Chapter 32 #2
He pulls back slightly. I can't believe I just admitted I have feelings for him.
"When I met Derek, he had just lost everything he held dear. I was struggling with my loss too." I look down as my voice lowers.
"Okay, but what are you not telling me? I can read you, Maya, I know your tells."
"I tried to commit suicide." I choke.
Duncan pulls back a little, looking confused. Now he'll run. The panic is starting again, but this time I'll allow it. I need him to flee. I need him to not want me.
"What, when?" He shakes his head.
"After I went back to the States, I was so lonely.
I missed Ana, James, and my parents so much.
I struggled in school and I just wanted the pain to stop.
I was angry, hurt, lost, and unwilling to talk to people.
I couldn't sleep and that was playing a bigger role than I knew at the time.
I was talking to your sister the night before what would have been my mom's birthday, I told her I was tired of all of it.
She must have heard it in my voice. The next morning I skipped my classes and cut my wrist. Just as I was getting ready to cut the other, your father busted in the door and busted my ass. If he hadn't stopped me..."
I pull my watch away from my left wrist. It’s large and utilitarian—ugly—but it covers the scars of my pain, how low I'd sunk into my grief. I never take it off. Now, I use that injury to ground myself and remember how low I can sink.
I show him the scar. "I was screaming for help instead of trying to actually kill myself they say." He pulls my wrist up to his lips and kisses the mutilated tissue.
"Oh God, baby, I'd have lost you without knowing you. I'm so glad Ana and Dad were there for you. This doesn't change how I feel about you. I can't imagine your pain."
"This is why I have to help Ana. Your dad took me to the hospital.
He called Greg, an old friend he knew through work.
Greg told him about a grief counseling group his son was in.
Your father got me into counseling and that group, that's how I met Derek.
Your dad started making monthly visits to check on me, and he didn't stop until after I got on the force.
He's become my dad too. He still calls me regularly.
I was so weak and he didn't judge, he just hugged me and told me it would get better.
He won't let me go back there, and I've done a lot to make sure I never will either.
He, Ana, Derek, and Greg are all I have in this world. "
"Wrong. You have me too." Duncan reaches down and lifts me into his arms. I wrap my legs around his hips. I don't ever want to leave here. This man is starting to mean so much to me. He kisses me so gently, I feel his emotions in that kiss.
"Duncan, I want you."
"Soon, baby, we need to finish with Joshua." He puts me down and I turn to notice this is his office. It's decorated in his gray tones and there are pictures of Ana and James around.
"Duncan, before I head back to the States, I want you to take me on that desk so you'll have a good memory until I come back." I point toward the large masculine desk. He growls and grabs my hand.
"I can arrange that." We head back to Joshua's office, time to get this finished.
"Everything good?" Joshua asks as we walk back up to his desk.
"Yes," we say together. I look up at Duncan and smile. He didn't run for the hills.
"Joshua, we need to run background on a Carl Nelson too. He's also been following Maya around. He was a former member of her ERT unit. All these bloody wankers coming out of the woodwork makes me think they're connected or something," Duncan states. I'd thought that earlier too.
"Before we talk any more, Joshua, you need to understand something, what's in that report happened a long time ago.
I've grown and am much stronger now. I know what my limits are and I'm not mental or depressed.
If I need to, I have someone I can talk to.
I'm surprised you found it though because Greg helped bury it good. " There, I defended myself.
"I never would have thought anything else. You didn't have to explain, we all have hit rock bottom at least once."
"Thank you. As for Derek, he isn't what you think, he's my friend."
"I know that too. You only have eyes for the big guy there." He smiles. "We all have pasts and we all need to learn from them. Hiding isn't the way around it." I see knowledge and understanding in his eyes.
"Joshua, Duncan, I need to explain to you what I've already done.
Ana has a burner phone, cash to get her anywhere, a spare passport and ID, and an unregistered handgun.
