Chapter 31
Thirty-One
Laila killed the engine to her car, her eyelids heavy and her limbs aching from another overnight shift at the grocery store. The time on her dash said 7:10 am and, yet again, a pale morning light crested the roof of her house up ahead. One of the few houses to survive the fires three months ago.
As usual, she was exhausted and still had more books to crack open now that school was back. Unlike usual, her mother wouldn’t be bringing Whitney by, because for the time being, Laila’s parents lived with her while their house was being reconstructed.
The fires had claimed so much more than her parents’ home. More than fifty percent of this town’s houses and businesses had been extinguished with the flames, and Harlow was in the grips of a huge rebuild. There were never enough hands and resources to go around, but somehow, working together to overcome tragedy had the effect of dowsing months of prior unrest.
It didn’t hurt that the syndicate had also left Harlow alone since then. As far as she knew, there was no syndicate anymore.
Not that she could know for sure. She hadn’t spoken to Ramos in months, so had no insider knowledge, though her body and soul still ached every time he entered her mind.
She let out a sigh and braced to reenter the pandemonium of her home, but first she turned and opened her car door, only to pause at the sight of a car waiting in the driveway next door. A midnight blue SUV.
Adrian’s car.
“No way.” She stepped out onto her driveway, her voice breathy, while her mind grappled with the sight before her.
“I figured you’d be back ‘round about this time.”
She startled at the sound of his voice coming from behind her, then spun around to find him seated on her doorstep and clearly waiting for her.
A slow smile pulled at her lips and tears welled in her eyes. Her body worked off pure instinct and she raced toward him, arms outstretched and heart racing. He found his feet just in time to catch her in a desperate embrace.
His strong arms wrapped around her, and he pressed his lips to the top of her head.
“Adrian.” She clung to him as if she were afraid he would fade away like a dream.
He kissed the top of her head again, but remained silent while he held her close. Meanwhile, she buried her face into the side of his neck and breathed him in. That familiar peppery cologne mixed with the salty musk of his skin.
“Now, this is the reception I hoped for.” He chuckled and stepped back just far enough to look into her eyes and give her a gentle smile. “It’s been too long.”
Something about the reminder of the months and miles that had kept them apart hit her with a cold slap of reality. That, as much as she loved having him back, she couldn’t be sure if his return was the best for everyone involved.
“It has been too long.” She stepped back some more, straightening the hem of her scarlet work vest, the brown fall leaves scuttling along her drive yet another reminder of just how much time had passed.
She peered up to catch him frowning at her, like he caught the subtleties in her actions and words. His gaze softened and he reached for her. Despite her reservations, she allowed him to draw her closer.
“Seems we have a lot to talk about first.”
She looked up and caught both sadness and hope reflected in his eyes, that hope spurring her to offer a small nod. “Still, feels so good to see you again. You look great on TV, by the way.”
She smiled up at him, hoping he’d accept her small peace offering.
“You saw that, huh?”
“You mean, Enzo Costa’s arrest? Who hasn’t seen it?” She huffed out a chuckle. “If town hall hadn’t burned down, I’m pretty sure the Coopers would have staged a town gathering to watch, complete with wide-screen projectors and shared plates.”
“Maybe I should quit my current gig and find a new career on morning TV?”
“You, quit?” She scoffed and laughed all at once.
“Okay, well, maybe not a TV career. I’m not sure I’d be cut out for that kind of work, anyway. It’s a bit too... shiny, but”—his hand clasped tighter around hers, and he seemed to vie for her full attention—“Harlow still needs a lot of help. I have two hands and my years in the service have given me some experience in post-disaster rebuilds. Besides, there’s a woman I’d like to stay for.” He shrugged as though his proposal was nothing, though the strain across his face said his bid to stay meant everything. “Maybe quitting isn’t so farfetched.”
“I don’t know if I can ask you to do that.” She pressed her lips together, instantly regretting what she’d said. Even if it was the truth. “And I don’t know if I can trust myself to let you make such a huge life change. So much has happened, Ramos, and—”
“You need a moment to catch your breath?” One corner of his lip ticked upward, a little hurt, but understanding. “You and me both.”
“I feel like we’re only now getting back to basics.” She shrugged and squeezed his hand. “There’s no syndicate. No nasty letters on my doorstep. Jeeze Louise, I thought my life was complicated just raising Whitney alone. That’ll teach me to complain.”
In truth, she’d only recently come to release all the negativity of these last years. Of Mike leaving. Of having to shoulder so much alone. Of learning she and Whitney had been abandoned for another family. And she’d spent so much time focusing on all that was difficult, she’d been mostly blind to just how damn lucky she was. To have her child and her family. To even have the opportunity to study and reconstruct her life from the ground up.
“In so many ways, you’re just like him.” Her voice hitched at that surprise comparison to Mike, and Ramos flinched.
She’d held that thought so closed in her heart all this time, but now that he was here, she couldn’t imagine talking about getting back together without dragging this out into the light too.
“I understand why.” She shrugged again, but this time her movements were weaker, and her voice held a tinny and wounded edge. “You were just doing your job, but there were so many secrets. And then just as you started to make a home in my heart, you were gone.” A tear rolled down her cheek and she dropped her gaze to his chest, because looking in his eyes hurt too damn much. “Just gone. Zero contact until now.”
