8. Wake Up Alone
Wake Up Alone
Mark Jagger
Lola had work in the morning, so she left before I got the kids up.
She promised she’d come back in the evening which meant that until then, my day would be normal.
Well, as normal as I could expect it. As far as I knew, Rose was still in jail and the kids were now mine.
I’d wanted full custody but this wasn’t the way I’d wanted it to happen.
Lola was never supposed to be involved in this.
And our relationship was never supposed to get this deep.
I woke the kids up. They groggily got out of bed, brushed their teeth and got ready for school.
I brushed Preston’s hair and then Poppy’s.
I tried to braid it but she seemed disappointed with my “dad hairstyle”.
I knew I could have used more practice but I rarely got a chance to.
I supposed that would all change. It would have to.
After a big breakfast, I herded the kids into the car.
Poppy and Preston studied for their test quietly in the backseat together.
I wondered what the hell I’d done to get such smarty-pants kids.
I appreciated the quiet drive to school and when they left I gave each of them big big hugs.
I was trying to hide it from them, but really I was ecstatic to think that they could be a part of my life every day for the rest of my life.
Of course these days, it was hard to think of the rest of my life without thinking about Lola.
We cared for each other and we wanted to be together, but there were still road blocks. There was still the question of Rose and whether or not she would pose a real threat to our relationship. I maintained my hesitation to promise anything to Lola.
After I dropped the kids off at school, I went to the office.
My clinic runs smoothly without me pretty much.
I was born with a business mind and I put it to use in medicine.
I planned to be at least partially retired by forty-five.
And I was getting close. I moved a couple of appointments around and then talked with my marketing team for the clinic.
Our numbers for the month were looking good.
I saw a single patient and then took a break to finish up some paperwork.
My mind was far from the mundanity of paperwork.
All I could think about was Lola. But every time I thought of a future with her, Rose couldn’t seem to help popping into my mind.
And then all the other women I would be giving up.
I knew my doubts had nothing to do with Lola or the desire for other women. I was just… scared. Plain and simple, I was being a little bitch about things. Funny, I’d performed surgery without flinching but the thought of spending my life with Lola was having the biggest impact on my psyche.
I decided to do something strange. I called one of my exes.
If you could call them exes. We’d been in a situation much like the one between me and Lola.
Except we’d known each other for years — since before I’d married Rose.
(Yes, there was a time before my ex-wife had taken a big shit all over my life.)
I didn’t know if Jenny would take my call but I had to try. After a few rings, I was about to give up when I heard her voice.
“Hello?”
She sounded confused.
“Hey Jenny.”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Mark… Remember me?”
“Mark?!”
She seemed surprised. I couldn’t blame her. It had been a long long time since I’d run into Jenny. Or given her the time of day.
“Are you dying?” She followed up with.
I chuckled, “No. I’m not dying.”
“I haven’t heard from you in so long I assumed you’d died. Or moved.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hmm… Then let me guess. New girlfriend?”
“Maybe.”
Jenny laughed, “Look at you. A real girlfriend this time?”
“Maybe.”
“Okay Mark, time to stop being weird. If you have a real girlfriend now, why are you calling me.”
“I want to ask you something. You’re one of the few people who actually knew me before Rose…”
“That bitch is still around?” Jenny spat back.
She’d never made it as secret how she felt about Rose, so her vitriol shouldn’t have surprised me.
“In a way. She’s in jail.”
“Thank goodness! Well now we know your new girlfriend is safe…”
I winced. I remember an incident where Rose had found out about Jenny a long time ago and attempted to make her life hell. Back then, Rose hadn’t even gone as far as she had now.
“Sort of. I just… I want to ask you something Jenny.”
“Sure.”
“Do you really think I can do it? Y’know… Settle down with someone?”
“Geez Mark. That’s what you’re calling me about? You are weird.”
“Maybe,” I conceded, “But I’d still appreciate you answering the question.”
Jenny sighed, “With Rose around? No. But not for the reason you think?”
“Explain.”
I had no clue where Jenny was going with this. Really, I didn’t.
“You can’t let it go Mark. You can’t just stop letting her control your life.
I know she’s the mother of your kids but a part of it is you just allow her to ruin things for you.
I think you’re so scared to be with someone, you keep everyone at arms length.
At some point you have to stop blaming her… It’s you.”
