23. Mount Washington
23
MOUNT WASHINGTON
Mara
Ford’s arm tightened around my waist, and he pulled me to a stop as he turned to face me. “Grief does that—makes us retreat.” His gaze pierced me, seeing straight into my pain. “I withdrew too, after my mom died,” he said. “It took a while, but I eventually made my way back from it.” He stroked my back. “You’ll make it back, too. You’ve worked hard to keep your brother’s dreams alive. Just don’t give up on your dreams. They’re equally important.”
“Ghost of a Chance was always our dream,” I said, the words spilling out before I could catch myself, like a reflex, something I’d said a hundred times to anyone who’d ask.
“Absolutely, but it’s not your only dream. You’re an amazing woman. Smart. Talented. Hardworking. You can do anything you set your mind to.” His thumb grazed my cheek as he brushed back my hair. “I know you can.”
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. “I guess.”
“No more gloom and doom,” he said with a grin. “We’re going to focus on the positives.”
I raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “And what are those?”
“Well, for starters, you’re an amazing woman,” he said, his gaze warm and appreciative. “Smart. Talented. Hardworking. And, might I add, extremely good-looking.”
I laughed, feeling a warm blush rise to my cheeks. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”
“Good to know,” he said with a wink. “But seriously, Mara, you’ve accomplished so much with Ghost of a Chance. It’s impressive. But don’t forget that you have other dreams too. You can do anything you set your mind to.”
I felt a surge of energy at his words, as if he’d ignited a spark within me. “You’re right,” I said. “I’ve been so focused on the store that I haven’t given much thought to anything else.”
“Time to change that,” he said firmly. “Let’s make a list of all the other things you want to do in life. You mentioned skydiving.” He pretended to shudder. “What about learning to play the guitar? Traveling to exotic locales?”
I grinned, feeling the weight of my worries lifting. “I like the sound of that.”
I needed to be present in the moment. Be here, now.
I owed it all to Ford. His charming personality, quick wit, and thoughtful insights had made this day possible. He had left me feeling seen, valued, and appreciated, and I hadn’t felt this connected to someone in a long time.
The better I got to know Ford, the more I valued him. He wasn’t someone who could fill in my missing pieces, but he was like a frame that enhanced the image or the oil that made the gears run smoothly. Being with him made me see myself more clearly, a better and more capable version of Mara.
We strolled until we came to a sloping lawn where people lingered, taking in the view of the city. “I was going to suggest we sit on the grass, but you’re wearing a dress. Should we find somewhere else to sit?” Ford asked.
In reply, I grabbed his hand and led him down the hillside to a flat area where we sat down. He braced his arm behind my back, and I leaned against it, nestling into him. As we watched boats motor around Point Park far below us, we let out simultaneous contented sighs. When we realized what we’d done, we broke into laughter.
An uninhibited smile curved my lips. “Thank you for today,” I said, an uninhibited smile curving my lips. “I used to go exploring all the time when I lived in Boston, but these days, I rarely venture far from home. I’m in a rut.”
I gazed at the spot where Pittsburgh’s three rivers met, far below.
“When I came out for Chance’s funeral a year ago, I faced a tough decision about the comic book shop. We had taken on debt in both our names to renovate the store and the apartment above it. But when I walked in, everything was ready to go - the shelves were stocked, and Chance had worked hard to get it ready to open. I couldn’t bear the thought of shutting it down. So, I decided to give it a shot and open it on my own. All I needed was a great name, and after tossing around a few ideas, I settled on ‘Ghost of a Chance’ - I’m pretty sure Chance would have loved it too.”
I plucked a flat blade of grass and wrapped it around my fingertip.
“Ghost of a Chance is a clever name,” Ford said.
“Thanks.” I carefully split the strand of grass lengthwise. “I turned over my half of Stel-Wood to my partner, Destiny. She gave me a little money, but we had huge startup loans. Then I started running the comic book shop on my own.”
“Starting a business is never easy, especially with all the expenses,” Ford said, leaning his head closer so it touched mine.
I nodded, grateful for the physical connection. “Yeah, especially with video games. Lots of employee expenses with no product until the game is finished.”
“I left Destiny in a tough spot, abandoning my career goals, realizing how quickly everything can disappear.” I sighed and wrapped the split blades of grass around my finger again.
Ford didn’t lift his head from mine, and I leaned closer to him. “It seemed fundamentally wrong that the light of life that had shined so brightly in Chance could be snuffed out in an instant, and that everything he’d accomplished would disappear too.”
My fingers fumbled, and one of the blades fell, disappearing in the sea of green around us. Ford felt so solid and comforting. I lowered my head and rested it on his shoulder.
“It turned my understanding of the world on end. That’s why I decided to devote myself to making sure his comic book shop didn’t die along with him—to making sure his graphic novels still had an audience.”
I tossed aside the other blade of grass, lifted my head from Ford’s shoulder, and wrapped my arms around my bent knees.
He held me close, sitting patiently, giving me his support.
