42. Henri
Chapter 42
Henri
Head pounding and body freezing, I wake up looking for warmth. How drunk was I?
The night comes back, starting with the fact that I’m not in my bed. The bed, larger than I’m used to, is cold, and I’m missing blankets. I force my eyes open, and light filters in from the shade drawn over the window.
It’s the Aldens’ Wisconsin house. Which tracks against my memory of Deacon driving us here.
Deacon.
I squeeze my eyes shut again as bits and pieces of what we talked about come to mind.
Oh no.
Offering to take him to bed. And I was doing that without my wolf. Well, I mean, alcohol lowers inhibitions.
This is so bad.
My face heats, but then my stomach swirls, and I hurry out of bed despite the protest of my pounding head. At least I make it to the toilet before I throw up.
On the counter in the bathroom, a new toothbrush and toothpaste, along with some other toiletries, are left out for me.
This is going to be so fucking awkward. I cringe, hoping Deacon is kind and lets it go.
My wolf is starting to rise, but not enough that she comments. Just enough that I’m not alone in my own skin again. Maybe that’s the solution. Deacon said Revecca can take his wolf, so why couldn’t she just take mine? Then I’d be really alone.
I head back through the bedroom and into the kitchen, where Deacon’s standing over a pot of boiling water, glaring at it.
“Watched pots don’t boil.” I crack the joke before I think better of it.
“Good. I’m trying to poach eggs, and if I take my eyes off them, then they have the audacity to overcook.” Deacon doesn’t break focus.
Without looking, he picks up a slotted spoon off the counter next to him. First one and then another gets carefully wiggled and shaken and placed on top of English muffins with steak slices.
My mouth is watering.
He does another plate. Then he turns off the boiling water and moves to another pan, where he ladles out hollandaise sauce and pours it over the eggs.
Deacon sets the plates on the counter. “I was going to bring you breakfast in bed. But you braved the bright kitchen, so I’m guessing you’re feeling a little better.”
“Well, I just got acquainted with the toilet, so yeah. I guess,” I blabber.
Deacon doesn’t comment. “Eat what you can. But tell Lena I made you eggs Benny, and she’ll probably murder me.”
“She really likes eggs Benny?” I guess .
He slices into his stack with a knife and fork. “She has no patience when it comes to food and cooking for herself. Super picky but none of the desire to focus that long on something that doesn’t interest her.”
“I get that though. She’s so fucking smart. Anytime I’m around any of you, but especially her, it’s like I’m playing out of my league. You’re all brilliant,” I admit, pushing my hair back out of my face and taking a bite.
It’s divine. The steak is fall-apart tender. Steak, muffin, spinach, egg, and sauce. It’s a work of art. We eat for a long time, Deacon done before I finish.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” Deacon turns on his stool and looks at me, his hands resting in his lap. It’s so genuine. “You have no idea how many people would have given up in your situation. Cade is an amazing team lead, but if someone doesn’t stand up for themselves or speak up, Cade just assumes everything is okay until you make a mistake.”
“Like drinking on the job?” I scrub my hands down my face.
“Like drinking on the job.” Deacon agrees with me. “Or working so many days in a row without a break. Or being constantly available twenty-four seven.”
When Deacon lists out all my shortcomings, it just reminds me exactly how fucked I am.
“I just want to do a good job,” I defend.
Deacon puts his hand in my lap. “You are extraordinary. What I’m trying to say is that what you see—Lena being a dedicated student and scientist, Cade being a half-decent king and pack Alpha, Thalia effortlessly stepping into role as Luna, mate, and wolf, Finn seems to be everywhere, nowhere, and doing twenty things at once—it’s not something that came naturally overnight. Nor is it as easy as they all make it seem. I mean, you just saw Lena’s entire life fall apart in front of her.”
“I guess I don’t understand.” I shake my head .
“No one with your experience would have ever been able to put up with us for this long. That makes you extraordinary.” He sighs with his whole body, shoulders and stomach stretching with the inhale and then a stuttered exhale. “Can we talk about how you got to doing a really good impersonation of me in my absence?”
“Can we not?” I push back, trying to stop the ache in my chest that comes with admitting all the terrible things.
Deacon nods, but it quickly turns into a headshake. “We do have to talk about it before we leave here. I told Cade I’d do what I could to get you back together, and that means talking about it. I figure if you get talking about it out of the way, you can be in your feels about it, and then we figure out how to fix it.”
“In my feels?” I question. The use of slang doesn’t seem normal for Deacon, but it makes me smile.
“What? Would you rather I say have an emotional breakdown and be catatonic on the couch disassociating?” He gives me the most blank expression, accompanied by a slow blink.
