2. Brooke #3
When he first asked me out, I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in dating, especially a guy who was handsome, smart, kind, and funny.
He was all of the things wrapped up in one unbearably handsome package.
I didn’t have it in me to start up something new with someone, but that didn’t scare him off.
For reasons I still don’t understand, he had it set in his head that he wanted to be with me, even if it meant just being my friend.
And that’s what we remained.
Just friends.
He didn’t try to play hero. He never tried to take over. He was just there when I needed him, and I did the same for him. Our friendship grew stronger. I knew he loved me, and he knew I loved him. He also knew I didn’t love him the way he hoped I eventually would.
He thought I would come around. He thought if he was everything I needed and more, I would eventually fall in love with him. But that didn’t happen. I cared about him, but I didn’t have romantic feelings for him.
I tried. I really, really tried.
We even fooled around after a couple of glasses of wine, but it just felt awkward and wrong, like I was kissing my best friend. Because that’s what he was. He was my best, dearest, most amazing friend.
We didn’t try again after that. I even encouraged him to date other women, and he did.
That didn’t stop him from asking me to move in with him.
I was hesitant. I wasn’t like him. I didn’t think my feelings would change over time, but I cared about him.
I trusted him and truly enjoyed spending time with him.
And Anslee adored him. I couldn’t find a reason not to, so I accepted, but I made sure Ryan knew this wasn’t going to change our friendship.
I moved into his guest room, and somewhere along the way, the three of us had become a family. It wasn’t perfect. But it worked for us.
Or so I thought.
He gave me a little nudge and said, “Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“I appreciate the tickets. You didn’t have to do that.”
“But I did.” I shook my head and sighed. “I know I’ve been a lot lately.”
“You’re always a lot.” He chuckled as he teased, “It’s part of your charm.”
“There is something seriously wrong with you.”
“What? I find it endearing.”
“You need therapy.” I reached over and took Anslee from his arms. “What do you think, sis? Does Ryan need some therapy?”
“Hm-hmm.”
“Yep, that’s what I thought.”
I let out a little yawn, which, of course, he didn’t miss. “Okay, enough of you two ganging up on me. You get in there and prop your feet up while I finish dinner.”
“I can help.”
“Noodles are a job for one.” He laughed. “Now, go.”
“Okay, but I’ve got dinner covered tomorrow.”
“Deal.”
I took Anslee into the living room, and we piled up on the sofa. She started toying with my hair, and it was all I could do to keep myself from falling asleep. The only thing keeping me going was Anslee’s babbling and my growling stomach.
Half an hour later, Ryan called us into the kitchen, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that he’d made salmon to go along with our noodles. We made our plates, and he made his way into the living room, while I hung back with Anslee in the kitchen.
I fed her the noodles, but she was having no part of the salmon. I did manage to get her to eat a handful of peas and a couple of bites of an apple. And with all her little phases, I considered that a win.
I finished with the dishes, then took out my phone and pulled up my Venmo. Once I’d sent Ryan what I owed him, I picked up Anslee and made my way into the living room where I announced, “Hey, I just sent this month’s rent and my half of the bills.”
“Okay, thanks.” His brows furrowed. “But they aren’t due until next week.”
“I didn’t want to forget.”
“You’re trying to be an overachiever.”
“I don’t have to try.”
“You’re such a pain.”
“Yep, and you’re stuck with me… You know, cause I just paid rent,” I smirked.
“Yeah, I got it.” He shook his head. “It’s not funny, but I got it.”
Bath time came and went, and then, I rocked her and told her a story. And then, I told her another. She gave it a good fight, but eventually, she dozed off. I slipped her into her crib and ran my hand over her sweet little head. “I love you, precious girl.”
I watched her for a moment, and something about the way she nestled into her bed made my chest tighten. Maybe it was the curve of her mouth or the way her brows furrowed when she sighed, but there was something about her expression that seemed all too familiar.
It was an expression I hadn’t allowed myself to think about in a very long time, but the memory surfaced before I could stop it. I immediately shoved it away, not allowing myself to go back there. There was no point.
Not anymore.
Life had moved on. I had moved on.
Besides, things were good. I had a career I loved, a daughter who filled every corner of my heart, and I had Ryan. Together, we’d made a home. While it wasn’t your typical arrangement, I had everything I’d wanted. At least, that’s what I told myself at moments like these.
They were coming less and less often.
I figured it was a good thing, but there was a part of me, one that gnawed at me in the thick of the night, that made me wonder if I was wrong. But that was a thought for another day. Tomorrow would come early. And tonight, I was too tired to think about ghosts.