18. Chapter 18
Chapter 18
Jenna
I felt the sun on my face and I rolled over onto my side, not wanting to open my eyes. I had slept so well, and I felt as if everything that had happened the night before had been a dream.
I could still feel Ryan’s lips against mine, and I remembered every bit of his gentle touch and the kind and tender words he had spoken.
The date had gone better than I had even thought that it would, and I also realized that I cared for him far more deeply than I was willing to admit.
I reluctantly opened my eyes, looked at the clock, and realized that it was time for me to start my day. I was going to have breakfast with my parents, pick up Tyler, and then he and I were going to go to the park to play catch.
However, before any of that I knew that there was a conversation that I had to have with Ryan. I wasn’t looking forward to it because I knew that there was a chance that it wouldn’t go well, but I also knew that I didn’t want to put it off any longer.
I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to make some coffee. Once it was ready I poured myself a cup, grabbed my phone, and went and sat outside on my deck.
I stared at my phone for a minute, trying to figure out what I was going to say. I decided that I would finish my first cup of coffee, and then I would call him. I knew he woke up early every morning, and so I wasn’t afraid of waking him. I was just nervous to make the call.
Once I had finished the first cup and refilled my mug, I took a deep breath and picked up my phone. It was time to get it over with.
Ryan answered after the first ring, and I could hear in his voice that he was happy to hear from me.
“Hey,” he said. “I was just thinking about you. How are you?”
“I’m good,” I said. “How about you?”
“Very good. Just enjoying coffee and getting ready for my day. What about you?”
“I’m doing the same thing,” I said.
“Is something going on?” he asked. “You sound like you have something on your mind.”
Once again, I was amazed at how well he knew me. I wasn’t going to play games with him, and so I decided to be as direct as possible.
“Yes, there is something on my mind, I said. “So I wanted to talk to you about it.”
“Do you want to talk over the phone? Or do you want me to come over so we can talk in person?”
I knew that if he was in front of me, I probably wouldn’t be able to talk as openly. I still felt giddy and nervous around him at times, and I knew I needed to be able to think clearly.
“If it’s okay with you, I would rather talk on the phone.”
“That works,” he said. “So what’s going on?”
“Well, I had a great time on the date last night. You know that. And I know that you did too. I loved every minute of it, from the time you picked me up until you dropped me off.”
“I’m glad you said that,” he said. “Because I also enjoyed every minute of it.”
“I’m glad. And I don’t know if it’s too soon to have this conversation, but I also know that I need to have this conversation sooner rather than later, given my life and my situation.”
“All right,” Ryan said, his voice steady and soothing. “I’m listening.”
“You know I don’t date,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I told you that last night. You are the first guy I’ve been on a date with in what feels like forever. But I also can’t date. I mean I can’t be a casual dater. So I know it seems early, and it might be too intense, but I need to know what you’re thinking, and what you view this all as. Because, unless you could consider this to be something that would become permanent, I can’t keep moving forward. I’m not saying we need to get engaged right now, or even really talk about that, but if you know, right now that that’s not even a possibility or not even something that you would ever want, please tell me now because I don’t want just casual dating.”
Ryan cleared his throat. “I see,” he said.
“Yeah, I mean, again, I know that this is early. But I’m also looking out for Tyler. He knows you as his coach, but if I’m going to date you, or have you be my fella, then he’s going to know it, and I need to know that it’s serious.”
I could hear Ryan chuckle, and I felt good to know that he was being lighthearted about it. I was hoping I hadn’t scared him off.
“Did you say fella?” he asked, his voice teasing.
“Yes,” I said, laughing at myself. “I said fella.”
“That’s amazing,” he said. “But although it is early on, I understand why you are asking the question. It makes perfect sense to me. And just know that I understand that you are a single mom. I also understand that I have a relationship with Tyler. Please know that I would not have asked you out if I didn’t see that you were somebody who I would want to have a future with.”
“Oh good,” I said, exhaling the breath that I hadn’t realized that I had been holding.
“Again, I don’t want you to think that I am that person who wants us to go and get married right away, because that would be silly too. But I’m glad that we’re both on the same page.”
“Me too,” Ryan said. “You know, Jenna, I have not ever been serious about someone. I was in a really bad place after having to give up baseball. You know that. And I knew then there was no way I could date anybody because I had to figure all of that out with myself. And then I threw myself into work, and building the business, and the next thing I know I am where I am now. You know that I’ve had lots of dates to different events, and there are several women that I’ve taken out, but there is never anyone that I wanted to be serious with. That has now changed.”
I felt butterflies in my stomach when I heard him say that, but I also knew that there was something else that I had to say.
“That’s wonderful, and you have no idea how happy it makes me hear that, but there is one other thing.”
“Tyler,” Ryan said.
I was grateful that he knew what I was thinking.
“Yes,” Tyler.
“You need to talk to Tyler,” Ryan said.
