Maggie #2
We leave the restaurant and we gather outside on the pavement for a few minutes, saying our goodbyes. Everyone is in a good mood, all smiles and hugs, and we fill the warm May evening with the sounds of warm wishes and laughter.
‘Are you sure you don’t want my sofa bed?’ I say to George, but he shakes his head.
‘You two lovebirds don’t want me snoring and farting on your sofa bed, now, do you?’ he protests, bashing away the invite. ‘Talk about a passion killer. No, one of the cabin crew has given me his Airbnb for the night, mates’ rates.’
He grins broadly and Theo laughs and we all hug and say goodbye, waving each other off, as he jumps in a cab and everyone goes their separate ways.
We set off walking in the opposite direction. It’s not far to my flat, only fifteen minutes, and buoyed up by such a lovely evening, I reach for Theo’s hand. We always hold hands when we’re walking down the street, that’s one of the things I love about him. How he’s so affectionate.
That’s when I first sense that something is up. He has his hands in his pockets.
‘So, that was a lovely evening,’ I say as we set off down a side street. I go to link my arm through his instead. I’m imagining it. Being silly. I am a bit tipsy, after all.
Silence; then, ‘Well, it was until you showed me up.’
It was like the sound of a chord in a minor key.
‘Sorry? What?’
I look at him. It’s late and dusk has fallen, but it’s still light. The warm smile that’s been on his face all evening has vanished and he looks pinched.
‘You heard.’
It’s like all the geniality and warmth of the evening has disappeared. Like it was an illusion. Even though it’s a summer’s night, it’s as if there’s a sudden chill in the air.
‘I’m sorry, love, have I done something wrong?’
I frown, not quite understanding what I’ve done to cause his good humour and affection to be so suddenly withdrawn.
‘If I said something to offend you somehow, I didn’t mean to—’
‘You and your mate George, making fun of me.’
‘We weren’t making fun of you,’ I reply, astonished he could think such a thing. ‘It was just George, messing about—’
‘It was patronizing and belittling. You tried to make me look like a fool.’
‘I did? No, don’t be silly, I didn’t—’
Everything is unravelling.
‘Silly? I’m being silly?’ He fumes, breaking apart. ‘I think you’ve said enough.’
‘No, please, Theo, don’t spoil this evening.’
‘Me, spoil this evening?’ He turns on me now, his face furious. ‘I think you need to look at your behaviour, Maggie, not mine; the only person spoiling anything is you, showing me up, showing yourself up, flirting with everyone—’
‘Flirting?’ My mind is whirling, trying to make sense of it all. The whole evening feels as if it’s suddenly been tipped on its axis. ‘What are you talking about? They’re my friends—’
But he’s not listening. ‘Trying to emasculate me in front of everyone.’
‘Is this about me paying the bill?’
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know I shouldn’t have brought it up.
‘See! I knew it! I knew that’s why you did it. Pretending in front of all your friends like it was no big deal! Trying to make me look like some cheapskate.’
‘What? No! I don’t think anything—’
‘All your friends must think I’m a total loser. That I can’t provide. That I’m not good enough for you.’
It’s like a car crash. It’s all happening so fast. I can’t control it.
‘Theo. Please. Stop. I don’t know why you’re saying all this.’ I can feel myself on the verge of tears. ‘You’d brought the wrong wallet, I was just trying to help, my friends don’t think anything, they love you—’
He stops then on the pavement and twirls around to face me. When I see his face, I almost don’t recognize him. Gone is the charming smile he just bestowed on George and my friends. The affection. The kindness. The consideration. Gone is the love. His eyes are dark and flashing and his jaw is set.
‘I love you,’ I plead.
I’m so desperate to return to the happy mood of the evening. For it to be how it was. How could it have all turned on itself like this? I wait, desperate for him to say it back to me.
But there’s nothing. Just silence where the words should have been.
Instead he turns away from me, almost in disgust, and continues walking.
Him slightly ahead, me behind. I follow, my mind and body reeling.
Frantically trying to work out why I’m being punished, to remember what I’ve said or done that has upset him so much, to think how to make it right.
But my mind is foggy from the wine and champagne, and I can’t think straight.
‘I’m sorry, Theo, please . . .’
I’m begging now. I feel terrible. Guilty. Wracked with remorse. I just want the Theo I know back, the affection, the love, the intimacy. It’s our engagement party night. Our celebration. We’re supposed to be the happiest we’ve ever been.
But he ignores me and keeps walking, our footsteps the only sound I hear until we reach the art gallery and the side door that leads to my flat.
Digging his set of keys out of his pocket, he opens the door and lets us both in.
I follow him meekly inside and upstairs, my head bowed, my whole self subdued.
The flat is in darkness and as I turn on a lamp, George the cat comes out to say hello and wind around our ankles. I scoop him up, burying my nose into his soft, warm fur. I’ve never felt more wretched.
‘I’m going to bed.’
Without looking at me, Theo turns and goes into the bathroom, brushes his teeth, then disappears into the bedroom. When I go in a few minutes later the bedroom is in darkness and he’s turned away from me.
I climb in beside him, pulling the covers around me.
I feel so alone. On my bedside table, a flash of light illuminates the blackness.
It’s my phone. It’s on silent, but as I go to turn it off a text beeps up; it’s from George, saying thanks for the lovely evening and a love heart.
A tear silently trickles down my cheek as I look at the diamond on my finger.
I send a love heart back.