Chapter 56
F or a few minutes Lydia toyed with the idea of staying here on the Isle of Skye and working in the hotel. She loved the place. Maybe she could use a room like the one Alec occupied. She wouldn’t mind sleeping in the basement one bit.
“Lydia, dear, I found that missing money exactly where I hid it,” Mrs. Ross had admitted earlier. “It seems the older I get the more forgetful I am. You really are a sweet lass. Please forgive me.”
“Of course, it’s already done.” Lydia was delighted to bestow the gift she longed for.
She had proven herself to Mrs. Ross, although not to the owner, the decision maker. She would have to speak to the man who had a reputation of being belligerent and negative. Fear inundated her. She couldn’t face meeting him.
Feeling alone and despondent, Lydia saw no chance of regaining her nanny job once this trip was over, which was no doubt for the best. Lydia would return to the farm in defeat. But her parents, the bishop, ministers, deacons, and all who lived in her district would forgive and accept her. Yet would Jonathan still love her once he found out about her transgressions? Unlikely.
Lydia knew this Englisch life was not for her. How could she expect her future children to resist temptation if she couldn’t manage it herself?
When she envisioned Jonathan in another woman’s arms, she recoiled. Her choices had been all wrong, and she deserved punishment. Life without love and a family would be a punishment as bad as being imprisoned. If she didn’t return, her parents would be disgraced.
Lydia longed to breathe in the farmland aromas of freshly mown hay and newly harvested corn in the crib. She missed her parents and siblings, aunts and uncles, her many cousins, the whole congregation of about two hundred. All would look after her. She envisioned Dat’s silo as tall as the giant oak tree out behind their two-story home. She missed riding in his buggy. The sound of their mare’s clopping hooves and the buggy’s metal wheels on the asphalt roads. When it snowed in Lancaster County, she would sit with Mam and crochet before the hearth. A robust fire would send heat into the room.
On cold nights, Jonathan could keep her warm—once they were married. If he still loved her. If he didn’t, so be it. She had made her bed and must sleep in it, as Dat would say.
Climbing the hotel’s carpeted stairs, Lydia felt winded, her energy depleted. She stood for a moment catching her breath. As if the clouds parted and the snow had eased up, Lydia could see clearly now. She wanted to go home to her parents more than anything, even if Jonathan didn’t want her anymore. She must return to her Amish community.
She brought out her cell phone and texted him. But his sister texted in return telling Lydia that he had lent her his phone. Jonathan’s not here. My bruder did his chores and is now helping widow Sarah and her three children. He’s been spending a great deal of time with her lately . Spending time with widow Sarah newly arrived from Kentucky. Lydia knew Jonathan was a hard worker and often volunteered to help neighbors, but she was engulfed with a feeling that he was more than helping her. As Lydia recalled, this graceful and attractive woman owned a great deal of real estate and a couple dozen milking cows, not to mention a thoroughbred buggy horse. And could she pour on the charm. Lydia could see her green eyes that echoed a hand-sewn dress and apron with even stitches. And her organza white heart shaped cap was always pressed to perfection. Lydia assumed that Sarah was looking for a husband and could beguile her Jonathan. Not that Jonathan was Lydia’s by any means. Lydia hadn’t even been baptized into the Amish church. And she certainly wasn’t living an Amish life.
She sighed as she thought of how easily men were beguiled. She couldn’t wait to get home—the sooner the better. She no longer wanted a terrier but rather a herding dog to look after a small flock of sheep that she hoped to own with Jonathan. And a goat or two for milking and making yogurt. She could almost taste its creaminess.
When had that dream died, and why had she left Lancaster County? Looking back at her far-fetched decisions, Lydia realized sin had let her astray. She shuddered when she considered what power her transgressions had over her. She needed to return and confess no matter the consequences.
Lydia reminded herself that very few in the Amish community were shunned if they repented and confessed. She needed to take the classes and be baptized into the Amish church. Even if Jonathan married another woman, her parents would be ecstatic.