Chapter 38 - Olivia
O livia had fallen asleep in the small hours of the night after more crying and internal debates about how to move forward. She awoke the next day to a text from Aiden.
Aiden: I’m so sorry, Olivia. Can we talk?
Olivia’s fingers began to type out a response, but her heart wasn’t sure what to say. She locked her phone screen and got up to start working. Hours later, she still didn’t know what she wanted to say to him. She had a lot of questions, but she wasn’t yet sure if they were for him or for her to answer.
How could he say such awful things? How could she give him another chance? Olivia knew Aiden had been hurt by Rebecca, but she wasn’t sure she had it in her to be with someone who could become so irrationally jealous and irate.
That night, Aiden called, but Olivia didn’t pick up. And she didn’t respond to the texts he sent every day for the next week. One benefit of a long distance was not having to see each other when things were over .
Are things over? They should be over . He’d been so unreasonable. Like he wasn’t even in the room with her when she tried to explain things. Did that erase all of the other good things they’d shared? She wasn’t sure.
After a week, Aiden stopped texting. The first day she didn’t get a text from him, she cried herself to sleep.
The next day, Olivia video-chatted with Grace.
“Oh, Olivia,” Grace said after Olivia had laid it all out for her, “I'm so sorry. That really sucks.”
“Thanks,” Olivia said, shrugging.
“What are you going to do? Are you going to talk to him again?”
“I don't know.”
“Well, you don't have to decide yet.”
“Thanks. But honestly, whatever. Let's not forget the fact that you, little sister, are getting married! Even though my life is a mess, I'm so happy for you.” Olivia had to force the words out, not because she resented Grace but because she resented love in general. The idea of love burned Olivia’s soul like a magnifying glass amplifying the sun’s heat. “Anyway, what are you all thinking for your ceremony?”
“Well…I was going to wait for a better opportunity to ask, but I was actually wondering if we could maybe have it at your farm next summer?”
“ What? Yes, absolutely! I would love to host your wedding. And I can grow whatever flowers you want, too!”
“Amazing! Thank you so much, Olivia!”
“Yay, my pleasure!” Olivia was genuinely honored to say yes.
After she hung up, Olivia’s thoughts returned to another subject that had been plaguing her day and night…the flowers she’d agreed to provide for Ellen’s wedding, which was only a month away. Olivia grabbed a pillow off her bed, shoved her face into it, and screamed.
The one thing Olivia knew for sure was she wouldn’t leave Ellen without flowers on her wedding day. She would get the job done, no matter how much it sucked. Olivia promised herself that when the day came, she would hold back her tears until she drove away from the venue.
As if reading her mind, Olivia got a text from Ellen.
Ellen: Hey, I just got off the phone with Aiden. First, let me say I’m sorry he’s a fuckwit. Second, I totally understand if you don’t want to do the flowers. I’m sure I can figure something else out!
Olivia immediately typed a response.
Olivia: Thanks, but I’m ok. I will definitely still do the flowers. Nothing for you to worry about. In fact, I’ve been working on a few sample bouquets for you, and I was wondering if I could drop one off for you to look at, since this is my first wedding.
Okay, so Olivia hadn’t physically worked on the bouquets, but she had been mentally working on them. She was pretty sure that counted. If nothing else, that white lie was the motivation Olivia needed to get past her fear of failure and head out to the field to cut some flowers.
That week, Olivia spent her spare moments watching YouTube videos of florists making bridal bouquets, trying to copy their every movement. She only broke down in tears of frustration four times, which felt promising. The next week, she only cried once, and by three weeks out from the wedding, she’d managed to make an objectively beautiful bridal bouquet .
That Sunday afternoon, Olivia was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, so she cranked up the air conditioner and crawled under a fluffy duvet on the couch. Ms. Darcy curled up next to her as she turned on her favorite BBC period drama, North & South.
The sun was beginning to set when she heard a car pulling into her driveway.
Ms. Darcy jumped up off the couch and ran to the door, tail wagging.
Heavy footfalls sounded on the porch steps, and Ms. Darcy began to whine and scratch at the door as if she wanted to be let out. Olivia walked to the window and pulled the curtains aside just enough to peek out. It was Aiden. She jumped back.
He was handsome as ever, but stubble shadowed his cheeks, and dark circles hung below his eyes. Her heart thundered in her chest.
He knocked and called through the door, “Olivia?”
She was a statue. Olivia didn’t think she was ready to see him. She examined her pride, wondering how much she cared if he thought she was a huge coward.
“Olivia, I know you’re there. I just saw you looking through your window. Can you please let me in? Please? We need to talk, and the mosquitoes are eating me alive out here.”
Olivia unlocked the door and opened it, stepping aside so Aiden could walk into the foyer. She crossed her arms, both in self-defense and to cover her braless chest. She looked down at her baggy clothes and imagined what he was seeing. Her hair was in a sloppy bun on top of her head, and she hadn’t put on makeup in days .
Margaret Hale would never have looked so shabby in front of John Thornton. The thought was a good reminder of why it was a bad idea to watch three straight hours of British period dramas.
“Olivia,” Aiden said for the third time.
She briefly met his gaze before looking at the wall behind him. It hurt to see him in her home. The last time they’d been in the same room, he’d said so many awful things. His presence brought back the knot that had formed in her stomach after she walked out of his cabin.
“I’m so sorry.” Concern creased Aiden’s brow. “I was a dick, and I understand if you hate me. I don’t expect you to forgive me right now, but I wanted to tell you I know I was wrong. So, so wrong.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I guess I’m hoping we might still be friends.”
The words floored her, and she felt like she was floating above her body.
Oh, I see . He wants to be friends now. He’s over it.
Her nose tingled, and her throat went tight. She coughed to clear it. “Um, I’m not sure that’s going to work for me. Like I said, I don’t do friendships with men who are going to be dating someone else soon, assuming they’re not already.”
“What? Olivia, I’m not seeing anyone else.”
“Yeah, but you will eventually. So, I think I’d rather not.”
Aiden’s face dropped. There was disappointment and possibly even hurt in his eyes. He looked down and nodded, putting his hands in his pockets.
“Okay,” he said. “Got it. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
“Me too,” she said honestly.
He nodded once more and reached down to give Ms. Darcy a quick pat on the head. Then he let himself out, shutting the door quietly behind him.
As soon as his car door slammed, Olivia leaned her back against the door and slid down. Sitting with her knees folded up by her chest, she cried.
Eventually, she got up, made herself eat something, washed the dishes, and took a shower. It was time to move on.