Chapter 10
Cole
Lacey hasn’t bought a single item for the baby yet, but since the scan, she’s been talking about organising a day off from work where she can spend it browsing the stores for things to buy.
My palms are sweating because I don’t know if what I’m about to do constitutes putting my nose where it doesn’t belong.
I don’t want to ask my brothers because, let’s face it, getting advice from them is like trying to ask a bar full of drunken idiots to recite the alphabet backwards.
Instead, I go to the two other people who know her well enough.
Me
Morning ladies, keep this between us please. I’ve contacted Lacey’s boss at the aquarium and asked if she can have the full day off today. I was planning on taking her shopping for baby clothes…have I overstepped the mark?
Hayleigh
Erm…can I get one of you???
Me
You already do, don’t you?
Hayleigh
Oh would ya look at that Mr-rod-up-his-backside has a sense of humour
Hayleigh
I think what you have done is perfect…that girl needs to realise she can lean on people every once in a while
Emmy
I agree with Hayls! Lacey is super independent…she needs this Cole xx
I don’t bother messaging them back; in fact, I switch to Lacey.
Me
Hey, you free to help me with something today??
Lace
Yeah course! I have work at 2pm though so you can drop me off *puss in boots big eyes meme*
Me
Sure. Pick you up in 15!
I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I spent the past week trying to find something avocado-related for Lacey’s gift, although this gift isn’t for her; it’s for Peanut.
I hope she likes it. I grab the gift and make sure the avocado wrapping paper is still perfect and the bow hasn’t come off.
I check it three more times just to make sure then put it under my arm and head out to pick Lacey up.
**********
When I pull up outside, Lacey is waiting for me. Today she’s wearing a black strappy sundress with daisies all over it and her white Converse. Her hair falls in waves around her face. She very rarely wears make-up, but she doesn’t need it; she’s beautiful just the way she is.
I get out of the truck and open the passenger door for her.
As she breezes by me to climb in, I get the hint of raspberries from her shampoo, and I find myself following her like a complete fucking creep.
She realises when she sits down, and I’m practically sitting on her knee, but she doesn’t look surprised; instead, her breath hitches and her eyes widen.
Her tongue darts out, and she bites her bottom lip. My eyes zero in, and I’m transfixed.
Before I do something monumentally stupid, I blurt, “I got you a gift!” When I say blurt, I mean shout, because yes, I am that stupid.
She blanches and then bursts out laughing – full-belly laughing, might I add. So, I shake my head and grab her gift from the back seat.
“I…uh…got you this gift…well, actually it’s for…uh…P-Peanut. It’s for little Peanut.” I rub the back of my neck, feeling the warmth spread to my ears and cheeks. She takes the package from me and runs her hand over the wrapping paper.
“I guess this week is avocado?” Her smile is so beautiful.
Nod Cole! I nod back at her. She tears open the paper and gasps at what lies inside.
“Cole, this is the best gift yet. I haven’t bought Peanut any clothes because I was…” She cuts herself off.
I tilt up her chin, but her eyes stare downwards, not meeting my gaze. “You haven’t bought any because?”
“I was scared to.” Those four little words gut me. I had no idea she had been feeling scared.
“Lacey, you have to talk to me about these things. If you’re feeling scared, I want to be there for you.
Can you do that for me?” She nods back at me and takes out the little three-piece outfit I had scoured the internet for.
A hat and pants that are covered in avocados, and a top that has two dancing avocados on it and says ‘Let’s Avo-Cuddle Mummy’.
“Cole, what did I do to deserve you?”
I think her question is rhetorical, but I answer it anyway. “Oh, you’ve got it all wrong, Lacey. It’s me that should be asking that question.” I’m too close to her, much too close for this conversation.
I want to be the man she deserves, but I’m not there yet. So, instead of giving in and taking what I want, I softly kiss her cheek and shut the truck door. Then, I take my sweet time walking around the back to calm myself.
We avoid Brimcrest for obvious reasons and instead travel a little further to one of the larger towns with a broader range of shopping options.
That was five hours ago, and I seriously underestimated Lacey’s shopping ability.
She is like a woman on a mission, and I am brave enough to admit that my arms hurt from carrying all of these bags.
“Hey, Lace? Do you think we could stop for a bit and get something to eat?” Do I sound a tad whiny? Yes. Do I care? Not really.
“Huh?”
“Food?”
“Yeah, sure.” She smiles, but it’s forced, and her head has been in her phone.
