Chapter 11
“You okay?” Smith took a drink of water, looking over at me from the passenger side.
“Fine,” I clipped, shifting in the seat, my butt aching along with my head. We crossed the border hours earlier into New Mexico, getting me on my original plan to follow Route 66 cross country.
Smith and I had been mostly silent since we got up, only speaking when necessary. Strain weeded the air like vines cutting into the harshness of the daylight, adding to my headache.
“Sure. Especially since when a woman says she’s fine, she means it.” He huffed, shaking his head as he looked out the window, the dry high desert landscape rolling by. I figured that would be the end of the discussion, like it ended earlier, but he whipped his head back to me. “Are you seriously mad at me because you didn’t get to fuck that guy?”
I sucked in, blinking in surprise at his bluntness. I was upset he tried to control me and my decisions, but if I were being totally honest with myself, he did me a favor. In the daylight, I was not sure I would have been too happy with myself. Not that I didn’t need a one-night stand, but I hadn’t been going after Marcus because he was who I wanted.
My entire problem was sitting to my right.
Last night I had thought everything was going the way I wanted, flirting with a cute boy. Though the one time he tried to kiss me was sloppy, turning me off, but I didn’t back down. I kept telling myself it was because I just needed one night of sex with someone I’d never see again, denying how many times I turned to see if Smith was watching. A surge of rage burned up the back of my throat when I saw the girl rubbing up against him and leaning into him, her hungry smile and eyes telling me all I needed to know. I acted without thought, driving my legs over to him; the need to tear her away from him vibrated every muscle. I’m doing it for Kasey. She’d want me to keep the girls off him…
I had no right, no say in what he did, my mouth empty of a reason. When I asked him to watch Goat, I hadn’t even meant it, but I couldn’t deny the need to see a reaction from him. To push him. And get her far away.
I was a very strong independent woman, but when he tossed me over his shoulder and carried me off… shit. The desire I was hoping to feel for Marcus flared up with a vengeance for someone it shouldn’t.
“I wouldn’t want to do that for your future boyfriends. You’d only compare, and they’d come up short every time.”
Tequila was the fight-or-fuck drink. The problem was I had wanted to do both. Only, more so when he carried me out of the bathroom and put me to bed.
I knew if he had just touched me, I would have attacked him. Ruining everything. I couldn’t have Smith. It was the one thing my head understood, but the rest of me didn’t care. My body tensed, and I tried to shove the memory into a box, but it wouldn’t fit, springing out every time he breathed or moved. The reflection of his soft moan, the sound of wet skin as he worked himself in the dark, my eyes watching through my lashes pretending to be asleep.
Was he wishing he stayed with the other girl? Thinking about his ex?
I couldn’t look away, tranced by the silhouette of his arm moving up and down in quick strokes. My pussy throbbed, dripping with need and desire, aching to be touched. The craving between my thighs thumped like a heartbeat. Logic tried to put in Marcus, my ex, even a celebrity, but my head kept seeing him. The fantasy of Smith noticing me watching him, his strong body rising up and sauntering over to me, his eyes sharp on mine, leaving no doubt what we both wanted. His physique crawling over me, the feel of his skin and weight as I wrapped my legs around him. His mouth over my body, on my lips as he sank deep inside me, both of us moaning, giving in to the desire.
“He was a total asshat.” His deep voice jolted me out of my reverie and back to the present, my head jerking to him, flooding my cheeks with heat.
If he only knew I was not thinking about Marcus but what I had seen the night before. It was all I could think about, straining the air with anger, embarrassment, shame, and the worst… raw need. Smith was off limits. Someone I didn’t even like. It was just because we were put in this situation, spending long hours together.
“I promise the next douchebag we meet, I’ll let you screw until your heart’s desire.”
My mouth twisted, his sentiment causing more irritation to stab up my spine, shifting me in my seat again. I wanted to yell, scream, and I didn’t even know why.
He peered over at me when I didn’t respond, ire curling over his features as he shook his head. Agitation coiled the space between us. His phone buzzed, tugging his attention to it. An angry sound rumbled in this throat, and he tossed it on the dash, as if he’d like to do the same to the person on the other end.
