Chapter 4
Steve
Ishould have looked. I should have confirmed she was there for sure before I started, but it’s too late now.
I can’t look back.
Chapter 5
Steve
At first, I try to count my steps as I ascend the driveaway. It starts out easy, but as I hit one hundred, my steps start to slow. There is no way for me to know how long it’s going to take to reach the entrance to the mortal realm, and Essos was sparse on details. At least that Sybil person was kind enough to take pity on me and give me the broad strokes that Essos didn’t.
Essos is King of the Underworld, God of the Dead. It is by his mercy that I’m being allowed a chance to rescue Tiffany from the Underworld and hopefully live a long and happy life together, as long as I follow the rules and keep my head forward and have faith that Essos is a man of word and will allow Tiff to follow me.
Is this going to take me hours? Is it going to take me days of walking, of never knowing if Tiffany is behind me?
I’m in good shape, but I have to pause to catch my breath. I was practically sprinting to try to reach the surface before it occurred to me that I could be here longer than I expected.
Just me and my thoughts.
Me and my hope that Tiffany is actually behind me.
I stop to hold my breath and listen to see if I can hear her behind me, but there’s nothing. I won’t even turn to see if the ocean is still visible, but it must be because I can hear the waves crashing in the distance.
But I don’t hear the sound of pebbles.
I look down at the road under my feet and curse Essos. The road is actually paved. If it’s with good intentions, I’m not sure, but I’ll never hear footsteps if Tiff’s just walking.
A deep breath in and out has me starting back on the journey.
It’s like I’m walking up a long driveway. There are trees on either side as it follows gentle turns. I wonder if this is how it’s going to be the whole way, with the sun bearing down on me. If this were a normal road, I would stick to the sides so I don’t get hit, but wherever we are is not the normal world.
Once I get back on the road, I think I’ve left the Underworld, leaving me caught between life and death.
I really should have asked more questions.
But I was just so happy to see Tiffany, so happy to hold her in my arms that I wasn’t going to look the gift horse in the mouth. I was going to take his offer to get Tiff out of there and run.
Except I shouldn’t run. Running right now would be bad because I don’t know how much energy I need. That stupid egg salad sandwich isn’t going to cut it.
No more counting, just thinking.
Thinking about the audacity of this, this…god, asking me to have faith that he would let Tiffany follow is just wild. I almost laughed in his stern face.
But for Tiffany?
For Tiff, my faith isn’t if this guy will follow through. My faith is that my love for her would conquer all. It did get me into the Underworld, after all.
The king seemed to be under the impression that I shouldn’t have been able to get there without dying first, but what he failed to understand was that the day that Tiffany died, so did I.
That first step I took away from Tiffany went against every fiber of my being. Each subsequent step has me screaming inside to turn around and take her hand, but I can’t because that would be breaking rule number fucking one and I’m not going to fail because everything I have to live for is following me.
I have to believe that.
I have to believe that this isn’t just a dream.
Fuck.
I stumble over my own feet hard enough to scratch the palms of my hands and skin my knees. The sting has me hissing even as the pain momentarily short-circuits my brain.
When was the last time I scraped my knees?
I focus on the blood welling on the fine cuts on my hands. If I’m bleeding, if I’m feeling pain, I can’t be dead. I must be alive.
Which means this can’t be a dream.
I won’t let it be a dream.
But if Tiff saw me fall, surely, I would have heard her say something. She would have checked on me or at the very least she would have cried out in pain for me too. Right?
I smack the side of my head, as if I could knock the dangerous thoughts clear from my mind. But I can’t. All that serves to do is get blood on the side of my head and hurt my hands more.
That pain at least gives me something to focus on that’s not the eerie quiet of this walk. I should be able to hear Tiff, or even myself, but I’m getting nothing.
A true test of faith.
There is no option but to have faith.
That damned word again.
The only thing that is going to get me through this walk is going to be Tiffany, but since I can’t have her, I’ll settle on the next best thing.
