Smog (The Ardelean Bloodline #5)

1. Deacon

Chapter 1

Deacon

“Why does it feel like I’ve been summoned to the principal’s office?” I ask Cade, my older brother and the Sovereign Alpha of all wolves, while strolling leisurely into his office.

Henri Greene, our pack publicist and, until very recently, Cade’s jack-of-all-trades, sits in one of the chairs across from him, leaving the other open for me. It’s been a week since I’ve laid eyes on her directly, but I know she got here at eight thirty this morning and has been in this meeting with Cade for almost an hour.

It’s not stalking, it’s just being aware of your surroundings.

I climb over the chair and sit on the back with my stocking feet on the seat.

“Really?” Cade glares at me, eyes flicking back and forth from my chest to my feet on the seat.

Giving Henri a big sigh and eye roll, I drop down into the seat. “Better?”

“Much.” Cade huffs and then does that thing he does right before he’s about to irritate the fuck out of me: scrub his hand down his face and purse his lips. He starts slowly. “I’ve a proposal.”

The thick pause in the air gives me the space to speak. “This’ll be good.”

Cade ignores me, looking at Henri and addressing her. “Now that we’ve semi-settled the news outlets in relationship to Finn and Lena, I hear you and your request that we get ourselves out among the humans. The proactive method to minimize media swarms that you recommended by seeming accessible and part of the people makes sense.”

This is so not good. Catching onto the trajectory of this conversation, knowing the outcome of the media storm with Lena and Finn, I can see the impending impact, and I don’t like where this is going to ultimately explode. My sister and her new mate had it rough. Fucked over the coals, so to speak, and now he’s trying to make it my turn.

“Between you and Thalia and Fi—” Henri must be picking up what Cade is putting down.

“Deacon.” Cade cuts in, shaking his head.

I follow suit, shaking my head. No. No. No. He can’t be serious.

I look over, and the furrow in her brow and the pen poised on the electronic tablet sitting in her lap indicate that she thinks this is going to be a short, easy discussion.

Henri chews on her bottom lip. I’m hoping she comes to my rescue on this.

Come on, Henri . Any of our conversations over the past six months would tell you I can’t do this.

Instead, with no way to hear my internal pleading, she gives a solemn nod. “The public loves Deacon.”

“Yes.” I cut in.

If Henri won’t save me, I’ll save myself .

I put my feet up on his desk, and Cade cuts me a sharp look, but I don’t move them.

I keep talking before he can interrupt me. “What’s not to love? The billionaire playboy with attachment issues.” I sum up what social media has concluded about me with an easy shrug, and then I glare at Cade. “I, on the other hand, do not love the public. I don’t like most of the pack, if we’re being frank. This is part of why I willingly let my ass get kicked by Finn in front of the pack and submitted.”

I swallow hard, forcing down the words ‘because you made him promise not to kill me.’

“I know.” Cade hangs his head in an apologetic glance downward before he slides his hand back through his hair. “Believe me, I know you’re going to hate this, but...”

“Thalia is pregnant.” Henri nods, cutting off our sibling discussion.

It’s still surreal in a good way that Cade’s mate, my best friend, is pregnant.

She continues. “Finn and Lena are both trying to get the new lab up and running. Lena needs some time to adjust to her life and what that’s going to look like interpersonally first before adjusting to the media.”

Cade takes my silence as acceptance of the situation and turns back to Henri, who looks like she’s as many parts terrified as I am pissed off about the arrangement. “So, I want to hire you three to five more people. My executive assistant, Meaghan, is almost up to speed, so we’ll lean on you less. That gives you more open reign...”

I tune Cade out, knowing he’s about to tell Henri everything he thinks needs to be done with the situation. I’m simply here because Cade is trying to ‘include me’ in the decisions about my life.

Out the window, I’m watching for snow. It’s been an incredibly dry season, and I don’t mind. There aren’t a lot of years I can still take the motorcycle out this late. Motorcycles don’t really care for snow, after all.

“Deacon,” Cade snaps, teeth clicking, pulling my attention back to their conversation. “I would appreciate if you would work with Henri and do more of the public meet and greets. Maybe show people not all wolves are as scary as Senator Clark keeps trying to tell people we are.” Cade is picking his words very carefully.

He knows I’ll push back if he keeps being too forward, and if he doesn’t give me reason and incentive, I won’t agree to it.

But I push back anyway. This can’t happen. “How much time are we talking? Because let’s be honest with each other, what are you really expecting of me? How many of the Pack Second’s, Pack Alpha’s, The Sovereign’s responsibilities am I supposed to just shoulder without argument?”

Henri goes completely still, and it’s only in the silence of the room that I realize I raised my voice.