“One of your many girlfriends?”
“I wish,” he muttered, adding to the prickles shooting off my skin.
“Oh. The ex then.” Jesus, did that sound as snotty as it did to me? Why was I so irritated? He could have as many girlfriends and exes as he wanted.
“You could say that.”
“What does that mean? You aren’t actually broken up?”
His brows furrowed, his gaze going to the side window, his non-answer turning my stomach.
“Oh.” The single word felt like a bomb, sounding much more turbulent than it should have.
I shouldn’t have cared at all what his relationship status was. Except Kasey would be very upset, her latest text still sitting in my messages wanting me to send her a picture of him, asking what he was like now.
“It’s complicated.” He stared out the window.
“Always is.” Okay, who was the bitch hijacking my voice? I. Don’t. Care. But my mouth kept moving. “When you have a girlfriend, on a trip alone with another, and was about to sleep with someone last night… I could see how things get complicated.”
“First, you know nothing about me or what’s really going on.” His head snapped to me, fury igniting his eyes. “Two, I wasn’t going to sleep with that girl.” Total lie. I saw them together. “And last… there is nothing to worry about here.” He motioned between us. “Nothing is going on or ever will. You’re like a little sister to me.”
Ouch.
Acid bubbled up my esophagus like a volcano, charring everything as it filled my mouth, pushing out my response like a dragon. “Good thing.” I snapped. “Because I feel the same. Worse, actually.”
“Good thing then.”
“Yep, good thing.” I popped my lips, my fingers gripping the wheel so tight it hurt.
Tension sprang around us like thorns, tearing at our flesh. The silence sat on my chest, squeezing the air from my lungs. My mind rolled with insults and thoughts until I swore they could be heard out loud.
We drove in silence, the friction so palpable Goat moved around like he was upset, popping his head between us with a whimper.
Smith automatically started petting him, cooing softly. His sweetness to my dog only brushed at my skin wrong, locking my teeth together.
I hate him. I hate him.
The problem was I didn’t have anything to back it up anymore—or maybe ever. And I wanted to… needed to. Desperately.
I couldn’t be attracted to Smith. The Smug Bastard himself. No. That was not an option. Holding on to my twelve-year-old hate for the arrogant guy was in my best interest. And honestly, he hadn’t seemed to change. Still the same cocky asshole.
“Turn in there.” Smith jabbed his finger at a rest stop not far away.
“What? Why?”
“Just turn in,” he huffed, spiking the need to push on my gas and keep driving. But for some reason, I swerved the van to the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge rest stop parking lot, pulling roughly into a spot.
“There! Are you happy?”
He glared over at me as he got out, the door slamming.
“Should we take off, Goat?” I rubbed my dog’s head. “Leave him here?” Goat climbed into Smith’s vacated seat, staring out the window and whimpering.
“Traitor,” I muttered. With a heavy sigh, I climbed out of the RV, leashing Goat. I slowly tracked toward the bridge everyone was walking, letting him sniff and take care of business, getting in some exercise.
At first the area looked flat, dry, and kind of ugly, until the gorge came into view, making me gasp. Vast, dramatic, rugged, and beautiful, like a mini Grand Canyon, the Rio Grande River rushed far below, sparkling under the heat of the day.
Groups of people huddled on the bridge, taking selfies and watching something I couldn’t yet see, piquing my interest.
Smith’s broad shoulders, trim waist, and an ass no one could help but notice were the only things I saw, making me look away as a mix of heat and anger collided in my chest. Goat lurched forward, padding happily toward Smith.
A cheer went into the air as I heard someone scream, their cry echoing off the gorge. I got a glimpse of a figure through the railing, plunging into the valley below. What the hell? Moving next to Smith, I watched gravity pull the figure toward the ground with rapid speed. His body reaching almost the water before he recoiled back, flying through the air. Hoots and bellows rang out from him while what I figured was his girlfriend cheered from above, already harnessed and ready to go next.
Two guys and one girl seemed to be in charge, their traveling bungee jump business all set up and ready to go, trying to entice the next idiot to tie themselves to rubber bands and jump off a bridge. Bungee jumping had never been on my list.
