Chapter 4
Sofia
No amount of overthinking is going to change anything. In my bedroom, across the hallway, literally four feet from my borrowed room, is my first crush, who is bonded with my first boyfriend and my first kiss.
In my wildest fantasies, and I had a freaking lot of them, I could never have pictured a scenario like this.
This cannot be happening. I throw myself on the bed and scream into my pillow, but it doesn’t make me feel any better at all.
My stomach jolts, and I sit up, rummaging through my handbag again, hoping I will come up with a suppressant that can push back my heat.
I come up empty and flop back on the bed.
It’s comfy; all the beds in this house are, and it smells like home.
Still, last night while I’d expected to spend the entire night awake, instead, for the first time in years, probably since I left, my head hit the pillow, and I slept dreamlessly.
My door opens, and I sit up clutching the comforter because, in my most secret heart, I kinda hope it’s one of them.
Mum just bustles in, humming. The level of disappointment I’m experiencing is telling.
I want to lick them, up and down and look at all the differences again. They are so much more than they were.
“Morning, my eldest daughter,” she sings. “Time to get up; we’re pack making today.”
A tiny flicker of rage burns through me at another omega entering my space, and it turns my scent a little scorched, but I shove it away. Pack making? Ugh, the stupid dating thing.
My apprehension morphs into something with a little bit more bite. I scramble out of bed, ready to put a stop to this nonsense.
“Now, Mum, I know we talked about this, but, truly, I don’t need a pack to be happy-”
She turns, giving me that mum eye. “I could believe that of anyone else, but you, child of my heart, dreamed of a big family. You wanted to live on the plot of land next door, build a big house and have huge, massive outdoor parties with the whole family and town.”
“That was before, when I was like eight,” I mutter. “I’m freaking grown up and experienced now.”
“I know that dream is still in there. I know you. You’re home, relax, heal, be happy.”
“I don’t need to heal,” I say quickly, too quickly.
She turns and cups my face with both hands, staring into my eyes with all the knowledge and compassion I have missed. I love my mum, and avoiding her has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.
I swallow hard and look away, unable to hold her steady gaze, sure she can see straight through all my omissions and avoidance tactics. How angry would she be with me if she knew the truth?
“You are home, and this is your safe place. This is a distraction and a chance for you to have some fun and get back in touch with your roots. To remember who you are.”
“Who am I?” I ask in confusion as she lets me go.
“You’re a Sol,” she says with a smile. “You’re a Sunshine Cove omega.”
It’s been a long time since anyone called me that. My road has taken me a long way from the idealistic young omega I left behind.
I try to smile. “I don’t feel like it anymore.”
“Which is why you need to go out and live again.”
Is it really that simple?
She turns back to the room, opening a cupboard and pulling out a pink off-the-shoulder top.
“Wear this today.”
“It’s pretty, but that’s not mine,” I protest, not wanting to ruin someone else’s clothing.
“Yes, it is. I saw it and bought it for you a few weeks ago.” Mum puts it on the bed and shuffles away.
“You didn’t know I’d be back, though,” I protest.
“A mother always knows.”
I decide to stop arguing with her because half of me was always convinced my mother had some sort of special sensory ability when it came to us kids. There is no arguing with her.
“Where’s Danger?”
“Oh, he’s such a little darling. Elijah took him down to the beach for some exercise.”
“Eli?” I murmur, and my body flashes to boiling as I remember his near-naked body pressed up against mine. My mouth waters as my cheeks get hot. He’s changed, too; they all have. I suck in air and fan my cheeks.
Mum looks up and away before I can ask her what that look was. “Yes, Elijah. He’s such a sweet boy. He works with your pops at Be Seaing You now, has done for almost three and a half years.”
WHAT? Why are they all encroaching on my life, and why didn’t anyone tell me? I bite the inside of my cheek to smother a scream of frustration and then bounce onto the bed on my knees, crossing so I’m right behind Mum as she searches the tall boy.
“So, Elijah works for Pops and lives here?”
“Temporary. They are leaving in a few days,” Mum says distractedly.
“Why are they in my room again?” I say in a voice that is way too high.
“Because it was clean and free, and I thought it would be the best spot to put them.”
I rush towards her and grip her forearm. “Mum, did you,” I swallow hard, “move my stuff out?”
“Of course, I did.”
I slump with relief and climb off the bed so I’m standing beside her.
