Chapter 9
Sofia
For me, my strongest memory triggers are scent and sound.
So, walking down to the beach and out onto the jetty, hearing the sounds of Devon whistling, doesn’t just bring memories back, it shoves me face first into them.
His father used to own a fishing boat. They weren’t well off; the family struggled hard, and Devon was often seen as a bad boy.
Not that he really was. I mean, he smoked for a while, drank and got into some fights, but it was nothing serious.
Their beta mother had walked out on them when Devon was little.
So, it was just him, his two older brothers, and his dad, and it was hard for them.
Devon spent a lot of time at our home.
But sometimes, I’d sneak down, following him and Sebastian as they got ready to go with Devon’s dad for a day of fishing. I’d wanted to go out with them so badly.
The smell of the ocean and the faint scent of petrol. The sound of Devon getting things ready around the boat and birds calling for scraps. All of that brings back those memories and those feelings of yearning. How infatuated I was with this alpha.
I cannot move; all I can do is stand there listening to him, the lapping water, the sun on my face, and I see him as he was then, and nothing has changed.
Look at me.
Just please look up and see me.
He would, and he’d smile and then turn back to Sebastian. The endless depths of envy I felt for my brother was unhealthy.
Sebastian’s not here now.
“Where the hell has my key gone?” he mutters, and he sounds so much like him that I fall back into the remnants of the infatuation that held me hostage all those years.
Danger barks, and Devon whips around. The relief on his face is disconcerting.
“Hey, Rebel. I wasn’t sure you were going to come.”
I suck in a deep lungful of salty air. Get it together, Sofia. “Morning.”
He smiles, and that smile is what breaks me out of my frozen state.
I move one foot after the other until I’m looking down at his boat, and it’s nice.
It’s nothing like his father’s paint-flecked, tortured vessel.
This is white, clean, and smooth. New. There’s no squid ink or marks where knives have embedded themselves into the side. It’s much larger, too.
“Is this yours?”
“Yes,” Devon says and takes my hand, helping me onboard.
He turns back and snatches Danger up.
“I’ve got something for you, little buddy.”
I watch with huge eyes as he pulls out a teeny-tiny little life jacket and adjusts it around Danger.
“Devon,” I whisper.
“I’m not losing him; he’s part of the family.”
Part of your family? Our family? Whose? Don’t tease me like this.
He grabs another one and comes towards me. “May I?”
I make a sound that must be agreement, but all I can do is watch him like a baby owl, swivelling my head around as he slowly strips me out of my long cardigan, revealing my yellow bikini top.
I feel worse than naked. What does he think?
Does he like it? Do I horrify him? Can he see all the imperfect parts of me?
He folds up the knitted fabric and tosses it onto the seat.
“But I don’t want to lose you either. Taking no chances,” Devon murmurs as he slips the life jacket up over my arm and helps me into it. Everywhere his fingers brush tingles.
“With me?” I ask stupidly. I need coffee and, clearly, a dose of reality.
He adjusts the straps, clicks the buckles. I am acutely aware of how close his hands are to my breasts. My chest heaves as I struggle to control my breathing.
Devon bites his bottom lip as he grabs the strap and yanks it tight. I slam up against him, gasping.
Slick pools between my legs and the heat I’ve been beating back with a stick returns with a vengeance. I shudder in his arms as he steps back just enough to give himself room and yanks hard on the second strap.
“No chances with you, Rebel. You will always be safe when you are with me,” he murmurs.
I melt. My knees get weak, and I have to grab onto him so I don’t collapse. He swings me up against him and holds me there until I get my legs under me.
“That’s never happened before,” I mutter with cheeks that are on fire.
“I do believe you just swooned for me,” he teases. A tiny smile lurks on his lips. I’ve never seen that one directed at me before.
“I did not!” I snap back and shove at his chest.
“Maybe just a little?”
“No!” I protest, though I feel confident in thinking he might be right.
“Okay then, it can be our little secret. Are you ready for adventure?” The sun catches his dark eyes, turning them into brown pools of warm light. His long black eyelashes sweep down and up, and I cannot look away.
This alpha is a spell that I have long been ensnared by.
“Yes,” but I’m not sure I am. My head is reeling; my emotions change between one wave and the next. Courage has me pushing forward with this foolhardy plan, while fear is tempering my expectations.
It’s fake, I remind myself for the millionth time.
I take a seat beside Danger while he throws the ropes onto the jetty and shoves us away from it.