“What say you?” Smith peered down at me, an eyebrow cocking.
“What?” I laughed. “You’re not serious.”
“Completely.”
I laughed again.
“Hell no.”
“Why not?” He folded his arms. “Afraid?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t see the point.”
“Of course, you don’t,” he said slowly.
“What does that mean?”
“You think you are so different from your siblings.”
I frowned, my arms going over my chest.
“You all are very logical. By the book… don’t color out of the lines.” He tipped his head, his blue eyes bright underneath his ball cap, penetrating mine. “Little uptight.”
“Excuse me? I am not uptight.”
He smiled, like, Sure, sweetie.
“This can be my pick today. Try it at least once, then you can decide if you like it or not.”
“No.” My head automatically shook as I looked at the girl preparing to jump. “Absolutely not.”
He looked away, a told you so expression on his face, only sparking ire up the back of my neck.
“It’s not because I’m uptight or scared.” Lie. I was both. “I just don’t want to.” But in my head, I couldn’t think of a reason why. Actually, even standing there, the lure of it sent adrenaline thrilling me with the idea, pounding my heart.
“O-kay.” He shrugged, reaching down to stroke Goat’s soft ears. “But I’m doing it.”
“Fine,” I replied, rolling my shoulders back, my stubbornness kicking in, digging in its heels. Because I couldn’t deny my interest, half wishing he’d push me.
“You’re really missing out. The high you get. The freedom and rush.” His eyes slid to me, watching me. “Almost as good as sex.”
The single word darted my attention to him, our eyes connecting. Air leaked from my lungs at the intensity of his gaze.
“I’m not going to make you. You have to decide for yourself, but I thought this whole trip was about exploring and figuring things out. Grow. If you don’t do anything different or take a chance, you don’t change anything. Sometimes the best way to do it is let go of the reins, climb out of your safety bubble, and live.” He leaned closer, forcing me to suck in. “Do something that scares you.”
“Smith Blackburn? You’re up next,” one of the bungee leaders called out.
Smith’s eyes stayed on me for another beat before his head turned and threaded through the crowd to the railing, the crew starting to get him in the harnesses.
I could feel his insightful words filling my chest and itching my legs. He was right. If you didn’t push yourself out of your box, nothing would change. Stagnate. Bored. I had come on this trip to experience life. To take chances and feel… alive.
Don’t be stubborn and miss out. Do it, Kinsley.
My feet moved, Goat weaving with me to Smith. His head jerked up, our gazes meeting.
“I want to do it too.” I spoke to the bungee staff, but my eyes stayed on him. A smug grin hinted on his mouth, his eyes flashing with delight.
“Awesome!” The purple-haired female crew member grabbed another harness, stepping up to me.
“But I have him… and he’s afraid of men.” I nodded down to Goat.
“I’ll watch him.” She rubbed his head softly. “I have three dogs at home. I’ll be happy to watch over this sweet guy while you two jump.” She took the leash. “You can’t skip something like this. He’ll be fine with me, I promise.”
The two other guys moved around Smith and me, clipping us in and instructing us on what to do once we got to the bottom. Their fourth crew member sat in a boat, ready to pick us up.
Every word they spoke and the forms they wanted us to sign, saying they weren’t liable, caused my heart to pound so loudly my ears hummed.
“Don’t worry; we got this down. I mean, it took us all morning to really get the hang of it, but after losing the third or fourth jumper, we started to get in a groove.” A blond guy in his early twenties winked playfully at me.
“You are not funny.” My voice quivered, my body trembling. I knew he was trying to tease and distract me. He was cute enough. Shaggy white-blond hair and hazel eyes, his smile cheeky enough it drew you in, telling you he was all trouble.
“Your boyfriend’s idea?”
“Not my boyfriend.” I reacted instantly.
“Oh, really?” His smile brightened, his eyes moving down my jean shorts and tank.
Feeling a sensation prickle my skin, my focus darted to Smith. His lids lowered, looking between us, a scowl curling his lip.
