5. Deacon
Chapter 5
Deacon
Sitting on the bench in the too-tight pants hurts, but I twist the cap off the flask before even bothering with the fly. I’ve played the idiot for so long that I’m actually becoming one. Method acting at its finest.
I sniff the flask before taking a swig. Whiskey. Well, alright then.
I’ve seen Henri manage Cade. She does so with ease and precision. The amount of stress she carried was alarming, but her intuitive nature of what he needed was always so intense. I thought it was something unique between the two of them. But the flask in my hand that pours sweet barrel-aged whiskey down my throat says it’s all Henri. She knew to bring a flask in case I was too sober.
Which is strange since today is our first official day working together. But she’s always been quick on the uptake.
The ancestor couple screaming across the shop are quieting now, but when he slapped her, I almost lost it. I can ignore screaming and yelling. I can ignore crying and begging. But violence isn’t easily ignored .
With another swig, my wolf grumbles but gets the hint: he and his gift are not wanted here.
It’s a temporary fix. Alcohol doesn’t really work all that well. More like a gentleman’s agreement. My wolf will disappear when I start drinking and give me a reprieve from the ancestors.
At last, when the world is brought to a more peaceful, insufferable existence, I stand and slide off the pants. They’re way too fucking tight, but damn the way Henri devoured me with her eyes. I’d happily be a little uncomfortable for more of her attention like that.
I know what the wolf would tell me. She’s probably our mate. The obsession makes it make sense. Get sober, get her off the suppressants, and live happily ever after.
It’s bullshit people like us don’t get happily ever after. Henri might, but not me.
But what my wolf keeps forgetting is that sober me means more of this bullshit, seeing screaming, arguing dead people in stores. That sweet relief when Revecca took my gift last month? Fuck, I’d do anything to get that back. The peace I enjoyed in those days was so much easier to bear.
The other pair of pants is a size larger, and I pick them up to try them on. A soft knock comes on the dressing room door. In my boxers, decent enough, I undo the small metal closure and open the door a fraction.
Henri gasps and tries to push the door closed. “We’re in public. Put some pants on.”
I chuckle. “You’ve seen me naked before. It’s nothing new.”
“Not the point,” she argues.
Curiously, her cheeks turn pink.
Closing her eyes, she hands me another few pairs of pants and a shirt. “Okay, come out when you’re ready.”
I was practically wearing the same thing this morning. It’s the public part. My lip twitches, and this time the smile that comes with it is genuine. We could have so much fun together.
“I’m not straight. But I don’t really care for labels.” I goad her, and it gets a reaction, just not an anticipated one.
“You’re open about it?” Her eyes fly open, and her lips remain parted at the end of her question.
Can you die from unfulfilled desires? I want to run my thumb across her lower lip. What would it be like to kiss someone so innocent?
“Yeah, Henri. I don’t hide it any more than I hide being a wolf.” Before I do something that Henri will regret, I raise the clothes and indicate with a nod that I’ll try them on before closing the door.
I will admit that other than feeling like Judah in his National Park Service uniform, I do look pretty good in earth tones. So, when we leave the first store with two bags of clothes, I don’t feel awful about what my new wardrobe will look like.
“Had enough for today?” Henri asks before checking a quick message on her phone.
“I’d really like some lunch.” I feel eyes on us as I say it.
“If you’re open to it, like to go to one more store after we eat?” Henri seems oblivious or unconcerned if she does sense we’re being watched.
“Then that’s about all I can handle of human people for a day.” I glance around, searching for who may be watching us.
Even through the alcohol, my wolf fights for alertness, and I let him know it’s only a matter of minutes before that tiny bit of whiskey that I used to top off the buzz I had going burns off my system.
The predator stalking us shouts at the same time I target the source of the glare. I’ve had the displeasure of meeting Nathan once when he tracked us down while we were shopping for Thalia’s wedding dress. I’d recognize the top-heavy cartoon-gym-bro anywhere.
Nathan’s bulked-out frame is only preceded by his annoying, artificially deep voice. “Henri, you’re not where you’re supposed to be! We don’t have money for you to be out shopping! Why aren’t you working? Clearly, I’m giving you too much of an allowance if you’re spending time at a mall rather than working.”
He’s red in the face, a vein throbbing in his forehead, and talking so fast that even if Henri wanted to answer his questions, there isn’t a chance for her to do so.
I squeeze the handles of the bags, trying to stop myself from intervening. Come on, Henri, stand up for yourself.
My internal begging does nothing because despite having a wolf from her pack at her back, Henri backs down from the fight. “Nathan, baby, calm down.” She raises and lowers her hand, bringing him down. “I’m here because Deacon needs new clothes for events he’s attending. You know how hard it is to shop for your clothes without you being there. I am working. It’s just not the usual type of work.”