“We’d planned for Chance to focus on writing more Ghost graphic novels and handling the day-to-day aspects of the shop. I was supposed to take care of the stuff he hated. We’d done tons of work, so it made sense to move forward with the opening even after he was gone.”
“Do you miss working on games?”
Regret hit me hard, making me tense. “Often. It’s frustrating, you know? To want two completely different things simultaneously? It’s like I’m trapped in this impossible tug-of-war,” I admitted, the words pulling at me, raw and unresolved. “Every time I think about diving back into gaming, I feel like I’m betraying Ghost. But if I stay with the store, I’m turning my back on everything I worked for at Stel-Wood. I can’t win either way.”
Ford’s arm tightened around me, his warmth grounding me against the uncertainty. “Couldn’t you hire someone to run the store and go back to Stel-Wood full-time?” His voice was calm, practical, but all I could think about was the weight of the debt hanging over me. I wanted to laugh, but it felt hollow in my throat.
“Until my shop gets on a financially stable footing, I can’t afford to pay someone... or more likely two or even three someones... to do what I do. The shop is barely breaking even with all the debt it’s carrying.” My shoulders slumped. “Besides, Destiny just sold Stel-Wood to a major company.”
Ford’s eyebrows lifted. “Whoa, that’s huge.” Then he frowned. “Are you okay with that?”
“I’m happy for her,” I said quickly. “Don’t get me wrong. Only—I feel like she took first place in a race I quit. I can’t help wondering how things would be different if I’d stuck with it. Maybe we could have taken the game directly to market instead of selling the entire company.”
As I gave voice to the deep, guilt-filled regrets I hadn’t even wanted to admit to myself, my chest seemed to break open. The pain came pouring out.
“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Mara,” Ford said, his voice low, steady. His fingers brushed my cheek, grounding me in the moment. “Losing Chance was a blow no one could prepare for, and you’ve carried it. But that doesn’t mean you have to carry it alone. If the situations were reversed, I’m sure you would’ve been understanding if Destiny had done the same thing.”
“You’re probably right.” I sighed. “I’m not sure where that leaves me now. I don’t know if I’m doing the right things with my life, but I also don’t see any other choices open to me.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no way out.
Ford leaned in closer, his expression serious. “Start by taking one step at a time. And remember, happiness and fulfillment aren’t always found in the most obvious places. Sometimes you have to go looking for them, or even create them for yourself.”“Easier said than done,” I muttered. “I have some mutually exclusive dreams.”
“Maybe you should go in a completely new direction. Figure out a way to realize both goals.”
I stared at him. “How am I supposed to manage that?”
He kissed the tip of my nose. “You’re a clever woman. I’m sure you can come up with a solution.”
“Clever?” I grinned at him. “Is that how you see me?”
His eyes seemed to glow with some inner warmth. “It is.”
“You give good advice,” I told him.
“Hard-won advice,” Ford admitted. “I was married before. Chelsea hated my career. She signed a lease for a new apartment a month before she left me. She opened her own marketing firm a couple of months after our divorce. I found out later that she’d been planning it ever since we’d moved to Los Angeles.”
“Wait, she signed the lease before you missed the Christmas party? That’s pretty manipulative.”
“Turns out she was good at keeping secrets. She never talked about important things. Only about coordinating our schedules or stories about people she knew from work. I don’t think I ever knew the real Chelsea. She hid too much of herself from me.”
It must have been hard to accept that the person you’d married wasn’t the person you thought you knew. “You must have felt deceived. What a huge betrayal.”
“It was like she’d been playing a role the entire time we’d known each other. I fell in love with the person she pretended to be, not who she really was. She never let me see the real Chelsea.”
I leaned into him. “I promise you’ll always get the real me. Warts and all.”
He wrapped an arm around me and placed a gentle kiss at my temple. “I bet even your warts are cute.”
I stared at him blankly. “I’m trying to come up with a comeback about cute warts, but I can’t think of a single thing to say.”
He rose to his feet. “That’s a tough one.” He looked down at me with such sweet affection that I caught my breath. “Let’s head back to the Duquesne Incline and check it out. They have a museum there I think you’ll like. We can even buy tickets and take a ride down the mountain.”
I rose to my feet and brushed off the back of my dress. “Wild guess. The Incline was a movie location, right? Which one?”
“Ever hear of Flashdance ?”
I raised one eyebrow. “The iconic eighties movie? Of course, I’ve heard of it.”
“It took place here in Pittsburgh, and there’s a scene at the incline.” He paused and shot me a devilish glance. “There’s another movie too... but you probably haven’t seen it.”
“Try me.”
“ Zach and Miri Make a Porno .”
My jaw dropped. “I haven’t seen that one in like... forever. I totally forgot it was filmed in Pittsburgh.” I nudged him in the ribs. “Just don’t get any ideas. No pornos, Mr. Movie Director.”
“Scout’s honor,” he said, lacing his fingers through mine, the playful glint in his eyes softening. As we walked toward the edge of the incline, his touch anchored me, making me feel like I wasn’t standing on that ledge alone anymore.