4. Brooke #2
His eyes flickered back to mine, and I saw it again. Beneath the irritation and the boredom that he was trying so hard to project, there was a flash of fear. I didn’t know what he was so afraid of, but there was a good chance that Jimmy was behind it.
I talked with Melissa for a few more minutes, making sure she was okay, and after I’d made sure she had the counselor’s information, I said my goodbyes and led Officer Eubanks back outside. “Thank you for coming today.”
“Glad to do it.” He paused for a moment, then added, “You’re good with them… They’re lucky to have you.”
“Thank you. I try.”
“And it shows. If you need me again, just let me know.” He pulled out his card and said, “You can reach out to me directly if that would be easier.”
“I appreciate that.”
He lingered for a moment, making me wonder if he was hitting on me, but before I could give it much thought, he turned and started toward his patrol car. “I think you’re onto something with this Jimmy kid. Let me know if you need any help looking into him or his folks.”
“I will. Thanks.”
I smiled, then made my way across the street. By the time I got in my car, Eubanks was gone, giving me a clear view of the Mercer house. I looked up and found Melissa watching me from the living room window. I found it a little strange, but then again, everything about today felt off.
I gave her a quick wave before starting the car and heading back to the office.
I filled my supervisor in on what had taken place during the home visit.
I told Gloria, too. They both validated my concerns about Jimmy.
They gave me some advice on how to move forward, but before I could do anything, I had to complete a mountain of paperwork.
By the time I was done, it was after five, and everyone was leaving for the day. There just weren’t enough hours in the day. Feeling frustrated, I packed up my things and headed home. My head was pounding, and exhaustion was starting to catch up with me.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to make any stops. Ryan messaged and volunteered to swing by to pick up Anslee on his way home from work, which I was thankful for. Now, I just had to muster the energy to make dinner and finish this week’s laundry.
I pulled into the drive. I sat there for a moment, gathering myself, before I finally got out and went inside. I opened the door, and my heart swelled when I found Anslee playing on the floor with her blocks, looking happy as can be. As soon as she spotted me, she called out, “Mom-ma!”
She abandoned her blocks and came barreling toward me. I couldn’t help but smile as she wrapped herself around my legs. I leaned down and ran my hand over her little head. “Hey there, sweet girl.”
“I gots blocks,” she announced proudly.
“I see that.Are you having fun?”
“Um-hmm.”
She nodded as she released my legs and rushed back to her toys. Seconds later, Ryan appeared carrying two takeout containers from my favorite restaurant. He smiled and lifted them as he said, “Best cure for a rough day.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did.”
“You shouldn’t have.”
“But you’re glad I did,” he smirked.
“Yes, I am.” I let out a sigh of relief. “You are the best.”
“I know.” He placed the takeout on the table before reaching for a bottle of my favorite wine. “And I brought reinforcements.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“I do what I can.” He motioned his head toward Anslee. “She’s already had her noodles, and she informed me at least six times that vegetables are yucky and make her sick.”
“She did, did she?”
“Oh, yeah. She made me swear adamantly that I wouldn’t make her eat any more. Which I did, but I had my fingers crossed, so it doesn’t count.”
“She’s going to think you’re a traitor.”
“Just doing what I gotta do.”
“That’s exactly what a traitor would say.”
I dropped my purse and workbag at the door before joining Ryan at the table. He pulled out our takeout boxes while I poured us both a glass of wine. I felt a little guilty as I sat back and took a sip of wine. “You didn’t have to do all this.”
“I know.” My chest tightened when he said, “Just wanted to do something to help… I know these past few days have been hard for you.”
Ryan was always so thoughtful, so reliable, and supportive in every way. While I appreciated it, I often felt bad that he and I didn’t share the same feelings, especially on nights like these when he was so thoughtful.
“You know, there’s a girl out there who would love this kind of attention.”
“Yeah, yeah. But tonight, you get the pleasure.”
“And it’s greatly appreciated it.”
“I do what I can.” He gave me a shrug before taking a long sip of his wine. “Alright, tell me all about it.”
Like always, I didn’t give him names, ages, or anything else he could ever use to identify the people in my stories. I just gave him the gist of it, including the way Dylan reacted when I asked about Jimmy and how concerned his mother appeared.
I told him that I finally felt like I was getting somewhere, but I wasn’t sure which direction to go next.
Ryan listened without interrupting and only asked questions when it really mattered.
He was patient like that, and it was one of the many things I found endearing about him.
By the time I finished, most of the food was gone, and the bottle of wine was empty.
He gave me one of his reassuring smiles. “You were right to trust your instincts.”
“Thanks.”
“Any time.”
We sat there for a moment, letting the comfortable silence settle over us, and when Anslee started to whine, Ryan held up his hand. “I’ve got her. I’ve got this, too. You go take a hot bath and relax for a bit.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely, but you’re on duty the next couple of nights.”
“Of course.” I paused just long enough to add, “It would be a great time for you to go on a date.”
“Will you go already?”
“Okay. Okay. Holler if you need me.”
“I won’t.”
Without another word, he turned his attention to the mess, picking up the food containers and the empty wine bottle, and my heart melted a little.
He was one of the good ones.
He wasn’t there to keep score. He was just being a good friend and trying to be supportive when I needed it most. Lately, that was happening more often than I cared to admit.
He was everything a partner should be. That should have been enough, and I hated that it wasn’t.
Despite how I’d tried to encourage him to find his special someone, I couldn’t help but feel as if Ryan was waiting for me to change my mind about him.
Sadly, that wasn’t going to happen.
Not even if I wanted it to.
I got up and started out of the room, watching as Anslee continued playing with her blocks. I didn’t disturb her. I simply slipped through the doorway and made my way to the bathroom.
A few minutes later, I was undressed and easing into the most wonderful bubble bath.
My thoughts drifted to Ryan and the look on his face when I suggested he go on a date.
He wasn’t happy about the suggestion. He didn’t get that I just wanted him to be happy and have someone to love. And for them to love him back.
I knew what that kind of love was like.
I knew what it was like to miss someone before they’d even left and what it was like to lose hours talking about absolutely nothing. I knew how it felt to be touched in a way you could feel it all the way down to your toes and to long for someone in a way that made your whole body ache.
It had been years, but I still remembered the feeling.
I worried I might never forget. I worried I might never love another because they weren’t him. It was sad. Because after everything, after all this time, it was still him. And no matter how wonderful Ryan was to me or how much he loved me, some part of me would always compare him to a ghost.
I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to stop.
And I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.