Chapter 27Hazel
Chapter 27
Hazel
It’s early on Sunday morning. Most of the resort guests aren’t up yet, but I woke up before the sun.
I watched it rise over the waves.
The giant, golden orb tinted the water pink.
The vast ocean spread out as far as my eye could see, an array of dancing colors: blue, purple, pink, and peach.
I dug my toes into the sand, watched the water, and let myself just be .
Since I got here yesterday, I’ve felt a peace I’ve never known. I know it has to do with standing up for myself back home.
Speaking my mind.
Breaking out of that old, people-pleasing habit.
I’ll still be a good daughter. But that won’t be all that I am.
I’m going to be more than that. I can feel that now as I peer down into the dark, forest-green water of the saltwater lagoon.
When Chester’s nose breaks the surface, a ripple of silver rings races across the water’s surface.
“Good morning,” I tell him.
“ Aloha kakahiaka, ” a man’s voice says.
I gasp.
For the second time in my life, I’m briefly under the impression that a turtle is talking.
He’s not, of course.
I turn in time to see the kind resort employee, Akoni, heading my way. He’s wearing a smile that bunches his cheeks. To my surprise, he opens his arms to me.
I accept the hug and squeeze him tightly. It surprises me how good it is to see him.
“My friend!” he says when we pull apart. “You are back so soon! We have been missing you—me and the turtles. This one, especially.”
Chester is now waddling across a gray rock, heading my way. He’s still on his side of the railing, but when I reach down, I can place a carrot on the rock mere inches from his nose.
Akoni chuckles. “And you came prepared! Lots of thought, to get carrots at the market.”
“Oh, I’m not that organized. I ordered these at the restaurant yesterday morning. They looked at me like I was out of my mind, ordering a plate of raw carrots and a plastic bag instead of breakfast.”
His laugh is mellow and soothing. “Ah, now, I think that is smart. You’re here for the ceremony, yeah? I knew he stirred your heart.”
He gestures to the turtle. “He’s been my friend for five years. Powerful soul, he has. The biologists will put a tracker on him so we will know where our friend travels. The songs today will send him on his way.”
I nod. “I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
That’s why I dropped twelve hundred dollars on a plane ticket and another grand on three nights at the resort…
That, and something more.
I wanted to be here to see if I could feel it again—that love I felt when I was here, that sense that anything was possible, and that joy and freedom awaited me at the start of each new day.
And… this morning, I felt that. When I watched the sun coming up over the ocean, my heart felt so full.
Bursting, even.
With hope and life.
It’s time to say goodbye to the deep ruts that sheltered me with their tall walls. I know I might get hurt. I know it’s a risk. But I’m willing to take the risk.
And I’ve decided that I’m going to start by calling Jack.
Today.
Talking to him on the phone is far from ideal.
I’ve never been good on the phone. I mostly stick to texts and messages when it comes to communicating. But I can’t text him how I feel. I can’t send a Slack message or an email, and I’m definitely not going to reach out on social media.
I haven’t been on social media in days.
Right now, I don’t care what my life looks like from the outside. I don’t care what other people think of me or what’s expected of me. I want it to feel good from in here. From the inside.
And that means that I have to tell Jack how I feel.
I have to tell him that I miss him like crazy and think about him every day.
I have to apologize for letting the stupid company handbook get in the way of the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.
I don’t care about work anymore. Not like I used to. It’s nice to have the salary that I do, but I’d throw it away in a second if it meant another chance at being with Jack.
Akoni looks over my right shoulder. “Your man?”
I’m sure he means Jack. When I was here before, Jack and I always walked these paths together.
“Oh, he’s in Utah,” I say. I lift my chin and brace my shoulders. Because what I have to say next might throw me for a loop. “We actually split up, sort of. But I’m going to call him today. Maybe after the ceremony, if I can get my nerve up.”
I’m hoping that Akoni might give me some encouragement to prod me on my way, when it comes to making the call.
“I don’t love talking on the phone,” I admit. “I’m thinking about calling him on Skype, but our last call on that platform was pretty terrible.”
