Chapter 3
Silas
When I got home, the apartment was empty and cold.
Sterile almost. The place looked like it was staged for a walkthrough for people to rent it rather than a place that people actually lived.
I had been traveling non-stop. I had only just arrived right before the game began.
I had enough time to drop my bag, grab my Port City Badger sweatshirt, and get out the door.
It was risky even wearing that, but if anyone asked, I could just tell them it was a gift.
I had sweatshirts from all sorts of teams in the league.
It was a perk of being part of the organization.
Of course, Port City was the only team that I would wear out in public.
I watched hockey religiously, and loved it more than anything, but my heart was with the Port City Badgers. Or whatever team Elliot was on.
I’d love to wear something with Elliot’s number on it. I’d be proud to.
God, I was so gone for that man.
I never would. I never could.
I cranked up the heat in the apartment and grabbed the blankets I knew that Elliot liked. He would be home after he and his team celebrated their win. I had plenty of time to get ready for him, which really just meant I had plenty of time to sit around by myself.
My text that I had sent just before leaving the arena was left on read. No reply.
I switched over to Instagram and went to Nix’s profile.
He was the goalie for the Badgers. That man seemed to post every moment of his day on social media, much to the manager’s dismay, I’m sure.
Already he had a picture post-game with his arm around Elliot, pressing a kiss to Elliot’s temple.
The caption said something about how grateful he was to have this amazing center on the team and how they would be unstoppable this season.
In the background, there was Coach Garrison with his partner, Rowan.
Who I wasn’t supposed to know was the mascot for the team.
Evan, the team captain, was there with an omega on his arm.
According to Elliot, they had been dating for a few months.
He was apparently invited to team events.
But not me. I wasn’t allowed, and I never would be.
I clenched my jaw, forcing those thoughts from my head.
I had to be happy with what I had, because if I wasn’t, then I was going to lose it, and that was not what I wanted.
It was not my place to ask for more. I should not expect more.
Elliot and I knew what the risks were when we started this thing, and we knew the limitations.
Years ago, the thought of either of us being in the League of Ice Kings was such a pipe dream. Now here we were. I wasn’t in the league, but I wasn’t dumb. I knew if I wanted to be, I could walk on easy enough.
Knowing the risks and living them were two different things.
This was Elliot’s dream. I could not ruin that or get in the way at all. I would take what was given to me and be happy with it.
Our love of hockey may have brought us together, but ultimately, it was going to be the thing that kept us so far apart.
Unless…
It was the unless and the promise that that word held that kept me sane.
Unless I quit. Unless I didn’t travel. Unless I took a different job within the hockey realm where there wasn’t a conflict of interest with Elliot’s position in the league.
But none of that was worth anything unless it was something that Elliot actually wanted.
And that was not something I was sure of.
I knew Elliot better than anyone. I knew if I brought home his favorite candy from the store, he would tilt his head to the side and smile, then he’d give me a kiss on the cheek and tell me I was the best. If I paired his socks incorrectly, he sighed loudly while he re-paired them all.
But I had no idea what would happen if I told him how I truly felt.
Outright rejection? Reciprocation? I did not know, and I was too afraid to find out.
I sank into the chair and let myself relax.
I dozed for a little while. I wanted to be awake when Elliot got home, but home was where I let myself relax, and I struggled to keep my eyes open.
We had so little time together that I wanted to be awake as much as I could when I finally saw him.
Hopefully he would crawl into bed with me and let me hold him for a long time.
I pulled out my phone and reviewed the highlights from the game. The anchors went on about how much potential they were seeing in Elliot in the way he played. It was what I had seen in him for years, and why I knew that he would be an amazing player for always.
Against my better judgment, I went to the location app to see where he was. He was en route somewhere according to the app.
Home. He was on his way home.
Finally. Now that I knew he was heading home to me, I was re-energized.
I went into the bathroom, turned on the warm water, found some of the lavender salts that he liked but wouldn’t admit how much he liked them, and dropped them in the bath.
We had a Jacuzzi tub, though we rarely used it.
I checked the app again as the tub filled.
He wasn’t far away now. I slipped off my clothes and slipped into the water.
I almost took a selfie, sent it to him, but that level of desperation was not something I aspired to be.
I already sent one unanswered text tonight.
Ten minutes passed.
The door clicked open.
“Silas?” Elliot’s voice washed over me like a balm, calming my heart yet stealing my breath, all in the same moment.
Fuck, I was so gone for him. His voice had the power to drive me wild and all he had said was my name.
“In here,” I called back.
My body was already lighting up with the knowledge that my omega was near. In my head, never out loud, I could think of him as mine, because that was what he was. As sure as I was his.
There was the thud of his gear bag as it dropped to the floor, and the click of his footsteps walking down the hall. I opened my eyes as he stepped into the bathroom.
He still wore his suit, but the tie had been loosened. The top two buttons of his black shirt were undone, and the thin smattering of chest hair peeked out of the open collar.
“Care to join me?” I said with a smile.
His eyes lit up like seeing me was the highlight of his day, and all my worries about our future and the league washed away. For a moment I could imagine that his love for me was as strong as my love for him. “Yes,” he breathed. “Fuck yes.”