“Yes,“ I agreed. “I need to talk to Tyler. I like that you know this.”
“Of course I know this. You’re a good mom, and your kid is going to come first. As he should. And so of course you need to talk to him because this would be a major change for him as well, and you need to make sure that he’s okay with that change.”
Again, I felt a surge of relief. I also started to feel a bit silly for having been so nervous about making the phone call.
“I’m glad that you understand it,” I said. “So very glad that you understand it.”
“Of course,” Ryan said. Then his tone became a bit playful. “So, I don’t want to be pushy or anything, but when do you think you’re going to be talking to Tyler?”
“Actually, he and I are spending the day together today and I am going to talk to him.”
“Good plan,” Ryan said. “Will you let me know how it goes?”
“Of course I will,” I said. I was pleasantly surprised at how urgent Ryan was being about this. I didn’t see it as him being pushy. I just thought that he was serious about us.
“I will look forward to it.”
“All right, well with all that in mind, we should probably get off the phone. I will talk to you later today.”
We both said goodbye, and I hung up the phone.
I sat back in my chair, and felt a wave of peace wash over me as I drank my second coffee and then filled the mug again. I was pretty certain what Tyler was going to say, but I was grateful that Ryan understood exactly what was happening, and why I had needed to call him.
***
“Nice grab,” I said.
“Thanks!” Tyler answered. “Ryan taught me.”
We were at the park and had been playing catch for the past hour. I always loved throwing with my son, and as he was getting older it was getting more and more fun. He was becoming a really good little ball player, and he liked showing off the different things he had learned.
Breakfast with my parents had been delicious, as always, and I could tell that my parents wanted to know how my date had gone, but they also weren’t going to ask me questions in front of Tyler.
My mom had simply raised her eyebrows and asked how I was. I had immediately understood what she was getting at and so I just laughed and told her that I was very, very good.
“What do you say we take a break for a little bit?” I asked.
“Sure”, Tyler said, running up to stand next to me. “What do you want to do now?”
“How about we sit here under the tree and just chat for a bit?” I asked.
“Okay, yeah! That sounds like a really good idea,” Tyler said
I had a blanket in my backpack, and I set it out underneath the big tree. We both sat down, leaned against the trunk of the tree, and looked around.
“This is really cool,” Tyler said. “I like today.”
“I do too,” I said. “I really like today. I always love it when we get to just hang out, but today has just been extra fun.”
“After we leave the park, can we go and get ice cream?” he asked, sitting up straight.
I laughed. It was our tradition to get ice cream at the end of every fun day, but it was also a tradition for him to ask if we could get ice cream. I loved the expression on his face when he asked, because he knew what the answer was going to be.
“Of course we can,” I said.
“Good!” Tyler said, once again leaning back against the tree.
“So can I ask you a question?” I hadn’t been exactly sure how to start the conversation, but I decided I was just going to go with it and see what happened.
“Of course you can ask me a question,” Tyler said. “You’re my mom so you can do whatever you want.”
I laughed. As he was getting older he was getting more confident, and I loved it. He was developing a sarcastic sense of humor, and I had a feeling that when he was a teenager he was definitely going to keep me on my toes. I was looking forward to every minute of it.
“Okay, so then what do you think of Ryan?”
“What do I think?” Tyler asked. “What do you mean? Like as a coach? Or what do you mean?”
“Anything,” I said. “Whatever comes to mind. I want to know what you think about him.”
“Well,” Tyler began, “I think he’s really nice. I think he’s such a good baseball player, and he’s a really good teacher. He has helped me learn a whole lot about pitching. I like him when he helps coach our team, too, because he’s a really good coach. I wish he was our coach all the time because he’s so good, but I know that he works with the high school now and so he can’t be there all the time. But I wish he was.”
“Wow,” I said, surprised by how much Tyler had to say about him. “So you like him.”
Tyler nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, he is cool. Like he’s not as nice to us as Coach Kevin is, but he’s not mean to us either. He’s just kind of tough on us, but I think that’s really good because it means that he wants us to be better. But then when we’re not playing, he’s always just so nice. So I think he’s really cool. I see other coaches who aren’t very nice to their players, and then when they are not on the field and just in the parking lot and stuff they still aren’t nice. But Ryan is really nice when he’s not on the field. And like I said, it’s not like he’s mean to us on the field, he’s just strict. But it’s good.”
“I am happy to hear that,” I said.
I felt nervous after that, because I didn’t know how to approach the next subject. Thankfully, I didn’t have to.
“Why?" he asked, his voice teasing. “Do you have a crush on him or something?”
“What on Earth?” I asked. “Where is that coming from?”
Tyler laughed.
“One of the older guys on the team said that he thought that you had a crush on Ryan. He said that you smiled at Ryan one time and it looked like the way that girls smile at boys that they have crushes on.”
