13. Smitty
SMITTY
I’d lived on the streets. I’d gone days without food or a place to stay and thought I might starve or freeze to death. I’d been in shootouts where I felt actual bullets whip past my damn head, been in brawls with guys two times my size, and even got beaten so badly I almost died.
Those times were all pretty intense, scary even, but the fear I felt then didn’t come close to what I was feeling as I stood on Brooke’s doorstep. I’d been standing there for God knows how long, trying to work up the nerve to knock. It was downright pathetic.
I looked down into the gift bag at the small white stuffed seal I’d bought for Anslee and the sandwiches I’d brought for Brooke, and while they'd seemed like a good idea earlier, now they seemed ridiculous. But it was too late. I was here, and I was doing this.
With sweaty palms, I knocked and immediately heard a commotion inside. This was it. I was about to meet my daughter. I inhaled a deep breath, and before I could second-guess things any further, the door swung open.
Brooke stood in front of me in a pair of black leggings and an oversized band T-shirt that hung low over one shoulder. Her hair was pulled up with strands falling down like she’d been messing with it all day, and she couldn’t have looked more beautiful.
Not because she’d taken the time to get all dolled up.
Because she hadn’t.
She was just beautiful all on her own, just like she always had been. A tired smile swept across her face as she said, “Welcome to the madhouse.”
“Crazy day?”
“Beyond crazy.” She stepped back and motioned for me to come inside. “But we’re pushing through.”
“I brought something that might help.” I offered her the gift bag as I stepped inside. “A little something for you, and something for Anslee.”
“That was sweet of you.” She took the bag and reached inside, pulling out the Ziploc filled with sandwiches. “Are these what I think they are?”
“They are.”
Her expression softened. “These were Aiden’s favorite, weren’t they?”
“They were.” It meant a lot to me that she remembered, but I wasn’t surprised. Brooke was like that. She remembered the small things. “He couldn’t get enough of them… Ate them all the time.”
“He had good taste.”
“I don’t know about that.”
I stood there watching as she pulled one out, unwrapped it, and took a bite. It made me think back to those days out at the lake when I was too poor to take her out and how she never cared. Not once. It was one of the many things I loved about her then and still loved about her now.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back as she chewed. “Oh my gosh. They are even better than I remember.”
“It’s just a sandwich.”
“It’s the best thing I’ve eaten in days.” She took another bite. “I’d forgotten how good they are.”
“Not exactly fine dining.”
“Doesn’t matter. I still love them.” She motioned her hand to a plate of cookies sitting on the center of the table. “I have a surprise for you, too.”
“No way.” I stepped closer. “Are those your granny cookies?”
“The one and only.”
My mouth watered as I walked over and picked one up. I took a bite and shook my head. “Even better than I remembered.”
“Mine!” Anslee huffed from the living room floor.
“No, ma’am,” Brooke fussed. “You’ve already had two.”
After I shoved the rest of the cookie in my mouth, I slipped out of my cut and hung it on the hanger by the door. On any other day, I would be tempted to grab another, but once I’d spotted Anslee, she was the only thing on my mind.
I was struggling to get a grip on my emotions when Brooke put her hand on the back of my shoulder and said, “Come on.”
I followed her from the kitchen entryway into the living room.
The house wasn’t big, but it was clean and filled with all the basic necessities.
There was a big window and lots of pictures on the wall, flowers here and there, and blankets carefully folded at the end of the oversized sofa.
A large flat-screen television was mounted over the fireplace, and plants were methodically placed throughout the room, giving it a homey feel.
And there were toys. Lots and lots of toys.
Some were scattered on the floor while others toppled over baskets in the corner.
Anslee sat in the middle of a large pile of blocks.
She was wearing a pair of white footed pajamas with kittens on them, and her hair was damp with little curly ringlets all over.
She was so busy trying to stack her next block that she didn’t even notice that we’d walked over.
Brooke sat down next to her and said, “Hey, sweetie. This is my friend, Brayden.”
Those beautiful blue eyes found me, and I suddenly forgot how to breathe. She was the cutest little girl I’d ever laid eyes on. I moved slow as I eased down on the floor next to her, and for a second, she just stared at me.
She was curious about the strange man sitting across from her, wondering what he was doing in her house. It didn’t help matters that I didn’t know what to say or do.
“Hey, whatcha got there?” She didn’t answer. Instead, she took the block in her hand and offered it to me. “Thank you.”
