Chapter 18
Silas
Well, it was official. My season was over. As of three days ago, I left my last game for the year, and now Elliot was heading to the playoffs. His season was not over. He’d have another four games at the very least.
In reality he’d have ton more games than that because he was going to win it all. I wanted to see it happen.
I itched to reach out to him and make sure all was well.
His heat was a few weeks ago, and I wanted to know how he was feeling.
We used protection, as we always had, and I knew he was on the pill.
Accidents happened, and I knew Elliot would tell me if there was a lingering result of our time together.
No news was good news, I guess.
Tomorrow I would reach out to some contacts, because there was no way in hell I was missing the final game.
Even if I had to sit in the stands by myself, I wasn’t going to miss watching Elliot play for the cup.
I was sure I could play it off like I was doing research or something for my new job.
But really, I just wanted to watch Elliot play.
Hell, if I really wanted to, I could get tickets to all of the games for the rest of the year that Port City played. That might be going a bit overboard. Borderline stalker behavior.
I turned off the TV and tossed the remote onto the ottoman.
The house was quiet, the hum of the air conditioner the only thing in the space.
Maybe I needed to get a cat. I wondered if I could get a cat just for the off-season.
I could foster a few kittens, maybe a dog. Anything to keep the loneliness at bay.
I grabbed one of the blue pillows I’d picked out and hugged it to my chest. I fought the urge to cry. I didn’t need to be doing that right now. It had been months since Elliot and I separated, it shouldn’t affect me so much. I should be over it.
A knock at my door kicked me out of my head space. It didn’t chase the melancholy away, but at least if I had someone to talk to, I could hide it. I didn’t even bother checking the app to see who was there. I simply opened the door.
I was shocked to find Elliot, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He wore a baseball cap, a pair of gym shorts, and a loose sweatshirt. It wasn’t even a Badgers sweatshirt.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
I should turn him away. But I was weak. I would never turn away my omega, no matter what. Even if having him here in my home could cost me my career, I would give it up. He couldn’t be in heat, that had happened weeks ago.
It was more likely that having him here was going to cost me my sanity. I was no closer to being over him and moving on. Not when I kept seeing him everywhere I looked. Even when I shut out the world, he was there when I closed my eyes.
“Of course,” I said.
I thought he would be out celebrating with his team or enjoying a home-cooked meal from his mom. I never expected to find him on my doorstep.
He walked in, went straight to the couch, and sat down. I followed. Then he bounced up onto his feet and started pacing.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. For a moment I worried that someone found out about us. But even if they did, it wasn’t as if we did anything wrong. We broke up before I officially accepted this job. “The team?”
Elliot shook his head. “Everything’s fine. Perfect. I don’t have any complaints. My team is heading into the playoffs. We’re going to win the cup.”
I grinned. I couldn’t help myself; he was so sure of his team and his own talent. “Hell yeah, you are.”
“You—Silas. We can’t be together.” His voice came out tortured, strained, like he was fighting for his life.
My jaw clenched. “I know, Elliot. We already went through that. We broke up or stopped being… whatever.”
“I mean, there’s no way we can be together. I’ve looked. I’ve tried. I’ve read the rule book backwards and forwards. I’ve thought of every single scenario, and all of them suck.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, didn’t you try to think of some solution to this?”
“Well, yeah. But I wanted us to be together.”
He stopped pacing and faced me. “Did you think I didn’t?”
“I didn’t know for sure what you wanted.” It was awkward with me sitting and him standing, but if I went closer to him, then I was likely to end up in his arms confessing everything.
“I want it, Silas. I want us so much. There’s no way we can do this.
I don’t—unless I quit, or you quit, or the league changes, or you go back down to the regular league, or I could go back down to the regular league.
But even then, they might not even allow that.
I’m—I mean, I don’t want to say this, but I’m too good to play in the lower league. ”
I laughed.
“I don’t mean that you’re not too good of an official to be in the lower league. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“I know what you’re saying. Elliot. You’re saying that you want to find a way for us to be together that doesn’t jeopardize your career. Is that what you want?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Yes, of course. Yes. Silas, I love you.”
My jaw dropped.
I knew he cared about me. I knew we got along well. I knew we were explosive in bed. I knew all those things. But I’d always thought we were together because it was convenient. At least for him. For me, I was with him because he was the light of my life.
“You love me?”
“Yes, I love you.” He said the words so easily. Like they were obvious. “I want to be with you always. I’ve never been the marrying type, but with you, I want that. I want it all.”
I couldn’t help myself, I launched off the couch and crashed into him.
I held him tight and just savored the feeling of him in my arms. We were cheek to cheek, chest to chest. He moaned against me, pulling on my shirt like he couldn’t wait to touch my skin.
I understood. I wanted that too. I let him pull at my shirt while I slipped my hand under his sweatshirt to find that he was naked under there, like he had dressed so hastily to get here that he hadn’t remembered a t-shirt.
“We can’t,” he said. “It can just be for the night. We can’t be together for real, Silas.”
“I quit,” I said.
He snorted out a laugh. “You can’t quit. This is your career. You wouldn’t—”
“I don’t give a fuck about my career, Elliot.
I love hockey, right? I love what I do, and I’m good at it.
I made it to the top slowly because I wanted to stay with you.
For you, I would give it all up in a heartbeat.
I’d be a stay-at-home husband who follows you around the country, carrying your gear bag and bringing you water and Gatorade and icing your shoulder and whatever other injury you have. ”
Elliot sank against me, his forehead resting against my shoulder, and let out a small sob.
“I can’t ask that of you.”
“You’re not asking. I’m telling. I want this.”
He shook his head. “No, Silas, that’s not fair. That is not something that I would ever—”
I put my hand over his mouth. “I love you. I love that you love the game. That’s what brought us together.
And I know that you would not give up your career for me.
I know that. And I don’t give a fuck, because I would never, ever, under any circumstances ask that of you.
And I know you wouldn’t ask it of me. That’s why I’m offering.
I know it’s not traditional and normal, and I know I should want to be the one who brings home the paycheck and blah, blah, blah. But this—”
I gestured towards our apartment.
“Putting together our home, having it ready for you when you come back to me from your games? That brings me more joy than working ever could.”
“You’re serious?”
“I’d love nothing more than to be your husband. Your primary supporter.”
“That would make you happy?”
“Yes. And I know that doesn’t make me much of an alpha—”
This time he put his hand over in my mouth.
“It makes you the best alpha.”
Elliot threw his arms around my neck and put his lips on mine. The world was complete.