33. Elle
33
ELLE
S taring up at the ceiling of my dorm room, I try yet again to sort through all of my emotions. I came to Bercester U thinking that it would be my fresh start. My chance to finally live a life free from the pressure of always having to be perfect. But when I got here, I did exactly what I would’ve done back in our hometown. I joined a sorority, just like my mom wanted, and I kept up my perfect image by always dressing and acting and performing with nothing less than perfection. Just like my dad wanted.
But then he happened.
Tristan Kane just barged into my life, kicked down every door and broke every window until my entire life was nothing but a shattered, unrecognizable mess. Until I started acting and behaving in ways I never even would have dreamed of doing before. Until I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
And I’m glad he did.
The thought still stuns me every time it passes through my head .
I’m glad that Tristan ruined my perfect life. I’m glad that he pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced me to live in the messy life outside the perfect little box I have always kept myself stuffed inside.
Because I finally feel like I have started to become my own person. To figure out who I really am. Underneath that fake, perfect fa?ade.
I’m not there yet, because it takes time to undo years of emotional manipulation. But I’m working on it. I’m finally moving in the right direction. The direction that I want to continue in.
And it all began because Tristan decided to ruin my life.
A baffled laugh bubbles out of my throat, and I press my palm against my forehead. The whole idea of it is absolutely absurd. But I suppose that that’s exactly what life is. Messy and strange.
Sitting up, I reach for the phone on my nightstand.
I might not know where to go from here, or what Tristan and I are to each other anymore, but the one thing I do know is that I’m done being a spy.
Determination pulses through me as I call John Smith.
Ten signals pass before he finally answers.
“I thought I told you not to call me,” he says by way of greeting.
Since he is being rude, I don’t bother with a proper greeting either and instead simply get straight to the point. “I’m out.”
“Out of where? The gym? What was inside?”
“Nothing. It was literally just a gym.” I blow out an impatient sigh. “But that’s not what I meant. I’m out of this arrangement. This deal we have. I’m done.”
Deafening silence falls on the other end of the line .
My heart patters in my chest.
“You’re done?” he demands at last. Anger and disbelief drip from every word. “What the hell does that mean? You can’t be done.”
“I am.” Even though he can’t see it, I keep my chin raised and my spine straight. “I agreed to this deal because I needed protection. I don’t need it anymore. So from now on, I will not be reporting any of Tristan’s movements or anything else about him to you.”
“You can’t just quit.”
“Yes, I can.”
“We’re not nearly even. Do you have any idea the kind of risks I’ve taken to make this deal with you?”
Guilt twists in my gut, and the people pleaser in me is telling me to apologize.
I don’t.
“No, I don’t know what kind of risks you’ve taken,” I reply instead. “But you are the one who approached me . I didn’t force you into this. You offered, and I accepted. And now, I’m ending it.”
Sudden joy and strength pulse through me like glittering light. God, it feels incredible to just say no to something I don’t want to do. To not put someone else’s wants above my own. To say what I actually want to say, for once.
“That’s not—” he begins, but I cut him off.
“Thank you for what you have done to help me, and good luck with whatever it is that you’re trying to do.”
Then, before he can press out more than a few stammered words, I hang up.
Energy courses through me.
I feel like I could run a marathon right now.
Shooting up from the bed, I stretch my arms over my head and grin at the white wall across from me. God, that felt so good. It felt so incredibly good to end that arrangement. I never wanted to spy on Tristan in the first place, and now I no longer have to.
The energy inside me keeps bouncing around until I can no longer contain it. Grabbing my keys, I head out the door and start walking.
My mind churns as I walk. It feels as if a whole future full of possibilities has just opened up before me. Bright as a new horizon.
But first, there is one thing that I need an answer to.
A flash of nervousness ripples through me as I take a left and walk right up to Tristan’s door. Part of me is worried that he is going to break the truce if I show up like this. But the other side of me can’t stop thinking about the expression on his face when that other guy was threatening me in the gym.
Raising my hand, I gently ring the doorbell.
“Get it!” someone calls from inside.
“You get it,” another voice replies. “I got it last time.”
“I’m gaming.”
“So? Pause it.”
“You can’t pause an online game, dipshit.”
“Just shut the fuck up and open the door,” Tristan’s voice suddenly bellows from what sounds like upstairs.
Footsteps sound on the other side of the door. Then the lock clicks and the door is shoved open. Since I have come to expect that kind of aggressive way of opening doors in this house, I was already standing a safe distance away, so I don’t get hit by it.
Paul’s pale eyes blink down at me from across the threshold once the door is open.
“Elle,” he says, sounding surprised .
“Paul,” I reply.
For a few seconds, he just stares back at me with those surprised eyes. Then he reaches up and scratches the back of his neck, looking a little self-conscious. “Sorry for drugging you back then.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Are you?”
He chuckles awkwardly. “Maybe? Look, when Tristan asks for a favor, I can’t really say no. You know? I mean, have you met the guy? He could probably take on an entire army on his own and win. Plus he’s smart too. Bad person to make an enemy of, you know?”
