So I Married Two Aliens (Mail-Order Alien Grooms #2)

Chapter 1

Chapter One

Fiona

The day my grocery cart gets stuck in the door at the store, the wheel jammed in the grooves, I realize it’s a sign.

I’m stuck in my ways. I’m the wheel in the door frame, and it’s up to me to jolt myself out of it. So, a few weeks after my best friend Amara’s wedding to her new alien husband, I do it. I jump into the unknown and dial the number for the Galactic Matching Program.

Meeting someone from far away. Finding true love, my happily ever after. That’s what I want, and I think I can get it if I take a leap of faith.

I receive an application, which I do my best to fill out honestly. None of the questions are about what I’m looking for in a forever partner—it’s all about me, my habits, my interests, my lifestyle, even my diet.

Then, when it’s done, I click SUBMIT and wait.

“You did what?” Marguerite asks on Friday night as we sit around a table with Amara and Roth’kar, sipping our drinks. We’re at a quieter place tonight, more of a bar than a club, so we can hear each other talk.

“I can’t believe it!” Amara says, clapping her hands together in excitement the way she always does. “I think that’s a great idea, Fiona. Open your mind, open your heart, and who knows what might walk into your life?”

She snuggles up against Roth’kar, whose stern expression melts as he kisses the top of her head. Even his little antennae bend toward her. I know he wasn’t enthused about kissing at first, but he’s definitely into it big time now.

Sometimes it’s hard watching your best friend be really, really, really happy.

Obviously, I’m ecstatic for her. She found love, true love, and I’m over the moon that someone as sweet and wonderful as Amara got everything she wanted.

But it also makes it just that much more obvious how big a hole there is in my life.

“I hope I get as lucky as you two,” I say, wringing my hands. “It’s kind of a crapshoot.”

Yeah, I’m one of the lucky ones who can go both ways when it comes to dating. After the RVS plague wiped out most men on Earth, many weren’t as lucky. And I love women, don’t get me wrong. That’s not the problem, though.

The problem is… forever. I want forever, but no one else around me does. None of the people who interest me want the same thing I do, and so we’ll have a one-night stand, and then they call it good.

I’m sick of being a hookup girl. No, I want what Amara has—someone who will love me until I’m old and tired, and we sit on the front porch together sipping spiked sweet tea.

Amara tilts her head. “The matchmaker, Gazargo, seems to take the applications really seriously.”

“I’m sure it’s not as fancy as all that,” Marguerite says, rolling her eyes. “Remember in college when we all had to fill out applications for roommates and then got matched with random people, anyway? I think Amara just got lucky.”

Jeez, that better not be true. If I’m doing this, I want it to be for real.

“What if your alien has three eyes?” Marguerite asks me. “Do you think you could fall in love with someone who had three eyes, Fiona?”

Amara swats at Marguerite. “Stop giving her ideas. It will work out, I’m sure of it.” She shoots me a reassuring smile. “You just have to put your whole heart on the line, and everything will turn out the way it should.”

Oof. My whole heart, huh? I’ve had my heart broken before, and it’s not a pretty picture. The last time I got dumped for being too clingy, I cut off most of my hair and got a tattoo.

“Whoever comes is looking for the same thing you are, Fiona,” Roth’kar says, speaking up for the first time. “Just have confidence in that. You are very likable.”

“Aw,” Amara says, elbowing him. “That’s sweet. She is likable, isn’t she?”

I hope my new alien spouse feels the same way.

It takes some time to hear back about my application. When I get the call, it’s coming from an unrecognized phone number, but the moment it rings, I know it’s them.

“Hello, Fiona Knox,” the voice on the other end says when I answer. “The Galactic Matching Program has found a suitable match for you. Please proceed to the spaceport in four days, two hours, and twenty-five minutes.”

I scribble it down quickly.

“We will be expecting you!” the voice says cheerily, then hangs up.

It’s time. It’s really happening, and I can’t go back now. In just a few days, I’m going to meet my forever person.

Man, I have a lot of cleaning to do before then. I live alone and work from home, so my house is kind of a disaster. I rarely have anybody over, preferring to meet my friends out at bars and clubs, or for a party at Marguerite’s place.

I get everything set up in the upstairs guest room, and having learned from Amara’s experience that aliens can be much bigger than we are, I station a queen-sized bed there.

Finally, after two days of cleaning, the house at least looks presentable.

I have a problem with collecting knickknacks, which decorate cabinets and shelves all over, so I hope my new alien spouse doesn’t mind that.

Then it’s time. I get into my car and take a deep breath before driving off to the spaceport.

I sit in a waiting room for a surprising amount of time once I arrive.

Two tall, skinny aliens with huge eyes are talking behind the counter, and I can’t tell what gender they are or if they have one.

Their voices grow louder and their movements more agitated while I wait, and I wonder if something is wrong.

Is my new alien partner not here yet? Did they miss the flight?

“Fiona Knox?” one of the two tall aliens calls out.

I hop to my feet. “That’s me.”

The alien, who appears a little harried, gestures for me to follow. They lead me into the same room where Roth’kar and Amara sealed the deal on their marriage and I was their witness. In an adjoining room I hear arguing. Loud arguing, the words indistinguishable, and is that hissing?

When the door opens, the noise abruptly halts.

