Chapter 33 #2
~Tell me if I should be here with you, damn it. You won’t come out; I don’t know what to do. There’s no point in me being here if you’d rather be alone, damn it. I can’t find you, and it’s making me upset! ~
She comes out of wherever she squirreled away inside, looking and feeling haggard. “I’m here. Please don’t leave me, too.”
“I wasn’t leaving you, only backing away from inside you, love.”
“Can you come here? Please?”
Her eyes open, and she moves closer to me on the outside and the inside. “Yeah.”
I meet her halfway, wrapping her up. “Aww, baby, it’s okay. I’m sorry, love.”
“It’s okay,” she sniffles.
Rocking her in my arms, I soothe her as best I can while stroking down her spine. “I love you, baby. We’ll get through this. It’ll get better.”
“I hope so.” She chokes up, tears flowing down her face, and the ache radiates from her heart so keenly that it echoes in my own.
They broke her. They finally broke her.
I look down at her, my expression soft as I murmur.
“If that many people piped up behind her to say they might go? That means they want you to hear about it. I’m sorry to have peeped in your noggin a bit while you were waking, but it sounds like the one who didn’t give a rat’s ass—Belle—is the only one who flew the coop.
The rest of them made sure she realized they were thinking about it. That means you can still fix it.”
The minx hugs me tighter and whispers, “Maybe I’m more worried that I’ve lost me. They’ll come back, but I’ll not be able to be a part of anything because I’ll be afraid of restarting the pattern.”
“Be true to yourself. Sod them, and sod me. Do what you want, baby.” Tilting her head up, I look into the sapphire eyes that I love so much. “Don’t let them hold you hostage for anything you don’t want to give.”
“I don’t want to sod anything; I just want to live. I’ve been so happy and no one cares. They want what they need to feel better, and because I’m not giving it, they’re taking me down with them.”
“Why are you letting them make you unhappy if they don’t care about you?”
“I’m trying not to, but sometimes you can’t control emotions, you know?
” She sniffs and rubs her face against my shoulder.
“I created this place to help everyone who got left out. Now they’re saying I’ve become the very thing they came here to escape because I’m not running myself ragged to make every person happy.
I guess I trained them to expect it, but none of them came up with this on their own.
I think background whispers made people think I ignored them to serve their purpose. ”
“Find your happiness, baby. Find it and live it. Don’t let anyone steal it from you—it’s too precious.
We all love you. The gnome’s pack is running scared.
Bringing the git back didn’t work the way she planned it, and she’s angry.
You, Sampson, the goddess—none of you came rushing back.
Now she’s left with the dregs she planned to ditch once she had you.
She’s pivoting because we took something she thought was hers. ”
“I tried! But the happier I get, the harder they slap me down. I can’t even have a stupid party without some kind of war breaking out.”
“The answer is to what? Be miserable so you’re not made miserable?” I shake my head. “It’s the happiness that gets us through the gut-wrenching, luv. If the love’s worth it, it’s worth it, period. I’m not sure how helpful it is, cutting yourself off from the family that loves you so you can mourn.”
“It just hurts so much. It seems like I’m being sliced up inside again, like when...” She stops and shivers. “Like before.”
She almost got there, but it was too much. Damn it.
“I know, baby. It’s still fresh. Pain will ebb and fade; love and life will go on.”
“I’ll have to talk with Lily and find out how hard we’re willing to fight.
Betrayal is making it hard to focus on intelligent decisions, and I can’t decide when all I want to do is lash out.
That won’t solve anything and it’ll just further Sari’s cause.
” She sighs and I know the thought of that conversation is making her feel even worse.
“I agree. You and Daisy need to figure out what you’re willing to do and what it’s worth to you. You’ll make the right decisions, love.”
She nods and leans against me. “I’m so bloody tired. I have no idea what to do. I’m going to need to get myself clean. Ugh.”
Chuckling, I gather her into my arms and kiss her temple. “If you’re not in pain, then I’m going to file that under ‘things to worry about tomorrow,’ and we’re going to sleep. How’s that sound?”
An imperceptible nod tells me I can shut off the lights, and I sigh as she settles in. Hatred for the vacuous cows that hurt my wife seethes within, but I can’t go after them for her. It wouldn’t fix the problem now, and she wouldn’t want me to fight her battles.
I mentally check in with our mates once she falls asleep, letting them realize the seas are calmer, and wait a bit to see if the mess she made—wherever she made it—drew the attention of our employers.
Once it’s been a few hours, I let myself drift off, figuring the phone will not ring at this point. That’s a good thing, as we have not discussed the ‘magick’ part of her skill set yet with them, and I’m not sure I’m keen on doing it yet.
I have to keep her safe. She’s not a weapon, she’s not an emotional surrogate, and she’s not up for grabs to anyone.
She’s my wife, and I’ll be damned if I let anyone abuse her anymore.