That thought has me digging deep into my memories. Maybe if I focus on memories of Tiffany instead of the absence of her, I’ll survive this without damning her to an afterlife alone, waiting for me.
I focus on the first time I saw her across the crowded frat party freshman year.
It was the first party of the year and since I was recruited for the beach volleyball team, I was already being courted for this frat. With a warm beer in my hand, I knew I wanted to pledge as soon as I saw Tiffany across the room. No, I didn’t want to pledge to the house. I didn’t give a fuck about that.
I wanted to pledge myself to her. I needed to know what it was going to take to get her to turn her vibrant smile on me, to know what her warm, dark skin felt like under my hands. I wanted to know what her morning breath tasted like before I spent the morning tasting her.
Everything about her glowed, from the bright hue of her blue top to the dusting of gold glitter on her chest and shoulders. I hoped that it was edible glitter because I planned to lick it clean from her skin as she rode my cock.
I could feel my erection pressing against the zipper of my jeans, and I had to readjust. Of course, that was the moment this beauty turned her attention to me. She wasn’t shy as she looked me over, from my long, muscular legs to where I was touching my junk and then up to my face. I didn’t need a mirror to know that I was drooling over this girl like the immature eighteen-year-old boy I was.
Because that’s what I was when I met Tiffany. I was a boy. But being with her, and not just carnally, made me a man. Being with her made me want to be someone she felt safe with, someone she knew she could count on when the days got bad. I wanted to be her home because I already knew without saying a word to her that she was mine.
If I focus on this walk being the greatest hits, then I can survive with the reminder of everything I am fighting for. I remember the first time we kissed, the weekend of the homecoming game. That’s how certain I was that she was the girl for me that I played it almost painfully slow, too afraid of fucking it up.
I would meet up with her for lunch, even if my classes were on the other side of campus. I would sit in the library and just stare at her.
But that Friday before the homecoming game, it was late as we walked back to her dorm from the library.
“Why are you still out with me? Shouldn’t you be off at some party with all your teammates?”
When she went to bump her shoulder against mine, I surprised us both by wrapping my arm around her and holding her against me as we walked. At first, it was awkward as we found the right rhythm, and she was tense before she relaxed into me. It took a lot of willpower that I never expected to have to not just tug her tightly to me.
“The same could be said for you. What was a beautiful girl like you doing sitting in the library alone on a Friday night?”
She stopped walking on the path beside her building and looked up at me. “I wasn’t alone. Was I, Steve?”
I turned to look down at her, and I wanted there to be a choir singing praises about how beautiful she looked under the warm glow from the pathway light. It made me want to write songs about her caring side that people who got closer to her got to know.
“No, you weren’t,” I agreed. I couldn’t stop looking at her lips and wondering how she would taste.
Throwing caution to the wind, I cupped the back of her neck and looked into her brown eyes, and the vision of her blissed out as she came around my cock had me wanting to rock into her belly. I wanted to take this slow, so I tried to take a step away from her, but her hand closed around my wrist and she went up on her toes and kissed me.
No fantasy, no memory, will ever do her justice. Whatever I think of as the best thing, she’s even better.
It was a closed-mouth kiss at first, and I was fine with that, but when her tongue traced the seam of mine, I lost the control I’d been spending the last two months holding on to.
I dropped my backpack off my shoulder, not caring that my laptop was inside it, and I grabbed her hips and pressed her against the brick facade of the building. She moaned into my mouth and tilted her head back, offering her neck to me.
Jesus fucking Christ, this girl made me want to come in my pants just at the sight of her being so free. I trailed kisses down her neck while letting my hands roam too. They moved to her ass and fucking Christ it felt perfect in my hands as I squeezed the globes of her ass and lifted her.
Like a dream, she wrapped her legs around my hips and I thrust into the cradle of her thighs. How I wished there was nothing between us.
Thinking back on the memory, and even in the moment, I was embarrassed after I rutted against her like some animal out of control, but she made me feel that way. And when Tiffany came just from me grinding against her like the horny kid I was, my own release followed shortly after. I didn’t care that she made me cum in my pants, leaving me with an uncomfortable walk home.
