Chapter 2
It was a new day, and Adrienne tapped her lips with her fingers.
She didn’t have to use the characters she and her father had created.
Ethan had told her she could create new ones.
Squinting off at the distance, looking at the snow on the mountains, she rolled her shoulders and set her fingers to her keyboard.
The loss had been unbearable. It wasn’t like Herman to be so melancholy…
“Who is Herman?” Adrienne laughed, as she continued to type.
Adrienne giggled. What stupid story was this? But she supposed it didn’t matter. Ethan said write. So she’d write.
All Herman had wanted was to go on a date.
It wasn’t much to ask, he thought, unless you were an acne-ridden man in your early twenties who should have outgrown this stage, and figured his life out.
But no. He hadn’t outgrown it, he hadn’t figured his life out, and now he was on a path he’d never been on.
One where he had to traverse life alone without any help from his parents, solicited or unsolicited as their advice had tended to be.
And he had to do it while fighting the courts to get the house he’d lived in with them out of probate, because heaven forbid they’d known what a trust was.
How many jobs did he have now, just trying to make ends meet, to get from one month to another?
“Ms. Croft! You ready to decorate the lobby???”
Adrienne popped out of her reverie to find Ava bouncing up and down happily in front of her, sporting a crayon colored page of what she assumed was supposed to be the lobby when they were done with it.
“Absolutely!” Snapping her laptop closed, she stood with a grin on her face.
Damn but it felt good to write, she thought.
Adrienne tucked the last of the boxes back in the storage closet and looked around. The lobby was vibrant now, with all the cheer she could have wanted for this trip. Ava had left awhile ago for dinner, but Adrienne hadn’t felt quite ready to return to her cabin.
Frankly, this was the closest she’d felt to feeling Christmasy in a long time. In fact, she had some scenes rolling around in her head now, and she was musing on if they would work for the novel her publisher was actually expecting, or if Herman would be experiencing Christmas.
Sitting on the stairwell and looking down on the foyer of sparkling lights, she munched on a bag of chips, musing.
A door opened and footsteps resounded beneath her. It was Ethan, carrying a set of towels again, just like the first time she’d seen him.
“More folks checking in?” Adrienne asked, her voice startling the man. He whipped around.
“No. Just wanted to have these up front. A storm’s coming in soon, they say. Good to have towels around in case it gets messy.” He set them beneath the check-in counter and regarded her. “You ok? Want something more than a sandwich?”
“Nah. Still got it.” She held up her shrink wrapped dinner. “I was just admiring the lights.”
His face relaxed into a smile. “You two have done well. I mean really, it’s unrecognizable.”
“Thank you. Ava has an eye, that’s for sure.”
He nodded. “Agreed. But I can see your influence. There’s things done here I’ve never seen before.”
She smiled. “I’m glad to have helped. Maybe one day you and Ava can visit my place, and see the way I usually decorate. I go all out.”
Ethan’s eyebrows raised and she flushed. That had been a bit forward, now she thought about it. He checked his watch and asked, “Would you like to join me for hot cocoa at the firepit? It’s a nice night and you can tell me all about your decorations.”
“Well,” Adrienne paused. “Sure. What’s Ava doing?”
He smiled. “She’s asleep. You wore her out.”
“Ah.” Adrienne stood, holding her now empty chip bag and the sandwich.
“Lead the way.” He handed her two blankets and made up a few cups of cocoa, courtesy of the lobby cocoa bar.
Armed with their drinks and blankets, they made their way down to the firepit and Adrienne settled into a seat as he turned on the fire.
What a lovely spot, she thought. Perfect for s’mores and chatting with your family and friends.
It was really a great set up for a cabin getaway, she thought.
Mom and Dad would have loved this. She sighed and Ethan looked at her as he settled onto his seat.
His eyebrow raised, asking the question of what she was thinking about, without actually asking.
And she realized, surprisingly, she wanted to answer.
“I have these dreams, you know? They haunt me. Mom and Dad, they’re both so vivacious and healthy, and we’re planning things to do.