I blow out something between a sigh and a huff of amusement. “Trust me, I know.” I nod towards the stairs visible over his shoulder. “Anyway, I’m here for him, so are you going to let me in or what?”
He flashes me an apologetic smile but doesn’t step aside. Instead, he twists and calls over his shoulder, “Tristan! It’s Elle.”
Only silence answers him. My heart beats erratically in my chest. This might not have been such a good idea after all.
But then Tristan at last replies, “Alright.”
Paul turns back to me and shrugs while stepping aside. I walk past him and into the house. It’s just as messy as it has been every time I’ve been here. Empty glasses litter the coffee table in the living room, hoodies are draped over the back of chairs, and there’s a jumble of sneakers in the hallway.
I resist the urge to shake my head and instead hurry up the steps towards Tristan’s room.
His door is open, and he is standing there, leaning one shoulder against the doorframe, when I reach the hallway upstairs. I slow my pace but continue towards him.
When I reach the spot right before the door, I stop. Tristan just stands there, staring me down with an expression I can’t read. Then he wordlessly takes a step back and jerks his chin for me to enter. I do.
I quickly scan the room while he closes the door behind me.
His bed is made, the dark gray sheets smooth and the pillows neatly in place. The bag I’ve seen him bring to the gym is waiting in the corner next to the wooden closet, which is slightly open to reveal rows of clothes. Most of them in dark colors. My gaze darts to the nightstand. There is an open physics book there. As if he was lying on the bed, reading, when I rang the doorbell. But if that’s true, then he must have taken the time to smooth out the creases in the sheets while I was making my way up here. Which is kind of… sweet.
“I thought I told you that we were done,” Tristan says from behind, startling me out of my thoughts.
I spin around to face him. My heart flips as I find him standing only two steps away. That unreadable mask is still on his face, but his green eyes seem to burn through my soul as he holds my gaze.
“You did,” I reply.
“So why are you here?”
My heart thrums in my chest, but I manage to keep my voice steady as I say, “Because you never really answered my question. Why did you protect me back at that gym?”
He draws his eyebrows down. “I told you. Because some people there are dangerous.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“What do you want me to tell you?”
“The truth.”
“That is the truth.”
“No, it’s not. ”
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it’s not. Just answer the question.”
Frustration flashes across his face, and he throws his arms out in exasperation. “What do you want me to say? Huh?” His eyes are wild as he stares back at me and shakes his head. “That I couldn’t bear the thought of someone else putting his fucking hands on you. That I feel this intense pull straight to you every time you walk into a room. That I love your fire and that you refuse to stay down no matter how many times I try to destroy you. That you’re so fucking beautiful that my heart aches when I look at you. That I love your contradictory personality where you can scream and throw rats in my face but you still blush a little every time you say crude words like cock . That I love how you know all of me, all contrasting sides of me, and that you understand exactly what I’m feeling too. That I feel like you were fucking made for me!”
Ringing silence echoes between the pale walls.
I stare at Tristan, my eyes wide and my mouth slightly open in shock.
His chest is heaving.
For a few seconds, it feels as if the entire room is suspended in time. I’m not even sure if my heart is beating right now.
Then I take two steps towards him and crush my lips against his.
A desperate noise rips from his chest.
Lurching into motion, he slides an arm underneath my ass and lifts me up while he draws his other hand along my jaw. I lock my fingers around the back of his neck and wrap my legs around his waist while kissing him desperately as he carries me towards his desk. A moan spills from my lips has he caresses my cheek with his thumb. He smiles against my mouth.
Taking his hand from my jaw, he draws his arm over the desk instead. Papers rustle through the air and pens clatter against the floor as he sweeps everything off the tabletop in one fluid motion.
My heart slams against my ribs as he sets me down on top of the desk. I unwrap my legs from his waist and instead spread them wide, letting him press in closer. He reaches for the buttons on my shirt while his mouth continues dominating mine.
I gasp as he undoes the first button.
Raking my hands down his firm chest, I reach for his belt. My fingers fumble and my heart flutters as Tristan deftly unbuttons my entire shirt and throws it open.
Air rushes over my exposed chest.
He breaks the kiss and instead starts brushing his lips along my jaw. My mind malfunctions as he kisses his way down my neck. Finally getting his belt open, I unbutton his pants and yank down the zipper.
But right then, he teases my collarbones with his tongue.
I gasp and throw my head back.
Tristan uses that moment to pull my shirt fully off and unclasp my bra.
My nipples harden as I’m left half naked.
With my back arched, I suck in desperate breaths as Tristan kisses his way down the center of my chest while his fingers play with my nipples. My pussy aches with need.
Blindly, I reach towards his shirt and clumsily tug it upwards. He understands what I want and pulls back enough to yank his shirt over his head and toss it to the floor.
Heat sears through me at the sight of his bare chest .
God and all of hell, it should be criminal to be this hot.
A sly smile plays over Tristan’s lips as he plants his palm against my chest and pushes me down so that I’m lying on the desk. Then he efficiently unbuttons my shorts and pulls down the zipper.
“Lift your hips for me, sweetheart,” he orders.
My heart jerks.
Arching my back, I lift my hips so that he can take off my shorts and panties.
