16. Winnie
Morning comes way before I’m ready for it. I didn’t look at the clock after we got to the apartments, but I swear the sun was rising when my eyes finally drifted closed. Now looking at the clock on his nightstand, it’s ten thirty. My first class isn’t until one today, and it’s my photography class, so I actually don’t want to skip it, even though I feel like absolute ass.
Why do people continue drinking if this is how they feel when they wake up? I didn’t even drink that much, but my head is throbbing. Reese’s heavy arm is pinning me to the bed, but I slip from it and immediately shiver from the temperature difference of Reese’s body against mine and the cool air of his apartment. I pad to the bathroom attached to his room with the sudden urge to pee.
As soon as I cross the threshold, I meet my reflection in the mirror and cringe. It’s good to know I look as bad as I feel. Gathering some water in my hands, I splash it onto my face without making too much of a mess. My hair looks like it hasn’t been combed in days, and I’m guessing Reese’s hair isn’t long enough for him to have a brush, so I pull the hair tie from my wrist and toss it up. It’s a problem for later.
Sighing, I drop my hands to the sink and stare at myself again. Despite feeling and looking like shit, something makes me want to smile. Maybe it’s the fact I had an actual girls’ night last night and experienced my first club, or maybe it’s the snoring man in the next room.
I close my eyes and shake my head, but there’s no denying my happiness when I think about Reese—more so all the things he said and did to me.
It’s you, Win.
I spent so many days wondering what Reese was doing at college. Who he was doing. As much as I tried not to think about it, it was always in the back of my mind. Reese is hot. No, hotter than hot. And he plays hockey and looks so sexy doing it. So who knew this whole time, the answer was the same as me—no one. He could be lying; I’m not completely naive. But Reese has never lied to me before, and I’d like to believe that’s still true.
The question comes, though. What are we? I know what he wants—everything—but what do I want?
Of course, it would be easy to accept what is and be together, even if there is still hurt here. I trust him when he says he’s sorry. Does it make it better? No, nothing can ever take away that heartache, but I would be lying if I said there’s no chance of us being together. I missed Reese, plain and simple. And spending the night with him last night reminded me just how much. But there are a few things that need to be discussed before any relationship talk. One being my brother.
I’d love to say his opinion on who I date doesn’t matter, but it does. Especially if that person is Reese. He would see it as a personal attack.
Maybe I’m foolish for thinking of my brother’s needs over my own or Reese’s, but he took our dad’s death really hard. It wasn’t easy on anyone, but I saw a complete shift in character with him. Mom still hasn’t fully recovered either, but the soulless look in Elijah’s eyes is something I’ll never get used to.
After our dad died, he was really distant from the entire family, and we are only now getting back to a place even close to where we were before. The way he reacted after finding out Reese and I slept together in the past will only be a blip of what it would be if he found out about last night. Sex is one thing, especially in Elijah’s head, but admitting to real feelings? I worry I would lose my brother forever.
Feeling something slick between my thighs, I look down, worrying that maybe I started my period. And what unfortunate timing that would be. But there’s no red; it’s just clear. And that’s when the rest of last night comes crashing back.
He didn’t wear a condom. And he didn’t pull out.
Where do you want it?
Inside me. Where else?
I cringe. How could I think that was a good idea? I’m going to blame the alcohol and sex brain, because I’m not on birth control.
I got off it a year ago because I wasn’t having sex, and it wasn’t doing me any favors. My body didn’t like it, and since my sex life was nonexistent, I didn’t feel the need to get back on. My stomach rolls, churning the pizza and alcohol from last night.
The thought of us getting pregnant never crossed my mind in that moment. I was so worried about the act itself and him fitting that I forgot what can come from sex. A baby.
Holy shit, what if I’m pregnant after the second time having sex?
What is Reese going to say? Of course, he seems sure about us now, but will a baby change that? I wish I could force myself to throw up just to get rid of the sick feeling in my stomach.
I really wish I had a friend I could talk to about this right now.
Emma and Laney are right across the hall. We’re not that close, but the only other people I would talk to about this is the possible dad, and I’m not ready for all that. My brother—that’s not even an option. I could call my mom, but I’ve been at college for less than a month. Calling to tell her I could have possibly gotten pregnant last night isn’t something I really want to do, even if I oddly think she would be happy after the initial shock. She loves Reese and admitted to me once before that she wished we would get together because she would love to have him as a son-in-law.
