Chapter 20 Sofia
Sofia
Islip down the stairs with my dachshund in hand, running, for the second time in a week. This is becoming a terribly familiar cycle.
I had sex. Wonderful, mind-blowing, life-changing sex with Mack. I laid in his arms, and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him to bond me. To make me his forever.
But I can’t do that.
I wish I could, and that’s the terrifying part, but I can’t. I haven’t told them everything yet. I’m not even sure I can stay in Sunshine.
With a chorus of chirping birds, I head straight to Grandmas, knowing she and Grandpa would be up with the rising sun. Grandma spots me from her big window and steps out onto the porch, letting the creaky screen door bang.
“Morning. Is this a walk of shame?”
I scowl. “Kind of.”
“Ah, did you have time to have breakfast before you ran away?”
“It’s not running away,” I protest.
“Darlin’, if it quacks like a duck, it sure ain’t a turkey.”
I roll my eyes and let Danger down. He goes tearing up onto the porch, ignoring the three seagulls sitting on the lawn absorbing the sun.
“Hello, you little adorable, teeny tiny baby. Can you sit?”
Danger sits down and then lifts so he’s got his front paws in the air.
“Awww, you are the sweetest thing I ever saw. I’ve got a special cookie for you.”
Grandma pulls out a dog biscuit from her apron.
“Where did you get that?” I ask, looking at the vibrantly green bone.
“I made them. All healthy ingredients, a little bit of kelp, some blueberries, and peanut butter. I’ve got some chicken flavoured ones for him to try, too. You have to have special snacks when you come to Grandma’s house, don’t you?” She rubs his head, then stands up and gestures for me to follow.
I trudge up the steps and walk into the house while she leads Danger in.
We have always had our own spots at the table, and I go straight to where I’ve always sat. It’s so ingrained I don’t even think about it. I reach for a muffin sitting on a plate with a dozen more.
“Oh, they’re warm.”
“Course, they are. Your grandma knew you were coming. She was up before dawn cooking comfort muffins.”
I bite into one that is steaming hot. Apple and cinnamon, with chopped walnuts. It is a comfort, but I don’t know if it’s because of the memories attached to it or because they are always dense, moist, and so full of flavour you forget yourself.
“Right,” Grandpa says as he slides me a cup of coffee. “Morning, darling. It’s good to see you.”
I wrap my hands around the mug and lift it up, inhaling the rich scent before I take a sip.
“Mmm, how does it always taste better here?”
“Because we’re magic,” Grandpa says. “You two stay here and talk. I’m going to take your young fella down to the beach.”
I whip around and see Elijah walking up the path. I sink down, hating that I both want to run to him and away from him.
Grandma watches me wordlessly until they are gone.
“Talk.”
I take another bite of the muffin to delay, but it’s gone too soon.
“Fine. I slept with Elijah.” I throw the words out recklessly, then peek at her face to see her reaction.
“Okay.” She says the word carefully.
“And Mack.”
Grandma leans back in her chair, her arms crossed over her chest. “Go you.”
I scoff and pick up my coffee cup again.
“And?”
“And I am having…post bliss panic.”
Grandma snorts. “I haven’t heard of post bliss panic.”
“Well, it’s like normal after-sex regrets except it was so good you want to do it again and to hell with your responsibilities and life.”
“Ah, so that good was it?”
“It was like…we were connecting in a way I’ve never felt before. Like not seeing him for even a minute would be painful. Like having sex with them changed me in a fundamental way that means I will never, ever be the same.”
“Well, sex that good always needs another muffin,” she says and slides another muffin my way.
I sigh in exasperation.
“Don’t sigh like that. Food helps cure the stupid.” She turns away. “Sounds like you need it,” she mutters.
I pretend I don’t hear that.
I nibble the muffin while she leans back and just hits me that hundred watt stare that scratches at the inside of my mind until I want to confess everything, including who broke her favourite terracotta cat when I was breaking in to their house one night when I was slightly inebriated.
“I can’t talk about it,” I say tightly.
“Can’t or won’t.”
“Both. I don’t want anyone else to get in trouble.”
She leans forward slowly, the front two legs of her chair hit the ground with a thud. “Are you in trouble?”
I shake my head and let out a sob. “Yes. No. I don’t know for certain. They are really angry with me.”
I know that because I listened to two voicemails before I tossed my phone out the window on the drive here. They were furious with me.
“The pack that everyone thought you were with?”
I wince. “Yes.”
“Did they hurt you?”
I shift in my seat. “Not physically.”
“Did they threaten to hurt you?”
I think back to those voice calls. “Yes. They want me to go back and do what I agreed to do.”
“Which was?”
“Be their omega. Although they probably don’t want that now,” I whisper. “Now I just think they will want me to pay.”
Grandma snorts. “Did you believe their words about obligation? Did you fall for their lines that you owed them? That kindness begets obedience.”
“They were nice to me; they helped me.”
“That doesn’t mean you owe a person your life, Sofia!”
I stand up and move to where I can pace. The kitchen opens into a lounge area with two recliners, so I pace between the kitchen table and them.
“I know that. I just didn’t think I-” I cut the words off, unwilling to say them.
“What?”
“I didn’t think I could do better.”
Grandma stands up and walks to me slowly. She’s taller than me, but frail, though you would never guess it if you knew her. She grips my cheeks.
“You are a Sol, you are my granddaughter, a Sunshine Omega. Sofia, darling, you can have the oceans themselves if you want them. You don’t have to settle for anyone and anything.”
Tears fill my eyes. “Thanks, Grandma.”
“Now, tell me about this pack.”
She leads me to the grey-striped recliners parked in front of a wall-mounted TV. She ushers me to sit in one, while she perches on the coffee table.
