Crashing the Party
twenty-one
Righting my clothes after being thoroughly used in the best way possible, realization hits me. We just had sex in my tack room. Where Brad has been in the last few hours since we left for our picnic. He could still be here somewhere. Waiting for me to return. Whether he knows that Charlie is here is unknown. But will it be enough to deter him? There’s a tightening happening in my chest that steals the breath from my lungs, doubling me over.
“What’s wrong?” Charlie rubs circles into my back trying to comfort me the best he can, but he’s been through enough of these attacks with me that he knows he can only do so much. It’s not his fault that I’m so fucked up. Poor guy got so much more than what he signed up for with me.
“Hey what color was the saddle blanket you used today?” He interrogates, as if that is what’s important right now. “Purple,” I spit out, still trying not to take in much air because the expansion of my chest hurts like hell. My heart feels like it fell into my stomach. I’m going to be sick. Feeling the acid roiling up my throat, I try like hell to swallow it down. Refusing to give up my control.
“Right, and what kind of weather is this?” It dawns on me what he’s doing, and my panic is being replaced with annoyance. I hate these coping mechanisms that the hospital put me onto that first night after I panicked in the room. I couldn’t get any of them to work, but it doesn’t stop me from answering his question, albeit slightly sarcastically.
“Biting cold, can’t you tell?” The response earns me a swat on my still stinging ass cheek, so I lean into that feeling and notice that I’m able to take in more air with each passing breath instead of gaping like a fish out of water. Though still doubled over and rubbing the ache in my chest, I can feel the slowing of my heart rate. The calming effect his laughter and overall presence has on me grounds me. God, what would I do without him? I don’t think I ever want to find out, but that kind of dependence is dangerous. Debilitating in some ways. I don’t want to be attached to him so desperately, especially in times like this when he might not always be there to pull me out of my hell. The prospect of him being there when it matters most is what keeps me grounded, able to stand up straight and lean into him before muttering a soft, “thank you,” into his chest.
“Always. I’m not going anywhere, no matter how much you might want me to at times.” He places a soft kiss to my temple, making my heart speed up even though I only got it to slow down minutes ago. I can’t let my guard down now, though, not when Brad could be lurking nearby, waiting for his chance at revenge. Charlie starts to lead us toward the house before suddenly asking, “Should we call the police about the damages here?” He gestures to the barn we just left out of.
“Look, I love that you want to keep this nice and neat within the justice system, but they let him out. Which, fine, I guess he didn’t technically get to do the vile things he set out to do, but obviously, he’s not finished with me. So why should I stand idly by, waiting on them to take care of this for me? Fuck that. I’m not going to give him the chance to finish what he started. I’m going to end him if he comes after me, Charlie. And I’m sorry if that changes things between us, but I won’t be a victim.”
“Hey, I wouldn’t want you to be. This changes nothing. If anything, it just makes me feel even more for you. I’m here for you; how many times do I have to tell you that for you to believe me? Just tell me what you need, and it’s yours.”
“I won’t be okay until he doesn’t exist. I need to be the one to end him. Will you still look at me like you are right now when it’s over, though? Will you be able to love me still, knowing I’ll be forever changed?”
“Look at me, Haedyn,” He spins me to stand in front of him and lifts my eyes to his with his finger under my chin. “I’m here. You’re not getting rid of me that easily, and if you’re trying to, then go ahead and bury me beside that asshole because I will follow you to the end. I love you. More than anything you could ever do. More than the troubles we face. More than the bad things we do for good reason. More than I thought I could care for anyone. I love you. I’m here. Please let me be here for you.”
I can feel my heart melting into my ribs, leaking all over my other organs to allow his love to overtake my whole body, searching for a way to make my brain believe him. The struggle is struggling.
“I’ll try,” is the only reply I can give. It feels unfair that he can express his love for me so easily, and I can’t even say the words outside of an accident. Maybe my parents fucked me up more than I realized. The only people who I’ve ever allowed myself to get close to were Grams and Kate. Letting someone else into my heart feels a lot like flaying my own skin wide open for him. It physically pains me to talk about my vulnerabilities, even when they are good ones to have.
“What a sweet little moment,” a rough voice taunts, and chills immediately overtake my body. Ice penetrates my veins and freezes my blood. I’m scared to turn around and face him, but I refuse to bow to my fear another minute. Charlie tries to push me behind him and shield me, but fuck that. I shove off of him and spin to confront the face of my brokenness. He has taken too much of me recently; it stops now.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Didn’t do enough damage at the campsite? Or was the jail cell just so comfy that you’re begging to go back to it?” I throw every ounce of venom into my retort as I can as a defense against the terror roaming around inside me.
“Just paying my future wife a visit, making my presence known. Throwing my name into the draw, so to speak. I also wanted to see who my competition is. Happy to see that I’ll come out on top.” His face lights up with a sinister grin and a disgusting wink thrown at Charlie.
“If this is your idea of a proposal, you need help. Couple of tips, asshole. One, if you want to marry someone, you should typically date them first. Two, trying to rape said woman, probably puts a big damper on those plans.” My mind is reeling. I need a weapon. He would show up here the one time I’m not packing. Think, Hae, what can you use?
Charlie side steps to me, grabbing my hand and pulling my back to his front, leaning down to kiss the side of my neck. Brad’s gaze tracks his movement like a hawk readying to strike. Charlie is up to something. I just don’t know what. Grabbing him by the back of his neck, I pull his ear to my mouth to whisper, “whatever you’re doing, I’m in. Keep doing it. His eyes haven’t left us yet. I need to get him closer to the barn or the house. I have several guns stashed.”
“Get your hands off of her. She’s not yours to touch, dickhead.” He starts walking toward us but stops dead in his tracks as Charlie unbuttons my jeans to snake a hand inside without actually touching me sexually. He’s using the idea of it to lure him to us. Smart. I’m slightly off kilter, but I know he won’t take this too far. I’m choosing to trust him. Willing my heart to calm, I bite down on his neck still in front of my mouth. I need something to ground me.
Charlie doesn’t miss a beat, looking up under his lashes at Brad, groaning before declaring, “sure feels like she is. Maybe it’s you who needs to reassess here.” I can practically see the steam pluming from Brad’s ears and his nose, resembling a bull seeing a waving red flag. Perfect.
“You want her, big guy,” he taunts, “then come and get her.” The pressure on my wrist instantly stings as Charlie damn near rips my arm out of socket when he takes off running toward the barn with me in tow. Not the subtlety I would have used, but whatever works I guess. I don’t even spare a glance behind us to see if Brad is following us. I can feel that he is. Charlie catapults me ahead of him as we get to the entrance of the barn, hurriedly telling me, “Find the gun. I’ll stall.”