40. Deacon
Chapter 40
Deacon
Henri goes toward my and Lena’s bedrooms, but I stop her. “I took the liberty of moving into the primary. It has nicer amenities. No one else comes here.” I selfishly sweeten the pot so her scent might linger where I spend a lot of time in my secondary home. “Thalia loved the shower and tub here so much she had the Alpha bedroom at the main house constructed similarly.”
Henri redirects herself back to the primary bedroom without further objections.
I thought I could stay away from Henri. I could keep my distance and get my wolf together, and if I couldn’t get my gift together enough to be a good mate for her, I’d give up the wolf. Henri wouldn’t have to suffer for me.
She feels alone. That no one is here for her. How could I ever let her live that way?
My wolf laughs at that. He doesn’t have to say it, and he knows it. The ‘I told you so’ air is evident. Since I laid eyes on her after coming back from Romania, everything is different.
Revecca made a lot of sense. Embracing the fluffy asshole and trying to figure out my gift is working— ish . The truth is that the darkness within me has become even more toxic. It whispers, Maybe for her I can figure it out... I’ll hang every hope of life on her. No matter what that means for her.
Leaving her to shower or take a bath, I start the task of taking inventory and putting the home together for the next week. The pantry has enough random odds and ends left over from my past weeks of decompression that I can make a pretty decent meal for tonight.
In the freezer, I find peas and heat them in the saucepan on the stove. I try to remember what weird eating things Henri has.
Surely there’s something she doesn’t like.
Nothing, other than Nathan practically starving her, comes to mind.
I can’t do this. I don’t even know her.
Although I imagine that’ll change being in close quarters with her for however long we’re here for.
The door to the primary bedroom opens, and Henri walks out in one of my T-shirts and a pair of my sweatpants.
Seeing her in my clothes elicits a physiological response I wasn’t expecting. Fuck. I’m getting as bad as Cade and Finn.
“Can you at least have some of my clothes sent over if I’m going to be held here as a prisoner indefinitely?” Henri snarls.
Maybe I should have shown her where I have clothes in her size? Nah. This cute little angry thing she’s got going on is fun. Finn and Lena’s bickering makes sense now.
“So hostile.” I shake my head and move on. “You like peas, right?”
“Yeah?” Henri pauses, drawing her eyebrows together. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” I answer with an offhanded shrug. “Lena has a bunch of stuff she doesn’t like. Thalia is less particular but still kind of a picky eater.”
“Not all women are the same,” she grumbles, but the stool slides out across the floor, and she sits on it.
I hang my head. When did she get to be so combative? Or was it that I was too messed up to notice?
She’s hurting. My wolf is focused on her.
I pull down two bowls and start plating the penne pasta with alfredo sauce, chicken breasts, bacon, and peas. Pulling the parmesan and asiago, which spoil slower and are fridge safe for a long time, out of the fridge, I turn back to her with the bowls.
Her eyebrows rise seeing the dishes.
“What? You just told me women aren’t all the same and that you like peas.” I set the bowls down, drawing a deep breath, trying to check myself against the frustration.
“No, it’s not that.” Henri softens. She draws a deep breath. “I just don’t remember the last time someone personally cooked for me, not a group meal, without some devious intention behind it.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, a few minutes ago you were accusing me of keeping you prisoner. So, assuming that this battle between us is going to continue, then truly the reason to provide you a meal is that the Geneva convention states I have to feed you.”
Henri rolls her eyes. She takes a fork from me and stabs it into a slice of chicken.
“Jeez.” I gasp in false shock. “What did that chicken do to you?”
With a shake of her head, Henri pops the chicken into her mouth. She chews and swallows and then looks at me. “You’re not eating?”
“No, I am.” I look away from her and turn back to the food .
For being a hodgepodge of premade ingredients like canned sauce and slightly freezer-burned peas, it’s not bad. By the time I’ve finished, Henri, the slowest eater in the world, is halfway done with her food.
I rinse my bowl and put it in the dishwasher, and Henri slides her bowl toward me.
“Eat.” I slide it back.
“But...” She tries to argue with me, but she relents and takes the bowl back.
“You can be the only one eating. It’s okay.” I encourage her.
I forgot to eat slowly so she didn’t feel pressured to be done.
“Fine, but while I eat, you have to tell me how you’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not alone,” Henri demands.
“Henri, we’ve been dancing around each other for months. You were the best kiss of my entire life. The only thing that’s stopped us all this time is that you’ve had a boyfriend.” I’m jumping all over the place and doing a shit job of explaining my feelings.
Henri cocks a brow but keeps eating. She doesn’t interrupt my silent struggle.
Closing my eyes, I draw a deep breath and start again. “I talked to Revecca about us, and a number of other things, but about us in part. She confirmed we’re a match from fate itself and fuck... it’s the only...” I shake my head, clenching my fist, trying to hold back the words, but it’s got to be honesty.
My words give Henri pause. She closes her eyes and sets her fork on the counter beside her bowl.
I can’t stand to lose her when the opportunity is right here in front of me. “It’s the only thing that has me committed to trying to work with my wolf.”
Henri’s eyes pop open. Then she squints at me. “I’m what, the reason you’re going to try and get sober? ”
“No.” I shake my head quickly, taking that pressure, that blame, off her. “I’m committed to getting more sober and letting my wolf become strong, but, on the off chance you and I can’t seem to get along together... I can have him removed and set you free to find a better mate.”
“How is that any better?” she pushes out through gritted teeth.
You don’t get stuck with a mate who’s barely functioning. That doesn’t seem like a smart answer though. It’s certainly not one that will convince her of anything.
“It’s the least selfish thing I can do for you, Hen. If you love someone, set them free and all that. Better to let the wolf and you go rather than hurt you.” I go quiet for a minute, debating saying this. Ah, fuck it. “It’s either that or I kill Nathan so there’s no chance he’ll hurt you again. Though, realistically, there’s no reason I can’t do both.”
“You don’t have to kill him. Why do you keep casually admitting to plotting murder?” She rubs her temple, frustration overflowing from what I’m guessing is an ingrained portion of her job.
“Because I can.” I wrinkle my nose. “I’ll confess to a few if it’ll make you feel better.”
Henri pulls her hand away from her face and looks me dead in the eye. “What?”
“Brayden Bachman? His ‘heart attack’”—I use air quotes—“was potassium induced.” I shrug as she slowly shakes her head. “The wolves and humans Cade didn’t kill in relationship to Thalia being kidnapped and turned, most of them will never turn up from the missing person reports.” I draw a deep breath and let the air out. This next one is getting easier to confess with the more people I tell. “Karina ‘Alden,’ or whatever her real name was, died of an accidental drug overdose, which was really done at gunpoint. ”
“Deacon.” Henri shakes her head, but there isn’t any fear wafting off her, it isn’t her trying to escape from any of it. “Please, for the love of anything at all in this world, do not ever mention this outside of this room ever again.”
I laugh. “Okay, Henri.”
I admire her form. Her blonde hair, clean and hanging around her face, makes her look more normal, better, despite sallow skin and the dark circles under her eyes.
She would be so accepting of this.
Why wouldn’t she be? She’s fucking perfect. My wolf sees those things, the weariness of her body, the same way I do, but we’re both looking past it to the inner beauty that no amount of alcohol or sleep deprivation can wash away.