I felt myself blush, and I realized that this was one of the negative side effects of having Ryan play on a team with older boys. He was going to be exposed to things earlier than he normally would have been.
“Oh my,” I said. “One of the boys said that?”
“Yeah,” Tyler said.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.
Tyler shrugged his shoulders.
“It’s okay. It didn’t make me mad or anything. I didn’t even answer him. But then a whole bunch of the boys said that they think that Ryan has a crush on you.”
“They said that too? When did they say this?”
“They say it a lot.”
“Oh,” I said, looking out at the park.
“Yeah. They say that they see Ryan looking at you a lot, and always seems to be nicer when you’re around. They also said that he’s always standing close to you and talking to you.”
“I took a deep breath, and decided just to dive in again.
“What do you think about that?”
“I think that the boys are always teasing each other, and so they’re teasing me.”
I nodded. “ Yeah, they’re going to do that.”
“Yep,” he said. “Ryan told me that I just need to keep playing and become the best ball player ever. He said that one day they will stop teasing me because they are going to realize that no matter how much they tease me they will never be as good of a ball player as me, and so they will just stop. He said it might take a long time for it to happen, but to not give up or get upset by them.”
“You talk to Ryan about your teammates teasing you?” I asked, surprised. I knew that Tyler liked and trusted Ryan, I just hadn’t realized that he had opened up to him like this.
“Yeah,” Tyler said. “When we have our pitching lessons, I talk to him. I talk to him about a lot of things.”
“Did you talk to him about the reason why the boys are teasing you?”
Tyler’s eyes widened. “No! Of course not! That would be really strange, Mom. No, he heard them teasing me about the way that I run.”
“They tease you about the way that you run?”
“Yeah, just because I’m not as fast as them. Ryan told me not to worry about it. He told me that I am like three years younger than some of them and so of course I’m not going to run as fast. He told me to not even worry about it, and just keep getting better.”
“That’s good advice,” I said.
“Yeah,” Tyler said, simply. “So I don’t really care what they say. I’m going to listen to Ryan instead.”
“Excellen plan,” I answered, smiling. “Okay, so here’s my question. What do you think about the fact that the guys on your team think that Ryan might have a crush on me? Or that I might have a crush on him?”
“I think they are telling the truth,” Tyler said, giggling.
“What?” I asked, shocked.
“Yeah, mom, it’s pretty obvious.”
“Oh my goodness! You noticed more than I thought you did,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m not a baby.”
“Okay, so what do you think about that?” I asked, again.
“About you guys having a crush on each other?”
“Yes,” I said.
Tyler shrugged his shoulders. “I think it’s kind of cool, actually.”
“Oh, you do?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I mean he’s like really cool. So if you have to have a crush on somebody, I’m glad he's super cool.”
“He is super cool,” I said.
We sat there in silence for a moment, and then Tyler turned towards me.
“So is he like your boyfriend or something?”
I shook my head. “No, but he might become my boyfriend. Would you be okay with that?”
Tyler nodded. “Yeah, I’d be okay with that.”
“Well, okay then,” I said, smiling.
“Can I say the truth?” Tyler asked, hesitantly.
“Of course,” I answered. “You can always tell the truth. Always, always, always. No matter what it is, I always want you to tell me the truth.”
“Okay. So, I already thought he was your boyfriend.”
I laughed. “Wow! Well, okay, that’s good to know.”
“Yeah. So can we get some ice cream now?”
“Yes,” I said. “We can get some ice cream now.”
***
“Good night mom,” Tyler said. Thank you for a really cool day. It’s been one of my favorite days we have had in a long time.”
“Good night Bubba,” I said. “I agree that today has been fantastic. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I closed Tyler’s door and walked downstairs.
The rest of our day had gone very well. We enjoyed our ice cream, and then we had pizza for dinner and watched a movie.
Now that Tyler was settled in bed, I was going to call Ryan and tell him about my conversation with my son.
I went outside and took a minute to marvel at how many things had been cleared up in my mind since I had been on the deck that morning.
I dialed Ryan’s number, and he answered immediately. I could tell he had been waiting for my call, and I was happy that he was going to like what I had to tell him.
“Hey, “he said. “So? How was your day? Did you talk to Tyler?”
I laughed.
“Wow,” I said. “You just got right to it, didn’t you?”
Ryan laughed.
“Yes,” he said. “I did. I have been thinking about you all day, and trying to keep from getting ahead of myself. So I need to know: How did it go?”
“Well, in a nutshell - he thinks you’re super cool, and if I have to have a crush on somebody he’s glad it’s somebody super cool.”
Ryan laughed heartily, and I could hear the excitement in his voice.
“So Tyler is good with it?”
“Yes,” I said. “He’s very good with it.”
“Excellent news,” Ryan said.
I settled back in my chair, kicked my feet up, knowing that my entire life had most likely completely changed again.
I couldn’t wait to see what would happen.