Chapter Thirty-Two
‘I’ve only got five more minutes,’ said Nate, glancing at his watch as they lounged on the sofa in his dressing room, his arm thrown casually around her shoulder. ‘I told Alex I needed some time alone, but he’ll be along in a bit to check I’m OK. He’ll go apeshit if he finds you here.’
‘I’ll go in a minute,’ said Lucy, tilting her head up to kiss him. It felt like the latest of a thousand kisses she’d been storing up for him, and it was hard not to pepper him with all of them at once.
‘I thought you were dating Kristoff, anyway?’ said Nate with a grin.
‘We broke up a few weeks ago,’ shrugged Lucy. ‘But you already knew that.’
‘Yeah, I did,’ muttered Nate. ‘But if you’re still secretly dating, you should know that he’s cheating on you with a really hot Swiss woman.’
‘Condoms and chocolate,’ said Lucy. ‘They’re the ultimate match.’
‘I don’t know,’ said Nate, burying his face in her hair and breathing her in. ‘A singer and a writer seems like a pretty good combination to me.’
‘And obviously I thought Sasha was your girlfriend,’ said Lucy, colour rushing to her cheeks. ‘It turns out that wasn’t remotely correct.’
‘I heard about that,’ laughed Nate. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you, but I didn’t want you to judge me, or Sasha. And I never imagined you’d come to the conclusion I was banging my mum.’
‘I don’t think she thinks I’m good enough for you,’ said Lucy.
‘I think she’s just wary of me getting hurt,’ said Nate. ‘She told me you’d promised not to get in touch until after tonight. And Alex made me promise to do the same.’
‘I almost made it,’ said Lucy. ‘You’ve only got half a show to go.’
‘I was going to give you until tomorrow lunchtime, then send out a search party.’
‘You have more patience than me,’ laughed Lucy, feeling so ridiculously happy she thought she might cry. But there was still one question she needed to ask. ‘When we were in Zermatt, you said there was somebody you liked, but it was complicated.’
‘Yeah,’ said Nate, picking awkwardly at some fluff on his jeans. ‘That was you.’
‘Really?’
Nate nodded and blew out his cheeks. ‘I’d had a ridiculous crush on you for ages. But you weren’t the dating type, and I wasn’t exactly Mr Confident, so I never told you. Apart from “Can’t Be Mine”, which is very much about you.’
‘Wow,’ said Lucy, not sure what else to say. It was what she’d suspected and hoped for when she was devising this mad plan, but it still felt unbelievable to hear it from Nate.
Nate nodded. ‘I wrote it after Zoe’s wedding, back at my mum’s place in Bath. I don’t think I’d even taken my suit off.’
‘I thought that was about Sasha too.’
Nate gave a barking laugh, his thumb stroking the back of her hand in a way that gave her goosebumps. ‘Yeah, that’s all kinds of disgusting.’
‘I’m sorry about shutting you out,’ said Lucy, looking up at him. ‘In Zermatt, and at the wedding. You were right about Leo, and I was scared about how you made me feel, and at the time I didn’t know what to do with that.’
‘And now?’ asked Nate, holding her gaze.
‘It feels a lot clearer,’ said Lucy with a shy smile. ‘And I’m in a much better place, generally.’
‘So am I,’ said Nate. ‘Who was holding the other end of your incredible banner?’
‘That was Jonno, obviously.’
‘Outstanding,’ said Nate. ‘That man really loves you.’
‘Yeah, he does, the idiot,’ said Lucy. She stroked her finger up his forearm, nudging it under the rolled-up cuff of his shirt to reveal the Z of his tattoo. ‘I saw this, on YouTube,’ she said. ‘That’s what made me realise that maybe you hadn’t entirely left me behind.’
‘I’ve been trying to hide it,’ said Nate, pulling the sleeve loose so she could see the whole thing. ‘It’s been causing quite a stir in the fan forums; they’re all trying to work out what secret message it holds.’
‘I love that you had it tattooed,’ said Lucy, tracing the letters with her finger. ‘When did that happen?’
‘A couple of days after we got back, before the marker pen completely faded. Everything was mad, all endless meetings and social stuff and getting sucked into Alex’s crazy vortex.
I just asked for a couple of hours on my own and found the nearest tattoo parlour in London that could do me a walk-in. ’
‘It’s beautiful,’ she said, feeling Nate’s breath catch as she pressed her finger against it, their bodies arching towards each other.
‘I just wanted a reminder of where it all started,’ he whispered, weaving his fingers into hers. ‘The crossing point from the old Nate to the new one. And the person who was with me when it happened.’ He leaned down to kiss her, and for a long moment Lucy couldn’t feel her toes.
‘So what happens now?’ she asked when they broke apart, conscious the clock was ticking on their time together.