He starts the motor, and we slowly move away from the shore. Once we’re a safe distance away, he accelerates, and the boat really moves.
The wind snatches my hair, the gulls call and sing, but I’m lost in this feeling of being home.
“I didn’t see the ocean the whole time I was there,” I say without thinking it through.
Devon turns so he can see me. “You didn’t?”
“No.”
“The ocean is part of who we are, Rebel.”
“I know that now. There was always a reason why I couldn’t, but I think I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“That if I saw the sea, I wouldn’t be able to stay.”
Devon motions for me. I stand up, scooping up Danger and walking into the helm. He pulls me in front of him and presses up behind me.
“What happened there?”
I hesitate. “Can we skip that question for now?”
“You can tell me anything. No judgement.”
“You said that when I was fourteen.” I brush my hair back from my face and avert my eyes from him. He shines too bright. I never understood why it took so long for people to see how amazing he was.
“I meant it then, and I mean it now. I never told a soul about that night.” Devon leans in, and I feel my mouth go dry as my cheeks heat. Not even the cold ocean breeze can cool them.
“Oh, god, don’t bring it up. That was so embarrassing.”
“No, it wasn’t. You didn’t need makeup to be beautiful.” His soft admission sends the butterflies in my stomach into acrobatic feats.
“You were sixteen and being kind,” I protest.
“I was being nice to my best friend’s sister, but I’d also never looked at you or really noticed you until that night. After that, I couldn’t look away.”
“Liar.”
“Not lying. I was there when you and Mack decided to date. That night was awful. I fell off the boat the next day, and Dad almost hit me; he was so mad. I wasn’t allowed back on for a month until I proved I could pay attention to my surroundings.
” He laughs, and I think, seeing him so happy, I could be happy forever, too.
“You knew about Mack? But it was a secret.”
“You looked at him, and it wasn’t a secret, Rebel. Besides, after he left, nothing could make you smile. It took weeks before you even resembled yourself.” He heaves a sigh. “I was there the night you met Elijah.”
I stiffen in his arms. “You saw all that?”
“Oh, yeah. I saw it. I got drunker than I ever had that night. It was memorable, and I woke up with no idea where I was. Turns out, I’d stolen Dad's boat, driven it up the coast, anchored it, swam to land, and passed out.”
“What?” I say with a chuckle. “Your dad would have killed you.”
“Pretty bad, huh? And, oh, yeah, he screamed at me until he couldn’t speak anymore, then didn’t talk to me for three weeks. They moved away a year after you left.”
“Why did you get that drunk?”
He chuckles. “I’m not sure you’re ready to hear my reasons yet.”
I cock my head to the side, but my stomach flutters violently. He’s right; I’m not ready to know that he feels sorry for me.
“So, where are we going?” I say, looking out as we leave the cove behind.
“Ah, that’s the surprise.”
He steers the conversation away from anything too deep, asking about my favourite food, which is still Dad’s smoked fish and Mum's salad. Devon probes into everything, getting me to spill stories that I haven’t thought of for years until he slows the boat and stops it.
We float on the waves as he drops the anchor.
I look around and recognise this place instantly.
It’s a secret beach you can only access by boat, with an incredible reef for snorkeling.
I look up as he shows me the face mask, snorkel, and flippers.
“Feeling brave?”
“What about Danger?”
“Ah-ha! I came prepared.” He shows me a little dog crate with a bed inside. “Or.” He pulls out a floating raft with a rope attached.
I laugh and look at the waves. They are only slight rolls. “Let’s try the raft, though he’s probably going to swim.”
I shimmy out of my shorts, trying really hard to ignore the hot and heavy gaze of the alpha on the boat. Warmth burns low in my belly the longer I feel him stare. Abruptly, he turns, and I’m freed from his spell.
Excitement bubbles in my chest as I sit on the edge of the boat, putting my flippers on. I get the mask in my hands and, with a wicked smile, tumble off the side of the boat. The water is cold, but instantly, it feels like home.
I kick to the surface and sort out my mask, then swim to the back of the boat and collect the raft, rope, and Danger.
As expected, the first thing he does is jump into the water beside me.
I look down into the blue; the sandy bottom is way down, almost invisible in the deep water.
We just float above it, weightless, free.
I have missed this so much.
Devon joins us and takes my hand, leading us towards the edges of this smaller cove. Thick beds of seagrass wave with the motion of the water and currents of warm and cooler water wash over me.