Chapter 34 Jane
Two days after our difficult conversation, Glade and I returned to Britavon on dragon-back. Word of the showdown atop the mountainside had reached the king and Jion, and their concerns about Glade’s ability to protect me demanded our immediate return.
I didn’t want to go back at all. In fact, despite the trials, I had felt content in Cylvaris. Well, before the Tenebranian monster attack, at least.
Our three-hour journey atop Mir’s back had been uneventful, to say the least. Glade had been keeping his distance for the past few days, and though it pained me, I respected his decision and the boundaries he had set.
But I wished, with all my heart, that Glade could find it within him to forgive himself.
As much as I understood his torment, I knew, deep down in the quietest recesses of my soul, that what had happened between us wasn’t the product of calculated choices.
It wasn’t something we had deliberately sought.
It was something far more powerful and inescapable: a fragile and unyielding bond that had grown between us.
Though I ached to touch him again, it wasn’t just his body I missed. What I yearned for most was his friendship, his companionship. Since my abduction and arrival on Ornath, Glade had become the one constant in my life, and his absence left a void I couldn’t seem to fill.
When the sorrow and loneliness became unbearable, I reminded myself of the truth: I wasn’t chosen by Amantius to be Glade’s friend. I had been chosen to wield her Light, to defeat the Tenebrae. That was my purpose. That was what truly mattered, though it ached to admit.
Did I feel guilty about what had happened between us?
Of course. But in a strange way, I didn’t feel as though I owed Jion anything…
Not really. I liked him, yes. I even admired him.
But I barely knew him, and I certainly didn’t love him.
How could I be faithful to a man I had never even chosen for myself?
Mir landed in the gilded meadow just beyond the forest, her claws sinking deep into the soil.
Glade dismounted first, and I noticed the brief hesitation in his posture, a fleeting desire to help me, but he held back, standing off to the side with his hands clasped behind his back.
His subtle nod conveyed confidence in my ability to manage on my own.
By now, I’d grown accustomed to dismounting the massive dragon. With a steady hand on Mir’s scales, I slid down her side and landed on the ground.
Turning toward the castle, the looming fortress that felt more than ever like a gilded cage than a home, I gathered the hem of my skirt.
As I stepped forward, the tall grass brushed against my ankles, its bristles tickling my skin.
I gave Glade a quick, awkward nod, neither of us seeming to know what words to say and began the reluctant march toward the inevitable.
“Jane?” he called from behind, halting me mid-step.
I turned to face him, curious as to what he would like. Glade stood there, his hands finding their way into his pockets as if he didn’t know what else to do with them.
“Yes?” I asked, tilting my head.
He cleared his throat, straightening his stance. “Seeing as we’re out here, all alone in this giant field, I thought…maybe we could practice harnessing your Light.” He gauged my reaction. “If you’re ready, that is. We might as well take advantage of the opportunity.”
The prospect of returning to the castle filled me with a sense of dread, the duty waiting within those walls. “Okay,” I agreed, invoking a certainty I wasn’t sure I truly felt. “That’s a clever idea. I’m ready.”
If anything, practicing my Light would stall the inevitable just a little longer, and I was more than willing to seize the chance.
Glade turned to Mir, brightening as he addressed the dragon. “You might want to get out of here for this,” he jested, though a thread of seriousness laced his tone.
Mir tilted her massive head, as if considering his words, then unfurled her colossal wings.
With a few powerful flaps, she lifted herself into the air, sending gusts of wind strong enough to loosen my hair from its braid.
As she climbed higher, she let out a low, rumbling growl before soaring toward the distant mountains, returning to her rocky perch among the cliffs.
“Alright,” Glade began. “Do you remember how I taught you to summon your Light? Let’s start there.”
I nodded, kneeling to the cold, damp soil. Placing my hands flat against the earth, I focused, kneading the dirt with my fingertips as I attempted to connect to the Celestial. But no matter how hard I tried, nothing happened. The absence of the familiar spark left me exhaling a frustrated sigh.
