Chapter Thirty-One
Three weeks later
‘There isn’t a leaving party,’ smirked Lucy. ‘Unless somebody organised one without inviting me.’
‘Oh my God, Fran would totally do that,’ laughed Jonno. ‘What are you going to do next?’
‘I’m not entirely sure,’ said Lucy. ‘I’ve got a couple of interviews lined up, both really good agencies. But I’ve also told both of them that I’m not available until January, so it depends on how happy they are to wait.’
‘What are you going to do between now and then?’
‘Do some freelancing. Maybe take some time off.’
‘And do what?’
‘Well, that depends on how tonight goes.’ The basket of snakes in Lucy’s belly wriggled and squirmed, and she wondered if she was going to make it through this evening without throwing up. She’d had too long to think about this plan, and it already felt entirely stupid and destined to fail.
‘Whether Nate goes for this ridiculous overblown gesture, you mean?’ asked Jonno.
‘Yes,’ said Lucy, wishing that, just occasionally, Jonno could be a tiny bit less honest.
‘What if he sacks you off?’
‘I haven’t got that far,’ said Lucy. ‘I might go travelling. Take ayahuasca on a beach in Mexico and find myself.’
‘Sounds fun,’ said Jonno. ‘Can I come?’
‘No,’ said Lucy with the ghost of a smile. ‘You and Marcia already found each other.’
‘Yeah, I s’pose. Where are the jobs? The ones you’ve got interviews for?’
‘One in London, and one in New York.’ To be honest she’d only applied to go through the motions, and hadn’t really expected to get an interview for either. Right now it felt difficult to think about anything beyond today.
‘Wow,’ said Jonno.
‘If I end up in the States, you can come over to stay.’
‘Do bars in New York serve Three-Eyed Goblin? No, I don’t think they do.’ He was using humour to deflect from his feelings, as Jonno always did, but Lucy could tell that the idea of her being on the other side of the Atlantic was causing him pain.
‘Jonno, we both need to spread our wings. We’ve been drinking in the Brunel for over a decade. We always talk about why I’m still here, but never you. Why aren’t YOU applying for jobs in London and New York?’
Jonno said nothing for a moment while he considered the question. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘Marcia likes the countryside, Lottie and Ava are settled in school. Giving them everything they need is my number one priority, I guess.’
Lucy smiled, feeling a wave of love for her friend. ‘See, this is why we’re friends. You’re an incredibly selfless human.’
‘In four or five years they’ll both be in university and Marcia and I can decide what’s next. I might take early retirement, actually. That’s definitely an option. Spend some time travelling. Maybe take ayahuasca in Mexico with my incredibly beautiful wife.’
‘And in the meantime?’
He turned to glance at her, then fixed his eyes back on the road. ‘I actually really love my job, Luce. I just love it more when you’re there. It kind of hurts to realise you don’t need me any more.’
Lucy laughed. ‘Did I ever really NEED you?’ She knew the answer to that, obviously, but it didn’t make it any easier to admit.
‘Yeah, you did,’ said Jonno firmly. ‘When you started at LUNA it was about eight months after Leo died, and I was living in a house with two girls under five. We were both shellshocked and looking for a lifeboat.’
‘Those two metaphors don’t really go together, just so you know.’
‘Fuck off,’ laughed Jonno. ‘You do the words, I do the pictures. Remember?’
‘Yeah, OK.’ Lucy grinned.
‘You’d been through a lot, and were a vulnerable mess. I liked you, and I wanted to protect you. I still do.’
‘Thank you,’ said Lucy, blinking away tears. ‘You are, without question, the love of my life.’
‘That’s a lovely thing to say,’ said Jonno. ‘But I think we both know that it’s time for you to . . . I don’t know.’
‘Transfer that love to someone else?’ suggested Lucy.
‘Yeah,’ said Jonno sadly. ‘Leo had it for the first twenty-one years, I’ve had it for the past eleven, in a different way. And now it’s Nate’s turn.’
Lucy looked at him hopefully. ‘You really think? You don’t think I’m insane?’
‘Oh, I absolutely think you’re insane,’ laughed Jonno.
‘You’ve quit your job, dumped your millionaire boyfriend, and now we’re on the way to London so you can declare your undying love to a pop star, even though I have to be up at six tomorrow to drive Lottie and her friends to Alton Towers. We’re both absolutely mental.’
‘I’m technically supposed to wait until tonight’s show is over,’ said Lucy. ‘Sasha made me promise.’
Jonno’s brow furrowed. ‘What the fuck has it got to do with Sasha?’
Lucy smiled, then pulled out her phone and swiped to her camera.
‘What you doing?’ asked Jonno.
‘Taking a video. Are you buckled in?’
‘Yeah, of course,’ he said, pinging his seatbelt. ‘What’s this about?’
‘It’s about Nate,’ said Lucy with a grin. ‘And Sasha.’
