Chapter Thirty-Five
Charlie took my hand and led us out of the park. He pulled me gently against the window of a closed shop on Bleecker.
He leaned down and kissed my forehead, then my right cheek, then the tip of my nose.
“You’re beautiful. I want to tell you that every day.”
I closed my eyes and breathed in his natural scent, tilting my head to meet his mouth.
It felt like the first kiss all over again.
His body overtook mine as he wrapped his arms around me, and I arched my back to press myself to him.
I felt him harden against me, and I opened my eyes, overwhelmed and excited all at once.
“Let’s go,” I whispered, shivering more from adrenaline than the cold.
We walked the block back to my apartment without saying anything. I unlocked the building door with shaky hands.
“I love getting into elevators with you,” he said with a wink.
“You can’t press the stop button here, or we’ll strand the neighbors.”
A few moments later, we were standing in the doorway of my studio.
“I’ll give you the tour,” I said lamely, waving a hand in each direction.
He took off his shoes and put them by the door.
I resisted the urge to pour a glass of wine to take off the edge.
“Can I get you anything?”
“Maybe just a glass of water.”
I poured water for both of us. We stood there quietly for a few seconds, then I motioned toward the bed.
“We can sit down over there,” I suggested.
He raised an eyebrow, and my face flushed.
“It’s just—I don’t have a couch,” I pointed out helplessly.
“The bed looks big enough for two people.”
I set the water on the nightstand and sat at the foot of the bed. Charlie sat next to the pillows and ran his hand over the duvet cover. “Your apartment smells like you,” he said softly.
I took a deep breath and covered my face with my hands. “I’m so nervous. I haven’t done this in such a long time.”
Before I could look up, I felt his arm pulling me close.
“Look at me.”
I uncovered my face and gave him a side-glance.
He chuckled. “Goddammit. You’re like this cute, small creature that I just want to cuddle, and then there’s the other part of you that drives me crazy. I don’t know how I didn’t let myself come home with you last night.”
“Because then we wouldn’t have this moment,” I said seriously.
“I just don’t want you to regret any of this.”
“Let’s worry about that later,” I said, only half jokingly.
He pulled me onto his lap in one strong swoop.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him.
After a few minutes, he picked me up and placed me on the middle of the bed, putting a pillow beneath my head before he turned to find the switch for the lamp.
He turned it off and took off his glasses.
I sat up and pulled his face back toward mine.
He kissed me hard, then leaned back slightly to take off his shirt first, then mine.
He reached down and kissed the space between my breasts, inhaling deeply as his hands pressed against the small of my back.
He gently laid me back toward the pillows and sat back and looked at me.
I could only see half of his face in the moonlight.
He reached down and unbuttoned the top of my jeans.
“Is this okay?”
I nodded, watching as he carefully slid my jeans down to my ankles. I kicked them off and reached for the waistband of his jeans, but he placed my hand over my head, then moved my other hand to meet it.
He kissed my collarbone as he unhooked my bra with one hand.
I lay still as he slowly covered every inch of me with his mouth, moving my thong aside as he worked his way back up toward me.
I closed my eyes in anticipation. I didn’t want it to end.
I cried out in pleasure and tried to catch my breath.
“I want to feel you inside of me,” I whispered. My whole body was on fire.
It was all Charlie needed to fully undress.
He crawled toward me and placed his hand under my head.
He kissed me and entered me as I came a second time, feeling the waves of my orgasm against him.
He moved slowly in and out of me. I closed my eyes again and allowed myself to be swept up in the rhythm of our bodies moving together.
He grabbed my hips firmly and pulled me on top of him in one perfectly choreographed move.
I ran my hands along his arms, then reached for the top of the headboard to steady myself as he let me take control.
I came again. I leaned down and buried my face in his neck as he pressed me to him and thrust deeper inside me.
“Sam . . .” he whispered softly.
He moved on top of me again, and his breath quickened.
We collapsed and lay there listening to each other breathe, our limbs tangled, our bodies exhausted.
I woke up sweating. Maybe a studio was too small for two bodies. I wanted badly to open the window but didn’t want to wake him.
I listened to the cadence of his breath, lying there enveloped in the heat of us.
I breathed in as deeply and quietly as I could, folding my hands on top of my bare stomach.
A shiver ran through me at the memory of his lips and his tongue.
I felt a swell of desire for him all over again as my mind replayed images of us together.
