Chapter 44 - Aiden
A iden was grateful to see Olivia’s big white farmhouse and the fields of flowers and veggies behind it. He was even more grateful to see Olivia standing there with her dark red hair pulled up in a messy bun, wearing a baggy ripped T-shirt and basketball shorts.
She invited him to sit on the porch swing, but he was careful to leave plenty of room between them so he didn’t overstep his welcome.
“Hi, Olivia.”
“Hi, Aiden.”
“Oh man, I've really missed you.”
Olivia just nodded. She wasn’t giving him any sign of hope, and he started to feel more nervous than he had been as he’d laid awake all night wondering whether his siblings had been right or dead wrong about the grand gesture.
“I know,” he continued. “I know I messed up. Bad. But I think we have something special between us, and what you saw of me at the cabin that day…what I said…that’s not who I am. I promise you. And I’m actively working to root out and examine how I could have lost my head like that.”
Olivia finally met Aiden’s eyes.
“I’m honestly so ashamed of how I acted,” he continued. “I took a colleague’s advice, and I found a therapist. We had a few video sessions, and I think I owe you the full story. If you’ll let me share it.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“I know what I’m about to say doesn’t excuse my behavior, but hopefully, it’ll provide some context.” Aiden raked his hand through his hair and let out a deep breath.
“Things ended badly with Rebecca. The move to Boston, medical school, and having to work all the time…it was all very hard on our relationship. She was lonely, and I was so perpetually exhausted that I stopped making an effort. It took her a long time to find a job, and the one she found was only part-time. So I encouraged her to find a hobby, and she took up yoga.”
Aiden looked down at his hands as he continued. “It seemed to be helping. I thought she was happier, ya know? Anyway, things between us were still kind of stale, but I stopped worrying about her. Honestly, I was just relieved not to feel so guilty.
“Then…I came home early from a shift one evening. I was supposed to be on an evening rotation, but I had the flu and couldn’t stop vomiting, so they actually let me go home. I was barely holding it together on the train ride. When I got back to our place, it looked like Rebecca had just hosted a friend for dinner. There was leftover food on the table and an empty wine bottle and two half-full glasses. Wow, I can still see it perfectly. ”
At this, he laughed caustically. He still couldn’t believe it had happened.
“I found her having sex with another man in our bed.” Aiden paused, cleared his throat, and rubbed his jaw. After taking a deep breath, he continued, “It’s taken me a long time to trust people again. So…when I came here, albeit uninvited, and I saw you with your ex, and he was obviously proposing…well, I fell apart. And yeah, it’s not an excuse, but hopefully it provides an explanation.”
He stopped, letting the story settle heavily between them.
“I’m sorry Rebecca cheated on you.” Olivia’s voice was replete with sympathy. “But what you said to me was terrible because I never asked Sam to come, and I certainly didn’t expect him to propose. And as you can see…” she made a sweeping gesture, “all of that is very over. I’m not going to pretend it was easy or that I’m not still sad at times, but I’m also one hundred percent confident it’s in the past. I’ve moved on in a very different direction. He wasn’t good for me, and it took me far too long to figure that out.”
Hearing this, Aiden prayed she would give him another chance. “I get it, and I should have trusted you. I do trust you,” he corrected himself, sounding desperate to his own ears. “And if you couldn’t tell from my willingness to make a complete ass out of myself last night, I’m pretty crazy about you, Olivia. I love spending time with you, and I hope you’ll give me another chance.”
Olivia's hands went to her face, and her shoulders began to shake, quiet sobs escaping through the cracks in her hands. Aiden’s heart dropped into his stomach.
He felt helpless. He scooted across the bench toward Olivia and wrapped his left arm around her shoulders, pulling her hands away from her face and cupping her cheek with his right hand, turning her face toward his.
He forced Olivia to look him in the eye. “I’m so sorry I made you cry.” He wiped away Olivia’s tears and kissed her forehead before wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight against him. “I’m so sorry,” he said again, aching with the sincerity of his regret.
Olivia let him hold her, and they stayed in a quiet embrace for several minutes. Occasionally, he kissed her forehead and rubbed her back.
Olivia pulled away and wiped her face and nose on the edge of her T-shirt.
“You look so sad,” he said, a lead weight in his stomach.
Olivia took a deep, shaky breath. “Aiden.” Her voice quaked, more tears falling.
The way she said his name tore something inside of his chest. His stomach ached as if it knew what she was about to say.
“Aiden,” she repeated. “I can’t.”
Tears formed in his own eyes. He tried to fight them, looking up and blinking, hoping to keep them in, to keep her from seeing him in such a vulnerable state.
Olivia swallowed once and spoke through shaky breaths, “I’ve decided to stay here and take over my parents' farm. The whole thing is so much bigger than me. I want Philip and Cassie to be able to create a stable future for Fiona. She lives in a world built for others. Philip and Cassie have to work five times harder to make sure she gets what she needs, so if this is a choice I can make to guarantee them long-term stability, financially and otherwise, I have to make it. And I want to make it. I’m content in Gresham. There’s so much space to just be here.”
He nodded and swallowed back the pain clawing at his throat.
Olivia continued. “But I want you to know I have forgiven you, and I’m sorry too, for getting so mad and comparing you to Sam. He’s got absolutely nothing on you. You’ve so thoroughly put him to shame by showing me what a relationship should look like that it’s comical. I just don’t think either of us should give up on our dreams, and I can’t do long distance indefinitely.”
Olivia’s vulnerability pushed him over the edge, and his tears fell. He brushed them away and reached to hold Olivia against him once more. They sat there quietly for a very long time, their arms wrapped around each other.
Eventually, a sense of calm sadness settled between them, and Aiden knew it was time for him to go. He pulled away, and the cool autumn air rushed in to fill the space between them.
“I’m sorry, Aiden.” Olivia’s voice was a hoarse squeak.
“Me too.” The corners of his mouth turned up in a forced, shaky smile.
They stood, and Olivia walked Aiden to his car. He gave her one final hug before driving away. He didn’t stop driving until he pulled up to his apartment in Saint Paul, unable to face his family or anyone. He needed to be alone.