Chapter 23 #2
Before bed, Alicia ran a bath and browsed the bookshelf in the bedroom, filled with books from her past. As a teenager she had loved curling up under the covers to read when she should have been sleeping.
Selecting a well-worn tale of high school twins dating another set of high school twins, her mind flashed to the book in her suitcase.
Should she be reading that? Working on dissolving her shame?
Ugh! She was on vacation. The heavy stuff could wait.
The following morning, thick snow flurried around like weightless pennies and Alicia followed the smell of fresh coffee to the kitchen where a platter of bread, cheese and salad waited atop the counter. Astrid was kneading dough and guilt swiped at Alicia for sleeping in.
‘I must be tiring you out.’ Astrid pummelled the dough with her palms.
‘It could be the mountain air, and being away from all my worries. What are these?’ Alicia moved towards a basket on the counter filled with pine cones, leaves, twigs and stones. She encased a cone in her palm, the rough graze of it on her skin piercing her with needles of comfort.
‘Oh, a few things from when you were younger. I thought you might like to be reunited with them.’
As she rolled the pine cone in her fist, Alicia remembered.
Many years ago, she and her brothers had stayed here for their summer vacation while their parents were filming.
They spent the days running wild in nature, building dams and dens, role-playing mountain warriors and collecting cones and leaves and anything they could find in nature.
There wound up being nearly as much nature in the house as outside, but, instead of telling them to put everything back, their grandmother laid out sheets of paper, glue and paints and told them to make a collage.
Her brothers soon ran back outside to role-play being warriors again, but Alicia spent hours absorbed in collage making and sketching.
‘My idea for today is working with these,’ said Astrid. ‘Nature is hidden beneath the snow today, but these are not. So let’s…’
‘Make Christmas wreaths!’ Alicia chimed like a child.
‘Yes! How did you guess?’
‘Because we always want to do the same things. I’d love to make wreaths. And then we could make Christmas cards, or tree decorations.’
‘Wonderful!’ Astrid exclaimed. ‘Finish your breakfast and we will go to the workshop.’
All day, Alicia and her grandmother immersed themselves in craft and artwork.
The thought of time barely grazed their consciousness until they realised it was four o’clock and pitch dark and they hadn’t had lunch.
Alicia considered the wreath in front of her, decorated with pine cones, small logs, Norwegian fir sprigs and mistletoe.
It would look perfect on a cottage door in Scotland.
She had also made a pile of Christmas cards with fir sprigs as trees and a hand-drawn version of herself standing amidst the forest holding a present.
Was it unintentionally symbolic? Was she lost in a forest with so much to give but no idea how to find her way out to give it?
‘Of course, the other interpretation is that you are holding the gift yourself,’ Astrid posited after Alicia had suggested her thoughts.
Alicia examined the card. ‘You mean I know what I need?’
‘Yes. That’s why you put it on the card. But a little help unravelling your feelings may be required.’
The next few days helped Alicia with this unravelling.
The craft day planted a thought and as the week progressed the green shoots appeared, assisted by a raft of other pursuits.
As well as more crafting and painting there was sledding, chopping firewood, laughing at stories of the past, and sitting by the fireside drinking hot chocolate, warm flames licking at their toes while snow billowed outside.
It was idyllic. Of course, Alicia’s thoughts drifted to Jamie much of the time.
It was difficult to embrace this safe fireside sensation without longing to take it to the next level and be wrapped in his arms. How she missed him.
She wondered what he was doing now. What was his little village like?
Was it a metropolis compared to here? Were there lots of things to paint?
There was him for one. That would be enough; being with Jamie would be enough. He was the other half of her.
‘Well, Bestemor,’ Alicia said on the final evening as they were clearing away the dinner dishes. ‘I understand now. What it is I need.’
‘You do?’ Astrid’s face held a look that said she knew what it was she was about to hear but she couldn’t wait to hear it because it would delight her so much.
‘It’s not acting,’ Alicia admitted. ‘That’s not me. This here, this is me.’ Alicia gazed out the window to the elements, earth, air, wind and fire infusing her as she made this admission. ‘Remoteness, wild weather, art, feeding my creativity. That’s me down to the earthy ground.’
Her grandmother listened with interest as Alicia talked about being trapped in a Hollywood loop and not realising until she was forced out of it.
How the pain had been horrendous but going through it brought her here to the things that chimed with her soul.
When Alicia had stopped talking, her bestemor spoke.
‘Darling Alicia, I have known you all your life, and I know the combination to your heart,’ she said.
‘Maybe this trip was necessary to help you find your true passion. And I am so glad that you have found it.’
Alicia hugged her grandmother. How amazing she was, to listen and guide Alicia towards things that would ignite her passion. She was wisdom beyond wisdom. Alicia hoped that one day she could have grandchildren to whom she could be as much of an inspiration as her bestemor was to her.