When I set her back down on her feet, she gave me this wicked grin, and if I wasn’t already a goner, that would have sealed the deal. As it was, I almost fell to my knees to beg her to let me get her off again.
I would do anything for this woman. I would rob, cheat, and kill all in her name if she asked it, but she never would.
Driving off a cliff is such a small thing, but for her I would do it all.
I take back everything I said about being in good shape. My legs are shaking under me as I walk step after step after step. It feels like I’m getting closer and closer to the exit. I have to be because I’ve only had forward momentum, but that one tree I set as my distance marker has yet to pass. I told myself when I reached it I would take another pause to see if I could hear Tiffany, but I know I’ve been walking for at least an hour since I said that. I should have passed the tree so long ago.
Unable to take it anymore, I stop walking and rest my hands on my knees. I am careful to keep my head facing forward. I’m not even going to drop my head lest it be interpreted as an attempt to look behind me.
It would be so easy to sneak a peek, to just let my head fall forward and look behind me just to see if she’s there. Does she have to stop walking when I stop?
I wish there were a string between us that I could tug on to know she was there, a whistle or something so I would know, but there wasn’t time to sort that out and now I’m stuck in this awful fucking limbo.
“Bumblebee, I don’t know if you’re there, but I miss you.” I take that first step forward again. “The last few months have been absolute fucking hell. I didn’t get the point of anything anymore. I didn’t understand why I should shower or why I should get out of bed. The only thing that got me moving was going to that cliff to try to feel you there.
“Getting that voicemail was so…so trippy. I tried to play it for other people to prove to them that you were still out there, but it was just static. There was nothing to it.”
I freeze because I think I hear something behind me. I’ve seen way too many thrillers, so I start to turn to see if there is someone there, but I slam my eyes shut just in case.
“Bumblebee, if you’re here, and I hope you fucking are, I hope you know how much I love you.” I’m stuck half turned around as I talk to air, but I swear I can feel someone there, a breath against my lips, a hand hovering over my cheek.
It would be too easy to just crack my eyes to make sure.
But I can’t.
This might be some horrible dream that I’ll wake up from tomorrow with a whole new break in my heart, but if it is real, I owe it to Tiff to stay the course.
I flinch away from what could be Tiff or what could be some spirit meant to lead me astray, and I face forward, opening my eyes again.
I have to see this through for her, and I know that I will.
Needing a quick distraction, I go to dig my nails into the palm of my hands where I scraped them earlier but find that my hands are completely healed.
With a roll of my eyes, I let out a heavy sigh and try to come up with other things I can do that might stop me from turning around to verify she’s there.
Starting with high knees, I try different ways of walking, including doing lunges or a monster walk to try to open up my hips until thinking about my hips makes me think about Tiffy’s hips, and I can feel my hard-on pressing against my pants.
So, I don’t have enough energy to walk, but I do have enough energy to get an erection. Right. I can’t say I blame my dick for this level of eagerness. I’ve been so…I should call it what it is…depressed since losing Tiff that even the idea of jerking off wasn’t appealing. But now…
Now, I give in because I know that I’ll have Tiffy to myself in a few short…hours? Days?
However long it’s going to take me.
As I walk, I rub the heel of my hand over my cock, thinking about the first time Tiff and I had sex. It’s not an easy way to walk, but it is something.
Tiffany’s hair was braided in dramatic cornrows for the night of the formal that was being held in a local hotel. It was just a silly frat dance, but it was special to me because I got us a hotel room like it was the night of prom and I was going to lose my virginity.
Except the only thing wrong with that statement was that it wasn’t prom. But I was still determined to lose my virginity. I never intended for us to wait this long before having sex. After dry humping her against her dorm, I wanted to go to pound town right then and there, but there was the problem that I had made a mess in my boxers. Never mind that I had a refractory period that was approximately thirty seconds; I could have been ready to go immediately.
