Snake’s Charmer (Saint’s Outlaws MC: Dogwood Ridge, TN Chapter #1)

CHAPTER 1

GRAYCIE

The sun isn’t even threatening to rise yet, but I’m awake.

Some people would complain about it being too early, but when you face your own death, knowing it’s just a matter of time, getting up early isn’t really something to complain about.

After being with my ex and enduring his violence, a lot of things became a matter of perspective.

Sometimes I still can’t believe I was able to escape Sylvester.

It felt like it took forever to plan. I had to hide money throughout the house and hope he never found it.

I hid a bag at the bus depot and every day I lived with the fear of him finding the key to the locker.

I never put everything I would need when I ran in one place because the fear of being found out made me paranoid.

Even though I got away, the paranoia stuck. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder because I’m worried that he’s right behind me reaching for me.

The nightmares are paralyzing.

It’s been so long since I’ve had a good night’s sleep.

When I was with him, I barely slept because I never knew when he was going to pull a Jekyll/Hyde. Which version of him would come home from work? Who would be eating dinner and would they like it? Are his volatile feelings right on the surface while he’s crawling into bed?

I was constantly asking myself those questions.

There was no way I could eat either. I escaped months ago, but I’m only now able to see my curves filling back in. Honestly, sometimes it’s still difficult to eat.

Because there are times when I can still hear his voice. And all the words he spewed at me to break my spirit.

I know it’s what he was doing. Still, knowing wasn’t enough of a shield; his acidic whispers still found the cracks. And ate at them.

He eroded the way I see myself, and now I can’t always look in the mirror. I can feel his words ooze over my skin, changing me and showing me all the flaws he saw. Even though I know they’re not really there.

There’s still a morning chill in the air, which is exactly what I need when I step out of my garage apartment.

It was lucky I found it when I arrived in Dogwood Ridge, Tennessee.

Maybe it wasn’t luck, maybe the cook and owner of the diner in town took pity on someone who was clearly having a hard time and needed a little help.

Because I looked like complete shit when I showed up in town.

A completely random town. I had no real destination when I got on the bus. The only thing I was sure of was needing to get as far away as possible. Going somewhere cold was out of the question. The milder winter along the Blue Ridge Mountains is enough. Someplace colder? No thank you.

This is nice because it’s different from Phoenix. Thankfully. And small-town life is better for me.

I just hope Sylvester never comes to look for me here. I’m not sure where I would turn.

Stan would try to help me, and he’d get Sheriff Lyons involved since they’re brothers. The problem is that Sylvester doesn’t play fair. Behind the curtain of high-powered attorney, according to him, is a man who works for people the devil would try to avoid.

Maybe a saint would be a better choice.

As I slide behind the wheel of Dolly’s car, the one her son, and my landlord, has maintained since her death, I’m grateful all over again that I landed here.

By chance.

By fate?

“Nope,” I admonish myself, “not going to think that. Dangerous territory.”

The light upstairs in the house flicks on and I know Stan is up. He’ll be at Dolly’s Place soon enough, but I have my own things to get in the oven and Lara will probably beat me into the kitchen anyway. Since she only has to go downstairs from the apartment above, her commute can’t get any better.

It allows her to work and keep her daughter safe at the same time. I have to admire her as a parent. I always felt like an inconvenience to my parents and their plans. They’re the ones who insisted Sylvester was the man for me.

I’m sure they just wanted his connections.

Looking back, I’ve come to terms with things I wasn’t willing to see.

Or maybe I just didn’t realize how close the shadows were.

There used to be a time when I knew life would be difficult, that I would need to put in effort, but I didn’t think evil would touch me.

I would never have imagined the violence I endured. Or the way Sylvester twisted my mind and used it against me.

My parents made me his perfect prey with their indifference.

The moment I pull up to Bunz Out, I jump out of the car and rush to the back door, knowing it’ll be unlocked for me.

We have the morning’s timing down. And there’s not a lot of crime here, not with the pride Sheriff Lyons has for enforcing the law.

