Chapter 27
Patrick
I can feel myself getting attached to Ellie.
She is constantly in my head. Her hair, her eyes, her body, her humor, her personality, and the sex are all taking up a large capacity of my brain, and it’s not the worst thing.
Flashbacks of Ellie in the hotel room constantly cloud my memory.
The sex was absolutely mind blowing, and it’s been a long time since I've felt a connection like that. Despite all of the time we’ve spent together, I can’t get enough of her, but this weekend doesn’t change anything.
We haven’t talked about what sleeping together meant, but I would be stupid to think that it means anything more than what it is.
The car ride is quiet.
I was worried that it was going to be awkward after everything that happened, but it’s not. We have grown surprisingly comfortable with each other, and there is no need to fill the silence between us.
Before we got in the car, I told her that she could choose the music since she spent all weekend talking about listening to the new Noah Kahan album, and she lit up.
Jamming along to the music, she taps her fingers to the beat of whatever song is playing on her thighs—or the window or the glove compartment.
I keep trying to catch glances, but it's more important to keep my eyes on the road.
It isn’t until halfway through our drive that I realize that we need to talk about what happened this weekend. I don’t need to know what it means, but we need to know what the plan is moving forward. Honestly, I don’t even know if we’re still fake dating or if that ended when we slept together.
My mind goes back to when she tried to break it off last night; it threw me completely off balance. I refused to believe it, and I’m glad that I questioned it or who knows what would’ve happened. Rebecca gets what she wants, and Ellie thinks I’m a total jerk?
Gripping the steering wheel hard, I try to push those thoughts away.
Knowing how much Ellie worries about things, I have no idea why she hasn’t tried to talk about everything yet. It could be for the same reasons I have, but maybe not. Taking a deep breath in, I just have to be straightforward about this, and it will all be fine.
“So—” I turn the volume down and look over at her, clearing my throat. There was a plan, but it all goes out the window. “We slept together.”
What the fuck, Patrick? You could’ve said anything else, and it would have sounded better than that.
I want to kick myself until Ellie’s gasp gets my attention, overthinking turning into concern.
“Oh my god. You were there for that?” She says sarcastically. “That’s really embarrassing.”
Rolling my eyes, I nudge her. “I think you joke too much.”
“You think I joke the perfect amount. You actually think it’s one of my best qualities.” I glance over, and she’s giving me a big, cheesy smile.
Of course she's right.
I love the way she can joke with me. Some people probably get annoyed with it, but it shows me that she’s comfortable enough to poke fun at me. And, if I weren’t driving right now, I would pull over and kiss that smile right off of her face.
Letting out a sigh, I don’t want to ask the question that’s been on the forefront of my mind. I’m not prepared for the answer, but that doesn’t stop me from asking. “Does it ruin the whole fake dating thing?”
I would understand if Ellie wanted to stop this. She has so much going on in her life, and the last thing that I want to do is complicate that more.
“I don’t think so.” Her voice is sweet, and I can’t help the smile that takes over my face.
It would’ve been fine if she said yes, but I was not ready to say goodbye to Ellie just yet.
If anything, she has become my friend over the last few weeks, and I don’t want to lose that part of her—or any part of her.
She reaches over and places a hand behind my neck, partially cupping my cheek, and I lean into her touch as she moves her fingertips against my skin. The attempt to suppress my smile fails.
“Okay, good. You make a very convincing fake girlfriend, and I think my friends are getting a little attached. I don’t want you to break their hearts just yet.”
My tone is joking, but I’m more afraid of what it will do to me more than my friends.
But, now that I’m thinking about it, they would definitely give me shit for breaking up with Ellie, whether it’s fake or not. Thankfully, it is not a problem now that I know we’re solid.
“That’s fair. Your friends are pretty great.
” Ellie looks out the window and tucks her feet under her thighs before speaking again.
“Um, I also wouldn’t be opposed to adding a friends with benefits clause to our fake dating contract—” She hesitates.
“As long as that’s also what you want. If not, I’d get it. ”
She would understand if I didn’t want to keep sleeping with her? How, in her right mind, could she possibly think that I wouldn’t want that?
Fuck, being with her has been the most fun I’ve had in such a long time. It’s partially about my own sexual benefits, but I love an excuse to be close to Ellie and make her feel good. Every time I made her come felt like an accomplishment.
Trying to make her pay for her earlier jab, I feel like now is an appropriate time to mess with her. “Well, I’m not really interested in that, so no thanks.”
I can only hold in my laughter for a couple seconds, and the impact of her hand hitting my chest is worth it.