‘Now, I have to go back on stage,’ said Nate, checking his watch again. ‘Like, right now. But I’m going on a European tour in a few weeks. Just bars and clubs in France and Germany and the Netherlands, nothing massive. I could definitely do with some PR help.’
‘I don’t know anything about music PR,’ said Lucy, realising what he was asking. ‘Or PR, for that matter.’
‘Fine, then you can do all my social. Write all the funny little captions for my TikTok.’
Lucy laughed and shook her head. ‘That’s not a real job.’
‘You’re right, it’s not.’ He shrugged. ‘Maybe you can just have an adventure with me for a few weeks?’
‘What about my job?’
‘You’ve quit your job. Sasha told me.’
‘Shit,’ said Lucy, rolling her eyes. ‘I forgot you have family spies.’
‘Do you have something new lined up yet?’
‘Not quite, but I’m working on it. I’ve been thinking about taking the rest of this year off, actually. Doing some freelance stuff and starting something new in January.’
‘Well, then,’ said Nate. ‘Maybe it’s perfect timing.’
‘Maybe,’ said Lucy, knowing that she’d go to the ends of the earth for this man right now, but not wanting to make all the decisions at once. Chemistry and timing.
‘Look, I’d just love for us to spend some time together. Just think about it, OK?’
‘I will,’ said Lucy, giving him a final kiss and extracting herself from his arms so they could both stand up.
‘I need to get back on stage. You can watch from the mezzanine with Alex and Willem. They’re both here. And some other people you know too.’
Eek, Sasha’s here, thought Lucy, wondering if she already knew that Lucy had broken her promise and was in the building. Maybe she would steer clear for now.
‘I should get back to Jonno. He’s in the bar with a bunch of teenage girls. He’s giving me a lift back to Bristol.’
‘Take him up too, I’ll get one of my people to show you the way. You’re staying for the second half, right?’
‘I hadn’t planned to,’ said Lucy awkwardly. ‘For Jonno’s sake, really. He’s gone above and beyond today, and he’s got a really early start tomorrow. Is that bad?’
‘I’d like you to stay, if you can,’ said Nate. ‘I added a couple of new songs to the set tonight, just for you.’
Lucy looked confused. ‘How did you know I’d be here?’
‘I didn’t,’ said Nate. ‘I asked Alex to film your songs for YouTube, they’re being uploaded tomorrow. So I knew you’d see them; I just wasn’t expecting you to be here in person.’
‘Well, I’ll stay, then. How will I know which songs?’
Nate smiled. ‘You’ll know.’
‘It’s just for another hour,’ said Lucy, following a harried woman in a radio headset up the stairs to the mezzanine that overlooked the main floor and the stage. ‘I’m really sorry.’
‘It’s fine,’ said Jonno, emerging onto a balcony with a neon-lit private bar and tables laden with buffet food. They were directly above where they’d stood with their banner, and it afforded a stunning view of the stage. ‘This is much more like it.’
‘Lucy!’ said a familiar voice, and before she could look up she was yanked into a hug by Willem. Lucy looked over her shoulder to see Sasha’s head whip round in her direction.
‘Lovely to see you,’ said Lucy to Willem. ‘This is my friend Jonno, can you both give me a moment?’ She extracted herself from Willem’s grasp and headed in the direction of Sasha’s steely glare.
‘You couldn’t wait until the end of the show, then?’ said Sasha coolly.
‘No, not really,’ said Lucy. ‘But I did manage to hold out for this long, so hopefully that counts for something.’
‘It does,’ said Sasha. ‘Have you seen Nate?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m sure he’s thrilled you’re here.’ There was a genuine note of kindness in Sasha’s voice, like she had resigned herself to the inevitable, so Lucy softened a little.
‘So, we’re not mortal enemies, then,’ said Lucy.
‘Of course not,’ replied Sasha. ‘I’m his mother, I just want what’s best for him. Doesn’t every mother feel that way about her son?’
Lucy thought about her own mother, and how she and her dad never had the chance to see Leo find happiness.
She’d spoken to them a lot over the past few weeks, explaining her decision to leave LUNA and scheduling their first family therapy session for the following week.
They’d even agreed to come to Bristol and see Lucy’s therapist, rather than finding a different one.
It felt like a small step towards some kind of healing, and in that moment she knew that, the situation with Nate aside, a job in New York wasn’t her future.
She’d focus on London, rent out her place in Bristol, and find somewhere south of the river, not too far away from Croydon, that she could make feel like home.
‘I’m not here for a day trip, Sasha,’ said Lucy. ‘I really want to make things work.’
‘I know,’ said Sasha, putting her arm around her as Cara Louise left the stage and the crowd roared for Nate’s return.
They leaned on the balcony railing together as the music started and Nate opened the second half with a George Michael song.
‘I think you’re amazing,’ he sang, and Lucy wondered if she’d ever stop smiling.