A familiar short and turtle-faced alien stands in the middle of the room on a stool, so that he’s nearly at eye level with the two other aliens on either side of him.

It’s Gazargo, one of the Frahma, who were the first alien species to make contact with Earth.

Then my eyes are drawn to the two aliens.

They’re distinctly reptilian—that’s the best way to describe their faces, which are humanoid in shape but with rounded snouts and broad nostrils.

Their bodies are covered in scales in shades of green, and they both stand on two legs and have two arms each.

I thought I might have to contend with more limbs, like Amara did when she met Roth’kar, but it looks like the biggest difference between us is they each have long tails trailing along the ground.

They appear to have five fingers and five toes on their bare feet, but at the tips are claws.

Their ears are pointed, with hair running between a pair of ridges on top of their heads.

I gulp, wondering who they are. I must be in the wrong place. There should be only one alien husband waiting for me.

The moment I step into the room, two pairs of intense yellow eyes settle on me. They have slitted pupils, like lizards, and I freeze in the doorway.

“Oh, it’s you,” Gazargo chirps. “Come in, come in.”

Uneasily I cross the room, all my nerves firing at once. When I approach, the two aliens take deep breaths, as if smelling me. Up close, I notice one alien is more of a teal color, while the other is a deep emerald. The emerald one has deeper lines around his eyes, as if he’s older.

“Gentlemen,” Gazargo says to the two aliens, “this is Fiona.”

“Fiona.” The greener alien rolls my name around his mouth, revealing his sharp teeth. “You smell… wondrous.” He sniffs again, his brows relaxing as he breathes it in.

I fidget, surreptitiously sniffing the air to see if maybe I forgot to put on deodorant. “What? Me?”

He nods. “Perhaps this meeting is fortuitous after all. I believe, Fiona, that you are my fated mate.”

I stand still, not quite sure what this means. By his declaration, though, it sounds significant.

“Liar,” snaps the younger, blue-tinted alien. “You cannot possibly be her mate.”

The first one arches his eyebrow. “And why not?”

“Because…” The second alien inhales deeply. “Because she is my mate. I can smell her, and I know it to be true.”

The emerald-green alien stands up straight and… the things that looked like ridges suddenly flare out into wide fans along the sides of his head. He hisses, baring his sharp fangs at the other alien, who responds in kind, his own fans raising. They circle each other, still hissing, and I back away.

“Pardon me,” I say to Gazargo. “But what is going on?”

“I’m so sorry.” He turns to the two aliens, gesturing wildly at them. “Give her some space and calm down, will you?”

“But—” says the first alien.

“She’s mine!” says the second alien.

“Everyone, stop!” Gazargo’s voice booms across the room. The two of them freeze. “Is this the first impression you want to make on your new wife?”

Both aliens wilt, their fans lowering. They look at me, then at each other, then at me again.

“Do I need to send you both back where you came from?” Gazargo grumbles.

This mollifies them, and their fans droop back down to the sides of their heads. They turn to me, subdued expressions on their faces.

“My deepest apologies,” says the greener alien, bowing his head. “This must be a lot for you in one day.”

The other one tips his chin down as well. “I’m sorry for losing my temper.”

“Ahem.” Gazargo gives each of them one last glare before approaching me. “The Arshurians are… a territorial species. And can sometimes be aggressive toward rivals.”

Rivals? What’s going on here?

“Pardon me…” I pause, uncertain. “I came here for one alien husband. I think you have me confused with someone else.”

Gazargo arches a brow, then glances down at a clipboard in his hand. “You are Fiona Knox, are you not?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Then you’re in the right place.” He crosses his arms. “A tiny, erm, mistake was made, though.”

I glance between the two aliens. I think he’s definitely right.

“What mistake?”

“Well, you were supposed to get one Arshurian. Instead, um…” Gazargo hesitates. “There are two.”

No way. Surely that can’t be.

My voice is small as I ask, “How did that happen?”

“I don’t know.” Gazargo crosses his arms. “But now they are both here, so it’s up to you to decide which one will be your husband.”

I stare at him, aghast. “What? I have to pick?”

“Please choose me,” says the first alien. “We are destined to be together. We are fated mates.”

“What is that?” I squeak. “A fated mate?”

Gazargo clears his throat, drawing my attention back to him.

“Arshurians have a special mate bond. It is, well, an imprint. They believe it’s fated by the gods.”

I peer at each of the two aliens, who are still growling at one another.

“That can’t be right. Me? We just met a second ago.”

“I know it was only a moment,” says the teal alien, taking a step toward me. “But I promise, you are meant to be mine. I could smell your lovely scent on the air, and I know that you are the answer to my heart’s wishes.”

“But…” I chew my lip. “I don’t know either of you.”

“Well, that is where the trial marriage comes in,” Gazargo pipes up. “You can take both of them home with you and decide later which one you’d like to keep.” There’s a glint in his eye. “I’m sure they’ll both work hard to earn your affection.”

The two aliens nod in unison.

“I will treasure you above all else,” says the older one. “I promise that I will be yours until the end.”

The younger one does the same. “I will care for all your needs. I will offer you my whole heart.”

Now they’re staring at me with those impenetrable yellow eyes, and the hopeless romantic in me? She’s tentatively raising her head, wondering if this might be just what I was looking for.

They both want me. They’re each laying claim to me.

And so what if I want to be claimed?