Reese’s homelife bothered Mom more than she let on. She doesn’t know as much as I do, but there was one night I broke down and spilled just how awful his parents were. He doesn’t know I ever told her, but I think after that night, Mom hugged him even tighter than usual.
I quickly wash my hands and sneak back into Reese’s room for clothes, praying he’s still sleeping. I grab his shorts and a shirt off the floor because they are the closest and tiptoe out of the room and into the hall.
I don’t know how heavy of sleepers his roommates are or when they have classes, but when I round the corner into the open living room and kitchen, I find it doesn’t matter. They are both sitting at the table eating cereal while scrolling on their phones—or they were until I walked out.
Schmidt, I think I remember his name being, leans back and grins. “Good night?”
I assume his comment is directed at my clothes and the fact neither the shirt nor shorts I have to hold up are mine and praying it’s not because he heard us or anything. Reese kicked them out, but I don’t know when they came back.
“Uh, yep.”
I walk to the door, hoping I don’t look how I feel, but the other unfamiliar guy stops me.
“I’m Gavin. The third and best roommate.”
“Winnie,” I blurt out before pulling open their door and stepping through it. I lean against it, catching my breath before moving any further. Calm down, Win. You’re not pregnant. Probably not. There’s a chance you’re not. Maybe he’s sterile. No, I won’t wish that on him, but if he were, then my heart wouldn’t be threatening to beat from my chest.
Music plays from down the hall, and before someone comes out, I rush over and pray the door isn’t locked. Relief washes through me when the handle turns, and I push through but make sure not to let the door slam behind me.
Sawyer sits shirtless on the couch, a plate on his lap and some kind of food held halfway to his mouth. He flicks a look at the TV, and I follow his gaze.
“Shut up, Winnie,” he says before I have a chance to say anything about him watching One Tree Hill.
Biting back my smile, I ask, “Is Emma or Laney here?”
“Emma’s not. But Laney is in the shower.” His jaw clenches before he shoves the food into his mouth, still scowling.
“What are you eating?”
“Spaghetti.” He doesn’t bother chewing before answering; luckily, I grew up with Elijah and am used to that.
“On… toast?”
He shoves the rest of the toast and spaghetti into his mouth and nods.
“Okay…”
An awkward moment passes between us while I wait for him to finish chewing and swallow. The room is completely silent until the theme song of One Tree Hill breaks it. I fight back my smile, but I know he can see it growing on my face, and he’s not happy about it.
“I like to fill up on carbs before conditioning days, and since conditioning is outside today, I know I’ll need all I can get.”
They have conditioning today? Why didn’t Reese tell me that? I wouldn’t have stayed out so late. I wouldn’t have… kept him up till early morning.
“I’m guessing Reese is going to need all the carbs he can get too?” he questions, eyes dropping to my outfit.
Heat blooms up my neck. “Uh, I guess?”
A knowing smirk tilts his lips up. “Sex burns a lot of calories. More than you would think he will need to recharge. How late were you guys up?”
“I don’t know. Like, sunrise?”
His eyes widen, and he whistles a low sound. “Damn, yeah. He’s going to need more than carbs. Our practice isn’t until five, though, so he’s lucky.”
Lucky indeed. The bathroom door creaks open, saving me from this conversation.
“Sawyer? Are you still home?”
He shifts and grunts a reply.
Laney pokes her head out, her wet hair dripping on the floor. “I, uh, forgot my clothes. Oh! Hey, Winnie.”
“Hey. I can grab you something if you want? I’m here to talk to you, anyway.”
“Okay! Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind. My clothes are in the cow-print luggage in the back room. Just any shirt and shorts, please.”
I make haste finding her clothes, which isn’t hard, and it’s easy to see which side of the room is hers. For some reason, it makes sense that Emma’s side looks like a bomb went off and Laney’s is nearly bare. Emma gives off chaotic vibes. It’s what makes her so entertaining.
I knock on the door, and when she opens it, I rush inside and close it behind me. She stares at me with wide eyes. At least she’s still wearing her towel and I didn’t just force her to flash me.
“Hi, sorry. I really need to talk to someone.”
“Um, okay. Like…” She glances down. “Now?”
“I’ll close my eyes.”
“Are you dying or something? What’s wrong?”
I suck a breath in. “I may or may not have gotten pregnant last night, and I’m freaking out.”