No, I was the one punishing us both because I didn’t want my lack of experience to be a total turnoff, and I was determined to learn her body before taking that step.
So, I did everything I could throughout fall term. I learned the ways she liked to have her pussy licked, and that she liked it when I spit on it before starting. I’ll admit to taking that idea from an Eminem song because I had no idea what I was doing, but she liked it and that was all that mattered.
I learned that to start, she liked when I finger-fucked her with two fingers before using her juices to play with her clit. I knew that her favorite erogenous zone was her inner wrist, and that I could give her an orgasm with a really good head massage. It happened once and while I’ve tried to make it happen again, I think that was just one of those magic moments. But I’m determined to give her the experience again if I can.
Her dress was an emerald dream, and damn if she didn’t make me hard just looking at her. Our time on the dance floor was short-lived because we were making eyes at each other the whole night.
Tiff’s roommate and best friend, Zara, danced her way past us at one point. “I think I’m pregnant just looking at you two eyefucking. Go get a room.”
If only she knew.
While everyone else got sloppy, I took my chance and stole Tiff up to our room. My hands were shaking as I put the key in the lock and pushed the door open to let her in.
“Steven,” she crooned as she walked toward the bottle of champagne that I splurged on. Sitting next to the bucket was a platter of chocolate-covered strawberries. Everything I knew about seducing a woman, I learned from Cosmo magazine and Emenem. If they were to be believed, kissing her armpit was also going to get her in the mood, but I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to spit on her pussy before or after.
“I wanted tonight to be special,” I told her.
“Every day is special with you. The only way you could make it more special…?”
“Anything,” I said, backing her toward the bed. The backs of her thighs hit and she dropped onto the mattress, grinning like a mad goddess.
“Serenade me,” she demanded playfully.
“Maybe next time.”
With her right where I wanted her, I kissed her. Tiff responded eagerly, nearly hovering over the bed so she could reach me with her lips, and fuck if that didn’t make me hotter.
My cock was so hard, I knew that the only thing that could save me would be finally sinking into her wet pussy. Her hands found my chest and she pushed me back a half-step, though I nearly fled across the room, overanalyzing the action.
Fuck am I glad I didn’t. She reached to her side and like some magician, she pulled the sides of her dress away, exposing the red lace bodysuit she had on under her clothes. There was lace crisscrossing straps that made me worry about my ability to actually take it off her.
I didn’t think too hard about it because I could see the dark skin of her nipples and I let instinct drive me. Pressing her back onto the mattress, I covered her left nipple with my mouth while my other hand massaged her right breast until she was writhing beneath me.
Her super sensitive nipples made it fun to play with her, though she always got frustrated fast and I didn’t want that. That night, I wanted her to be happy and enjoy it. That was my number one priority.
I remained fully clothed as I kissed every centimeter of skin down her body, finding my way to her lace-covered pussy. There was a hook right between her legs that looked like the same kind on her bra, so I slid one finger between the fabric and her wet sex. She trembled at the touch, and I guided my knuckle up and down, up and down, giving her just enough friction. She moaned and panted over me, and I thanked the stars every day that I had a responsive girlfriend, otherwise how the fuck was I supposed to know what to do?
Taking pity on her, I unhooked the strap and pushed the fabric up so she was totally exposed to me. And Jesus fucking Christ, she got her pussy waxed. It’s the first time I’d seen it bare. I had told her I didn’t mind that she didn’t shave or wax, and I meant it, but seeing it fully like this, my thoughts get away from me…
I’m going to embarrass myself again… I think I’m going to just cum before I even get inside her. Maybe that would be better: cum in my pants now so I have time to get hard again before sliding into her.
I didn’t know if it’s just that my girl had the same idea as me or if she was just that into me, but she propped herself up on her elbows, her braids sliding off her delicate shoulders.
“You have played with me enough, Steve. It’s my turn.” She got to her feet, and I took a second to lick at the juncture of her thighs, enjoying the way she gave a pleasurable shudder at my touch.
“What do you want from me?” I asked, looking up at her from on my knees, right where I wanted to be.