But instead of my dream state being able to just love being with them, and remembering what they used to be like, my brain inserts itself.
It somehow puts us in a timeline of a year ago, and then it reminds me of what’s coming.
Of how quickly everything would change, and how we won’t actually be able to do whatever it was that we were planning to do.
” Adrienne stopped talking, trying to cover her choking up with a sip of her hot cocoa.
It was quiet for a moment before Ethan broke the silence, surprising her by reciprocating with openness.
“Lani was the vibrant one in our relationship. With that one trip down the mountain, everything changed. We were so intertwined in everything in our life, that I’ve spent the last two years floundering in every space of my life.
There’s the endless, sleepless nights in bed alone, and all those conversations I don’t get to share with anyone anymore.
There’s the business. You said it the first time you walked in - it’s not what it was, or what it should be, because I’m trying to do everything I did as well as everything she did.
Not only is it more than one person should ever try to do, but I’m incapable.
I can’t do what she did, and because I keep trying, I can’t do what I used to do decently anymore either.
And then there’s Ava…” Now he broke off, sipping his cocoa.
“She’s a very amazing girl,” Adrienne said gently. “You’re doing really well with her.”
“That’s just residuals from what was before,” Ethan argued.
“I feel like I tend to her needs, you know? I keep a roof over her head - barely - keep her fed, and make sure she sees her grandparents, gets her homework done. But I’m a middle aged man.
What do I know about what a girl her age needs?
She had such a connection with Lani, and the things they did together, I was never a part of, you know?
I don’t even have a chance at trying to emulate that. ”
“I don’t know that you need to try and emulate anyone at all. You just need to be you, and find whatever bond between the two of you that you can nurture and grow.”
“What could she possibly have in common with me?”
Adrienne shrugged. “I imagine that you could have asked the same question when I was young - what could I possibly have in common with my father? And here we were, years later, and I was his writing partner, with me infinitely closer to him than I was to my mother. I’ve only been here a few days and I already see how you and Ava are together.
I think that’s partly what’s enchanted me, because I see so much of my father and I in you two.
” She paused. “Can I be honest with you?”
Ethan gave her a wary look, but nodded.
“I think if you just open your eyes and stop putting pressure on yourself for whatever it is that you think you have to be, and just let yourself live with her, you’ll see that you’ve bonded much more than you realize.
Did you know how much she’s apprenticing you?
She’s becoming very competent in being your little shadow and I wonder if you even see it. ”
He looked at her, thunderstruck, before slowly shaking his head.
“She’s desperate for you to look up and notice her, I do see that. I think you just need to see her. Be with her. Enjoy her. I have a feeling this will resolve what you think you need to do, and that feeling of being unworthy.”
She’d probably gone too far. This man was a virtual stranger and here she was, giving him advice like she was remotely equipped to do so. She knew she wasn’t. She didn’t even know why she was doing it. In fact, why was she still talking?
So she stopped, and just stared at the fire, feeling her heart constrict.
Twisting her cup in her hand, she fell into her usual depths of despair, questioning everything about her life.
Wondering if she could have enjoyed her life any more than she had.
She had always been happy, content, but had that been enough?
Had she enjoyed it even more, would it have made the pain of separation better or worse?
“You don’t think she needs a mother?” Ethan’s quiet voice broke her out of her internal suffering and she looked over at him in surprise. It took her a moment to re-orient herself back to his reality, and not hers.
“I mean…that’s not the cards that were dealt, is it?
Nothing can change the fact that her mother is no longer here.
If you’re asking do I think you should go find a woman to marry just to ensure that she has a mother figure around?
Well, the writer in me can’t help but think of Cinderella and all the evil stepmother stories out there, so no.
I don’t really get behind that concept.”
Ethan snorted at that. “Oh, so now you’re killing me off in this fictional reality?”
Adrienne opened her mouth to respond, then closed and opened it a few more times, feeling the burn of her face. “I did clarify ‘and all the other stories out there.’”