapist, so thank you.”
“El, you don’t need to thank me for showing you human decency, but I’m glad that you trust me enough to share.” More tears stream down her face, and I need to do more to comfort her. “Can I please give you a hug?”
She nods her head, and I pull her to stand with me, bringing her tight against my chest. Her arms wrap around my middle, and her head rests on my chest. Hoping she doesn’t feel how fast my heart beats from having her so close to me, I squeeze her a little tighter.
She fits perfectly in my arms, and I try not to think too hard about it.
With all of our physical encounters there has been some intensity that pulls me to her, but this is different. Instead of a deep, passionate heat, it’s more of a warm tenderness. The passion is still there, but there is also compassion and trust.
I could hold her against me forever, but when I feel her drifting, I know we need to head back up to the room. “You’ve had a long day, El. Do you want to go up and get some sleep?”
We find Wes, Natalie, and Tom hanging out in the lobby with a few other coworkers. I stop to chat for a couple minutes while Ellie makes her way back to the room, but by the time I make it up, the lights are off and there is an Ellie-sized lump under the covers.
I make sure to be quiet as I get ready for bed, and when I finally lay down next to her, I feel more than content.
Waking up to the smell of orange and honeysuckle, I refuse to open my eyes just yet.
The pillows and blankets in this hotel are luxurious, causing me to experience the best night's sleep I've had in a long time. There is a slight movement in my arms and a soft pressure against my hips, and when I open my eyes, my vision is skewed with thick layers of brown hair. It isn’t until right now that I realize Ellie is wrapped up in my arms.
I know I should move, but, fuck, she feels so good.
I should unwrap my arms from her soft stomach and be respectful of the boundaries we’ve created, but I can’t.
The relief I feel from her contact is indescribable.
I have been so wound up recently that it feels good to forget about all that and just hold her.
There is no space between us, but I still want her closer.
During my bout of internal turmoil, the realization of my subconscious desire shocks me awake. Unfortunately, Ellie and I become aware of it at the same time. “Uh, Patrick, please tell me that is not what I think it is poking me in the ass—”
I scramble, jumping out of bed and using my hands to shield my morning wood. “Fuck, El. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
I get cut off by a giggling fit. An unexpected, and slightly offensive, reaction to say the least.
“Um, it’s fine, Patrick. Not what I was expecting to wake up to this morning.
” She leans against the headboard and stretches her arms up.
“I’m sorry though. I think I was the one who snuggled up to you in the middle of the night.
I remember being cold—” She looks at the pile of blankets pulled to my side of the bed. “You’re a blanket hog!”
She mocks me, and I do my best to hide my enjoyment. The back and forth of Ellie teasing me is one of my favorite things. Pretending to be taken aback by the accusation, I glare at her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She gestures at the evidence dramatically, and I can’t help but laugh.
Trying my best not to stare, I watch her get out of bed wearing an oversized shirt and the tiniest pair of plaid pajama shorts that barely contain her thick thighs.
God, it makes sense why my body reacted the way it did with her pressed up against me.
Thoughts rush in of her in a similar oversized shirt oversharing her sexual desires on her couch.
It would’ve been so easy to slip her tiny shorts to the side this morning and—
I have to excuse myself to the bathroom, so I can brush my teeth and calm the fuck down.
When I come back out, she is dressed and ready to go for today. “Can you hurry up, please? I’m so hungry.”
Her pleas are adorable, and I don’t think I would be able to say no to her if I wanted to. “Geez. Wes texted me that he’s already down there, so why don’t you go ahead and I’ll meet you in a couple minutes?”
She runs out the door before I finish what I’m saying. It makes me happy that her and Wes get along so well, but I continually have to remind myself that this is not real. Hopefully, Wes doesn’t hate me when Ellie and I inevitably break up.
Before going downstairs, I try to shake these feelings away, but my thoughts keep going back to how good she felt in my arms this morning. The tile is cold on my feet as I go to the bathroom to splash some water on my face.
Hold it together, Patrick.
I quickly pull on some shorts and a t-shirt and make my way down to the breakfast buffet.
When I get there, Ellie already has a plateful of food and is eating blueberries one by one. I put my hand on her shoulder and plant a kiss at the top of her head. This whole not needing to ask first about PDA freaked me out briefly, but she was right.
It was a little weird getting used to it last night, but our interactions are becoming more natural.
We are about to be up close and personal with everyone at the picnic this afternoon, so it’s good that we are practicing now.
While it’s much more convincing this way, I still worry that I might be getting too comfortable.
I grab a small plate of fruit and some toast to tide me over since I’ve never been a big breakfast person during breakfast times.
Don’t get me wrong, I love breakfast food, but I like it more at 2 a.m. When I sit down, Ellie is back at the buffet line filling her plate with waffles.
She is adorable, completely smothering her waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, so much that you’d have to send a search party to find the waffles.
She sits down next to me, and I can’t help but tease her. “I think you don’t have enough whipped cream on there.”
I swipe my finger through the creamy pile and stick it in my mouth.
Ellie watches my action intently, and the pink rises in her cheeks. “I have a very specific way I like things. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to date me.”
“Oh really? It’s that easy.”
“Maybe you’re more suited for someone with boring preferences.” She rolls her eyes at me.
“Oh, Ellie.” I push some of the hair out of her face and speak quietly in her ear as she leans in to take a bite. “You know I don’t want anyone else. Only you.”
A shiver runs through her body, and I feel a slight note of accomplishment. After our encounter this morning, I can’t help it. I'm desperate to see how her body reacts to me.
We eat our breakfast while listening to Wes recap the night after we went to bed.
While a lot of our coworkers are married with children, quite a few are very single, so there are some bets going around wagering over who is going to sleep with who this weekend.
I shudder at the thought of hooking up with someone I work with.
The whole thing seems way too messy for my liking.
And fake dating someone is not messy?
Since Ellie and I are already dressed for the day, we decide to take a walk before we go to the picnic.
We wander through the lobby and out the back door as she reaches for my hand.
At first I think it’s cute, but then I realize that she is just using me to drag her along.
Three plates of breakfast food will really weigh a person down, and Ellie is feeling the effects.
I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t thrown up yet, but if pulling her around is what it takes to avoid that situation, I’ll do it.
Despite her current predicament, spending this time with Ellie makes me feel good. There is a deep comfort in our silence, and just her presence brings up my mood.