The wood is cool and smooth underneath me as Tristan drops my final garments on the floor. Then more rustling of fabric sounds. I sit up to find him stripping out of his own pants and underwear.
Heat pools inside me.
He slides his hands up my bare thighs as he steps in between my legs again. Lightning skitters across my skin.
With that sly smile still on his lips, he draws one hand up my stomach while he brushes his other over my pussy.
A gasp rips from me as his fingers skim across my throbbing clit.
His other hand shoots up and locks around my throat, trapping the breath in my lungs.
I wrap my hands around his toned forearm, gripping it tightly, as he starts teasing my clit.
Pleasure spears through me.
He keeps his eyes locked on mine and his hand firmly around my throat as he toys with my clit until a shudder of pleasure courses through my entire body. I try to suck in another gasp, but he’s still controlling my breathing.
Tension thrums inside me, heightened by the lack of air.
I dig my fingers into his forearm.
He pushes me a little closer to the edge of an orgasm .
Then he abruptly stops and relaxes his grip on my throat at the same time.
I drag in desperate breaths, refilling my lungs. My head spins. Blinking, I try to get my wits back but my body is still so high-strung, waiting for an orgasm that never came.
Tristan brushes his knuckles over my clit.
It’s like a lightning strike right through my spine.
A whimper escapes my lips.
“Please,” I whisper, staring up into his glittering eyes.
He draws the tip of his cock along my entrance. “Please what?”
Need washes over me. My body is practically vibrating with tension as I press out, “Please… fuck me.”
The smile on his mouth grows. Sliding his hand up to my jaw, he holds my head tilted up like that in a firm grip while he draws his thumb over my bottom lip. “See? You still blush a little when you say things like fuck .”
“I’m—”
He thrusts into me.
I gasp as he sheaths himself fully with one smooth motion. Pleasure pulses through me at the feeling of his thick cock filling me completely.
Still grinning, he leans down and steals a savage kiss from my lips. “And I do love hearing you beg.”
“Asshole,” I mutter, but the amusement in my voice betrays me.
He smirks against my lips. “Don’t worry. We’ll get to that later.”
My eyes widen.
A dark chuckle rolls from his chest as he pulls back and locks eyes with me again. His hand slides back down my throat. With his cock still buried deep inside me, he tightens his grip, once more cutting off my air.
“You’re mine now,” he says, his voice full of dark promises. “Every part of you is mine. Never forget that.”
Then he pulls out and slams back in again.
I would’ve gasped if I’d had any air to do so.
His other hand curls around my hip, keeping me in place as he starts up a brutal pace.
Pleasure pulses through me with every dominant thrust. I rake my fingers down his chest, tracing the sharp contours of his abs. A desperate noise comes from the back of his throat. I grin up at him. His eyes glint as he holds my gaze while slamming into me.
I draw my hands possessively over his body again.
A shudder rolls through him, and he relaxes his grip on my throat.
Sucking in a deep breath, I level a smug look at him. “You’re mine too. Never forget that.”
He claims my mouth in a hard kiss while he continues pounding into me.
“So fucking stubborn,” he murmurs against my lips.
But when he pulls back again, I can see the approval in his eyes.
I grin.
My body jerks and the desk scrapes against the floor as Tristan rails me hard. Pleasure crackles through my veins with every thrust, and the pent-up tension inside me grows into a thrumming storm.
Throwing my head back, I suck in desperate breaths as the edge of an orgasm draws closer. Tristan tightens his fingers around my throat.
“Eyes on me,” he commands .
I tilt my head back down and meet his gaze. But I can barely keep my vision from sliding out of focus as the tension inside me pulses faster. Blinking, I finally manage to focus on his dangerously handsome face.
He smiles. “Good girl.”
Release crashes over me.
Air flood my lungs once more as Tristan allows me to breathe again while he continues fucking me through the orgasm. My clit throbs and my pussy tightens around his cock. Pleasure streaks like lightning through my body.
Then release slams into Tristan as well, and my heart suddenly feels so full that I don’t know what to do with myself. Pleasure floods his features while a dark moan rips from his lungs. I savor the sight of it. The sound of it. The feeling of it. Savor this perfectly imperfect moment that fills my soul with light.
He leans down, resting his forehead against mine.
Our chests heave.
I breathe in the intoxicating scent of him.
He brushes a gentle kiss over my lips. Then he straightens and pulls out.
The sudden emptiness it leaves inside me is almost painful.
Tristan flashes me a devilish smile. “Oh, you didn’t think I was done yet, now did you?”
Sliding an arm under my ass, he lifts me off the desk and carries me towards his bed. I let out a small yelp as he tosses me down on it.
Untangling myself from my own limbs, I twist around so that I can look up at him where he has moved up behind me. His eyes gleam as he stares down at me. Desire still burns in his eyes.
“Get on your hands and knees, sweetheart,” he orders .
A thrill ripples down my spine. With my heart pounding in my chest, I position myself the way he commanded.
He lets out a hum of approval. “Perfect.”
I gasp as he gives my ass a firm slap. And when he speaks one last word, his voice is full of dark possessiveness.
“Mine.”