He said nothing and the silence eventually forced her to look back up at him, his face pale and hollow, like he cursed himself for leaving when and how he had. That he hadn’t fully considered that his exit might have reopened old wounds.
“I didn’t have any choice.” His jaw wavered, as though he second-guessed that explanation. “I needed to keep you and Whitney safe—”
“I know. I know.” Feeling a little ridiculous for making an issue out of this, she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. Ridiculous or not, she needed to say her piece. “I want to keep us safe too. And being safe doesn’t just mean physically. There’s trust, Ramos. Trusting you. Trusting that this is all over and things will finally be okay. There’s trusting myself, because every decision I make is a decision I make for Whitney, too. And I don’t have any trust in any of that right now. None.”
Ramos held her gaze for the longest time, his cheeks straining and releasing as though he fought a silent war within himself, though his spare hand cradled hers in his. “I wished I had the right words...”
He grimaced and took his gaze away from her, shaking his head at the ground as though he berated himself for failing. “I want so much more for us.”
Her heart clenched at that and the muscles in her throat swelled with a need to release the sob she kept buried deep within. “Yeah, me too.”
His brow furrowed and he peered up at her through the downward tilt of his chin. “You know, I’ve spent my entire life avoiding getting too attached.”
The tension across his brow melted into a soul-shattered and wide expression. “And then I go and do something truly moronic like getting attached to the one woman who really shouldn’t have me in her life.” He released a broken laugh—and to her utter shock—this unruffled man, with all his stoicism—had water gathering along the lower edges of his eyes. “I’m sorry for putting you in that position. Not only leaving, but fearing for your safety. You’re right, I wasn’t in the best place to ask for your trust, and then you trusted me anyway, and I’m hoping you’ll come around to trusting me again.”
“Adrian, it’s okay—”
“I’m afraid, Laila.” He paused and swallowed hard in the wake of a small crack in his voice, his firm tone a hint he wanted her comfort less than to have his say, just as she had. “I’m afraid because I don’t love my job, but my job sure loves me. The truth is, I’m good at what I do, and my work saves lives. And while you and Whit showed me pieces of myself I didn’t know existed, I’m scared that the lines of what I do and who I am have become blurred. That you might walk away today thinking that I loved my job any more than I loved you. When nothing could be further from the truth.”
Everything within her paused.
To hear that he loved her.
That she hadn’t been alone the entire time she’d been falling for him.
So rarely had she ever been stunned speechless, but this was one of those moments, and her mouth hung limp and open, while nothing but a raspy croak escaped.
Adrian is not like Mike.
Adrian came back.
New lines formed between his brows, his gaze shifting about her face as though he considered he might have said the very thing he shouldn’t have, when he’d really just uttered the exact words she’d wanted to hear. Not only from him, but in all those years she’d been pushing through, just her and Whitney.
“I get that you have your own reasons for wanting to keep away, but don’t let one of those reasons be that you think you’re asking too much.” He stepped closer, but then stopped as if he second-guessed the move. “You’re not asking too much, Laila.” He dropped to one knee, and she backed up, letting out a gasp. “Not when I’m begging you to ask for everything I have to offer.”
She pressed her hands to her mouth and tears spilled down her cheek. “I’m really confused about what’s happening right now. Is this a proposal?”
His expression sank and he peered about him and then down at himself, like he hadn’t been all that conscious about falling to his knees. “I hadn’t planned on that. I’m not even sure what I was thinking.” He snapped his chin higher and caught her gaze, his brows squishing together. “But I’ll say, ‘Yes’ if you say, ‘Yes’.”
She broke into laughter, and his lips broke into a slow and twisted smile, his steadfast stare holding a pleading sort of edge.
She reached out her hands and claimed his, helping him up. “I’ll cut you a deal. Give it six months, you foot the bill for a ring, and you’re on.”
The muscles of his cheeks eased, and he let go of her hands to cradle her face. “Really?”
She gave a silent nod and her heart soared. He rushed to pull her in for a passionate kiss, his lips pressing into hers hard and desperate, the heat of his embrace pouring into her veins and filling her with undeniable warmth. Warmth that offered love and promises.
She didn’t want the kiss to end. A kiss she’d spent months dreaming of but never expected. And now she had even more than that. She had him. All of him. And a chorus of screams and cheers that came from the front window of her house.
Wait! What?
She disengaged from his lips and turned to find her parents in the front window, the white curtains pushed aside, with Whitney dancing and waving at Laila. Even Chip and Ally were there, grinning at her. Like her parents had known Ramos would be here and called in extra guests to witness this reunion.
Though she settled somewhere between laughing and crying, Ramos pulled her in again. Totally unaffected by the crowd
“You think you’re the only one in need here, Laila, but I need you too.” He smiled and pressed his forehead to hers, warming her soul in more ways than he could ever appreciate. “Maybe more than you need me.”
He pressed his lips to hers again. Putting on another show for her family. The cheers returned, and this time, she didn’t mind so much. Some things were worth celebrating, and nothing could keep her from celebrating having Adrian back in her life.