Glade furrowed his brows, biting his lip as he rested his hands on his hips. His gaze scanned the horizon as he mulled something over. “It doesn’t make sense. You’ve wielded your Light twice now, not even harnessing from a Celestial the second time. You’re doing everything I taught you…”
His eyes widened, a flicker of realization lighting within them.
“Jane,” he voiced, shifting his gaze back to me, “what were you feeling the last time you wielded your Light? And the time before that?”
The question pulled me back to moments I would rather forget. My stomach twisted as the memories knocked faintly at the door of my mind. “I… I was scared. Terrified. Anxious. Hopeless.” Speaking under my breath, I confessed, “And concerned…for you.”
“Okay.” Glade paused. “I know this is a lot to ask, but I need you to think back to those moments. Try to feel what you were feeling then. Can you do that for me?”
His eyes searched mine with gentle encouragement, though I could tell he was aware of what he was asking. Reliving those moments was the last thing I wanted to do.
“Glade… I…” I stammered, fright clawing at me, already tightening my throat.
“I know,” Glade interrupted, though his voice was filled with sympathy. “I promise, I’ll guide you through it. Just trust me.”
Though every fiber of me recoiled at the thought of revisiting those memories, I trusted Glade. And so, I reluctantly agreed.
Closing my eyes tightly, I drew in a deep, deliberate breath. The aroma of wildflowers danced in the air, grounding me, though it felt far removed from the dread rising in my chest. Exhaling, I willed my heart to slow.
The visions came, unbidden and unrelenting.
“I’m… I’m back on the mountain plateau. The Tenebranian monsters are about to lunge for me.
Mir… I thought she’d be here. Where is she?
” My voice cracked. The scene unfolded in my mind like a terrible play.
“I hear something. No…it’s you. You followed me up here, and now the monsters are turning.
They’re not focused on me anymore. They’re going to attack you. ”
A tear rolled down my cheek, then another, hot against my cold skin. My huffs grew shallow and uneven. And though I couldn’t see him, I could feel Glade’s presence beside me through it all.
“You cut one down,” I remembered, “but the others… They just became angrier. They’re on you, clawing, nearly tearing you apart.”
Glade’s voice appeared softly, calm amidst the unraveling of my being. “And what do you feel, Jane?”
“I…I feel scared,” I admitted, nearing my breaking point.
“What are you scared of?” he asked, coaxing me through the trauma.
“I…” My mind reeled, the flashbacks consuming me. “I’m scared they’ll kill you. You weren’t supposed to be there. They threw you down the hillside. You were tumbling, falling…”
His next question came hesitantly, as if he didn’t wish to hear the answer. “Why are you scared they’ll kill me?”
An unbidden sob escaped me. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Why don’t you want to lose me?” he pressed again, though this time his questions were far more reluctant.
“Because…” The words hung on my lips. “Because…”
I felt it—a metamorphosis within me, an electric pulse vibrating through my core. The weight of the memories, the overwhelming love and fear, ignited something deep inside. My heart broke and pieced itself back together as images of Glade flashed through my mind. The bond we shared flooded my soul.
“Because…” I whispered again, but before I could finish my thought, my eyes opened, brightened, painted with a glowing pink.
The world had transformed. My entire being radiated brilliant fuchsia Light. A Light soft yet powerful. This time, though, the power didn’t overwhelm me. It didn’t threaten to explode. It felt controlled, alive, and part of me.
Glade’s own Light shimmered faintly in front of him, forming a protective shield, though his eyes widened with awe.
I lifted my arms, and peered at my form, inspecting the glowing aura that enveloped me. Glade’s Light came only from his hands, but mine… It consumed me entirely.
I was the Light.
A smile broke across my face, a joyous laugh spilling from my lips. I’d done it. I had summoned my Light again, and this time, I willed it.
I looked up at Glade, expecting to find him just as enthused. However, his faint smile was forced, a mask that couldn’t hide the anguish in his eyes. His gaze pierced through me as he blinked repeatedly, as if holding back everything within himself.
Why don’t you want to lose me?
It was clear to him now.
He understood why.