At the mention of my name, Nathan turns his attention to me. “You fucking my girl?”
If I was fucking her, she wouldn’t even be thinking about being your girl. I keep the snide remark to myself. “Henri, why don’t you go home for the day. Take the afternoon off on me.” I pull my wallet out of my front pocket and pull out a few hundred-dollar bills, then hand them to her. “Lunch on me. I’ll go to the next store and show the lady the pictures you took of me and see if I can’t find more of the same but slightly different.”
“Oh.” Henri freezes.
Nathan, however, doesn’t have a problem taking my money. He snatches it out of Henri’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go to that fancy place you’ve wanted to go for a long time. What’s it called? Hare’s Hearth?”
Henri glances backward one last time. Her eyes are sad, and she mouths ‘sorry.’
I give her a tense smile and wave her off, then turn back toward the parking lot on the other end of the shopping complex where we came from.
My stomach is in knots. I don’t feel good about letting her go with him. His anger ran deeper than it felt like it should. I shuffle my bags to my other hand and pull my phone out of my pocket.
Once I open the favorites contacts, I select one to dial.
The phone rings a few times, and I think he’s sending me to voicemail, but then Finn picks up. “Hello?”
“Hey. I know your security-conscious ass activated the GPS tracking in the same system that Corinth uses. Can you lock on to Henri’s phone? I think Nathan’s taking her to Hare’s Hearth. Let’s get the bunnies acquainted.”
I hate the idea of using Finn’s hired assassins over doing it myself, but I need a backup plan for my backup plans.
“On it,” Finn confirms. “You okay? I know you weren’t looking at getting pets anytime soon.”
“I may need to adopt, not shop.” I don’t bother lying but keep up with his extended metaphor.
“Want to talk to Lena?” Finn asks, and now I know why he took so long to answer.
If he and my sister are in the same room, I’m likely interrupting something. Most recently, a discussion about their upcoming nuptials. Even though Lena is not adopting his religious belief, she agreed, without arguments, to have a ceremony in his church back in Ireland despite the knowledge that it would be difficult to coordinate .
“Nope. I’m good. Have fun settling your differences about the mating ceremony.” I hang up before there’s any more discussion on the matter.
Back at Lena’s SUV, which we took because shopping bags on a motorcycle aren’t super fun, I slump into the driver’s seat.
You let her go with him. You know what he can do to her, my wolf snarls at me.
I draw long, deep breaths.
She chooses him, I remind my wolf, trying to rationalize it all. She knows what I think about him. She has to know there are other options. I know Cade’s offered many times to move her into a house on pack property.
“Fuck!” I shout, banging my palm on the upper portion of the steering wheel.
Nathan was so fucking angry that she was maybe spending money. Her money that he feels entitled to... What is Nathan hiding in his finances?
I drum my fingers on the steering wheel, trying to calm myself first and stopping myself from following them second.
It wouldn’t be too hard to dig into his financials. While I have purposefully avoided stalking Nathan and what I’m sure is a filibuster-length list of values lacking any morals, ethical dilemmas, and legal crimes, it’s time to move on the desire fully. I have to do it for Henri’s future.
Lunch and one more store. I can do this.
I start the SUV and head to the nearest bar and grill, knowing they won’t judge me for day drinking. Then I’ll go home and dig into Nathan. I just need a smoking gun, and I can figure out what nefarious shit he’s up to.
Then I can frame whatever he’s involved in for his death.
The dark part of me revels in the idea.
But the more I drive, with every mile between me and Henri, the more a new darkness seeps in. The darkness that ruins me.
End this. No more stores, no more humans, no more worrying about people who aren’t our problem. I’ll never be what she wants, what she needs. It’s all beyond me and my capabilities. Get it over with.
Everything becomes a temptation—overpasses, bridges, oncoming traffic. But they’d all be minor accidents. I’d survive.
I’ve noticed I don’t think of suicide when Henri is in the same room. But fuck if these thoughts don’t come back ten times harder once she leaves. When she leaves with him.
She wants someone like Nathan. Wants someone who can control her like that. The darkness blooms in the forefront of my brain. You’ll never be able to support a woman that thoroughly. Kill him or kill yourself.
“You didn’t tell me we were going shopping.” Marielle, a ghost I’ve seen since I was ten, materializes into the seat Henri had occupied on the drive here.
She’s in the same outfit she always wears. It’s a housedress from the fifties.
“We.” I emphasize the two of us, flicking my hand back and forth between us. It’s bad enough I’m suicidal, but the pure rage and anger awoke my wolf and gift. “Are not going shopping. In fact, I am going home. No lunch, no shopping, so you could go the fuck away, or I’ll get rid of us both.”
“Well, I never.”
And before I can really act on any further thoughts, Marielle dissipates with a huff.