1. Grim #3
I’d already tried asking him how things had gone in Washington, but he wasn’t exactly forthcoming.
He mentioned working at the construction site and hanging out with Rooster and Torch.
His spirits seemed to lighten at the mention of their names, but only momentarily.
In a blink, his somber mood returned, and he was back to staring out the window.
And he’d been like that for hours.
I’d tried to be patient and all that bullshit, but the silence was too much for me. When I couldn’t stand it a moment longer, I gave him a nudge and said, “Any plans for when we get back?”
“Probably sleep for about three days.”
“I know your dad and the rest of the brothers are looking forward to having your back.”
“Hm-hmm.”
And with that, my patience broke. “What the hell was that?”
“Nothing. I’m good.”
“The hell you say,” I argued. “You’ve hardly said two words since you got in the fucking truck.”
“Yeah, I know. I got a lot on my mind.” I thought that was all he was going to say until he glanced over at me and continued, “I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”
“Ready for what?”
“All the Christmas bullshit.” His eyes drifted to his lap as he confessed, “Not sure I can do the whole holiday thing without Amy.”
“You won’t have to handle that alone.”
“You say that, but I’ve been handling it alone for months.”
“I’m here.”
“Yeah, I appreciate it more than you know.” He inhaled a deep breath, then added, “You didn’t have to bring him to me, but it meant a lot to me that you did.”
“Wish I could’ve done more...”
“I know. I get it.” He gave me a half-hearted shrug. “They’ll get theirs in the end. Assholes like that always do.”
“Yeah, they definitely do.” I finally had him talking and didn’t want him to stop, so I said, “I bet you’re ready to get home and sleep in your own bed.”
He grimaced as he answered, “About that... I’m gonna be staying over at Amy’s place.”
“No. That’s not gonna happen.”
“I’ve put a lot of thought into it... It’s sittin’ empty and most of my shit’s still there. Just makes sense to hang there until things settle down.”
“It’s almost Christmas. You gotta know that being there is gonna fuck with your head.”
“Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t.”
“And what about Prez?”
“What about him?”
“He wants you home with him for the holiday.”
“And I will be. I just won’t be right up under his fucking nose.” Beckett shook his head and sighed. “I know he won’t like it, but he should be happy that I agreed to come back at all. Things were good in Washington. Those guys treated me like I actually mattered.”
“Don’t even start with that shit. You know damn well that you matter here,” I snapped. “Hell, everyone bends over backward for you.”
“Yeah, right.” His brows furrowed. “I’m nothing there. Just the Prez’s kid, spoiled and entitled, and that’s all I’ll ever be.”
“That attitude isn’t gonna do you any favors.”
“It is what it is.” He shrugged with a scoff. “But it’s all good. I’m over all the bullshit.”
“You sure about that?”
“Might as well be. It’s not like me bellyaching is gonna change anything.”
“No, it won’t.”
“See?” I felt a sense of relief when he said, “I’m just ready to put all this shit behind me.”
“Not sure how staying at Amy’s place is gonna help you do that.”
“I’ve just gotta figure some things out.”
“Like what?”
“If I wanna keep my ties to the club or if I wanna do something else. I can’t do that living under Dad’s shadow.”
“You’re seriously thinking about walking away from the club?”
“Yeah, I am. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
“Well, I’ll be damned.” I couldn’t believe my ears. Beckett had been a fixture in our clubhouse since the day he was born. We’d all just assumed that he would follow in his father and brother’s footsteps and patch in. “What would you do?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I’ll figure something out.”
“You better be ready cause Prez is gonna lose his shit. Memphis, too.”
“This isn’t about them. It’s about me,” he argued. “It’s time for me to stand on my own.”
“You can do that and be a brother, too.”
“Not as long as Dad’s the president.” Regret marked his face as he grumbled, “I’ll always be a kid to him and nothing more, and I can’t live like that. I gotta prove to him that I can take care of things on my own.”
“I get it. I just don’t want you to make a decision you will regret.”
“What’s life without regret?” Beckett scoffed.
“Beck.”
“I get it. I really do.” He leaned his head back and closed his eyes as he muttered, “But I need to do this. I’ve gotta prove that I can handle things on my own.”
With that, he let out a breath and settled back in his seat, signaling that he was done with our conversation.
I left him alone and turned my focus back to the road ahead.
I figured he could use the sleep, so I didn’t bother waking him when I stopped for gas.
I grabbed a quick bite and just kept trucking.
By the time we made it back to Little Rock, I was wiped. Even though I knew Prez was gonna give me hell about it, I did as he’d asked and dropped Beckett off at Amy’s place. It was the first of many mistakes I would make over the next few days—mistakes that would cost us dearly.