13. Deacon
Chapter 13
Deacon
Once outside, the cold is quick to sober me up to what just happened. But Henri, drunk on exhaustion, wobbled on her feet while I got her and the items from the coat check back into the SUV.
Our driver navigates slowly, and in no time, Henri is fast asleep next to me.
But the slow pace and the falling snow only give my brain time to process. The few drinks I had at the formal event are nearly worked out of my system from the sweating and moving. And instead of the quiet hum of my own thoughts in my brain, the wolf emerges. Pulling at the memories of Henri working her body against mine, he approves, wanting to take it further. My cock pulses against my zipper, and it’s only made worse by the memory of the kiss.
It doesn’t change anything in this moment. Even though I want it to.
I still have the intense desire to possess her, only it’s stronger now. And she’s still tied to Nathan. The urge to kill Nathan is there and loud as my wolf works to weasel us between them, but the problem is Henri.
Henri has to make the choice to step away. If she can’t do that to keep herself safe, I’ll have to step in and remove the choice for her by force. Lena’s offered Henri a place to stay. I know Cade’s offered for both her and Nathan to move to pack property.
She isn’t ready to let him go.
Would she forgive me if I killed him? If... she found out? Would it matter if she was safe?
The SUV pulls up in front of our rental shortly after one. And poor Henri, used to going to bed early and being responsible, is practically dead to the world. I want to carry her and put her to bed, but the part of me that harbors some morals bars me from scooping her up into my arms.
Instead, I wake her up with a gentle brush of my knuckles against her hair. Her beautiful blue eyes flutter open, and in a quick second, she gathers her surroundings and understands where we are.
Had I not woken her up, I probably could have carried her into the house and brought her to bed. But awake enough to know where she is and how to get there, Henri navigates the snowy sidewalk straight into the house. I lose my chance to keep her for the night as she closes the door to the smallest bedroom with the single twin bed at the back of the house.
“Good night, Henri,” I whisper. “I love you.”
I’d love to say that, waking up this morning, I don’t know what to expect. But I’ve come to understand Henri well over the last forty-five days. So, to save her from facing my family, I insist, heavily, that we let her sleep in while the others go out to brunch. I, of course, stay so she doesn’t wake up alone and afraid.
They’ve been gone for half an hour before I decide to wake Henri up. I give her door a couple soft knocks, and her feet are on the floor a little quicker than I anticipated. When she opens the door, she’s fully dressed.
“Oh, did you want to go to brunch? I guess I assumed you’d be sleeping.” I puff out my lips.
How did I not know she was awake?
“No, I appreciate you getting me some time this morning.” She refuses to look at me.
Great job, Deacon. You officially fucked this up, you fucked this all up.
I step back, not wanting her to feel caged in. When Henri doesn’t step to follow me, I walk away.
This is probably worse than I expected.
If I regretted kissing her back, this might be easier.
But that medium-sized part of me that likes being an asshole is hoping that this is the wake-up call she needed. Nathan will never satisfy her. She doesn’t have to take his beatings, the assaults, and who the fuck knows what else she’s suffered through.
Unfortunately, I don’t have my cousin Ansel’s optimism. I don’t see the world through his call to hope.
Plopping down on the couch, I look at my phone notifications.
Ezra:
What happened with you and Henri last night?
Also, do you want biscuits and gravy?
Thalia:
I love youuu. Did you know that sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins ?
And then, completely unrelated to breakfast, comes a message from Finn.
Finn:
Lena saw that you may need to discuss adopting some Hares. It is the new year, after all.
Finn’s message isn’t out of the ordinary, considering my little sister sees the past. Lena is so attuned to my life that I probably kissed Henri, and five minutes later, she had a vision about it. Which, of course, the next logical step is to have the Hare’s Hearth’s assassins intervene.
I only answer one of them back because, by now, Ezra should know I always want biscuits and gravy.
Me:
I did know about the sloths, but did you know that crocodiles can’t stick their tongues out?
“Can we talk?” Henri sits down in one of the chairs across from me.
“Of course.” I put my phone down on the couch next to me, face down.
“Last night,” Henri starts slowly.
Immediately the polite Midwesterner kicks in, and I want to apologize.
Maybe it’s not negative. Maybe she wants me. I try hope on for size.
“That shouldn’t happen again.” Henri meets my expectation and confirms that hope only has a place in Ansel’s house.
Yeah. Not a great feeling to have it crushed.
Hanging my head, I try to come up with a response to her statement .
“I have a boyfriend.”
I’m so sick of this asshole being in her life. Maybe I should hand him over to the hares. Finn already put them on the radar for me when Henri and Nathan ate there for lunch. It would be easier. What’s the point of having a brother-in-law who is ex-mafia if you don’t get to use the perks?
My darkness disagrees. The hares are easier but less fulfilling.
I can’t tell Henri what she wants to hear. I should but I can’t help but throw out one last-ditch effort. “It wasn’t me who kissed you first. Some part of you wanted that.”
Henri nods. “It wasn’t a super conscious decision. I own that. But that doesn’t make what happened last night right.”
“Understood.” I look at her, and her face matches how I feel.
A furrowed brow and soft mouth, we’re both crushed by the weight of the circumstance.
I’m not a fool enough to believe I’m the ‘right’ choice for Henri. But even if I have to be the ‘wrong’ temporary choice to get her away from Nathan, I’d be willing to accept it.
My wolf scoffs at that thought. If we get her, no way in fuck will we let her go. You’ll just have to learn how to be a better person.
A better person wouldn’t kiss someone else’s girlfriend because the voice in his head wants him to. I lash out at my wolf, thinking of all the times the human therapists called him a figment of my overactive imagination. I threaten him. Maybe today I’ll drink before noon.
He goes silent while we wait for the conversation to move on.
Henri is the first to break the silence. She uses her PR-representative voice, the one of facts, sans independent personality. “We shouldn’t touch like that. I appreciate you helping me change, but we’re not in that sort of relationship. We need to maintain a professional relationship. No touching. No kissing. No being too close to each other. This must be aboveboard.”
“Got it. Aboveboard. We’ll keep our personal space bubbles big.” I agree with her only because I know the argument won’t get me anywhere.
Tell her she’s probably our mate, and this is why we feel this way. She’ll have to stop her meds and see. My wolf combats my decision, trying to get what we want.
Drinking. Before. Noon. I threaten him again. He grumbles but sulks to the back of my brain.
“Did you want me to have them bring breakfast back for you?” I offer, trying to clear the uncomfortable tension out of the room.
“Sure. Pancakes, French toast, or something.” She shrugs. “I’m not picky about breakfast foods.”
A message is already on my phone.
Dinah:
I ordered you biscuits and gravy and Henri strawberry stuffed French toast. Be back in like twenty minutes. Be decent.
Evidently Dinah saw our conversation going in a different direction.