Or the way the local motorcycle club demands respect.

I’m still not sure how I feel about the club. The Saint’s Outlaws MC.

You can’t miss them around town, not after spending any amount of time here. There are quite a few club owned businesses. Even Stan uses Hank’s Auto Shop, which is owned and operated by the club. It’s where he takes Dolly’s old car; the one he insists I use.

After typing in the security code, I press my forehead against the door and let out a long breath. I realize it’s almost too quiet behind me which has me turning around slowly.

Lara is standing there, her apron already in place and her blonde hair twisted up on top of her head in something complicated, messy, and put together at the same time. She’s watching me closely. Too closely.

I have no intention of sharing my past with anyone. It’s for their own good. And mine. I’d like to be able to stay here which means keeping my head down as much as I can.

My best friend Opal, on the other hand, is determined to get me to open up and live. She’s starting to win parts of the battle.

“Are you okay?” Lara’s voice is filled with concern.

“Yeah,” I straighten up while keeping my voice even, “it’s just chilly this morning and I hate having to warm up again.”

Even though my gut is telling me she’s not buying it, she doesn’t call me out and grins. “Then you better get in near the ovens.”

“Or knead some dough.”

Lara groans, “What I wouldn’t give for this town to have a masseuse. Or I just need a man?” It comes out as more of a question and I already know what’s coming. “Naw,” she holds out the word, “that can’t be it.”

When she visibly shudders and winks at me, all I can do is shake my head and try to hide my smile.

“A man would just get in my way,” she grumbles. The scowl on her face makes me wonder if she has a particular man in mind. “I have more than enough going on.”

“When would you even have the time?” I ask her with wide eyes.

We grin at each other and laugh softly. I’m not really that funny, but we both know that the bakery and Vanessa, who is almost done with 5th grade, take up all her time.

She’s an amazing mom and the love she has for her daughter is clear to see once you spend any time around them. Vanessa is also a great kid. She’ll be up soon and getting ready for school.

“Oh,” her finger punches the air in a personification of eureka, “I need to get that lemon toy. Have you seen it? I keep getting ads any time I scroll, like it’s telling me something.”

“Maybe it’s the books you read,” I tease her.

She eyes me as I start to knead the dough I’ll use to make cinnamon rolls. And they’re delicious.

“It wouldn’t hurt you to join the unofficial book club.”

My face heats, I can feel it creeping up my skin and I know I’m turning pink. “I don’t think that’s for me,” I murmur.

Even though I’m not ready to believe in love again, not yet, I don’t plan on advertising what I read. No, it’s better for me to fly under the radar as much as I can as Opal’s sidekick.

As far finding someone, Sylvester used devotion as a poison. I know it was never really love, but I’m not rushing myself.

I’m not sure I can trust a feeling that people use and twist so easily.

“Mm-hm,” Lara hums.

I clear my throat, hoping she lets it go. Still, it’s a conversation I’ve had with her before. Actually, it comes up most days at least once.

Opal is just as bad. She keeps trying to talk me into going to the SOMC clubhouse. Her brother is part of the club and Opal’s job is to manage the clubhouse and the club’s needs.

I’ve been able to put her off so far.

I’m not sure how much longer my streak is going to last.

“How’s Vanessa doing?”

“Sure, I have no idea what you did there,” she sing-songs and flashes me a smile.

There’s nothing malicious about Lara. She put me at ease immediately. I think it helps that she’s new to Dogwood Ridge as well, though she’s been here longer than me.

Still, she can’t resist talking about her daughter. I can’t really blame her.

I let myself imagine, for just a moment, if I really could have a family of my own. Sylvester used my desire to have kids against me. What he didn’t seem to understand is that I never wanted to have kids with him.

He’d be a terrible father, and I’d be a monster to put a baby into an abusive situation.

But, then again, if he was really determined, he would have forced the issue.

