Chapter 17
Smith’s wife? Smith’s wife!
Her claim rang in my head like a shrill alarm.
“Wha-what?” The room spun around me as I stepped back away from both of them, my gaze darting from the stunning woman who looked like she just stepped off a runway, to Smith, hoping this was somehow a joke they were playing on me.
His face told me it wasn’t. Panic, guilt, fear.
My stomach dropped to the ground. I felt the gumbo we had shared earlier coming up my throat, and my feet shuffled back.
“Kinsley. Wait. You don’t understand.” His blue eyes pleaded with me, his hand reaching for me.
“Are you married to her?” I whispered hoarsely, moving away from his reach. “Is she your wife?”
Becca flicked at a huge diamond on her ring finger. “For four and half years now.”
My gaze shot to Smith, begging for the possibility this was all a mistake. “Smith?”
“Yes, she is, but…”
“Oh god,” I whispered, feeling bile fill the back of my throat, pain slicing through my chest.
Rebecca Blackburn.
Not his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife. Current. Now.
“You don’t understand.” Agony sliced across his face, moving toward me. “Please listen to me.”
“And that is all I’m asking of you, baby.” Becca grabbed Smith’s hand, lacing her fingers through his. He wrenched it away, fury stacking up his shoulders.
“Don’t touch me.” He leaned into her face, snarling. “And there is nothing you can say that will change my mind. Nothing.”
“Smith. I love you.”
“Fuck you, Becca. You don’t know what love is.”
I couldn’t stand there anymore. Listening to them.
Husband and wife.
I treaded back again, the need to run crawling up my legs, turning me toward the stairs.
“Kinsley! Wait!” Smith bellowed, running after me. He caught up to me, tugging my arm back. “Listen to me.”
“Let go!” I yelled, ripping it back.
“Kins…”
“How could you?” My lungs struggled to breathe, pain grinding my chest. “You slept with me, and you’re fucking married?”
“Kins, you don—”
“No!” I batted away his hands. “There is nothing you can say to make this better.” I tried to stop a tear from trailing down my face. “Jesus, I knew you were a bastard, but this is beyond cruel.”
“Kinsley, please.”
“Stay away from me.” I turned again for the stairs, but he caught me again.
“Fuck. Let me get one word out.” He turned me to him, his eyes wild. “We are in the process of getting divorced. She just needs to sign the papers.”
“What?” I searched his eyes for the truth.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
“Or ever,” I snapped back.
“No. I was going to tell you… it just…” He scoured at his head, he seemed to do when he was irritated or flustered. “You and I… this wasn’t supposed to happen.” I flinched at his words. “That’s not what I meant. You know we didn’t plan this. I tried to fight it. But it did—”
“Was it to hurt me? Get even?” Becca came up behind us, her lips quivering, light blue eyes watering.
“What I do has nothing to do with you. Sign the fucking papers, Becca.”
“No!” She tried to move between us. “You are my husband, which meant something to you at one time. It still means something to me.”
“Was that before or after you betrayed me?” His anger thumped against his skin, fury raging underneath like a monster.
“He tricked me too. I didn’t know it would end like that…” A sob hiccupped up her throat, her hand flattening at her swan throat.
“You stood there and backed him… threw me under the bus, forgoing any notion of love you claimed for me. Sign the papers and let me move on with my life.”
Watching them, even fighting, I could see the passion, even in hate. The connection between them slammed into my chest like a rocket, blasting grief and pain through my bones.
I couldn’t be here anymore. It was too painful. Whatever he needed to work out with her had nothing to do with me. I was no longer part of this warped equation. Stumbling back, I veered for the first couple of steps.
“Kinsley, wait…” He lurched for me, his hands grabbing the railing. “Listen to me… please.” His eyes pleaded with mine, cutting a gash through my heart, but my mind obeyed, locked on his face. The one I traced this morning, the lips I had kissed, the body I had tasted and touched. “Just hear me out.”
“And that’s all I’ve asked of you,” Becca hissed out painfully, a tear running down her faultless made-up face.
“This is totally different.”
“Is it?” she cried out, grabbing his arm. “Smith… please… don’t give up on me… on us. I love you. I want to be your wife.”
It was an instant, a flash of doubt, of agony flinching his features—and I knew. As if I were being dropped into an abyss, the sensation you knew you were going under but had no will to stop it. My emotions vacuumed back, tucking into the depth of my soul, my shoulders rolling back.
Smith’s eyes flickered to me, noticing the shift in my demeanor.
“Kins?”
“Goodbye, Smith,” I said evenly, my attention flicking to Becca for a moment, then back to him. “I hope you two can work it out. You seem perfect for each other.”
Lying, cheating, conniving assholes. Stiffly, I turned my back on them, keeping my head up.
“Kinsley!” My name trailed after me, but he didn’t come after me again.
