Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Finley
“I’m sorry, Finley,” Mallory says as we walk toward the group. “He didn’t used to be like that.”
“Like what?”
She frowns, thinking, then sounds disappointed. “Calculating.”
Had he been calculating? He obviously wanted to go home, but it was clear he was trying to convince me that I wanted to leave.
A dull headache blooms at my temples. I don’t want to analyze Alex’s motivations right now.
I want to enjoy the rest of my evening with Mallory and her mother, but everything feels tainted now.
Why did he come at all? Did he think I wouldn’t come without him?
I fully expected to do most of this on my own.
But he didn’t know that until I just told him, and he knew I really wanted to come.
What if he suffered in silence until he couldn’t stand it anymore?
When we head to the next location, Valerie spots me as she scans the crowd, worry creasing her forehead. “Where’s Alex?”
“He got tired and headed back,” I said. “I hope it’s okay that I stayed.”
She gives me a smile, but she looks weary. “Of course it’s okay. Are you having fun?”
“I’ve always wanted to go Christmas caroling. It’s more fun than I imagined.” I say a little too enthusiastically, then feel my cheeks heat.
Maybe this is exactly why Alex tried to get me to leave. What grown adult is dying to go caroling? But I’m not going to hide my excitement. I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not. Not for Alex. Not for anyone.
Valerie laughs. “Finley, you’re a delight. When Alex called to say he was bringing you, he said you were eager to experience all the things that Hollybrook has to offer. Don’t you worry. We’ll make sure you do everything you want before you go home.”
Her offer is generous, but I don’t want to steal her time from her family. “You don’t need to worry about me. I don’t want to cause you any unnecessary stress or be a burden.”
“Don’t be silly,” she says with a wave of her hand. “We take all this for granted. It’s refreshing to see it through the eyes of someone who’s never experienced it before.”
She heads after the group, and I follow. Mallory falls into step beside me, shoulder-bumping me and giving me an encouraging look. “Hey, it’ll be okay.”
I force a smile. “Yeah.”
“He used to be happier,” she says as we walk side-by-side.
“Lighter. Like he was earlier when we were talking about caroling as kids. But after he went to college…” She pauses then says.
“No, it started when he came home for Christmas his senior year of college. He was really quiet. Not himself. To be honest, he hasn’t been himself since. ”
“What happened?” I ask.
She shakes her head, sadness washing over her face. “I don’t know. I’ve tried asking him, but he says I’m imagining it. That people change.” She turns to me. “How is he with you?”
Guilt burns in my belly. If I were his real girlfriend, I could answer that.
Meeting him for coffee and texting him aren’t the same as being part of his life.
Still, seeing him every morning has to count for something.
“When I’m with him… he’s been nice, sweet, even.
” I think about our texts. “Funny, sometimes.”
Mallory’s eyes flood with tears. “That’s how he used to be with us. Maybe he really does hate us,” she whispers.
I can’t see why he’d hate them. I barely know Mallory and love her already.
And his mother reminds me so much of my own that it hurts.
His father and brother have been pretty quiet, but I don’t get asshole vibes from them.
Mallory said he changed when he came home for Christmas of his senior year, so something must have happened.
Did he feel slighted by his family? Did he fight with one of his brothers?
People don’t become cold and hard without a reason. Something must have instigated it.
“He doesn’t hate you, Mallory,” I say gently, linking my arm with hers. “He showed me photos of your family. One was a picture of the two of you at the ice rink when you were about twelve or thirteen. You both looked happy.”
She gives me a sad smile. “He showed you that?”
“Yeah.” Sure, he sent them partly to prove he really had a family and wasn’t making the whole thing up, but he had them in his possession. That has to mean something. “He loves you, Mallory. I promise.”
Tears well in her eyes and she swipes at her cheek with the back of her mitten. “Do you think…” She turns toward me as we walk. “I really hate to ask, but could you find out what happened? You’re the first person he’s brought home that I felt like I could ask.”
The last thing I want to do is get in the middle of a family squabble, but then again, I guess I put myself here. Still, I try to evade the question. “I get the impression y’all didn’t like his past girlfriends.” But as soon as I’ve said the words, I regret it. Do I sound jealous?