She's promised to use them if necessary.
She also, as Duncan partially knows, is my sole beneficiary and has power of attorney of all my London holdings.
The paperwork is in a pseudo name so Jonathon can't find it. "
"A pseudo name?" Joshua asks.
"Yes, a name only she and I know. For now, I'll keep it to myself. Sorry, Duncan, but it's safer this way for her."
"Maya, I think we can do this without any upfront costs. If I need anything, I'll let you know. I had Timothy hack into your security feeds to see what he could see. He found some inconsistencies that need to be covered. Can you call Derek so we can talk to him too?"
"Now wouldn't be a good time. Can we do this without him?
" I pause and decide to share the rest. "Also, Greg told me today that he was sent dead roses.
They mean it's over. I'm not sure what's over with him, but I'm worried.
I tried to talk him into going back to DC, but he won't." I look at my watch, noticing it's about eight in the morning in DC.
Derek will be at the cemetery and around the park, reliving his hell.
I didn't tell him about his father. Am I hurting them all?
"I'd like to say we could, but I'm afraid that someone on the inside is helping your stalker. I need to talk to Derek, but if today isn't convenient, we can do it after Christmas. Okay?"
"Thank you, Joshua. I can pay too."
"No, I'll do this because it's right," he says.
I look at him and want to know why he walked away from her in the first place.
"Who do you think is on the inside?" I need to know.
"Well, for one, the head doorman in your building. I also think there's someone on the force. I know you don't want to hear that, but as of an hour ago, all the evidence from the break-in at your condo has disappeared."
"What?! Not possible. Derek didn't say anything when I talked to him earlier. He's not on duty right now, but still, he'd be checking in if there were a problem. Even Greg didn't say anything."
"I got the text from Timothy when you were at your depository."
"Shit. Okay, after Christmas we'll call Derek. I can text Greg shortly, he's in meetings right now."
"Baby, are you sure you should be going back there?" I wondered if he was going to push it.
"Yes, I have a job and I'll fix this." He nods, grabs my hand, and leads me from Joshua’s office back to his.
Duncan closes the door and strides toward his desk.
He pulls the chair out and looks at me thoughtfully.
I stand there, in the middle of the room, looking at him over the desk, thinking how hot he looks.
He's wearing black jeans with a black T-shirt and black cable knit cardigan.
He pulls off the sweater and drops it to the floor.
"Strip, baby." Without pause, I drop my jacket, pull off my shirt, and slide off my boots.
Pulling both knives out, I place them on the desk in front of me.
Duncan smiles at my knives. I unsnap my jeans and drop them.
I start to walk to him in my bra and thong.
He pushes a button on his desk and stands, pulling his T-shirt off and dropping his jeans. He's again commando.
"I said strip, that means everything."
I smile, unhook my bra and slide off my thong. I walk to him. He's now seated with his legs spread. I step between them. His thick erection is pointed at me and I see the pre-cum. I drop to my knees and lick it off, then I suck him into my mouth as he groans.
"Enough, baby, hop up on the desk."
I deep throat him one more time, pulling off with a pop, and stand. I sit on the edge of his desk.
He stands between my spread thighs and pulls me to the side of the desk, then he enters me in a long thrust. I'm breathing rapidly and trying to control my moans so as not to give us away as he pumps into me, driving me closer to my orgasm.
He leans over me, sucks a nipple into his mouth, and then gently bites the turgid bud.
"The office is soundproof and the door is locked. Tell me who owns you," he says in my ear.
"Oh God Duncan, you own me," I scream.
"Yes, I do, baby!"
He continues to pump into me, each thrust harder. He suddenly pulls out and flips me over. He enters me again, pulling my hair and lifting me up with my back to his chest. My legs are trapped on each side of his.
He pumps harder and I explode. As I'm coming, I hear and feel his release. This man really does own me—body and now soul. He wormed his way into an area that no one has ever touched. How could I let this happen?