Even being silly, I can’t stop myself from opening up. “I feel like I’m battling a monster all on my own. Nathan is all over the place. Calls, texts, and I guess even sending flowers to the house.” More words start coming like the floodgates have been opened. “And now I don’t know what to do with everything. Obviously, I want to keep working, I can’t believe I fucked that up. I’m so going to get fired.”
“You’re not getting fired.” Deacon interjects. “Cade literally couldn’t replace you if he tried, and he knows it. Meaghan, as good of a job as she’s doing, isn’t you. Let that worry go.”
I sit with those words. Deacon seems so sure.
“Has Cade ever personally expressed any displeasure with your work?” Deacon raises an eyebrow. When I shake my head, he smiles. “Then your status as his favorite employee remains intact.” He reaches over and squeezes my leg. “You’re not alone.”
“But I don’t have any friends, I chose Nathan over them. It’s not like I can go back to my adoptive parents, and I don’t want to even try finding the missing ones.” I brush past that pain and onto the next thing. “Nathan is hot and cold. In one breath, he wants to get back together, and in the next, I’m some whore. I’m afraid to block him or change my number because what if he just starts calling from another number? Plus, the contacts for Cade’s media have my phone number already, and changing it would be a logistical nightmare.”
Deacon’s grin is lopsided. It’s a devious smirk, and I can almost hear the offer.
Beating him to the suggestion, I cut him off. “You can’t just kill people. That’s not a solution to a problem. Seriously, why are wolves so murderous? Even Finn and Lena so easily think of murder as an option.”
“Shhh.” Deacon puts a hand on my shoulder and rubs it.
That’s when I notice the silence of the house and how loud my voice was.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“I’ll have Cade’s lackey, Adam, see what we can do about your phone.” Deacon trails his hand down my arm to my hand.
“Then there’s you, and we’re hot and cold and back and forth. I just don’t understand what we are and what we’re doing. My wolf is utterly obsessed. She’s dead set that we’re mates. It’s so bad that I just had to shut her out. I couldn’t stand listening to it anymore because I’m pretty sure you don’t feel the same way. You told me I didn’t have to pick you, that you just wanted me not to pick him. And even if we are and you do, it’s not like we can do this because you’re my boss. ”
Leaning forward, Deacon presses his lips to mine, silencing me.
My tension melts away as he lays claim to my mouth with a firm kiss. A kiss I return, opening my mouth for him.
It’s not hot and heavy like New Year’s, but it’s just as all-consuming. I soften, yielding to him, and he directs the kiss. He slides his hand into my hair, but he doesn’t grab or pull. He supports my head, kissing me breathless.
A blissful minute passes before Deacon pulls back, but he doesn’t go far. He keeps his fingers entwined in my hair. The physical connection solidifies my body and eases my mind.
“I am not your boss.” Deacon waits for a moment, a small smile pulling the corners of his lips up, and it’s obvious he’s watching my brain catch up with my body. “Let’s not put pressure on us and whatever this is between us, okay? Let’s just see where this goes.”
“Yeah. I can do that.” The lack of commitment makes it feel better.
How does he always know how to make things better?
He places another soft, chaste kiss on my lips. “And for the record, my wolf is also obsessed with you.”
We’re quiet, and Deacon moves his hand from my hair, snaking it back down my shoulder to rest in my lap. I squeeze his fingers.
“You’re one of us, Hen. Regardless of us seeing where things go, you’re Pack Alden and you’re family. Like Lauren and Ms. Gertie, it’s nonnegotiable you belong with us in our weird little family.” There’s a firm decision in Deacon’s words.
“Okay.” That’s so hard to accept, but I trust him. “But I don’t know how to be pack. My wolf is trying, but I feel so awkward.”
Deacon rolls his eyes. “You’re doing just fine being pack. Give yourself more credit than that. The only thing is you’ve gotta not be so set on being secluded. Wolves, regardless of our feelings on it, thrive on connection. They need us to make an effort to be there.”
“I am my own worst enemy, aren’t I?” I brush my hair out of my face. “I’ve been so hung up on being alone that I’ve failed to try and make new connections.”
“Sometimes the obvious answer is hard to see,” Deacon confirms. “Making new friends is hard, but it’s not impossible. I’ve got faith in you.”
Deacon shifts on his stool and squeezes the hand he hasn’t let go of.
“About last night.” Deacon winces. “I think we need to talk about that.”
“Do we have to?” I also wince, and we both look at each other, squinting.
It makes Deacon laugh, and the tension breaks. “Henri, I’m insanely attracted to you. You’re in charge of anything that happens between us as long as you’re sober enough to consent.”