33. Henri
Chapter 33
Henri
Nothing is ever going to be okay again, and it’s all your fault . My wolf berates me. We need to see Deacon, and you won’t go to him.
There’s nothing I can say to her that I haven’t already said, and arguing with her gets me nowhere. Instead, I flop down on the couch, pull a pillow over my head, and scream.
I scream until the air is gone from my lungs, and I leave myself suffocating under the pillow, wishing to hide here forever.
No boy like that is worth crying over, Henri. Deacon’s voice is in my head, and I pull the pillow off my face. Instinct takes over, and my body expands, my lungs sucking in a breath of life.
Today has been just another exhausting day. Deacon’s been gone for twenty-four hours, and it’s last-minute RSVP to Equinox after last-minute RSVP to Equinox, and something I didn’t take into consideration when hiring staff is that some wolves go into heat. I can’t even blame them for it, but damn the timing is inconvenient .
We could go into heat with Deacon if you’d just fucking go to him. My wolf pushes forward, wanting Deacon.
There is no peace and quiet in my head.
She thinks about his brown hair, messy after a long conference when he finally shakes off the professional demeanor to be his more laid-back self.
Going to Romania for absolutely no reason at all doesn’t make sense. He didn’t want to see me. He said it himself. I didn’t have to pick him, so long as I wasn’t with Nathan. If that isn’t a nice way of saying ‘let’s just be friends,’ I don’t know what is.
Nathan’s been texting me on and off. The messages go from ‘I want you back’ to ‘you’re such a whore,’ and I know I should block him, but I just can’t make myself.
I can’t make myself because part of me wants to go back to him. Which is absolutely absurd. There’s no way I should go back to him. But part of me is so lonely that I wonder if being on edge and trying to anticipate what he’s thinking or doing could really be all that worse than being alone. Logically, I know it can.
Cade and Deacon showed me that it can.
I can’t even call and tell Mom and Dad because how, after all these years, do I just open communication like that? ‘Oh, hey, do you remember me, your adopted daughter, who just ghosted you?’ And then what? What happens then? They’ll probably say they don’t want to talk to me.
Go find our maybe mate. He’ll take care of us, my wolf snarls at me.
I’m not going to Romania. He’s gone, and we don’t know for how long. It’s not worth it.
I groan. Closing my eyes, I try to block her out. Can you completely close off from your wolf? Just make her go away? From my understanding no... But Deacon... The Ardelean gifts come from their wolves.
Deacon drank and used God knows what drugs to keep his wolf quiet. It wouldn’t have to be for long, just some peace before bed.
I push myself off the couch and nearly run to the kitchen for the bottle of wine in the chiller. I dig through the drawers until I find the corkscrew and then the cupboards until I find my thermal wine tumbler.Deftly, my hands move through getting it open, and I pour a usual serving size. Then I pour a lot more. The only time, since having found her, I didn’t feel my wolf was when I was drinking at this party. Coincidentally where I met Nathan, and I was sloshed. Better safe than sorry.
Television and I haven’t spent any time together lately, but I find the remote in the ornamental bowl on the table and turn it on. Before flicking through the streaming services, I set an out-of-office email, telling everyone I’ll answer their messages tomorrow morning. I might be drinking away my wolf, but that doesn’t mean I can neglect my job. A break for one night, though? Well, no one will fault me for that. Cade knows where I am if he needs me.
The couch has never been my favorite place to wake up, but damn if that wasn’t the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time. My phone’s almost dead, but it’s only five thirty, meaning the light coming in the windows, not the alarm, woke me up.
I can sleep for three more hours before I have to get up for the day, and thankfully, no wolf to be found. After a trip to the bathroom and changing into my pajamas, I climb into the big fluffy bed and snuggle in among the covers.
It’s one thirty in the afternoon in Bucharest . Closing my eyes, I try to push the thought out of my mind. I could just text him and make sure he got there okay. It’s still part of my job to make sure he has the right social media coverage.
I roll to my side, facing the nightstand, and pick my phone up. I pull up his number from my favorites and hover over the keys in a new message. No. Fuck it. He’s Revecca’s problem. I’m sure she has social media people who can handle him.
Phone back down on the table, I stare up at the ceiling for a few moments before forcing my eyes closed.
My wolf stirs inside. Groggy and uncoordinated in my mind, she thinks about Deacon again.
I have three hours... I shuffle to the chiller and pull out the bottle of wine. After pouring a smaller serving than last night, but still substantial enough, I down it. It’s just a few hours of sleep .