Not looking back, I ascended the stairs, entering my room, closing it calmly…
And fell apart.
?
“Thank you again.” I scrubbed behind Goat’s ears, digging my face into his fur, needing the comfort of my little dude more than anything.
“Anytime.” Angie’s voice brought me back up to me feet as she gave Goat’s head a kiss. “Seriously, he was a dream to watch. I would kidnap him…” Her eyebrow popped up. “If I didn’t think it would completely push you over the cliff.”
My eyes darted to the side. I had tried to cover up my puffy eyes, the lack of sleep not helping, but Angie seemed to see through the thin veneer.
“You all right?” Her voice was filled with understanding and compassion.
“Yep.” I tried to smile.
“Don’t lie to me, girl. If anyone knows what a Smith-caused heartbreak looks like, it’s me.”
“It’s not heartbreak.” I snapped harsher than I meant, forcing me to take a deep breath. “No hearts were involved.”
Angie let out a laugh. “Who do you think you’re bullshitting?” She folded her arm. “I saw you two together… the sexual tension there?” She shook her head, blowing out her lips. “Wow…it was a firestorm waiting to happen. Which looks like it did. So, tell me what happened? Do I need to knock some sense into his head? The boy has a wall like a fortress, so scared to let anything real in.”
“It wasn’t a wall…” I swallowed, trying to keep the emotion back. “It was a wife.”
When I had gotten back to the hotel, I had cried, blocked his number, packed my stuff, and checked out, staying in my van so I didn’t have to be anywhere near him. The idea of him calling, coming to my door, or running into him and Becca…
Hell no.
At the RV park, I met some Willie Nelson lookalike and got stoned with him and his dog. We smoked until I passed out, not letting myself think or feel. Waking up, I headed straight over to get Goat, wanting just to be home now. Get far away from Smith.
I was the idiot anyway. I knew better. What did I expect from a guy nicknamed Smug Bastard? Did I think I’d be different?
I knew he was off limits, and it would end badly, but I still jumped in. So really, I was to blame. Just another guy who pretended to care and then shredded my heart. Jason, Ethan, Smith. I was the common denominator. The stupid fool.
Now I licked my lips and stared at Angie. “Becca.”
Angie’s mouth parted, her lids blinking. “Wife?”
“Stunning, tall, flawless. Seeing them together… they made sense.”
“No.” Angie’s head waggled, her forehead lining. “I don’t understand. He’s in love with you.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “No, he’s not.”
“Chère.” Dear. “I can see when a man is in love. Especially him. Smith can’t hide it as well as he thinks.”
“I think you’re wrong about that.”
“I’m never wrong,” she huffed, flipping her curly hair back. “He has feelings for you.”
“I don’t think so. Becca is still very much in the picture. I think he still loves her too.” I didn’t want to hear any more, my logical brain trying to regain order. Trying not to give myself hope, to only be crushed more. I needed to protect myself from any more pain. “I don’t want to talk about him anymore. It’s over and it’s for the better.”
“Uh-oh.”
“What?” I picked up Goat’s bag, ready to get on the road and away from this city.
“I know you are hurting. Believe me, I get it. You’d think after eight-plus years, I’d be over Smith, but that man leaves a mark.”
I snorted dryly, thinking of the scrapes still covering my back and the bruises all over my body from his mouth and grip. I demanded every delicious one and gave right back.
“Don’t crawl back into yourself because you’re hurt. You are not meant to live in anyone’s shadows.”
A gasp wedged in my throat at her words. It was as if she could see everything inside my heart and head, picking at my fears and truths.
“I have a feeling your story is not over. He’ll be back, but it will be you who gets to decide the ending this time.” Her mouth pressed into a smile, before she leaned over to give Goat a pet. “I will miss you, sweet boy. Don’t be a stranger.” Goat licked her hand.
Shocking even myself, I leaned over and hugged Angie. “Thank you again.”
“Don’t be a stranger yourself.” She hugged me back.
Nodding, I got Goat into the car and walked around to the driver’s side, giving her a last wave, feeling a sadness I didn’t expect, like I was saying goodbye to an old friend. If it was the magic of this city or a bond over Smith, Angie felt like a permanent thread that somehow got woven into my life.
Pulling out, I looked over at Goat, who sniffed the seat and peered around as if he was searching for Smith, feeling the loss of the man who had only been part of our journey for a short time. His presence hung heavy in the car, leaving an empty void.
“Just you and me, little man.” I rubbed his head. Goat whimpered and placed his head on my leg, his sad eyes looking up at me.
“Yeah…” I sighed. I felt it too.
The sun was high and bright in the sky as I pulled onto the highway heading north, but it felt like a heavy rain cloud permeated the van.
Smith had left a wound, but Angie was right, I couldn’t let myself slink back into myself.