Chapter 15
Elliot
I jolted awake, nearly launching myself off the bed, but I was held down by someone’s arm thrown over my chest and leg looped over mine.
Silas.
It had been so long since I’d shared a bed with him, but I would never forget the weight of him on me, how he felt at my side.
Would this be the last time I would wake up to this?
Had I known the last time it was going to be the last time, I would have enjoyed it more.
I would have savored it. Instead, I was thrown in the frenzy of my heat, heightened by the fact that I was sharing it with someone for the first time. Silas.
Savoring the moment was what I was doing now. I kept my eyes closed and sighed. The scent of him washed over me. My alpha. The only place I felt truly safe. His strong arms held me tight, and his warmth heated my skin.
“You have a plane to catch,” he said quietly. His chest rumbled as he spoke, vibrating against my cheek.
“How do you know that?”
“You never unshared your calendar with me. And I couldn’t figure out how to take myself off of it.”
“So you’ve had access to all my flight information for the past few months?”
“Yup.”
Our lives had been so intertwined. I didn’t even know how to unravel them.
I wouldn’t even put any effort into it, really.
I had moved away, and we didn’t talk anymore.
But I still scrolled through our past messages regularly.
They were pinned to the top of my messaging app and would probably stay that way.
And if I scrolled through them on the lonely nights, that was my prerogative.
I kept the few photos we had together saved in a special folder on my phone.
Late at night, I let myself look at them.
“I checked your temperature about an hour ago. You’re back to normal. How do you feel?” Silas asked.
I shrugged. “Fine, I guess.” Better than I had ever felt after a heat. Usually when I suffered through them alone, they subsided slowly, almost painfully. This time it was like it just disappeared.
“Good. There’s a Gatorade next to you. You’ll want to make sure you get plenty of fluids and protein today.”
I glanced over at the nightstand, and sure enough, a bottle of blue Gatorade sat on the nightstand. Two of them, in the flavors I preferred.
“You don’t even like Gatorade,” I said.
“I keep it around.”
Yeah, he had always kept it around for me. But I hadn’t been here in months. How many other remnants of me were around here?
It was on the tip of my tongue to apologize for bursting into his apartment like this, practically demanding that he service me. Call me selfish, but I wasn’t going to. I didn’t regret last night, and I didn’t want to know if he regretted it.
We’d showered last night, but we also spent the night having sex. I didn’t know how many more hints he could drop that I needed to get off my ass and out of his apartment, but I wasn’t taking the bait.
“I’m sorry,” I said instead.
I didn’t elaborate. I didn’t even know what I was sorry for. How things ended maybe? Sorry that my career was in the way of our happiness. Sorry, but I didn’t know how we could fix it, how we could get around it. I would let him think that I was sorry for showing up.
“It’s fine,” he said. “I double-checked my schedule, and I’m actually not assigned to any of your games for the rest of the season. They kind of started me and the crew off slower. So next year I’ll probably have more.”
“That would make sense.” The longer he was in the league, the more I would see him as an official for my games.
This year he wouldn’t be chosen for the playoffs in a few weeks, even though he was more than ready for it.
But eventually he would be on the crew that did the post-season.
He was that good. I had no doubt he would climb the ranks within the organization.
“Are you getting along with your new crew?” I asked.
“Yeah. They’re great.”
“Great.”
We were quiet for a moment. Silas didn’t move and neither did I.
The real world was out there, waiting to disrupt the cocoon we found ourselves in.
We were stuck in a moment where the outside pressure didn’t exist and we could just be together.
In here, there was no rule book telling us that we couldn’t be together.
The chime of my cell phone broke the spell, blasting through the veil we had around us.
I got out of bed. I forced myself out and into the shower.
Eventually I dressed. I didn’t have much in the way of clothes.
It looked like Silas had found some of my random clothes I had left here.
I would at least look put together enough to go out in public so I could return to my place and get my clothes.
When I went into the kitchen, it was like nothing had changed. The place looked exactly as I had left it, except where my regular mug usually sat was a generic one. Silas still used his zebra mug that I had bought him for Christmas years ago.
Zebra jokes were easy when your partner was an official. Couldn’t get enough of them, even though Silas thought the jokes were lazy.
“I can’t believe you called tripping on me last night.”
He snorted. “Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t bring that up sooner.”
“How’d you even see that anyways? It’s not like I did it on purpose.”
“Oh, you absolutely did it on purpose. I didn’t even have to review the tape to see that.”
“Why were you looking at me? You were on the other side of the ice.”
“Why did you know where I was? You should have been focused on the puck.”
I didn’t have an answer for that. He wasn’t wrong. I shouldn’t even care where the officials were, except to avoid hitting them. Yet at any point last night, I would have been able to find Silas.
Luckily, he took pity on me and didn’t make me admit that.
“You know I love to watch you play. You’re magnetic out there. You always have been. That pass from Evan in the second period… That was amazing. I didn’t think you were going to get it, but you did and you scored.”
“Well, I almost missed it. That was a lucky shot. I was half a second off. Any other goalie worth a grain of salt would have stopped it.”
Silas shrugged. “Pohl has his moments. He’s still a rookie, but he’s skilled. How do you feel about playoffs this year?”
“It’s crazy. I think we’ve really got a shot.” The conversation flowed easily for us. Like old times when we would discuss my games, review them, or watch the other games together.
Silas took a sip of his water. He didn’t comment either way. He had to know we were going to the playoffs. We were unstoppable.
“I should get going. I’m sure you’ve got work to do or something. And I’ve got a plane to catch. I’m sor—”
“Don’t fucking apologize, Elliot. Please.”
“I just—”
He set his water down and met my gaze. His eyes had turned cold. “I’m glad I was able to be here for you. I know your heat can be longer, and I’m sure it’s a relief that you won’t miss a game.”
I didn’t care about the game. I only cared that I didn’t spend the heat alone. There was no other alpha I’d share this with. My eyes grew heavy. I blinked away the tears that gathered there.
This was over.
I was being dismissed. Given the out that I knew I would take.
“Well, guess I won’t see you for the rest of this season. But hey, if you want tickets to the playoffs, I can—”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You know I can get my own tickets. And you know you can’t give me tickets to the playoffs.”
Right. Because he was a ref in the league in which I played. We couldn’t even be friends. We could only be casual acquaintances. And even then, it wasn’t like we’d socialize.
“I’ll see you around.” I took one last sip of my coffee, grabbed my gear bag from where I’d dropped it the night prior, and walked out the door.