My mouth felt dry, and I reached for the glass of water on the nightstand.
I sipped it slowly, my heart racing and my body pulsing.
I turned on my side, facing away from him. I needed clarity of thought. Every time I closed my eyes, I felt him. My skin tingled.
Charlie stirred behind me. I felt his arm reach over and his hand press against my stomach, pulling me back against him.
His hand moved to my breasts, and I could feel him want me again.
I pressed myself closer to him and allowed my body to curve into his.
Without saying anything, he entered me slowly from behind, his hand running along my thigh, my hip, my waist, then my breasts as he thrust into me over and over, hungrily kissing the back of my neck and my shoulders.
We moved together, his arm wrapped tightly around me and his other hand firmly on my right hip, his breath quickening as we came together.
Charlie fell asleep again as he held me. With every kiss, every touch, every orgasm—I was being pulled in deeper and deeper.
It wasn’t just the sex. It was the cocktail of Charlie that was making me spiral.
I lay awake until the sun came up, thinking about everything that had happened. I turned to look at him, resisting the urge to run my fingers along the contour of his face.
I wished I could jump out of my skin and be someone else. Someone who could fall headfirst into this vortex.
He’d been unapologetically honest about his feelings for me. He understood my drive, admired it, didn’t want to redirect it. He didn’t want me to be someone I wasn’t.
“Are you freaking out?”
I jumped. “Morning,” I said sheepishly, pulling the sheets tighter.
He moved back toward the window to give me space. “I know every expression you make. I can see your mind working.”
“It’s almost Christmas,” I said pathetically.
“Are you freaking out about Christmas?”
I smiled and shook my head.
“Are you going back to Virginia for the holidays?” he asked.
“We always do the Feast of the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve with my dad’s family in Jersey.”
“I’ve always wondered about those. Sometimes I feel cheated that we were raised Jewish and not Catholic.”
Were we still Charlie and Sam?
“Will you go home for Hanukkah?” I asked instead.
“My grandma will kill me if I’m not there to light the candles with her at least once.”
I smiled at the image of Charlie lighting the menorah for his grandma.
He turned to grab his phone from the windowsill. “I should probably head home to shower and get dressed.”
“What time is it?”
“Almost six.”
I groaned. “I really hope I’m wrong, but I have a feeling that this morning is the preview session for the all-attorney retreat next month.”
He clicked his tongue as he pulled up the calendar on his phone.
“Yup. Ten a.m.”
I realized I wasn’t even wearing underwear and pulled the covers tighter.
“Did you ever go to a retreat as a paralegal?”
“No, paralegals have their own shindig. Just not in glampy corporate retreat spots like the lawyers. I’ve been hearing about this ranch in Montana for years.”
“Something about one thousand lawyers converging on a ranch in the middle of January seems like a recipe for disaster.”
“Lena told me the alcohol budget for the firm-wide retreat tops a million.”
“Meaning every lawyer consumes a thousand dollars’ worth of alcohol over three days?”
“I don’t know how else you survive being stuck in the middle of nowhere with every lawyer at the firm.”
He sat up, looked around for his shirt, and spotted it on the floor next to the bed.
I looked away. “I’d get it, but I have on less than you do . . .”
“I’m okay with you seeing me in my boxers,” he said, looking amused.
Was I okay seeing him in his boxers? On a Monday?
I pretended to check emails on my phone as he got dressed. The getting dressed part felt oddly intimate.
He came over and sat next to me on the edge of the bed. I propped myself up on the pillow and tucked the duvet under my arms.
He tousled my hair. “You okay?”
I nodded. “See you at the retreat preview?”
He grinned. “Or in our office first.”
He bent down and kissed my left cheekbone. He lingered for an extra second. I touched my hand to his beard.
“I’m okay,” I answered.
I watched him put his keys and phone into his jean pockets, then layer on his jacket and scarf.
A few seconds after he left, I sat up and looked at the crumpled sheets next to me.
Charlie’s side of the bed.
The bed looked different than it had yesterday.
“Hold the elevator!”
I could hear the elevator doors heave back open.
“I thought that might be you,” Caroline’s cheerful voice chirped as the elevator closed again.
I covered my face with a pillow and waited for the texts I knew were coming.
I looked out the window just as Charlie crossed Perry Street in yesterday’s clothes. The morning light looked different. I felt like another person. Grown up and reckless at the same time.
So????? Caroline texted.
I smiled. Sober sex. What a mind fuck.