“Stand up. It’s my turn to get on my knees.”
I had no chance. No chance. Everything about this woman did it for me. I wanted that night to be about her, but there was equal desire in her gaze as she looked up at me. I could deny her nothing.
I stood up and Tiffany gave me a long kiss before sinking to her knees. Very gently, because I knew I’d never live it down if I fucked up her hair, I guided my hand to the nape of her neck where I could wrap my hands around the cluster of braids. I gave it one short hard tug so she had to look up at me.
“I love you,” I told her with a smile. It’s not the first time I’ve said it and wasn’t even close to the last time.
“You’re just saying that because I’m about to suck your dick,” she teased as she unbuckled my belt. “But I love you too.”
“No, I would love you even if we never had sex again.”
“Shut up, because you’re going to make me weepy, and I am dying to have sex with you. You’ve made me wait long enough.” She pushed my boxers and pants down, and a flare of heat had me nearly cuming on her face before she touched me. She’d seen my dick before, but seeing her on her knees in front of me in that lacy getup was better than any wet dream.
Tiffany licked her lips before she licked along the underside of my shaft.
“Holy fucking shit,” I snapped, tightening my fist around her hair.
“I want you to fuck my face like you’re going to fuck me later,” she demanded.
“So, quick and over too soon?” I said with a self-deprecating laugh.
She wrapped her hands around the base and squeezed. “No. Like you own me.”
Then Tiffany took my cock into her mouth and to the back of her throat where she gagged just a little, but she refused to quit. I’m not sure it’s even possible to adequately describe how good that blowjob felt. She sucked around me, and I was still being too tentative as she bobbed up and down on my cock. Her tongue worked the underside of my shaft before focusing on the head of my dick. She would alternate jacking me with her fist and then taking me all the way back until I felt the back of her throat and she swallowed. Every so often my knees would actually go weak from the way she moved on me. My thoughts were a haze of how much I loved her, how incredible she was, but she stole my ability to speak, so all I could manage through the pleasure were muffled grunts and moans as I bit down on my other hand.
“I don’t know if I want to come in your throat, on your chest, or your face,” I said, dropping my head back. It was so easy to get lost in the sensation of her mouth on me.
She pulled her head off me, but she kept pumping me with her hand. “You’re not going to do any of them if you don’t fuck. My. Face.”
She went back to sucking me, and at her insistence, I slammed my hips forward in tandem with how her head was moving. It was the same but different as I took control from her. She looked up at me through her eyelashes with tears streaming down her face. I hated the idea of hurting her, and she must have seen or felt my hesitation, because she squeezed the base of my dick before pushing herself farther on me.
I felt the back of her throat, and the sensation had my balls drawing up. “I’m going to cum,” I warned, and seconds later as she started to hum happily around my cock, I came down her throat in hot spurts that she greedily drank down.
When I finished, she gave one last hard suck before leaning back on her heels. A trail of spit led from the head of my cock to her mouth.
“I fucking love you, Tiffany,” I told her in my post orgasm haze.
“After a blow job like that, you better.”
I loved when she wore that level of confidence. My mouth crashed into hers and I grabbed the back of her thighs the same way I did the first time we kissed and lifted her into my arms. I nearly tripped myself before I navigated out of my pants while holding and kissing my girl.
I crashed us back down onto the bed. She was laid out under me, looking so contended, and I hadn’t even gotten her off yet.
I dragged my mouth and tongue down her body, along the edges of her lingerie, until I was back at her pussy, which was weeping for me. Taking my time, I licked up every bit of her wetness, tracing the seam up to her lips. Tiff fisted one hand in my hair, but I grabbed her hand and pressed it into the mattress so I could massage the inside of her wrist while I feasted on her.
I wasn’t satisfied with her coming on my mouth once. I pushed her for two more as I continued my ministrations, licking her clit and thrusting inside her. Tiff took her free hand and threaded it into my hair as she moaned and writhed under me.
This is happiness. I could die right here with her taste in my mouth, and it would be a happy death. Perhaps the best death.