“Box.”
“Mind if I give you a hand?”
She didn’t answer. She just offered me another and waited as I placed them both on the tower she was creating. She clapped, then grabbed two more, practically tossing them in my lap. “Box.”
I looked over at Brooke, and she was smiling ear to ear. “Oh, my. She’s roped you in now.”
“I’m all for it.”
I placed one of the blocks on top of the others, and once again, she clapped. Only this time, she bounced with it, causing the tower to collapse around us. Anslee’s eyes grew wide, and I feared she might cry. Instead, she started to laugh, and the sound hit me square in the chest.
Brooke and I laughed right along with her, and we were still laughing when she started gathering the blocks once again. Brooke nudged me with her elbow. “She’s not one to give up.”
“Determined like her mother.” Anslee crawled over and dropped a few more blocks in my lap. Brooke giggled as she added, “She’s bossy, too.”
“That she is.”
I stacked the blocks where I thought Anslee might want them, and every time I got it right, she’d smile. When I didn’t, her brows would furrow, and I’d immediately move them. Brooke rolled her eyes and teased, “You’re creating a monster.”
“Hey, this is my first time at this.”
“And you’re doing great.”
Somewhere between the third and fourth tower, Anslee stopped looking at me like a stranger and started looking at me like I belonged.
I wasn’t crazy enough to believe she thought I was her father.
I knew she didn’t. But there was something there.
Something that felt natural, and with every smile, I felt like I was building more than just some silly tower of blocks.
Time seemed to stand still around us.
Maybe it was the way Anslee’s giggle filled the room.
Or maybe it was watching Brooke move around the house doing everyday things like cleaning up after dinner and making their lunches for the following day, all while keeping an eye on Anslee and me playing on the floor.
Whatever it was, I was spellbound.
And for the first time in years, I wasn’t thinking of the past, the club, or anything in between. I was just there with them, and I was happy. Truly happy. That wasn’t something I’d felt in quite some time.
Anslee rubbed her eyes, then shuffled to her feet and waddled over to her mother with her arms in the air. “Mama.”
“I’m right here, sweet girl.” Brooke scooped her up and asked, “Are you ready for bed?”
She answered by resting her head on Brooke’s shoulder. Brooke glanced over at me as she said, “I should go put her down.”
“Okay.”
“You wanna come?”
I gave her a nod and followed her down the hall to the nursery. It was exactly how I’d imagined. It was filled with soft colors, various stuffed animals, and framed handprints on the wall. Brooke carried her over to the changing table and changed her diaper.
Before buttoning her PJs, Brooke leaned down and kissed her tummy, causing Anslee to erupt into giggles. It was clear that these two loved each other. There was no doubt about it and watching them together got to me in ways I couldn’t begin to explain.
“Okay, Miss Priss. It’s time to get you into bed.” She started to rebutton her PJs, and Anslee tried to wiggle out. “Oh no, you don’t. I’ve wrestled bears stronger than you.”
“Mama,” Anslee giggled.
“Off to bed with you, little girl.” Brooke lifted her back into her arms and kissed her on the crook of her neck before turning her to face me. “Can you tell Brayden nighty-night?”
“Nigh,” was all she could manage, and it was more than enough.
“Good night. Thank you for playing with me today.” I leaned in and kissed her softly on the forehead. “I hope we can do it again sometime soon.”
Anslee opened and closed her hand like she was telling me bye as Brooke took her over to the crib and laid her on her back. Anslee immediately rolled to her side and tucked the seal I’d given her under her arm. Brooke smiled as she said, “I think it’s her new favorite.”
“I’m glad she likes it.” We both watched her for a moment before I whispered, “You’re a good momma, Brooke.”
“I try.”
“You do more than try, and it shows. She’s an incredible kid.”
“I think so, too.”
It didn’t take Anslee long to drift off, but I wouldn’t have cared if it took all night.
I liked being there, watching her. It made me feel like I had something to breathe for, and I hadn’t felt that in longer than I could remember.
Brooke reached over and turned on the sound machine, filling the room with the sound of rain.
She motioned her head toward the hallway, signaling me to follow as she started out of the room.
We stood in the hall for a moment, making sure she was really out.
After a few moments, Brooke leaned in and whispered, “On bad days, I’d read through our old texts and the cards you’d given me…
and for a little while, I would remember that there was once a boy who believed I could do anything. "