“Hey, no hitting the driver!” Grabbing her hand mid-swing, I press a couple kisses across her palm and wrist. “Of course I want to keep fucking you, El. You don’t have to ask me twice. That was the best sex I’ve ever had.”
“Oh, thank god. You had me worried for a second.” She laughs and takes her hand back, but I have the hardest time letting it go.
Her skin is soft against my touch, and if it was up to me, I would hold it the whole drive.
“I can come just fine by myself, but it’s a lot easier and way more fun when you do it. ”
“Be careful, El. My ego can only handle so many compliments.” I reach over and rest my hand on her thigh. Her sweatpants are loose, but I can still feel her warmth under my fingertips.
It takes her a second to respond, but she chooses to mock me. “Well, I have no other plans to compliment you, so you should be good.”
I squeeze her thigh in response, and she hits my arm. Trying to take the hint, I move to lift my hand off of her, but Ellie pulls it back where it was and doesn’t say a word. She turns the music back up and leans her head back.
We go back to enjoying each other’s silence for the next hour of the ride.
She continues to pick the music and sing along, and my hand stays happily on her thigh.
There have been a few moments where I’ll tap my fingers to the beat of the music on her leg, and she seems to enjoy it by the way she smiles up at me when I do it.
I have been trying not to look at her, but I can see it all in my peripheral vision.
Ellie groans as she glances down at her phone and places it face down in her lap.
I squeeze her thigh and look over at her for a second. The look on her face is a little disgruntled, but it’s adorable. “What’s wrong, El?”
“So, my parents want to meet you. My dad told my mom that he saw us together at the Mexican restaurant, and she has been very insistent on having you over for dinner. She has been texting me every day for the last week.” She blurts it all out in quick succession, and it takes a second to decipher it.
“That’s all? I can definitely do that!” Picking up her downturned phone off of her lap, I hand it back to her, all while keeping my eyes on the road. “Let your mom know that I’d love to have dinner.”
“Okay, great.” She starts typing on her phone, but pauses to look over to me. “Wait, what do you mean that’s all?”
“Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it. You just looked really upset, and I guess I just thought it was something more serious.
” I reach over and rest my arm on her shoulder.
“We literally talked about how this would probably happen when we ran into your dad, so I’ve been waiting for it to come up eventually. ”
“Well, just wait. You haven’t met my mom yet.” She lets out a long sigh, and the tension in her rises. “I don’t really match up to her expectations of me.”
It hurts to see Ellie feeling like this.
After meeting her dad, I can’t imagine that her mom can be that bad, but I don’t doubt her. She doesn’t seem like the type of person to overexaggerate. Not to mention, Ellie is working hard to put herself through grad school, so how can her mom have higher expectations than that?
I rub my hand on her back, trying to relax her, and my idea is working. Her shoulders get less tense, and it makes me happy to know that I did that. She leans her head on my arm and watches me drive.
After three and a half hours of driving, we finally pull into The Brew’s parking lot and park in the spot next to her car.
I don’t want her to leave, but I’ve already taken up her whole weekend.
There is nothing to keep her with me, and it’s impossible to ignore how important alone time is to her.
She needs to go home and relax without me, but I wish she didn’t have to.
As Ellie gets out of the car, I get out to grab her bag.
She argues, “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I want to.” Opening her passenger door, I place the bag gently inside.
Ellie leans against the back door. Moving to stand in front of her, I place my hands above her shoulders on the car and can’t stop myself from kissing her.
Somewhere there is an excuse that it is technically still our little vacation, but this is something I need more than I care to admit.
Other than Ellie saying no, there is nothing that could stop me from doing this.
Her body arches into mine when she kisses me back, and I wrap myself around her to feel how perfect her body is just one more time. The intensity between us is still there.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried that the hotel created an unrealistic atmosphere for us. But, it’s safe to say that concern is gone.
Pulling away, I see her cheeks are flushed. It’s hard to miss how her body reacts to mine, and as I’m drinking it in, I almost don’t realize that she’s talking.
“Umm, Patrick, I want you to know that I had a really, really good time this weekend.”
“Me too, El.” I place a kiss on her forehead and hold her close to me just for a second longer. “Let me know when you figure out the dinner plans with your parents. Also, please let me know if you need me to come help with your other needs.”
She laughs, and I’m sad this is the last time I will hear that sound today. The need to keep her close to me is strong, but I pull away anyway.
As I drive myself home, I miss Ellie’s presence more than I should. When I’m with her, I can’t help but feel happy and whole, but it would be wrong to assume that she wants anything more.
I’d rather have her like this than not at all, but I find it hard to ignore the other feelings. Let’s hope I don’t fuck this up.