“Pack Collins. There are four alphas and a beta. They were nice to start with. Kind but standoffish, their version of courting was…cold.”
“You’re home now. Everything is going to be okay.”
Danger starts barking and howling. A frenzy of noise that stops our conversation dead.
“What in carnation.”
“Carnation?” I ask stupidly.
She gets up and sprints out the front door, waving her arms. “Get out of here. Shoo! Shoo!”
I follow and glance at her sideways, watching as she screams at the seagulls gathering, but then I do a double-take. There are close to fifty sitting and staring at her with an intensity that has me edging back towards the house.
“Grandma, when did you get a flock of seagulls?”
“Oh!” Grandma hisses. “Your grandpa thought it would be a grand idea to tame them. He’s been out here every day feeding them, becoming a damn seagull whisperer. I try to shoo ‘em off, but look at this. They aren’t even scared of me anymore.”
They all suddenly start screaming.
“Oh, god, what are they doing?” I shout.
“Calling for their breakfast, these little ingrates! Seymour! Seymour! You get back here and get rid of your plague of sea pigeons.”
I think most of Sunshine heard her scream. I know the seagulls heard her because they run forward, calling back at her, their whistles are shrill shrieks, grey and black wings flap wildly.
“Retreat! Retreat!” Grandma shouts.
I turn and yank open the door, holding it while she dives inside. The seagull tsunami gathers on the porch, screaming for their breakfast. Birds one, humans nil.
Grandma yanks the curtains shut, muttering about idiot alphas.
“Single is an option,” she says to me.
I laugh. “You love Grandpa.”
“I do. Help me, but I do. I just wish he’d stop with some of his more ridiculous ideas.”
I can’t argue with her because gathering a flying corps of seagulls is one of the most ridiculous ideas I’ve ever heard.
She rubs her temples. “I will not let them win.”
“Of course, not.”
“Right, let’s focus on you.”
Oh, I grab my coffee and move to peer out the window that Danger’s glaring out of. The lawn and porch are full of ravenous gulls.
“They aren’t leaving.”
“They’ll be here until they get fed. He should have tamed a flock of crows. I could cope with a murder.”
I snicker.
“Stop distracting me.”
“I’m not!” I protest.
She glowers. “Right, in regards to the panic. I’m guessing it wasn’t so much an I-slept-with-Mack panic, but more an I-can’t-trust-myself panic.”
I stare at her. “Well, yes.”
“So, try getting to know them. And I mean it. Explore your sexuality, learn what it is about them that you like. Let your feelings grow and bloom, embrace the romance, go on dates, let them try to win you.”
“And then what?”
“And then, at the end of the day, if you can’t bear to be away from them and you can see your life blending with theirs, then fight for them. Show up for them. Because if they love you the way you love them, your alphas will be by your side.”
I stare at her. “Is that the way it is with you and Grandpa?”
“Yes, that’s how it’s always been between us.”
I smile wistfully, imagining a life spent with someone that I love. I can see them beside me.
“You just have to listen, think, learn, and then, when all that is there, follow your heart.”
“I know them, though.”
“But do you know them? You changed a lot in the four years you were gone. Have you found out about them? Why is Mack in construction? Why does Elijah work with your dad? When did Devon and Sebastian start drifting apart?”
I stare at her.
“What? Didn’t you think to ask any of this?”
I shake my head while the seagulls scream.
“Ahh, struck dumb by the sight of all those abs, huh?”
I splutter. “No.”
“I mean, no one would fault you, but if you are looking at alphas and bonds, you need to start thinking with your head and not your cooter.”
“I am!” I protest.
“Then do what I suggested and learn your alphas.”
“And if Pack Collins comes looking for me?” I ask quietly, almost afraid that I’ll jinx it just by saying it out loud.
“You tell them to rack off. You’re an omega, not a possession, and you’re not accepting anything less than the damn ocean.”
The front door slams open. “Where’s my gull feed?”
Grandma draws herself up. “I draw the line right here, Seymour.”
“My babies are hungry!”
“Your babies are wild birds who are learning how to be parasites.”
“How dare you!”
“How dare I? How dare you!”
A shrill whistle catches my attention, and we turn towards the front door where Elijah is standing, doubled over, laughing.
“Danger has made friends.”
I leap towards the door, pushing my way out, and find Danger chasing seagulls who land behind him. One grabs his tail and pulls.
Danger yips, goes into a play bow, and makes this adorable rolling bark.
“No,” I murmur but softly because I don’t want to disturb him.
“Come, my darlings, let’s eat,” Grandpa coos.
“You are sleeping outside with your damn darlings tonight!”
Grandpa snorts a laugh when Grandma stalks into the bedroom.
“You’re not taking this at all seriously, Grandpa. I’m worried for you.”
“She loves me. She will forgive me.”
“You should probably stop feeding them here.”
“Well, see, here’s the thing, I was feeding them down at the beach, they followed me home.”
My eyes widen, and I look at Elijah quickly, and then away before I lose it.
Grandpa scratches his head. “Mind you, there were only two when I first began as well. Seagulls multiply quickly, a useful fact for the future.”
Grandma stalks out, slamming the door behind her. “Elijah, Sofia. You need to go now. I need to have a private discussion with my alpha.”
I wave. “Love you both.”
“We love you, too. Remember, think with your head and not your cooter.”
“Grandma!” I hiss, my whole body on fire as I try really hard not to look at Elijah, but I can almost feel his gaze drilling into the side of my head.
“Are you ready for the second date?”
I look at him in confusion. “That’s today?”
Elijah smiles easily. “Yeah, your mother sent me to get you.”
“Crap!” I scoop up my dachshund, ignoring the screaming flock, and speed walk back in the direction of home.