“Don’t worry.” The guy rubbed my back as he tightened the belt, pinging my attention back to him. “I’ve been doing this for three years. Haven’t lost one yet.” He laughed when I glared at him. “I’m Chad, by the way.” He winked at me again before leading me closer to the railing.
My stomach dropped, panic setting in, my bones shaking so hard my teeth chattered.
“Who’s first?” The older, dark-haired crew member motioned between Smith and me.
Was I really doing this? The need to run back to safety and say I changed my mind was on my tongue, mixing with the bitter taste of adrenaline.
“Can we go together?” Smith tilted his head, his hands on his hips.
“Yeah,” the guy replied, curling his finger for us to move in closer.
“Together?” Panic hitched my lungs, sending another quake through my body. An alarm went off in the back of my head, understanding I was going to be very close to Smith. Danger.
“Be fun this way.” He smirked down at me. “Plus, you can’t back out now.”
“Wrap your arms around her,” the older guy directed. Smith’s arms pulled me into him, his huge body enveloping mine. The heat and strength of his body pressing into mine as they linked us together actually evened out my breath. “Tighter.”
Smith squeezed me into him, my awareness of everything elevated. The sensation of his cock thick against me spiked my breath and heartbeat, spinning my head.
The lead guy rattled off more instructions, but I heard nothing as Smith inched us closer to the ledge.
“Ready?” Chad called out. “On three.” The crowd buzzed with excitement, ready to watch us plummet.
I sucked in, my fingers digging into Smith’s back, my body flattening into his.
“One!”
“Relax.” Smith husky voice slithered down my neck.
“Two!”
“I got you.”
“Three!”
With a single tip to the side, our bodies plunged toward the river far below.
Free-falling, a scream tore from my mouth, the rush of the water and jagged rocks coming at us. My stomach froze in fear and shock, my mind slower to process. The wind rushed through my hair, slapping against my face, waking me up like I had been sleeping forever. The view of the gorge, the dramatic rock formations sliding across my vision…
My lungs hurled out sound involuntarily, Smith’s deep voice booming against mine, our forms so tight there wasn’t an inch of space.
I could feel the band start to stretch, and we rebounded, forcing another cry from my mouth, but this time I could hear the joy, the elation springing from me.
We recoiled a few more times before gravity and our weight slowed us down, sinking us closer to the river.
“Whoo-hoo!” Smith yelled, stretching his arms above his head, curving his pelvis more into me, dizzying me even more. “Fuck! That was awesome!” He tipped his head down to me, his mouth so close to mine I could feel the heat coming off him, his gaze trying to assess my reaction. “Did you like it?”
I blinked, my emotions suddenly slamming into me with a punch. “Holy. Shit.” I gaped at him, a huge smile breaking over my face. “That was frickin’ amazing. Can we go again?”
His hands clasped the sides of my face, his eyes glinting with verve, a hungry smile curving his mouth. “I knew you’d like it.” His eyes tracked mine, and I felt him twitch against my stomach, flooding my body with desire. I sucked in but didn’t look away; our eyes locked, wild and raw.
Kiss me, my body screamed, but my mind was still too dazed to speak up.
As if he heard me, his attention dropped to my mouth, his huge build curving forward, our mouths only a breath apart. Holy hell, this was happening. A tiny warning beeped in the back of my head, but not loud enough for me to want to stop. My senses were too overwhelmed, needing this. Badly.
His fingers dug into my head, his heat throbbing against my skin.
“Hey,” a man’s voice shouted, jerking us back with a sharp inhale and twisting us to look at a young guy in a boat coming below where we hung. “They are going to lower you into the boat. You ready?”
“Yeah,” Smith grumbled, the crewmember shoving us back into reality. What the hell were you about to do? How selfish and horrible are you, Kins?
We were brought down into the boat and unlatched, our figures moving to opposite sides of the tiny boat.
“First time?” the guy asked, steering us back to shore.
“Mine.” I held up my palm.
“Like it?”
Unconsciously my gaze darted back to Smith, remembering the feel of his cock pushing against me, his body enveloping mine, his mouth brushing my lips, the adrenaline shooting through my veins, quaking my limbs.
I felt alive. Free. The first time I matched the person inside.
I nodded fervently. “Hell yes.”