“Stop, oh god, please, stop. I need you to fuck me, Steve” she begged after her third orgasm.
It was good timing because I was fisting my cock through that last one.
Drawing away from her, I grinned, knowing she could see the evidence of her release on my face.
“You think you’re ready for my cock, bumblebee?”
“If you don’t fuck me right now, Steven, I will walk downstairs and find someone who will,” she snapped but immediately looked repentant. “You know I would—”
“What? Never fuck someone else? Oh, I know, baby.”
I crawled back onto the bed so I was kneeling between her legs. Using the tip of my cock, I dragged it through her folds. She was still sensitive, so I was careful as I did it, leaving the head of my dick resting against her clit as I unbuttoned my shirt. I was buck naked in front of her, and she drank in the sight of me. Under her gaze, I felt inadequate. I was in decent shape thanks to beach volleyball, but I could have been stronger, bigger.
When Tiff licked her lips as she looked at me, though, I felt like I was a thousand feet tall and stronger than Samson.
Her gaze was hungry as she watched me slide the condom on. I covered her body with mine, nuzzling her. Not bothering to wipe my mouth, I kissed her because I knew she loved the taste of herself. Tiff might have been as quiet as a mouse and come off as timid and reserved, but she loved some of the dirtiest stuff. We were still young and there was a whole world out there of sexual preferences, but she was my forever, and I couldn’t wait to discover all the things that got her hot.
She reached between us and grabbed my dick to place it against the entrance of her pussy. I knew she was already slick and ready, so my thrust into her was slow and long and…
Jesus fucking Christ, if this is what sex feels like why was I such a princess about waiting? I could have been doing this with her for months.
Testing out the feeling, I slid back out. It was like there was a string between us because as I did, Tiff’s back arched and she moaned until I slammed into her again. Every slide of my cock into her wet heat had me nearly blacking out from the pleasure.
I kissed her hard before reaching between our bodies to rub circles on her clit until she detonated around me. It was like heaven as her pussy clenched and milked me as my release started, painting her insides with my hot cum. It was too fast, and too clumsy, but I was looking forward to spending all my time getting to love her in all the ways and positions I could.
Her kiss was slow and languorous until I pulled out of her and away.
She started to giggle as I backed away to get a cloth to clean the mess I’d made of her.
“You find this funny?” I asked, but I wasn’t offended, not in the slightest. I was just curious what my girl was thinking that had her laughing.
“No, I find this delightful. I’ve never been lucky enough to be with someone who is so generous and giving in bed, but also hung like a horse.” She started to giggle again, and when I came back with the warm wet cloth and spread her legs to clean her up, I pressed a raspberry to her belly.
“Don’t you forget it.”
What I should have said was that I was the lucky one to get to love her. I was the one who won the lotto when she fell for me too.
That memory of our first time leaves me screaming in rage. I shouldn’t have gone there because now all I’m thinking about is that this could be some sick, twisted joke. Maybe she isn’t even here.
I’ve been played for a fool, assuming this is all real. If this is fake, then I should turn and look at her face because I miss it. I want to be able to hold her again because I can’t take the not knowing. I can’t take this forever question of wondering if she’s there, if this is real.
Despite my doubts, I won’t let my steps falter as I walk. I feel older but not wiser as I fight the impulse to look back. It’s an impossible feeling of knowing that maybe she’s there and maybe she isn’t, but I have to find out. I have to know.
Just as I’m about to turn, something in front of me catches my eye. It looks like a flare, just like the one I saw when I gunned it down the hill that led me back to Tiff.
If this is legit, I can’t risk losing her. It’s the same argument I’ve been having in my head for hours. It’s redundant and exhausting, but I said I would do anything for her, so looking straight ahead is the least I can do.
With my eyes on that light, I sprint, and for the first time since I started this journey, I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere. The light gets brighter and bigger, until I feel like I’m stepping into it.
Warmth washes over me, and as I set my feet back on the road beside the memorial, I turn around and look.