60. Deacon
Chapter 60
Deacon
“One room,” Henri says to the woman at the front desk. “Two queens, please.”
I open my mouth to object. I should, but instead I shut it. This is how she thinks she’ll be comfortable. It’s not like we can’t cuddle in a queen.
My wolf is rising faster than I want. He’s grumbling and pushing me toward her.
The last of the suppressants are entirely out of Henri’s system. Within the next two hours, the ‘it’s undeniable she’s your mate’ moment is going to happen.
Who am I kidding? That moment happened the second Cade sent me the files of all the known players in Robert’s support network. I was just too arrogant. I thought I was above it and would be able to resist.
Cade had asked me to do some digging into Robert’s staff. Not trusting them, Cade didn’t want to take any risks that there were ulterior motives going on within the ranks. We trimmed down Robert’s lavish staff and only kept those who were most likely involved enough to know what was going on but not enough that they were pushing buttons and pulling strings.
The new intern, who was just getting her feet wet, wasn’t the ideal candidate for the Alden pack publicist. But I wanted her from the first time I saw her picture. Conveniently, the PR staff all seemed to quit the night Cade killed Robert, except for the intern with zero experience, so he had no choice but to keep her.
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
As soon as the receptionist slides the key card onto the counter, Henri grabs it and heads down the hallway to our room. She opens the door, and I follow her inside, putting our bags on the first bed.
“I’m sorry. If you want a separate room, we can get one, but I just... I just...” She trips over her words.
Standing behind her, I’m not able to see the emotions play on her face, but I can hear the muted tones of sadness.
“You’re going into heat very quickly and don’t want to be alone.” I can’t help myself, and if I could... I wouldn’t, so I wrap my arms around her. Hugging her from behind, I nuzzle my nose into her hair and draw deep breaths.
She takes a few deep breaths. “Lena went through how many heats alone?”
“Uhhh, I guess I never counted.” I don’t bother trying to do the math now.
Lust and concern for her well-being are in the way of any deep thinking.
“I feel so weak. I’m falling apart. Lena did this all by herself for years, and I can’t even stay in a hotel room alone. I’m not even all the way in heat.” Henri berates herself.
It breaks my heart hearing her talk about herself, the woman I love, like she’s not perfect.
“Hen, I’m going to need you to stop talking about my mate like that.” I let her go, but only so I can spin her to look at me. “You have gone through heat once. It was your first one. Anything any woman has ever said to me about it is that it’s the worst thing in the entire world.” Her bottom lip quivers, and I place my hand on the side of her face. “You’re responding rationally to something scary.”
Accepting my words, she nods but steps away from my touch. “How long before you’re sober?”
“Two, two and a half hours, tops.” I hang my head.
She takes a deep breath. “Then we’ll know if my wolf and Revecca are right.”
Her wolf is right. My wolf battles the last pill burning off.
Fuck off. I stuff him down. But I can’t just push this off any further. “Henri, you know, at this point, it’s a technicality that I’m still a little woobly, right?”
“Woobly?” Henri rolls her eyes.
“Really, that’s...” I shake my head and say the words one of us needs to. “Henri, you’re my mate. I am your mate. This isn’t just the heat talking. This isn’t wishful thinking or me doing or saying something to get a reaction.”
Henri shakes her head. “Let’s get some sleep. Early day tomorrow.”
“No.” I put my foot down. “Henri, we have to talk about where these big feels are coming from.”
“You wouldn’t understand, okay?” Tears are welling in her eyes.
“Try me anyway.” I coax her.
Henri looks down at my shoes and twists her jaw back and forth. “It’s like, without going into heat, I’m... close to being human.”
“Back to when your life was easier. Things made sense,” I offer, stopping myself from lifting her head up to look at me. “The first time you went into heat, your entire world changed. ”
She looks at me and nods. “I don’t know how to be wolf. But I knew how to be human.”
“I don’t know what it’s like to be human, but I think I’ve got a vague understanding of what you’re going through. It’s a struggle to be who you are and the person everyone believes you to be.” There are so many things I’ve locked away in boxes around my brain that it looks like a disorganized warehouse of forgotten valuables.
I look at the beds, and the pillow is already calling my name.
“Why do you make everything sound so smart?” Henri wraps her arms around herself, the last hot flash having left her cold.
“I don’t know.” I shrug off the probably rhetorical question. Finish the job, Deacon. Keep her safe and taken care of. “Are you still hungry? We could have some snacks before bed.”
Henri puts her hand on her stomach. “No, you made sure I was sufficiently fed even if I didn’t want to eat my vegetables.”
“What is it with the women in my life and vegetables? Only Thalia eats them without argument.” I roll my eyes and pretend to be completely exasperated, and finally, the overdramatics get a small laugh out of her.
“Let’s toss on a movie or some trashy TV and go to bed, then.” I yawn, mostly out of stress, trying to release the tension. Busying my hands, I open my backpack. “Is it going to bother you if I sleep without a shirt on?”
“Oh.” I watch Henri out of my peripheral. She opens her mouth and then pulls her bottom lip in before answering. “That’s okay. I can deal with that.”
The lack of real objection makes my heart flutter like I’m some teenager. Get it together. We’ve already had sex .
Obviously, our mate finds us attractive. My wolf gives me a ridiculous huff.
But not even the smug asshole can dampen the feeling of being wanted.