‘The fuck?’ said Jonno, almost driving into the back of a minibus.
‘Please tell me why we have to watch this gig,’ grumbled Jonno, nursing an alcohol-free beer at the bar as people flooded through the doors.
The London venue for Nate’s UK tour was a live event space in a basement on Tottenham Court Road; it could take about fifteen hundred people, and by the looks of this crowd, it was going to be packed.
Annoyingly he’d played a venue in Bristol the previous week, which she’d been to watch to help her formulate the plan.
But she’d made no attempt to let him know she was there, because she’d promised Sasha to wait until the end of the tour.
And now it was the final night, and the time had come.
‘Why wouldn’t we watch the gig?’ asked Lucy.
‘Because this place is full of fourteen-year-old girls and their mums, and I look like a pervert. And also because I sat through a Nate Lambert gig at Glastonbury a few weeks ago. If I go to any more, I’m going to have to register at the police station as a fan.’
‘I believe we stood at the side of the stage at Glasto, technically,’ laughed Lucy. ‘And you were buzzing on free champagne and a helicopter ride.’
‘Shit, I miss Kristoff,’ muttered Jonno wistfully. ‘Why can’t you get back with him?’
‘Because I wasn’t in love with him,’ said Lucy. ‘And even if I was, he’s now dating a twenty-five-year-old Swiss chocolate heiress called Sophia.’
‘Can I keep calling her Lindt Linda?’ grinned Jonno.
‘Depends if you want to keep your job,’ said Lucy.
She’d forced herself to look at Kristoff’s social posts over the past few weeks, mostly featuring him and Sophia looking blissfully happy and beautiful.
She took the absence of any pain as a sign that she definitely hadn’t loved him, and genuinely hoped things worked out for him.
Sophia looked like the kind of woman who was no stranger to a helicopter and a Manhattan capsule wardrobe, so that felt like a good start.
‘But just so I’m clear,’ asked Jonno, looking serious for a moment. ‘You ARE in love with actual Nate Lambert?’
‘Yes,’ said Lucy patiently. ‘That’s why we’re here, and also why I’ve shit myself empty over the past three weeks from stress.’
‘And you’re not bothered that pretty much every other woman in this room would also say they’re in love with Nate Lambert, plus about half the men?’
‘No,’ said Lucy, trying to calm the nervous twitch in her hands. ‘Because I think he loves me too.’
‘Based on what?’
‘I’m not sure,’ said Lucy. ‘Just . . . vibes, I guess.’
‘Right,’ said Jonno, nodding thoughtfully. ‘We’re here to make total twats of ourselves based on “just vibes”.’
‘Why are you being such a bitch?’ asked Lucy, pulling a face. ‘You offered to help.’
‘I’m having a crisis of confidence. Why can’t you just get his number from Sasha, who is also his fucking MUM, and call him tomorrow?’
‘Because I want him to know how I feel, and I thought that warranted a grand gesture.’
‘OK,’ shrugged Jonno. ‘But I beg you, please don’t make me sit through this whole gig. Let’s go out for dinner, and then you can storm the stage naked during the encore or something.’
‘Can’t be done,’ said Lucy. ‘I have a plan, and I can’t do it without you. We only need to be here for the first half, and we can stand right at the back.’
‘Well, that’s something,’ said Jonno. ‘At least I don’t have to get in the mosh pit with a load of teenagers. What if I accidentally touched one of them?’
‘Keep your hands in your pockets,’ said Lucy. ‘Actually, that looks weirder.’
‘If I have my hands in my pockets, I can’t hold up the other end of your stupid banner,’ he said, nodding to the bundle of poles and fabric in Lucy’s hands.
She’d snuck it into the venue wrapped in a coat, but the security staff had been more interested in inspecting the contents of her bag, and even that had been a token gesture.
‘He’s on stage in five minutes,’ said Lucy, checking her watch. ‘We should go in.’
‘You sure you don’t want a drink?’ said Jonno.
Lucy wiped her clammy hands on Nate’s navy sweatshirt, feeling jittery with nerves. Tonight felt like it was going to be either an ending or a beginning of something, and she really didn’t want to mess it up.
‘No,’ she said. This might be a big gesture, but the least she could do was deliver it sober.
‘I’m going to take a short break after this song,’ said Nate, adjusting his microphone and raking his hands through his hair. ‘Leave you in the very capable hands of Cara Louise, who’s an incredible up-and-coming singer that you’re going to love. But before that, I want to play my new single.’
The crowd roared, and Jonno feigned pain for about the twentieth time.
Lucy had loved the show as much as she had last week in Bristol – a mix of Nate’s music and a few covers and some special guests who’d joined him on stage.
The whole set was full of joy and optimism – just a guy living his best life and still not entirely able to believe it was all happening.
‘Jesus, what’s wrong with these people?’ said Jonno, covering his ears.
‘Did you never scream at a gig when you were a teenager?’ laughed Lucy.