‘I’ve got two songs now that are for someone really special,’ said Nate, as the applause died down. ‘She’s in the house tonight, actually, so I’m going to try not to mess it up.’ He launched into a ballad called ‘Things Snowballed’, and Lucy wondered if her heart might burst.
‘Things snowballed, they snowballed,’ sang Nate, smiling up at the balcony as he got to the chorus, ‘and the further we both roll . . . the more I know I love you and the more you make me whole.’
‘Look at your face,’ said Jonno, elbowing in beside her as the song came to a close. ‘He actually wrote a song about you.’
‘Yeah,’ said Lucy. ‘He actually did.’
‘I mean, how is any other man supposed to compete with that?’
Lucy turned and looked at him. ‘When did you last tell Marcia you loved her, Jonno?’
Jonno thought about it. ‘I don’t know. About an hour ago? I messaged to tell her I’d been sucked into your stupid scheme for a bit longer, and she told me to stop whining and focus on being the best friend I could be. So I told her I loved her.’
‘You don’t ever need to compete,’ said Lucy. ‘Honestly, Jonno. You’ve already won the biggest jackpot there is.’
‘So, you’ll know this song,’ said Nate. ‘I hope you’ll sing along. And because I’m absolutely not worthy of singing Adele, I’ve got some help from my friend Andrea.’ The crowd cheered politely as Andrea emerged from the wings with her guitar, waving nervously.
‘Oh my God,’ said Lucy, realising what was about to happen.
‘Who the hell is that?’ asked Jonno.
‘It’s Andrea. She’s a singer who was in the bar in Switzerland with us.’ She looked around for Willem, who was on the other side of Sasha with Alex. ‘Where’s Felix?’
‘Who’s Felix?’ asked Jonno.
‘He’s down in the crowd,’ said Alex happily. ‘He wanted to be somewhere where he could tell everyone that Andrea was his wife.’
‘He’s got over her not singing the Bee Gees, then?’ laughed Lucy.
Alex shook his head. ‘He begged Nate to sing “How Deep Is Your Love” instead, but he wasn’t having any of it.’
‘Nate should have invited Gunther, Monica and Chantal too,’ said Lucy as Jonno looked even more confused.
‘He did,’ said Willem, clapping furiously as the music started. ‘But it’s peak summer hiking season in Zermatt. He’s doing a show in Zurich in a few weeks, they’re coming to that.’
Lucy had a second to wonder what Adele song they were going to sing, before she realised that this was another song for her.
Andrea and Nate performed ‘When We Were Young’ as a haunting duet, with stunning harmonies that told Lucy how hard they’d rehearsed.
Tears flowed freely down her cheeks – for Leo, for the years not lived, for everyone in this room who was as helplessly in love with Nate as she was, and for a future she couldn’t even imagine right now, but couldn’t wait to begin.
‘Here,’ said Jonno, handing her a tissue.
‘Thanks,’ said Lucy, dabbing her blotchy face. The five of them stood in a row – Jonno, Lucy, Sasha, Willem and Alex – entirely absorbed in Nate’s show until the encore was over and the lights in the hall finally came up.
‘That was amazing,’ said Lucy, blowing her nose. ‘Best night of my life.’
‘Yeah,’ said Jonno. ‘That was pretty special.’ In the stark lights of the hall she could see how shattered he looked, and felt a wave of guilt for how much she’d asked of him this evening.
‘Come on,’ she said. ‘Let’s get home.’
‘Don’t you want to wait for Nate?’ asked Jonno.
‘No,’ said Lucy. ‘I look like a crying bag of shit, and I can talk to him tomorrow.’ She gave Willem and Alex a hug, and took a minute to say her hellos and congratulations to Andrea and Felix as they appeared up the stairs.
Alex had told her that Andrea was going to be singing with Nate on his European tour, so maybe she’d see them again soon. Maybe.
‘Sasha, I need to go,’ said Lucy, as she reappeared from the bathroom. ‘Will you give Nate a message for me?’
‘Sure,’ said Sasha.
‘Tell him I had to go back to Bristol, but I’ll be waiting for his call tomorrow.’
Sasha smiled and pulled out her phone. ‘Why don’t I give you his new number, so you can tell him yourself?’
‘No, I trust you,’ said Lucy. ‘And he knows where to find me.’
‘Yes, he does.’
‘Thank you,’ said Lucy, giving her a hug.
‘Safe travels, Lucy,’ said Sasha, which made her think of her final conversation with Kristoff, and what a turning point that was. ‘We’ll miss you at LUNA.’
‘Well, I’m sure you’ll see me around.’
‘I’m sure I will,’ said Sasha. ‘Take care of her, Jonno.’
‘Always,’ said Jonno, taking Lucy’s hand and leading her back down the stairs.