He thought he was breaking me by dangling the carrot of kids, of a real family, in front of me. There were a lot of ways he broke me down, promising me kids when it was the last thing I wanted with him, was a miscalculation on his part.

“She’s great,” Lara’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts and I almost thank her. I hate thinking about him. But the memories are hard to escape. “She’s ready for the school year to be over.”

“Is she still nervous about middle school next year? Not that I blame her,” I add on and make a face. “I would never want to go back to those years. There’s too much puberty going on.”

Even though I say it with complete seriousness, Lara cracks up.

“There is too much puberty,” she agrees, her voice filled with amusement.

“She’s feeling better about it after her class visited the school and got a tour.

Then there was a family night where the principal and vice principals introduced themselves while trying to instill some school spirit early. ”

I try not to grimace because I know what they’re doing is best for the kids. They’re trying to give them a chance to get a little more comfortable with the idea of a new place.

But that sounds awful.

“That sounds interesting. I’m glad it helped her feel better about everything.” I manage to keep my voice even and not give away how I actually feel about it.

Putting on that act, the one I used to survive Sylvester, is getting harder to slip into. I thrived in the gray area, where neutrality and not showing emotion meant I might avoid the pain.

Lara barks out a laugh as I finish rolling out the dough and get ready to fill and roll it up. “It was incredibly boring,” Lara admits, her voice a whisper while glancing toward the door leading to the stairwell up to the apartment, as if Vanessa is going to jump through it as a gotcha.

I can’t help but giggle. Vanessa doesn’t have to be up for a while. She’s not thrilled about getting up with her alarm already. There’s no way she’d wake up even earlier.

“I think you’re safe,” I tease her.

“Maybe,” she grumbles, “but she probably still heard me. It’s her superpower.”

“I thought it was the moms who were supposed to have superhuman hearing. And have eyes in the back of their head.” I shrug with my words; my mom didn’t care enough to have eyes in the back of her head when it came to me.

Not that I did anything bad to get her attention. I was too busy trying to get it by being perfect.

Fat lot of good it did me.

What I got was isolation, pain, and broken promises.

I had a few years of freedom after leaving my parent’s house and heading off to college. While I was proud when I graduated, my parents didn’t care. Then they introduced me to Sylvester.

The longer I’m in the bakery’s kitchen, the more relaxed I become. The shadows who had chased me into my dreams and then into the day before the dawn, have receded slightly.

Not completely.

I don’t believe I’ll ever live without those shadows.

Now I realize they were always there. I just couldn’t see them before. I could be lost in them, swallowed up until I’m twisted up in pain.

What chat while we bake with synchronized steps which come from days of learning each other. My heart is light by the time Vanessa slips through the door with her backpack slung over her shoulder.

Lara glances at her and blows out a breath which makes a tendril of her hair flutter. She’s just finishing up scooping out a tray of cookies. I already know it’ll be the last of the dough in the bowl. We have the timing down just right.

“Yes,” Vanessa whines, “I brushed my teeth and my hair. I did the whole morning routine.”

Lara huffs out a breath, but I glance over and catch the pride in the smile she hides by looking back at the pan on the countertop.

“Good,” there’s love in Lara’s voice, “I’m almost done.”

“I know,” Vanessa sasses, “this isn’t day one or anything.”

“Hey now,” Lara scolds her without any real oomph behind it, “it’s too early for you to have so much attitude.”

“What attitude?” she throws back at her mom.

“Uh-huh,” Lara drawls and rolls her eyes.

After she gets cleaned up and Vanessa gives me a little side hug, I’m left in the quiet of the bakery. There’s comfort in how the kitchen settles around me. But it also has me listening harder to the world beyond these walls.

Just in case.

Because you can never be too careful.

The order of the kitchen, the need for the recipes to be followed exactly, allows me to think over how much better my life is in Dogwood Ridge. I never want to see my parents again.

I sure as hell never want to see Sylvester again.

Hopefully, he doesn’t find me. Ideally, he’s not even looking for me.