21. Smitty #3
“Then, get some sleep. We can hit it again tomorrow.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Okay, then let’s take a break… We can sleep in, then take Anslee for a drive around the lake. Maybe grab some breakfast somewhere.”
“Now, that sounds like my kind of plan.”
“I thought you’d like it.”
“You’re officially the best.”
“I do what I can,” I chuckled.
After a while, Brooke drifted off to sleep. I was exhausted and wanted to join her, but my mind wasn’t having it. I was hit with one thought after the next, and I just couldn’t settle. I didn’t want to take a chance on waking Brooke, so I eased off the sofa and headed down the hall.
I stepped into the nursery and smiled the second I saw her.
She’d managed to kick one leg free from her blanket, and one tiny fist was curled beside her cheek.
She looked so sweet, so damn peaceful, and it was all I could do to keep myself from picking her up.
I carefully pulled the blanket back over her before resting my forearms against the rail.
A couple of weeks ago, I didn't know she existed, and now I couldn't imagine a world without her. Things hadn’t worked out like we’d planned, but every scar, every wrong turn, had somehow led us here. We were together with our beautiful daughter, and it was just the beginning of the good to come.
I wasn’t ready to leave her, so I walked over and sat down on the rocking chair beside her crib. I pulled one of her throws over my shoulders and leaned my head back. I sat there watching her until the sun started peeking through the blinds, and still, I sat.
I didn’t move until Anslee started to stir. She inched and wiggled until she was out of her blanket and sitting up. When she spotted me, she blinked and reached her hands out for me with a grunt. “Hey there, peanut.”
When I started toward her, the corners of her mouth lifted into the sweetest smile I'd ever seen. I reached down and lifted her into my arms, and she raked her hand over my mouth, tugging at my bottom lip as she muttered, “Dada.”
It was one little word, but it damn near brought me to my knees.
“Yeah, that’s right.” I kissed her on top of the head and smiled. “That’s me.”
I carried her over to the changing table, changed her diaper, and wrestled her into a clean outfit. By the time we made it to the kitchen, she was more interested in playing with my hair than getting into her highchair. That was fine. Breakfast could wait.
I started the pot of coffee before grabbing one of Anslee’s sippy cups from the cabinet. I poured her some juice and tightened the lid. I stood there for a moment, checking to see if I heard Brooke, but there was nothing.
She was still out, so I grabbed a blanket from the couch and eased it over Anslee before stepping out onto the porch. The lake was smooth as glass, and the only sounds that could be heard were the birds chirping in the distance.
Damn. This place just kept getting better and better.
I looked down at my little girl, and all the thoughts that had been running through my head all night came rushing back. This year made fifteen years that I’d walked this earth without him. He had no clue what I’d been through or how his leaving me had changed the course of my life.
I wondered what he would’ve thought of me, of the life I’d made, and whether there was any part of him that would’ve been proud of the man I’d become. Without giving myself a chance to change my mind, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone.
I didn’t have the number saved, but it didn’t matter. I still remembered. I dialed and held my breath as I listened to it ring. Three came and went, and I was beginning to think he wasn’t going to answer when I heard him say, “Hello?”
“Hey, Pop.” My voice was strained as I told him, “It’s me.”
There was a moment of silence, and then I heard his shaky breath ask, “Brayden. Is that really you?”
“Yeah. It’s really me.”
“I’ll be damned. I thought we’d never hear from you again.
” The sound of anguish in his voice took me by surprise.
I wasn’t expecting him to be so emotional.
I also wasn’t expecting him to say, “Your mother talks about you every day… She tried finding you… We both did. We’ve always wondered if you were okay. ”
I had so many things I wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come.
I could only stand there and listen as he said, “I’m sorry, son. I’m so damn sorry for everything.”
I looked down at Anslee, staring out at the water, and sighed. The anger I’d carried for so long didn’t disappear. Neither did the hurt, but I wasn’t the same kid who’d left home all those years ago. So, I told him, “I’m sorry, too, Pop.”
“You don’t got nothing to apologize for.”
“But I do.” I took a second to collect myself before saying, “Back then, I didn’t get the distance and the pain in your eyes.”
This was harder than I thought it’d be.
But Brooke was right.
I wasn’t the same man I was all those years ago.
“I was young and hurt, and I couldn’t understand.” I held my daughter a little closer. “But I do now.”