“Ideally.” Cade pauses, and there’s a soft rumble in his voice as The Leviathan rises in his eyes. “At least half, or so, of all the appearances on the books already, and anything additional that Henri can make do without needing me or Lena specifically. I’d prefer three-quarters as I go head-to-head with Senator Clark and Congress in the new year.”

I stand up out of the chair. Fuck this.

“Deacon. Sit down.” Cade hits me with an Alpha command straight from The Leviathan, so I have no choice.

“Fuck you,” I snarl.

“I know it’s a lot.” Cade sighs but doesn’t apologize, dismissing me as a threat. He’s back to scratching that spot in his beard, clearly grasping at straws. “I know that means you’re going to have to travel together across the country from time to time. I’m hoping you two can get more things booked here where you’re both more comfortable, at least to start.”

Henri is scary quiet. I can barely hear her breathing. I don’t blame her, but she hasn’t seen the two of us really get into it. She hasn’t seen it because it’s been years since I’ve really stood my ground with him. The fact is his unilateral decision-making is just who he is as a person.

I don’t know how long we sit in silence, but Henri’s voice, soft and full of fear, breaks it. “Deacon needs to be more sober for a lot of this.”

Cade looks at me like he’s waiting for an answer, but there wasn’t a question in Henri’s statement. Her voice didn’t pitch up like she wanted an opinion, so I remain silent.

My family knows how uncontrollable my gift can be if I’m sober. The micro-dosing self-medicating I do to keep my wolf under the surface isn’t for fun. It is bred from the necessity of passing as ‘normal’ enough for people not to ask questions. ‘Normal’ people don’t talk to ancestors no one else can see. ‘Normal’ people don’t have to see the dead.

“And what’s in it for me?” I leverage because it wouldn’t be a conversation with Cade if I didn’t give him a little shit.

“You help make it so people don’t try and kill us all? Think of it as a good deed for our people.” Cade doesn’t sweeten the pot at all.

“Did you ask the Alloways? Like, Judah would be really good at this.” I push back again.

I look to my older brother and try to get him to hear me. I know his mind’s made up, but fuck, am I above begging? Come on, Cade. Don’t make me do this.

Cade looks over at Henri and then back at me. I can see he’s not even considering it. Probably because Judah’s already drowning under his own responsibilities.

You’ve got Thalia. Lena has Finn. I was planning on saying goodbye to Ansel at Equinox and being done with it. I draw a deep breath and let it out. I should probably wait until Thalia gives birth anyway. All the stress of planning a funeral can’t be good for a pregnancy.

The silence speaks volumes.

There are no negotiations here.

Accepting defeat, I turn toward Henri. “So, which minion of yours do I get to terrorize first? Can it be Kyle? I really think Kyle likes me.” I smile at her.

That guy fucking hates me, and Henri isn’t his biggest fan. I bet I could do her a favor and get him to quit. I’m nothing if not exemplary at getting under people’s skin.

“You’ll work directly with Henri.” Cade spells it out.

Henri tenses in her chair, and it’s what I would have expected.

She and I have been dancing around each other since we met. The way we stalk each other, always aware of where the other one is. On days when we’re not in the same building, it feels strange to me. Granted, it’s unavoidable when I have to go on longer hauls to pick up the drugs I need to survive. But when I’m not around, I miss her not-so-veiled attempts at hiding her stalking of me.

We can spend time with Henri? My wolf perks up at Cade’s offering. You’ll convince her to come off the suppressants. You hold yourself together for a few days. We can see if she is our mate.

My wolf circles back to every single spare thought we’ve had about her in the last seven months. Many times even pushing me to stalk her right back.

And I’m better at it, he reminds me.

Numbness sinks into me because it doesn’t matter if Henri comes off her heat suppressants and I get sober. I don’t want nor can I have a mate. Fate wouldn’t be so cruel as to give me one. I laugh and shake my head at my thoughts because, let’s be real, fate, hope, a higher power, they all abandoned me a long time ago.

This time, when I stand up, I’m not ordered back or to sit down. “Sure thing. See you tomorrow, Henri.”

“Wai —” she starts.

I don’t look nor turn back. It’s one thing to have obsessed about her and stalk her while she stalks me. It’s another thing to have her interjected into my life. I’ve purposefully forced myself away from her for so many reasons. Those reasons—abusive boyfriend, obsessive fantasies of her in my bed, and my self-medicating—aren’t less valid now.

Tonight, I’ll try and figure out how I’m going to live through this or figure out how to say goodbye faster.

You can’t end this without knowing, my wolf demands.

By the time I’ve reached the third story, the quietest part of the house, I’m no longer sure what my plan of action is going to be beyond the next five minutes.