We walk together in silence, and I can tell something is on her mind. We find a little restaurant by the sea that sells fish and chips. I nudge her arm. “Remember when we used to bunk off school and go and get fish and chips by the pier?”
She barks out a laugh. “Oh boy, do I! I also remember the first time we did it, you got so scared your mum would find out that you dobbed us in as soon as we got back to your house.”
“Fancy some fish and chips with me? I promise I won't tell Mum this time.” I give her my best cheeky smile, and she rolls her eyes, leading the way in.
The lady behind the counter nods towards the back of the room, and we see a few empty tables. Lacey manoeuvres her way through the rest of the tables, and I follow suit. Eyes up, Cole, eyes up!
I put the bags down, tuck them under the table, and sit across from Lacey, who is back on her phone.
“Hey, you okay?” I put my hand over one of hers, and she snaps her head up.
“Shit. I’m sorry, Cole. I got this message…I’m just…I don’t know…” She trails off and hands me her phone.
Unknown
It’s Ted. I’ve been thinking, we need to talk. We owe it to each other to do that much. Come back to me with a date and time and I’ll be there.
She hasn’t replied to him, but she worries her lip and her legs start to bounce underneath the table.
“Cole, what do I do?” Her voice is small. I want to tell her to fuck him off; he isn’t worth her time, but do I do that? No, I don’t, because I’m a fucking idiot.
“I can’t tell you what to do; this is something you have to decide on your own. I’m here no matter what you decide.” I’m not sure if what I’ve said is right or wrong. Her face falls a little, but she shrugs it off and picks up the menu instead.
Cole, you fucking idiot.
**********
After dropping a very tired Lacey off back home along with all of her bags, I take a drive out to the new piece of land that I’ve just bought. I plan to build my forever home, but as I stand here looking at the land, all I feel is a sense of emptiness.
I pull down the tailgate on my truck and hop up. Sometimes I come out here and spend a few hours till the sun goes down, imagining what it might look like when it’s all built. Would it be somewhere that Lacey would want to live? Could I give her the life she deserves?
My phone pings, and I open it to a picture from Lacey. She’s put the outfit I bought for Peanut over her stomach, and I can see a bump beginning to form. I put a heart on the image and closed out of her message.
Me
I know I’m going to regret this but I am desperate and I need advice
It doesn’t take long before the vultures descend.
Arch
*Oh I’m Ready For This Meme*
Ethan
He said advice, Archie, that rules you out!
Arch
Hey! I’m the love guru in this brotherhood and my money is on this being about just that! *middle finger emoji*
Rafe
Pfft this is Cole we’re talking about here. Mr Straight-laced-businessman…my money’s on a work related problem
Ethan
If we’re betting I say spreadsheets and shit
Nate
I put ￡20 on a work related issue
Cas
Guys c’mon this is our brother asking for help. What is it, Cole?
Cas
My money’s on a Lacey issue #sorrynotsorry
Me
*Robert DJ eye roll gif* Have you all finished?
Me
It’s about Lacey
Arch
SHOW ME THE MONEY *money gif*
Me
I almost kissed her today…
All of a sudden, I see my brothers start typing at the same time.
Arch
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!
Cas
Whaaaat?!?!?!
Rafe
MY MAN *high five gif*
Ethan
Is that wise?
Nate
FINALLY
Me
I didn’t actually kiss her, I almost kissed her. I can’t stop thinking about her but I don’t want to fuck up what we have now and it’s so much more complicated now
Arch
Wait…so you didn’t actually kiss her? Aww man you’re useless!!
Ethan
You’ve been in love with this girl forever, you need to make a choice on how you move forward with this
Rafe
That’s suuuuper helpful Ethan..NOT p.s Cole don’t be such a scaredy cat
Cas
I agree Cole, you need to go for it
Me
What if I can’t give her what she needs and what she deserves?
Ethan
Time for some tough love, brother. If you don’t come to terms with it yourself then you’re never going to be the man she deserves. She’s a strong woman and she can decide for herself who she wants to be with but you gotta work on yourself too
Rafe
Ugh it literally PAINS me to admit this…but Ethan is right. Maybe you go get some help for yourself and work through how you’re feeling and THEN talk to her
I know my brothers are right. To be the man that she needs me to be, I have to work through my issues.
I’ve never spoken to anyone professional about how I feel, knowing I can’t biologically have my own child.
Still, I know that if I don’t, then it’s always going to hang around inside my head and dominate my life.
Phone still in my hand, I dial my dad’s number, and he answers almost immediately. “Dad, I need your help with something.”