Mallory jumps on it. “That’s an understatement,” she says sarcastically.
“I think that’s why Mom and I were cautiously excited when he called and said he was bringing his new girlfriend home.
He’s never brought someone home for Christmas, and the ones we’ve actually met never seemed like they’d want to spend the holidays at our house or Hollybrook.
And then you walked in, and I instantly knew you were different.
” She shakes her head. “I was hoping that meant he’d come to his senses and was himself again.
” She pushes out a sigh. “We miss him. I miss him.”
My stomach drops. I hate seeing Mallory so heartbroken. The crazy thing is, I never saw signs of the Alex she’s describing until we got to Vermont. He’s been nothing but sweet to me. Which means the old Alex is in there. I just have to pull him out.
“If I get a chance, I’ll try to talk to him,” I say, then instantly regret it.
“You will?” she squeals.
“Don’t get too excited,” I say, trying to keep her expectations in check. “I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.” Especially when I’m probably the last person he wants to confide in.
“Thank you, Finley. Seriously.”
We join the rest of the group, and sing several carols, but my heart isn’t in it. I’m worried about Alex and his family, and I’m not sure how to help.
When Nancy announces we’re finished, I’m more than ready to be done. Not only have I lost the caroling spirit, but my toes are frozen and numb.
Not that I’ll ever admit it to Alex.
We all troop back to the historical society, and Valerie tells her friends that we’re skipping out and heading home.
One of the older women gives me a snide look and tells her friend loud enough to hear, “Then why did Anita make such a big deal out of the hot chocolate?”
Valerie gives her a tight smile. “Finley’s had a long day of travel, so we should get her home.”
An older woman with thin red hair that’s surely not natural gives Valerie a disapproving glare. “I see Alex left.”
Valerie’s back stiffens, and her voice is tight as she says, “He was tired too, but he came for a little while because he knew how important caroling was to Finley. See you all after the first of the year. Merry Christmas.” Then she turns around and walks past Mallory and me toward the parking lot.
They’re all staring at me, so I say, “Thank you all for having me. This was like a dream come true.” Then I spin around and follow Alex’s mother, Mallory walking next to me.
We’re all silent as we get in the car. Valerie turns on the engine but doesn’t back out.
Is she mad? Is she trying to carefully choose her words to tell me I need to go home?
I lean forward from the back seat, my heart hammering in my chest. “Valerie. I’m so sorry if I caused any trouble by coming tonight.”
She twists in her seat to look back at me, outrage on her face.
My heart sinks and I shrink back a bit, but then I’m shocked when she says, “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I hope you had fun, despite some of the mean-spirited things you heard tonight.”
“I didn’t mind. I understand if they planned refreshments for a set number of people and then we showed up. But I loved it. Thank you for including me.”
“Of course!” Valerie says. “You even got Alex to come for a little while.”
“Yeah, and then he tried to make her go home when he left,” Mallory says, sounding pissed again.
Valerie’s eyes widened slightly at this, but then she frowns. “I’m sure you misunderstood, Mal. I’m sure he didn’t try to make her go home.”
Mallory shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest. “There you go again, making excuses for him.”
Valerie lets out a long sigh then backs out of the parking space.
I feel awkward and guilty all over again. If I hadn’t apologized, Mallory wouldn’t be upset with her mother. Valerie wouldn’t have to defend her son to her friends, and Alex…
Maybe it was selfish to come with him. I should have asked more questions about his family dynamics. I suppose I only have myself to blame for the mess I’m in, but I feel like my presence might be making things worse.
When Valerie pulls the SUV into the driveway, she opens one of the doors to the detached garage and pulls it in. When she turns off the engine, we all get out and walk toward the back door to the house.
“Finley,” Valerie says, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk that leads to the back door. She turns to face me.
I stop in my tracks, my stomach twisting with dread.
She gives me an apologetic look. “I’m terribly sorry that you were made to feel unwelcome at caroling tonight,” She holds my gaze with a stricken expression.
“And as for our family…” She casts a glance at the house then turns back to face me.
“I know we’re a bit complicated, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that.
But, for what it’s worth, I’m happy you’re here.
No matter what else is going on around us, I want you to know you are welcome here. ”