“Well, everything except your desk and that cute little pin-up board.”
I throw myself back on the bed, howling.
She watches me for a moment, then pats my thigh. “Don’t be embarrassed; it's cute.”
“Mum!” I cry out. “That stuff is personal. Private.” I am actually going to die!
“Oh, I doubt they even looked.”
She blows me a kiss and disappears. I lie there for a moment and then spring up and race into the hallway. Desperate times call for desperate measures. This is bad but not the worst thing I have done. I peer both ways and then knock lightly on the door.
“Hello?”
I hold my breath, counting. The hallway is empty, just the Sunshine Cove paintings and me.
“This is really, really wrong, Sofia.”
I don’t care.
When no one answers, I carefully turn the doorknob and slip into the room.
It looks like my space, but it doesn’t feel like it.
A thousand memories assail me. My massive bed takes up the entire right side of the room and my desk the left.
And yet, everywhere else, there are traces of them.
A brush that isn’t mine, a leather jacket, a pair of flip-flops beside the bed.
A combined smell in the air that reeks of alphas, leaving me dizzy and licking my bottom lip in an effort not to rush to the bed and sniff the pillow.
Focus, Sofia.
There’s a walk-in closet, but I ignore that. Right, where should I check first? My eyes land on the white desk pressed against the wall. I rush over to it and, sure enough, there are those damn hearts.
Carved into the wood.
My teenage infatuation right here, for them to see. I run my fingers along it and break into a cold sweat. What should I do? I could scratch it out, cover it up? They’ve probably already seen it.
Their combined scents mixed with mine hit me hard enough to have my knees trembling. I let out a moan and clench the side of my sleep shorts. I feel too naked and not naked enough. These conflicting urges are messing with my head.
I turn, and there’s the freaking board at the end of my bed on the wall where my stupid self pinned up the drawings I did of them. For a moment, I’m frozen, unable to move a single limb. Hearts upon hearts upon damning hearts. What was wrong with my teenage self? I was obsessed.
I groan.
The door opens. I don’t even try to hide; I just stand there, waiting to see what humiliation is coming next.
Devon stops in the doorway; a wave of his scent hits me. To my surprise, he walks inside and closes the door, and the room gets a thousand times too small. I stumble back, but there’s nowhere to go.
“Hi,” he breathes with a smile that makes my stomach flutter. “Are you stealing now?”
“I would never,” I snap, but then I see the twinkle in his eye and realise he’s teasing me.
He reaches out and brushes my hair back from my face. “I like this look on you.”
“What look?”
“I’m not sure, slightly panicked, all red cheeks, tousled hair.” His grin is wicked, but his touch is pure sin. “What are you looking for, Rebel?”
My eyes dart to the desk. He follows my gaze before I can control myself and walks over to it, rubbing his thumb along the carving.
“I wasn’t sure how long you felt that way about me until I came to stay here,” he admits. “I suspected, but I didn’t know for sure.”
I gulp. “That was a long time ago.”
“Four years isn’t forever, Sofia.”
“Sure, it is,” I say with a nervous chirp.
He steps towards me but circles me. I turn my head, keeping him in sight. My stomach gets warm and heavy. I lift my arms but then put them down, but they feel awkward, and I’m not sure what to do with them.
This is bringing back a whole phase of my life, and I don’t know that I like it.
Devon’s scent hits me stronger than ever. The sea salt, sparklers, and sunscreen combo are three of my favourite smells. Ones I have so much association with. Why him?
Slick pools in my underwear, and I know I’m in trouble. I wipe my hands on the side of my shorts and curl my shoulders as a tiny mewl breaks free.
“Those hearts are everywhere. On the roof, carved into the bed frame, the window. The more I looked, the more I found.”
I wince. I swear, this is one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. If there was a hole, any hole, I would dive into it. “I was obsessed, but don’t worry, it’s in the past.”
He prowls too close, stopping behind me. “Shame.”
Shame? Shame! What?
He leans in and inhales my scent from the join of my neck and shoulder. I tremble, breaking into goosebumps. This is a bad idea, a terrible idea. I don’t care how loud my teenage self is cheering. I’m not sixteen years old. I’m not twenty.
I’m twenty-four, and I’ve experienced life, and I will not fall all over myself for this alpha, no matter how badly I would like to.
“Are you looking forward to the Pack Maker event?” he purrs in a deep voice that is so much more intimate than anything I’ve ever dreamed.