I wait for the expected niceties and kindness. This lovely elderly man is genuinely kind. His compassion sparkles in his eyes and overflows in the things he says and does. Surely, he’s going to wish me luck.
He chuckles to himself.
What’s this?
Why is he laughing at me?
Does he think it’s a silly mistake—me calling Jack? Does he think it laughable that we split? ‘Oh, you tourists and your flings…’
Or is he finding humor in my mention of the awful Skype call? To be fair, in some ways, it was humorous, in a tragic-comedy kind of way.
I wait for Akoni to reveal the joke to me.
Instead of explaining himself, he looks past me again. He raises his voice. “If you startle her, she might jump so high she lands over the fence!” His laughter bubbles up merrily again.
I spin on my flip-flop to see who he’s talking to.
And—goodness gracious! —a man’s two feet away from me. I see broad shoulders and a flowy, bright Hawaiian shirt.
Instinct takes over.
My breath whooshes out of my lungs, and my palm flies to my chest. I clutch at the hemline of my tank top and try to catch my breath.
Then, I lift my eyes.
Jack.
I’m looking at Jack .
“Don’t sneak up on me like that!” I murmur, though it’s incredibly hard to speak.
His smile is dazzling, framed by those two dimples. His hair’s shaggier than the last time I saw him.
He has one arm behind his back.
“Akoni, my man!” he says. “Good thing you warned me. She would have toppled.” Then he brings his hand out from behind his back.
A beautiful bouquet of tropical flowers rustles in the paper and plastic packaging.
I won’t cry.
There’s too much to be said. Amends to be made, emotions to reveal. I need my wits about me, and tears won’t do. But—flowers?
He’s here , in Hawaii, which is a surprise to end all surprises. The fact that he arrived at this resort with a bouquet makes tears spring into my eyes, though I try to fend them off. My lip wobbles, and I lose it.
“Now, this guy is organized,” Akoni says as he approaches Jack and pats his arm. “You stopped at the market; I see. Nice flower department, eh?”
“Stellar,” Jack agrees.
“I think the two of you have some things to talk about. See you at the ceremony.” Akoni hums to himself as he walks away.
And now… we’re alone on the pink-tinted walkway.
Early morning sunshine slices sideways through gaps in the palm and coconut trees. The light has a warm, golden hue.
Rays of light wash over Jack's chiseled features. He’s in his orange and green Hawaiian shirt, the same one he wore the first time I saw him in the resort lobby.
That morning, I couldn’t look away from him.
The same thing is happening now. My eyes linger on his, but my vision is blurred.
I blink away tears and try to gather myself. “Flowers…?”
He hands me the bouquet, and I burrow my nose into the closest blossom. The perfumed petals smell heavenly.
It’s nice to hold the bouquet, but I really want to wrap my arms around Jack.
When I free my nose from the fuchsia blossom, I give him a wobbly smile. “Jack… wow.”
I’m really talking about him showing up here.
It’s unbelievable to me that we’re both standing on this walkway.
But he must think I’m still talking about the bouquet.
“I thought maybe it was in order,” he says. “I—I screwed up, I think. Day one… I let it fall apart.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t mess up. I did. I saw her on Skype, and I freaked out, and?—”
“Who, Jess? Wait… you mean when we talked to the lawyer?”
“Yeah.” I reach up to wipe my eyes. “That probably sounds so stupid, but it totally freaked me out.”
He’s here .
In Hawaii.
He’s not getting back together with Jess because he’s here with flowers for me .
This is good, right?
It has to be good.
If my brain worked a little better, I’d think it through and decide. Right now, I can’t think, though.
“I don’t know,” I stammer. “I felt insecure, and?—”
“You do not have to feel insecure, Hazel. You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You know that, right? It’s me who should be feeling insecure. You probably don’t want to be with a guy who got fired twice for kickboxing recycling on the clock.”
A giggle scrunches my cheeks, even as a few more wet tears slide down. “No way. That’s a feather in your cap. Maybe two feathers.”
