Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
MAYA
I'm sitting in the first-class lounge at London Heathrow thinking back over the day.
The nap with Duncan was wonderful. I usually can't sleep like that, and it was nice to wake up feeling rested.
Not panicked. He made love to me slowly when he woke me up.
I wanted a hard and fast fuck, but he controlled the whole experience and now I feel all confused.
He lives here, I live in DC. We both have jobs we love. With my stalker coming back in my life, changing this can't happen. I can't let another person die because of me.
We looked into each other's eyes the whole time and I could feel him banging into the walls around my heart. The loss is unavoidable, but I'm not ready to experience it again. I killed them. I'll not hurt someone else.
Derek texted me the meaning of the flowers.
Gardenias represent a secret love and the single red rose means lifelong devotion.
Great, I've got an admirer who wants me for life.
This has to be the same person. I can't have two stalkers with two different agendas.
I shake off the negative thoughts and remember my day with Duncan.
On the way to James's home, I rode in Duncan's classic Aston Martin. His car mesmerized me. It was the hottest car I've ever seen—black with sleek lines and leather interior. His big body fit behind the wheel like a glove and the car purred. Shit, I felt like purring.
"Duncan, this car is so fucking hot, I want to drive it. What year is it?"
"Baby, that won't happen today, because when I see you behind the wheel of this car, I'll want to fuck you so hard the neighbors will ring the ole bills"
"I was thinking about fucking too, watching you drive. I want to climb on your lap and take a real ride." He groans.
"Baby, I can't believe I want you again, but I won't risk you getting hurt. So unless this car is parked, you aren't climbing into my lap." I laugh at him.
Shit, I laugh again, thinking back over that. He's serious about keeping me safe. Crazy man.
Brunch with James was fantastic. I forgot how much I missed being around him.
I might have gone up to Boston regularly to see Uncle Marcus, but I'm closer to James.
He was with me at the hospital, and I know my mother talked to him right before she died.
Maybe someday he'll tell me about that conversation.
I miss her so much, and Abba too, but she was always there even when I didn't do as perfect as Abba wanted.
Plus, James is one of the few that were with me when the pain almost won.
James tried to talk me out of staying with the ERT, even Duncan attempted to get me to talk to his friend Joshua. I told them both that my mind was made up and if they didn't want me to walk out, they'd stop right then.
The best part was James and Duncan talked and seemed to get along really well.
Ana will be excited when she comes home, they'll have a good foundation for a relationship started.
I just hope they keep it up. When James comes to DC next week, I'll talk to him more about working the situation out with Duncan for Ana's sake.
Duncan and I were unable to spend any more time alone.
James kept us at his home until I needed to check in for my flight.
It was good. I didn't want to feel any more emotions than I already was.
That's what I kept telling myself. James even wanted me to use his service to get to the airport.
I almost took him up on the offer, but Duncan insisted he'd take me.
I could see him trying to work up to something on the way to the airport.
Duncan kept squeezing the steering wheel and fidgeting.
As we got closer to the airport, he got quieter and his mood seemed to darken.
I needed to end it, but I couldn't say the words.
He walked me right up to the security checkpoint.
I was looking around, trying to avoid the feelings I was having.
My chest was so tight I thought I'd have a heart attack.
"Maya." It had taken me a second to realize he’d stopped a couple steps behind me and was pulling my arm back.
"No, Duncan, I can't stay. Don’t ask me to," I’d said, trying to break his hold. He just tightened his grip more. I turned around to look at him.
"Maya, stop," he interrupted me. "I know you've got to go back.
I know you have plans. I don't want to stop them.
I know what it's like to have people you care about try to force you to make decisions you don't wish to.
Can we do a long-distance relationship? Just talk and get to know each other?
I can't imagine being with anyone but you right now.
I know this is fast, but being in the military and seeing what I have, I know you can't take life for granted. Please, baby?"
I’d walked the two steps back to him and right into his arms. I couldn’t help myself, he was right, life is short, and I know this. I wanted him too and only him. I've never felt like this. I'll just have to take care of this stalker on my own.
"Okay, Duncan, we will try," I’d said into his chest.
"Give me your phone," he said as he pulled back.
"What? Why?"
"I want to be able to reach you. I'm going to be heading to France tomorrow, but I'll be in touch."
"Okay." I handed him my phone and realized I’d dropped down to a monosyllabic language. The man muddled my mind. He dialed from my phone and handed it back after a moment.
"Now I've got your number too."
"Duncan, we shouldn't tell the family yet."
"Why not?" His eyebrows had dropped and his face pinched suspiciously.
"What if this doesn't work out?"
"Oh, baby, I'm going to make it work."
I laughed. "Okay, Big Guy, whatever you say." I smiled at him.
We kissed each other goodbye with no promises of when we would see each other again, but at least we're trying.
"British Airways flight 184 with service to Washington DC Dulles Airport will begin boarding shortly." I'm jolted from my thoughts by the overhead announcement.
As I take my seat in the first-class area my phone pings with a text message.
Duncan
Are you on the plane?
Me
Yes, just got to my seat
Duncan
I just got to my flat. Going to have Ana do some decorating when she gets home.
Me
What're you doing?
Duncan
Walking around and finding every surface I want to fuck you on.
Me
Okay.
My panties are instantly wet. Man, can he sext.
Me
I'm going to have to do that when I get home too.
Duncan
Baby, I hope this isn't a long wait because I'm hard as a rock just thinking about you.
Me
I know what you mean. I'm so wet for you.
Duncan
Ah, baby, I think I'll be coming to DC soon. I need you. Urgh.
I smile and switch my phone to airplane mode. I lay my head back against the headrest and think about what I'm doing. I hope he's not in danger from me. This feeling of finally being alive is new and I like it. I know that I'll need to figure out my life.
Greg has been helping me for years and here's another favor I'll need to ask from him.
I'll need to make sure Derek doesn't try to force the issue about moving in again.
When he moved in the last time, he scared all guys away.
I won't have him scaring Duncan away, although Duncan might have a problem with him staying with me. I'll need to explain soon.
Duncan told me how he'd be heading to France to work for a diplomat there. We didn't discuss very personal facts, but I'm sure we will soon enough.
I can't and won't tell him about my stalker.
I need to determine if there really are two or just one playing a sick game with me.
I need to take care of this situation before it hurts people I care about.
Care? Do I care for Duncan already? If I did, wouldn't I open myself up completely to him?
I keep so many details about my life to myself, very few people know me completely.
Greg and Derek do. Ana knows a lot but not all of it.
James knows more than Ana but...wow! I think about it carefully, not even Greg and Derek know me completely.
Not even the one man I tell a lot to knows everything. Can I let Duncan be that person?
I rub my wrist and think about my nightmares. I need to get those under control again. When I woke in Duncan’s room the other night it was from a nightmare, and this morning was too. I'm going to have to keep an eye on them. If they get too bad, I'll have to call him again.
I need to change my thoughts before it's too late. I can't go down that rabbit hole. I grab my phone, pull up the music app, and plug in my headphones. The rock music is like a balm to my soul. I close my eyes and rest until we land.