“Glad to know how you really feel,” I grumbled.
A part of me knew Jenny was right but her bluntness still stung.
“Hey, you asked.”
“You’re right. I did.”
Jenny sighed, “Listen Mark. I’ve gotta go. My advice? If someone actually puts up with your crazy ass, keep ‘em. Except if she’s a Gemini…”
“Good bye Jenny.”
She giggled, “Bye Mark.”
I didn’t stop to find out what Jenny had against Geminis, but I’d gotten the answer that I wanted. The answer I needed to hear at least. There was hope for me… But only if I took things into my own hands and stopped letting Rose take control.
Hmph. That was always easier said than done.
After the kids were done with school, I picked them up.
When I went to their classroom, I could tell from the look on the teacher’s face that what had happened to Rose was the talk of the town.
All it took was for one of those teachers to be married to a cop and then bam…
all my dirty laundry could easily become gossip fodder.
I hated it. But I said nothing. I just got the kids and herded them out to the car, ignoring the pitying looks. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Jenny had said on the phone for the entire drive home. Preston and Poppy were chatty — hyped up on all the energy they had built up at school.
I had a hard time keeping up with them, but their chatter in the backseat of my car was practically melodic.
Something about it felt right. Just having them close to me was exactly how things were supposed to go.
When we got home, the kids were sitting in the living room, working on homework and chatting.
I got to making dinner and waiting for Lola to get back from the office.
Still, Jenny’s words played on a loop in my head.
She really thought that I was letting Rose get to me.
She really believed that after all this time, the problem really was with me.
I was allowing Rose to have this power over me.
I mean, I’d considered the idea, but hearing it from someone else really made me think about what this meant for me and for Lola.
Lola — pregnant Lola — the other mother of my kids. As I started draining out the pasta, Poppy came into the kitchen.
“Daddy, can you check my homework?”
I finished draining the pasta into the colander and then joined her on the kitchen counter. Everything on her page was correct.
“Looks good to me.”
“Are you sure?”
I scanned the page again.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Okay,” Poppy scampered off.
This was how normal my life could be without Rose in it. But I’d have to choose that.
Lola drove into the driveway after six. I’d already eaten with the kids, but I’d saved her a nice bowl of my special fettuccini dish. When she came inside, Poppy and Preston ran towards her and wrapped her in hugs. Lola hugged them back with that permanent smile plastered on her face.
Damn. I stood there staring at her like an idiot with a goofy grin on my face. I couldn’t help it. Seeing her act like a mother to my kids meant a lot to me. Lola stood up and folded her arms.
“What are you staring at?”
“It’s nothing,” I mumbled, “I made you dinner.”
“Dinner?”
“It’s one of my specialities.”
“Ooo,” Lola cooed.
Preston and Poppy ran back into the living room and we were alone in the kitchen. I warmed her food and served it to her at the kitchen counter.
Lola dug in vigorously. As she ate, I watched her. Lola’s most striking feature was her brilliant grey eyes which contrasted against her deep brown skin. Beholding her beauty, I found myself staring again.
“You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Don’t play dumb Mark.”
“Fine,” I conceded, “But what am I supposed to do when I see a beautiful woman.”
I walked over to her and started kissing her. forehead. Lola giggled
“This is good by the way.”
“Oh yeah?”
“You’re a better cook than I expected.”
“Very funny.”
Lola grinned and finished up.
“Ah… feels good to get some food. I’ve been starving since I clocked out.”
“And work was good?”
Lola nodded, “Yup. But I don’t want to talk about it. When I leave the office, it’s done.”
“Fine by me.”
Lola turned around and kissed me on the lips.
“What I wouldn’t give for a glass of wine right now…”
“But you’re strictly forbidden.”
“I know!” She said, “But of course, the second I can’t have any, I want some.”
I pulled her close to me and gave her a big hug.
“I know something you can have right now.”
“Oh yeah, what is that?” Lola teased with a wink.
I kissed her and then whispered into her ear, “Let’s wait until I put the kids to bed. Then you’ll see.”
She nodded. We didn’t have to wait long for the kids to tire out. We picked them up and brought them upstairs to bed. We didn’t get halfway through their bedtime story before we heard their soft snores.
“They’re sweet aren’t they?” Lola whispered as we tiptoed out the room.
“Yes, they are.”