“Or a reason to stay far, far away from a guy like me. You should find a guy who reads the New York Times . Owns a couple of suits or something. Has a library card. I don’t know. Don’t date a guy who’s jumped flaming barrels and a monster truck on his bike.”
“A daredevil,” I murmur, ridiculously happy.
He’s here , in Honolulu.
We’re here together. How is this happening?
The magic—it’s sparking around me all over again. Somehow .
I am a total mess.
Even little surprises can throw me off. So, this doozy—seeing Jack on this walkway—is a real brain-scrambler.
I had things planned out, including what I wanted to say. I’m trying to remember it all now so I can get it right.
I wanted to tell him how sorry I am for acting the way I did.
Have I done that yet?
I don’t even know.
“I took that promotion, but I let the best thing in my life fall away,” I say. “I had it all wrong. My priorities… I let unimportant stuff get in the way.”
“I’m glad you got that gig. You earned it, and they’re lucky. And… you mean that? About us being the best thing?”
I nod.
I have to tell him how I feel. Even now, I’m trying to figure out the words.
But before I can gather my thoughts, he speaks. “So, you really think me and you being together was a good thing?” His eyes, stormy with concern, search mine.
He’s not being casual about this.
That impresses me.
This doesn’t feel like something that should be handled casually.
It feels sacred .
I nod. “Yeah… I really do. I guess it scared me, in a way, how good it was. It still scares me. I’m thirty, and I’ve thought I was in love before a couple of times, and it didn’t go well. But it’s never felt like this before. And that scares me because if it feels so much bigger this time…”
“The ending could hurt more,” he says.
“Yeah. The thing is, I don’t want to hide from that. I’ve done enough hiding… I think it’s time to try something new.”
“We should try again,” he says, his voice deep and sincere.
I search his eyes. “Should we?”
The sound of hesitation makes my heart beat faster. He could say no or back down again.
When he nods, I start to soar.
“I’m sort of freaked out about it, too,” he says. “Long distance is a real challenge. But I’ve never backed down from a challenge, and I can’t keep missing you. My bike tires are worn to nothing, and I’ve been working so much that the name ‘Billy’ is on my top outgoing calls. So lame.”
“Hm?”
He lost me when he started talking about bike tires.
“Not important,” he murmurs. I can tell by the warmth in his voice that he’s as happy as I am. “Want to give it another shot?”
“More than anything.”
He steps in closer to me, and the plastic and paper packaging around the flower stems crinkles as it gets compressed between us.
I’m not even worried about the flowers.
How could I, when now I’m breathing in his scent and feeling the warmth of his body so close to mine? His fingertips trace a familiar path along my neck, resting lightly beneath my ear. I thought I’d never feel this touch again—but now I am.
“I missed you,” he whispers. “A lot.”
“I think that was our first real fight,” I murmur back as I reach up to touch the tip of his nose.
Yep. He’s real.
I circle my arms around his neck, savoring the feel of him.
“Let’s not go three weeks without talking next time it happens,” he says in a croaky, quiet voice that’s only for me.
Around us, birds twitter and sing. To me, it feels like they’re singing for us.
“Just call me up and tell me to get my act together,” he adds. “You can yell if you want to. Nag me ‘til I get it right, ‘kay?”
“I’m not the nagging type.” I wrap my arms around him and tilt my face up to his. “But if you want, I can try.”
He chuckles. “I can’t believe I’m saying this… but, yeah. Whatever it takes. Because I might keep messing up, and I want us always to try to fix whatever happens. I want this to last a long, long time. I love you, Hazel.”
“I love you too, Jack.” It feels so easy and right to say that to him.
His lip hitches at one side, causing an adorable dimple. “Yeah?”
“Yep. One hundred percent.”
“Do I need to give a percentage, too?”
Ah, there’s his playful side.
Salty sea air hugs us close. The mist is hazy and soft.
I can’t think of a witty response because now he lowers his face. The last thing I see before closing my eyes is his hair falling over his brow and the fuzzy beam of light cascading over his nose and cheeks.
When his lips fuse against mine, a warmth like sunshine—only better—fills me to the brim.